Should you text in between dates?

[Xiomn]

I've been on 4 dates so far in 2 weeks, the only time I've texted her is to set up the next date.

 

However, our next date is scheduled for Thursday 15th next week. By that time it will have been 12 days since our last date which is a long time in my opinion. (Can't help it due to her schedule this particular week)

 

Ideally because there is such a long time in between the 4th and 5th date I'm thinking maybe I should up my texting a little bit in order to sustain interest until the next date comes along otherwise it will have been a long time without talking to each other considering we've so far been going on dates twice a week.

 

What do you think?

 

I'm not exactly sure what I'd text her, I don't really like the idea of texting her small talk like how her day was, (I'm assuming girls would find that boring, any girls got input on this?) At the same time I'm not sure whether it is wise to delve into conversations which could be better spent on actual dates.

 

All I know is she is going back home for a few days this week so maybe I text her on the day she goes back something like 'hope you have a nice few days back at home with your family', or something like that?

 

I know it sounds like i'm overthinking this way too much but essentially what I'm looking for is general advice in regards to texting in between dates.

[d0nnivain]

There should be some form of contact . . . text, phone, social media, a combo. I'm not a big text person. I would rather talk on the phone but she may feel differently.

 

Some cutesy stuff. . . have a nice day; thinking about you made me smile; looking forward to our date etc. would be fine.

[Xiomn]

There should be some form of contact . . . text, phone, social media, a combo. I'm not a big text person. I would rather talk on the phone but she may feel differently.

 

Some cutesy stuff. . . have a nice day; thinking about you made me smile; looking forward to our date etc. would be fine.

 

She told me she isn't a big texter, but every time at the end of the date she tells me to text her as oppose to call her, and when we first met I called her to set up the very first date as I deemed that being better than a text but she didn't pick up so I'm guessing despite the fact she isn't a big texter she prefers text over call.

 

Thanks for the suggestions.

[Stage5Clinger]

The less you text the less chance you get your words misinterpreted. Text very, very lightly. If you fear she is losing interest she probably is -- but texting never solved anything.

[d0nnivain]

I suspect she doesn't want a long drawn out conversation via text. The pithy comments I suggested are meant to be that. . . quick one shots not drawn out discussions.

[Xiomn]

I suspect she doesn't want a long drawn out conversation via text. The pithy comments I suggested are meant to be that. . . quick one shots not drawn out discussions.

 

Yeah sounds like it, 'Thinking about you made me smile' sounds a bit creepy though don't you think? :lmao: Maybe it's just me

[Redhead14]

I've been on 4 dates so far in 2 weeks, the only time I've texted her is to set up the next date.

 

However, our next date is scheduled for Thursday 15th next week. By that time it will have been 12 days since our last date which is a long time in my opinion. (Can't help it due to her schedule this particular week)

 

Ideally because there is such a long time in between the 4th and 5th date I'm thinking maybe I should up my texting a little bit in order to sustain interest until the next date comes along otherwise it will have been a long time without talking to each other considering we've so far been going on dates twice a week.

 

What do you think?

 

I'm not exactly sure what I'd text her, I don't really like the idea of texting her small talk like how her day was, (I'm assuming girls would find that boring, any girls got input on this?) At the same time I'm not sure whether it is wise to delve into conversations which could be better spent on actual dates.

 

All I know is she is going back home for a few days this week so maybe I text her on the day she goes back something like 'hope you have a nice few days back at home with your family', or something like that?

 

I know it sounds like i'm overthinking this way too much but essentially what I'm looking for is general advice in regards to texting in between dates.

 

If you want to show real interest in her, call her more than you text. A call once each week at least and light texting here and there. If you let 15 days pass until the next date without communicating, she's gonna wonder.

[fitnessfan365]

You've seen her 4x in two weeks. So she's been pretty available up until now. However, suddenly she can't get together any sooner than almost two weeks after your last date?

 

Now either you dropped the ball w/crappy planning, or she's creating distance suddenly which isn't a good thing. Usually in sales when people want more time before committing/meeting up, it's because they're pulling away and want time to cancel/flake.

[Xiomn]

You've seen her 4x in two weeks. So she's been pretty available up until now. However, suddenly she can't get together any sooner than almost two weeks after your last date?

 

Now either you dropped the ball w/crappy planning, or she's creating distance suddenly which isn't a good thing. Usually in sales when people want more time before committing/meeting up, it's because they're pulling away and want time to cancel/flake.

 

Well I had a date planned for Thursday (I told her this restaurant does good deals on Thursdays) but she said she is going back to her home city to see her family for a few days on Thursday (we're both at university/college) I asked when she is free and she said how about next Thursday instead and I agreed, she said 'then i'll see you Thursday (:'

 

I didn't ask when she is coming back but if she comes back before let's say Wednesday then I'll just ask if she fancies meeting up before Thursday.

 

Also read my other threads, she seems interested.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Xiomn

[fitnessfan365]

Well I had a date planned for Thursday (I told her this restaurant does good deals on Thursdays) but she said she is going back to her home city to see her family for a few days on Thursday (we're both at university/college) I asked when she is free and she said how about next Thursday instead and I agreed, she said 'then i'll see you Thursday (:'

 

I didn't ask when she is coming back but if she comes back before let's say Wednesday then I'll just ask if she fancies meeting up before Thursday.

 

Also read my other threads, she seems interested.

 

One piece of advice I have is NEVER tell a woman you want to take her some place because you'd get a good deal there. It makes you sound cheap as hell and probably doesn't make her feel very special. It's fine to want to save money. But keep that aspect to yourself. Instead you simply say "There's a restaurant I know you'd love. Free Thurs night?" Plus, imagine how she feels hearing that you'd rather wait almost two weeks after the last date because you wanted to go on a night to save money.

 

If I were you, I would've said "I definitely don't want to wait almost two weeks to see you again. So we'll save the restaurant for after you get back, and I'll cook you dinner at my place before you leave. What night are you free?" Women appreciate the effort a guy makes to cook dinner and getting a bit physical in private would keep you on her mind when she left for her trip.

Edited October 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[MissBee]

There should be some form of contact . . . text, phone, social media, a combo. I'm not a big text person. I would rather talk on the phone but she may feel differently.

 

Some cutesy stuff. . . have a nice day; thinking about you made me smile; looking forward to our date etc. would be fine.

 

Agree.

 

I would appreciate phone calls. For me, when a man actually calls me, he immediately has an edge over guys who just text. For me, communication, and the ease of it are critical to any relationship working out. With men I'm interested in, we need to be able to talk about all kinds of things and it's always great to hear from them, or for them to mention something funny that happened in their day, or some flirting...something...I personally would lose interest if a man only texted me to set up dates OR felt like he only had a finite number of things to say so he had to "save them up" for in person dates.

 

Everyone is different, but for me, like I said, being able to be comfortable and to just be able to talk about anything is a quality I look for in a potential bf and I lose interest if I feel like all we do is have small talk (one reason I ended things with my ex. I was bored out of my mind. His texts were mundane and always very generic stuff like how are you and other really boring things, sometimes it was compliments but more or less our texting, phone calls and in person conversations were all dry).

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, absolutely. I would think a guy wasn't into me if he wasn't interested in hearing from me between our dates and move on. Doesn't have to be hundreds of texts per day, but be in touch once a day or something. Just to say hi, show her something funny, tell her something about your day, ask about hers, tell her you are excited to see her again. Anything, just not radio silence.

[Xiomn]

One piece of advice I have is NEVER tell a woman you want to take her some place because you'd get a good deal there. It makes you sound cheap as hell and probably doesn't make her feel very special. It's fine to want to save money. But keep that aspect to yourself. Instead you simply say "There's a restaurant I know you'd love. Free Thurs night?" Plus, imagine how she feels hearing that you'd rather wait almost two weeks after the last date because you wanted to go on a night to save money.

 

If I were you, I would've said "I definitely don't want to wait almost two weeks to see you again. So we'll save the restaurant for after you get back, and I'll cook you dinner at my place before you leave. What night are you free?" Women appreciate the effort a guy makes to cook dinner and getting a bit physical in private would keep you on her mind when she left for her trip.

 

Appreciate the advice, will keep that in mind definitely for next time. HOWEVER, I will add we're both students so I think she will understand, and if she doesn't then that's bad on her part in my opinion considering our circumstances. The deal is 6 Tapas dishes and a bottle of wine for £20. Sounds good to me.

 

Yeah I kind of regret not asking if she is free to meet up before she left but i thought i'd give her a bit of space since we pretty much spent 2 full days together on Friday and Saturday and let's be honest, some would say that is clingy, especially early on in the dating stage only 2 weeks in.

 

I'll message her in a few days saying something like "Hey, hope you have a good time back home with parents" then casually ask how long she is going back home for to get an idea of when she will be back, if she gets home before next Thursday (which she will as she has lectures on Tuesday I believe so she'll probably be back Monday, (in which case I might not even have to ask how long she is going for come to think of it) then I'll suggest meeting up before our date on Thursday to remedy it.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Xiomn

[Xiomn]

If you want to show real interest in her, call her more than you text. A call once each week at least and light texting here and there. If you let 15 days pass until the next date without communicating, she's gonna wonder.

 

I hate calling :lmao: I think she might too as at the end of every date she tells me to text her. I tried calling her once because, like you, I thought it would show real interest over a mere text and she didn't pick up, could be for any reason but yeah.

 

Maybe I'll try calling her again. I was with my ex for 10 months and we only called each other like once but we texted constantly.

[Stage5Clinger]

If you want to show real interest in her, call her more than you text.

 

You can also show her you're interested by showing up in her back yard around 2 in the morning peeking in the windows -- but I wouldn't exactly advise you to do that.

 

Girls know when you're interested even if you don't say ****. You don't have to rub it in their face to gauge their response. You know whether or not they are interested based on whether or not they engage you after a period of radio silence.

[kismetkismet]

Everyone is different, so I can only tell you what I like personally. I definitely would want a bit of contact in between far apart dates, and i DO like when boys ask how my day was. I like when they ask how my day was, check what i've been up to, tell me what they've been up to etc. Or message about things you saw/heard that you have talked about on dates. Like if you see any interesting links/articles/jokes that have to do with something that you talked about then send them along. It's a good way to form common ground.

 

Personally I don't like anything too sappy that soon in. Sending a link or asking how she is SHOWS you were thinking about her, you don't have to say 'i was thinking of you'.

 

I also hate phone calls unless there is a specific reason for them.

[thecrucible]

Everyone has styles of communication they prefer so you just have to figure out what works for her. You can maybe introduce this into general conversation in person very subtly and get an impression on what kind of communication she prefers.

 

I think play it by ear and don't go too heavy but there is absolutely nothing wrong with, in fact it is very good to talk between dates because it sustains some momentum and keeps the interest. You are right about that. Last guy I dated, didn't text me unless it was to arrange dates. I'm not much of a texter but I felt like I was pigeon holed and my need for this communication wasn't something he could give me. It's nice to text a little to show you care.

[thecrucible]

I also hate phone calls unless there is a specific reason for them.

 

I actually phone calls. But do you mean the kind of awkward phone calls when someone calls "just to chat"? I think those calls are okay when you've become more intimate with someone. Anyway each to their own. Totally agree with what you said. No one needs to overthink it or get too sappy too soon.

[kismetkismet]

Ya it is totally different person to person. I know that a lot of girls prefer phone calls to texting, but I'm really not a fan generally. There are exceptions to that though, if it's someone i've been dating for a while and we aren't going to see each other for a bit, or if it's a holiday and we're not together, then I like a bit of a chat. I also like to call sometimes when you're trying to organize something and being on the phone is too complicated.

 

I would maybe try ringing her again at some point, if she doesn't pick up again then it's safe to assume she's not into phone calls. But i think her telling you to text her is a pretty good indicator as well.

[joseb]

OP yes do send some texts to keep the interest.

I might suggest calling but if neither of you are big phone chatters then maybe it's better to not do that.

 

You are right though, dont send boring "how is your day" type texts, especially if she isn't a big texter.

 

I'd suggest sending her something light and funny, I tend to look out for stuff that reminds me of something we talked about, sometimes that might be a pic of something, a link or just a one liner about something interesting that happened to me.

 

I try not to ask questions, especially to people not into texting so much, that way she wont feel obliged to reply, but if the text is funny or interesting she probably will.

[thecrucible]

OP yes do send some texts to keep the interest.

I might suggest calling but if neither of you are big phone chatters then maybe it's better to not do that.

 

You are right though, dont send boring "how is your day" type texts, especially if she isn't a big texter.

 

I'd suggest sending her something light and funny, I tend to look out for stuff that reminds me of something we talked about, sometimes that might be a pic of something, a link or just a one liner about something interesting that happened to me.

 

I try not to ask questions, especially to people not into texting so much, that way she wont feel obliged to reply, but if the text is funny or interesting she probably will.

 

Yes less is more. Better to text with less frequency and have something worth saying. I'm not a fan of the 'how was your day?' texts unless the guy is already my boyfriend. It feels almost like faux intimacy otherwise and almost like he is checking up on me. And then I hate text conversations so I don't want a boring question to reply to. It ends up like:

 

HIM: How was your day?

ME: Good thanks, you?

HIM: Yeah it was good

 

Then tumbleweeds...

[alphamale]

no, you shouldn't "up" your texting. take your time and let the anticipation build up

[joseb]

I'm not a fan of the 'how was your day?' texts unless the guy is already my boyfriend. It feels almost like faux intimacy otherwise and almost like he is checking up on me.

 

Yes! That's exactly how I perceive these messages too.

Which is why I don't send them to people I'm not very familiar with.

[hippychick3]

I guess everyone is different. I, personally, would feel the guy I had gone out on 4 dates with was not very interested in me if I didn't hear something from him everyday...even if it was a "good morning" and a "I hope you had a great day". I'm not big on phone calls, and I don't like marathon texting all day. But, I do like reminders that he's thinking of me (funny picture, joke, comment about his day, telling me he's looking forward to seeing me, etc.).

[Xiomn]

Everyone is different, so I can only tell you what I like personally. I definitely would want a bit of contact in between far apart dates, and i DO like when boys ask how my day was.

 

Only problem I see with this is it will go something like this in most cases (I would imagine)

 

'Hey, how was your day?'

>'Good thanks, you?'

'My day was good too, thanks'

 

I mean sure if something actually happened during your day that you feel you could elaborate on and tell her about it then great, but what if your day was just your average boring day but it was good nevertheless with not much to tell. Do you ask them what was so good about it?

 

You also then end up feeling obligated to keep the conversation going out of guilt it ending abruptly. I guess this is where your other suggestions would come into play.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Xiomn