I was the other woman.. Now we're married.

[pinkorchid78]

I got married at a young age to someone who I knew I didn't have a lifelong future with. My reasons for marrying him are no longer relevant since we are now divorced. I knew only a couple of months after we got married that I had to divorce him, but it took me a while to actually go through with it, three years to be exact. I was young, scared, nervous, you name it. I kept trying to leave him during that time but he would somehow manage to get me to stay... threatening me, saying he would kill himself, saying I will never find anyone else who would love me. Eventually after some counselling and advice, I made it my goal to leave him and set a month that I needed it done by. I started saving, saw a lawyer and got myself ready to go on my own.

 

Two months before I left him, I met someone else. I had absolutely no intention of meeting anyone and dating wasn't my plan any time soon, even after the divorce, but this guy just had something about him. Remember those men you would think about being with when you were younger, the dream husband/father type?! He was this guy to a T, and couldn't be more different than my ex-husband. The attraction went both ways and soon enough, what started out as an innocent relationship turned into a full blown affair. I didn't even know what was happening to me, I was just so caught up in how he made me feel. For the first time, I felt like I was in love, he was everything I had ever wanted and dreamed about. I was on cloud nine when I was with him, I woke up with a smile on my face every day

 

The problem? He was also married. He said his marriage was on the rocks (this has been backed up by his close friends and family members), but we still really, really hurt his ex-wife with what we did. I was 26 at the time, I should have known better.

 

I'm not the kind of person who hurts someone, I'm the kind of person who used to always seek out the kids in school who didn't have any friends and become their friend, I really care about people and when someone gets hurt, I feel hurt. I always want to help people and have a (sometimes bad) habit of putting others before myself.

 

It's now five years later and we are married and everything is great, we are still very much in love, and I have never felt more supported, loved, appreciated, and protected. I feel as though what we have is what marriage should be about and I am thankful every day that we came into each other's lives. His ex-wife remarried quickly and is now pregnant with her first child, which is what she always wanted.

 

I'll admit that I feel absolutely no guilt for cheating on my ex-husband. I know how horrible that sounds but even though we were legally married, we weren't emotionally married, what we had wasn't good. He cheated on me and emotionally abused me for years and we weren't happy, we shouldn't have even been together from the start. But, I do feel guilt for what we did to her, and I hate how our relationship started. Whenever I hear someone say something about cheaters, affairs, homewreckers, leopards never changing their spots, etc., I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I hate, hate, hate what we did. I wish with all of my heart that our marriages had ended before we started any kind of relationship because I feel as though our relationship will always be tainted. We came clean to all of our family and friends about what we did and so I feel like we are always being judged. Even though it's five years later, my family still calls me a homewrecker (they think it's funny). Some days it can keep me awake at night just wishing things were different.

[Noideanow]

thats a beautiful story:) im glad some people out there found each other and share this thing called love:lmao: really nice to know:cool: dont see many of your type of couples, still hope for the species;)

Edited October 6, 2015 by Noideanow

[loveboid]

I think your family are just afraid of it happening to them. It keeps them on their toes and that's a good thing.

 

Congrats #1 on getting out of your abusive relationship and #2 on getting into a loving relationship.

[purplesorrow]

Have you ever apologized to her? Would the two of you be open to a conversation. Maybe enough time has passed that it will be healing for both. You've found your love and the relationship you want. You also need to find a way to truly forgive yourself and let it go. I hope you find your peace.

[lemondrop21]

I think lack of children from the first marriage (at least on his end, not sure about hers) was key here. It's so much harder for men to walk away from kids knowing that custody is not likely to go in their favor and is very rarely truly 50/50.

 

Just a thought for those of you who get the tiniest ray of hope from posts like this (including myself). i do appreciate that these situations sometimes turn out differently though and I'm glad this was posted. Sounds like everything is better now for all parties in this case.