Finding geeky women in the UK - officially given up

[normal person]

Because I'm happy with the way I think and act... is it really a high expectation to want to meet someone that has something in common with me and has an interest and sense of wonder about the world?

 

If the trait you're looking for is particularly is seen as somewhat childish and/or off-putting by society, then yes, it is kind of a high expectation.

 

I think having very specific things in common with your partner is something of a luxury. You're never going to find someone who likes all the same things you do and vice versa. In my experience, you can have a great relationship with someone as long as both tolerate the other's interests, on the presumption that you get along well and enjoy each others' company before that. I've dated a lot of girls with whom there's never been any serious interest in the same hobby or whatever. Your connection depends a lot on other larger themes you do mesh well on. Values, life outlook, that sort of thing. As long as those sorts of things are matched well, their shouldn't be a problem otherwise unless they have a particular disdain for whatever your interest is.

[WaitingForBardot]

If the trait you're looking for is particularly is seen as somewhat childish and/or off-putting by society, then yes, it is kind of a high expectation.

 

I think having very specific things in common with your partner is something of a luxury. You're never going to find someone who likes all the same things you do and vice versa. In my experience, you can have a great relationship with someone as long as both tolerate the other's interests, on the presumption that you get along well and enjoy each others' company before that. I've dated a lot of girls with whom there's never been any serious interest in the same hobby or whatever. Your connection depends a lot on other larger themes you do mesh well on. Values, life outlook, that sort of thing. As long as those sorts of things are matched well, their shouldn't be a problem otherwise unless they have a particular disdain for whatever your interest is.

My sons (now grown) were/are still into manga/anime, cosplay, cons, and the like, as are a number of their friends. One thing I noticed was that none of the biggest fans in their group were ever coupled up with someone with a similar level of interest. Most of the girls were with more or less straight men, and the same went for the men. Yes you do see couples at the cons, but the percentage is not representative of their prevalence in society at large. Also to mention that at a con you really don't know how into it even someone in costume is.

 

And I strongly agree with the normal person (..lol..) that the role of common interests/opinions/activities in dating/relationships is way over-emphasized, especially in OLD. Actually this is one of its fundamental failings. I think complementary interests are far more likely to provide the foundation for a stable relationship. Why would I want someone just like me? Sounds rather boring given that I've already got me.

 

Note that I am not talking about core values here but rather about interests/hobbies/etc.

[hasaquestion]

My sons (now grown) were/are still into manga/anime, cosplay, cons, and the like, as are a number of their friends. One thing I noticed was that none of the biggest fans in their group were ever coupled up with someone with a similar level of interest. Most of the girls were with more or less straight men, and the same went for the men. Yes you do see couples at the cons, but the percentage is not representative of their prevalence in society at large. Also to mention that at a con you really don't know how into it even someone in costume is.

 

And I strongly agree with the normal person (..lol..) that the role of common interests/opinions/activities in dating/relationships is way over-emphasized, especially in OLD. Actually this is one of its fundamental failings. I think complementary interests are far more likely to provide the foundation for a stable relationship. Why would I want someone just like me? Sounds rather boring given that I've already got me.

 

Note that I am not talking about core values here but rather about interests/hobbies/etc.

 

Absolutely. Not only is sharing the exact same hobbies and interests not important, but having different ones can facilitate having a quality relationship. You go to your anime convention, I go to my ______. You like video games I like ______. It creates space. Besides, who wants to date themselves? The core stuff is values and personality types.

[WaitingForBardot]

Absolutely. Not only is sharing the exact same hobbies and interests not important, but having different ones can facilitate having a quality relationship. You go to your anime convention, I go to my ______. You like video games I like ______. It creates space. Besides, who wants to date themselves? The core stuff is values and personality types.

Not only does it create space, it can help you expand outside your normal interests. I've tried quite a few new things that I otherwise would never have considered if it weren't for my SOs.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

I think there are a lot of assumptions and stereotyping being made here... I'm guessing that's half the problem with this sort of thing really. It's a pity people think that having an imagination and speculating on technology and science are 'childish'...

 

I don't expect someone to be exactly the same as me - that's an incorrect assumption. You can have a common interest and not be the same. Is every person that plays a sport exactly the same? Is every person that plays a musical instrument exactly the same? Of course not.

 

If you feel that not having any common interests is a great thing then fair enough, that's your preference. My preference is to meet someone with something in common to start with. I think it would be great to have something to share with someone but if you want to do everything separately then that's not really very different from being single to me. I do all of my interests and activities more or less on my own so doing everything on my own in a relationship sounds pretty dull to me.

 

I wouldn't expect to do everything together but having one or two things isn't a "high expectation" in my view. Particularly if it happens to be an interest of theirs anyway!

 

It's interesting that wanting a geeky partner is considered a "high expectation" here as my friends view it as being quite the opposite! I've had comments like "but women that like that stuff are ugly" and have had people try and talk me out of it... but if you find a particular kind of person more attractive than others, surely that's your 'type' just as some prefer taller, shorter, blonde, etc.

 

I don't find a lot of the conventional exciting or interesting - I can't tell you how boring I've found the thousands of profiles on dating sites that talk about traveling all of the globe and climbing mountains. Those things are all fine and good but they're just the same as everybody else on there... it actively turns me off now as it's like that for every profile. It's the ones that talk about things they love to read, or have come up with something imaginative or are passionate about an interest like history or science that catch my eye. It's just a pity that people like that are apparently so very few.

 

I also can't use dating sites that are based purely off of images of what someone looks like. I gave that a go a while ago and wasn't interested in anyone I saw. I can't just be attracted to someone based on how they look - I'm much more interested in what sort of person they are. I tend to read the profiles and then look at the pictures! That doesn't mean looks aren't important but they certainly aren't primary for me.

 

I'd love to meet someone that I can enjoy being with, can talk with for ages, be silly with and enjoy doing stuff with. Not because it's necessary (it's not) but because we'd both want to. I guess I genuinely want a partner in life, if that makes sense?

 

Are those things really high expectations? If they are then I guess I just have high expectations. I don't think it would be honest and fair of me to pretend that that isn't the sort of person I want to meet and just meeting people for the sake of it.

[neowulf]

I think there are a lot of assumptions and stereotyping being made here... I'm guessing that's half the problem with this sort of thing really. It's a pity people think that having an imagination and speculating on technology and science are 'childish'...

 

I don't expect someone to be exactly the same as me - that's an incorrect assumption. You can have a common interest and not be the same. Is every person that plays a sport exactly the same? Is every person that plays a musical instrument exactly the same? Of course not.

 

If you feel that not having any common interests is a great thing then fair enough, that's your preference. My preference is to meet someone with something in common to start with. I think it would be great to have something to share with someone but if you want to do everything separately then that's not really very different from being single to me. I do all of my interests and activities more or less on my own so doing everything on my own in a relationship sounds pretty dull to me.

 

I wouldn't expect to do everything together but having one or two things isn't a "high expectation" in my view. Particularly if it happens to be an interest of theirs anyway!

 

It's interesting that wanting a geeky partner is considered a "high expectation" here as my friends view it as being quite the opposite! I've had comments like "but women that like that stuff are ugly" and have had people try and talk me out of it... but if you find a particular kind of person more attractive than others, surely that's your 'type' just as some prefer taller, shorter, blonde, etc.

 

I don't find a lot of the conventional exciting or interesting - I can't tell you how boring I've found the thousands of profiles on dating sites that talk about traveling all of the globe and climbing mountains. Those things are all fine and good but they're just the same as everybody else on there... it actively turns me off now as it's like that for every profile. It's the ones that talk about things they love to read, or have come up with something imaginative or are passionate about an interest like history or science that catch my eye. It's just a pity that people like that are apparently so very few.

 

I also can't use dating sites that are based purely off of images of what someone looks like. I gave that a go a while ago and wasn't interested in anyone I saw. I can't just be attracted to someone based on how they look - I'm much more interested in what sort of person they are. I tend to read the profiles and then look at the pictures! That doesn't mean looks aren't important but they certainly aren't primary for me.

 

I'd love to meet someone that I can enjoy being with, can talk with for ages, be silly with and enjoy doing stuff with. Not because it's necessary (it's not) but because we'd both want to. I guess I genuinely want a partner in life, if that makes sense?

 

Are those things really high expectations? If they are then I guess I just have high expectations. I don't think it would be honest and fair of me to pretend that that isn't the sort of person I want to meet and just meeting people for the sake of it.

 

I hear you man and I know exactly what you're chasing.

 

Thing is, if you're really serious about meeting a "geeky girl" you're going to have to start approaching it a bit like fishing.

 

Certain fish can *only* be found in certain areas, at certain times. Them's the brakes. Doesn't matter what you want. You've got to go where the fish are.

 

So, off the top of my head, where would you likely find "geeky girls".

• Cons
  
• Meetups
  
• Facebook Groups
  
• Book Shops
  
• Cafe's reading a book, or playing with a laptop.
  
• Theatre Plays
  
• Public Readings
  

 

Seriously, networking is huge if you're looking for a very specific group of people.

 

What clubs are you a member of? What social groups? How often do you get the chance to interact and move through new groups of people.

 

I know it's hard for an introvert (God I know, I'm one of them), but if you're going to find that rare bird, you're going to have to go out and find her.

 

Best of luck man.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

I hear you man and I know exactly what you're chasing.

 

Thing is, if you're really serious about meeting a "geeky girl" you're going to have to start approaching it a bit like fishing.

 

Certain fish can *only* be found in certain areas, at certain times. Them's the brakes. Doesn't matter what you want. You've got to go where the fish are.

 

So, off the top of my head, where would you likely find "geeky girls".

• Cons
  
• Meetups
  
• Facebook Groups
  
• Book Shops
  
• Cafe's reading a book, or playing with a laptop.
  
• Theatre Plays
  
• Public Readings
  

 

Seriously, networking is huge if you're looking for a very specific group of people.

 

What clubs are you a member of? What social groups? How often do you get the chance to interact and move through new groups of people.

 

I know it's hard for an introvert (God I know, I'm one of them), but if you're going to find that rare bird, you're going to have to go out and find her.

 

Best of luck man.

 

Been meaning to respond to this - thanks for your reply! :-)

 

I just don't think there are many women that are even remotely interested in anything like that near me - either that or they're keeping themselves well hidden!

 

I actually posted something out of frustration on my Facebook page a few weeks back and three of my friends on there said they would "date me in a heartbeat" (or similar words) but that I was too far away. All three of them have geeky interests.

 

I also met someone off of OKCupid a couple of weeks back and we met up a couple of times - first at Forbidden Planet (a sci-fi/comic shop here in the UK) and then at a museum (these were her suggestions, btw!). We were getting on really well and she was very geeky. She sent me a message a few days ago saying that we were just too far apart - which is true. She lives in a small village about 2.5 hours from London so it would take her even longer to get to where I live (and obviously the same for me to hers although London is much nearer for me). That was a shame but she was right - it is just too far.

 

There was the Scottish lady that I think I mentioned in a previous post, met her at a couple of conventions - she was lovely but travelled down from Scotland for those. I'm not up for a long distance thing (especially THAT long distance).

 

It really is weird though - even asking friends, etc. it does seem that women that have geeky or intellectual interests are curiously quiet compared to further up north. Maybe they just get snapped up faster, I don't know. I would have thought being near to London would make it easy to find someone but OKCupid searches with keywords like 'science', 'astronomy','history','sci-fi' and the like almost always come back with '0 results'. I can't believe there aren't women in the south that have any interest in these things.

 

I'm actually reducing the number of cons I'm going to this year - I went to so many last year and this year I'm getting stuff done to my house. I just had the front extended and spent today working on the garden so I'm spending more time doing things like that.

 

Work is going fantastically well for me and it looks like I may well be getting another promotion soon (in talks about it right now) so moving is certainly not an option.

 

I think it's a shame that I can't find anyone near me that appreciates intellectual pursuits (and doesn't seem to want someone that enjoys those things either).

[Els]

 

And I strongly agree with the normal person (..lol..) that the role of common interests/opinions/activities in dating/relationships is way over-emphasized

 

I don't agree with this - I've been with my SO for several years now and I still find us having similar interests/hobbies to be extremely valuable. It's the kind of thing that now having experienced it, I could never settle for less. I don't think similar opinions or a 100% overlap of hobbies is necessary, but some similarities/overlap is extremely beneficial.

 

I've never done OLD, but I think overlapping interests really shine and come into their own in the later stages of the R when you're living together etc. In early dating you can somewhat sweep them under the rug because you'll be doing lots of date-y activities together, but one day several years hence you'll both be spending many weeknights in the living room (of course you'll still date, but you are unlikely to go out on dates every single day). Being able to still have 'quality time' relaxing while doing stuff together at home after work is amazing.

 

That being said - OP, you can only have so many limitations. You need someone geeky and you're sticking to your guns even though you acknowledge it's rare, okay, but you can't even travel 2.5 hours for someone you think you might be very compatible with? That is barely even long distance IMO. You're entitled to your choices, but know that with every 'must have' you have, you're narrowing your pool significantly. So if you must have a geeky woman who lives within, what, a 50 mile radius - you might not have any luck with that.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Elswyth

[normal person]

I don't agree with this - I've been with my SO for several years now and I still find us having similar interests/hobbies to be extremely valuable. It's the kind of thing that now having experienced it, I could never settle for less. I don't think similar opinions or a 100% overlap of hobbies is necessary, but some similarities/overlap is extremely beneficial.

 

No doubt it's extremely valuable. At the very least, you need a tolerance of the other person's interests and hobbies and the willingness to participate occasionally. But I don't think it's the end of the world if you're not gung-ho about the same stuff. In fact, if your interests are particularly niche it might just be downright impractical. You're going to have a very hard time finding someone with whom there's mutual attraction that you get along with is hard enough, finding one of those people who likes the same unusual things as you even is exponentially harder.

 

[...] but one day several years hence you'll both be spending many weeknights in the living room (of course you'll still date, but you are unlikely to go out on dates every single day). Being able to still have 'quality time' relaxing while doing stuff together at home after work is amazing.

 

I agree with this, I just think people with niche interests might need to broaden their definitions of "quality time."

 

That being said - OP, you can only have so many limitations. You need someone geeky and you're sticking to your guns even though you acknowledge it's rare, okay, but you can't even travel 2.5 hours for someone you think you might be very compatible with? That is barely even long distance IMO. You're entitled to your choices, but know that with every 'must have' you have, you're narrowing your pool significantly. So if you must have a geeky woman who lives within, what, a 50 mile radius - you might not have any luck with that.

 

Agree, but I think it's impractical to date someone who lives 2.5 hours away. Therein lies the problem. The more specific your standards, the broader net you need. The broader the net, the more impractical it becomes.

 

OP, there's got to be women in your own city who you'd get along with. Let that be your biggest criteria. My guess is you'd rather be in a relationship with a girl who you enjoy doing "normal" stuff with than a prolonged search for one in a different city who loves Star Wars or whatever. If you enjoy each other's company, have similar values, ethics, mutual attraction, and a similar sense of humor, then you'll be able to try and understand and appreciate all the things you don't have in common. I'm not saying it's the most ideal situation, but I do think it's probably the more realistic, practical one.

[LookAtThisPOst]

That being said - OP, you can only have so many limitations. You need someone geeky and you're sticking to your guns even though you acknowledge it's rare, okay, but you can't even travel 2.5 hours for someone you think you might be very compatible with?

 

To a LOT of people that's considered, to them, long distance, ESP. if it's the meeting through only online dating. I live an hour outside of a big city where most available women live, and most of those women think even an hour is too far.

 

Some emphasize "Must live within 15 mins drive!"

 

Since I live in more of a suburban area, the further north you go, the wider apart these smaller towns/cities become. One woman was on POF, never married, no kids, same age as me was emphatic about dating close by. I lived about 45 min drive from her, depending on what part of town...and she thought that was too far...apparently, she was busy with helping running her parents horse business and couldn't be too far away from her business.

 

What caught my attention was her detailing in her profile was how her family, values, and belief systems mirrored mine. She even talked about how her parents have been married 40+ years and INTENDS on following their example.

 

Rarely I come across a woman like that...and I was hoping she'd be a little flexible.

 

Keep in mind, she announced in her profile this was her 2nd attempt at trying the site again after it being a failure last time.

 

I entertained me being the one to take the drive, because I really like that area of the woods (it's near a big forest, very scenic.)

 

She wouldn't have it. Enter failure of her online dating experience #2...her failure is really on her for severely limiting herself.

[thecrucible]

I have a female friend who's into geek stuff - I could hook you up haha.

 

My point of view is that you either focus your search on places and events where you might find a geeky girl or you become more open about dating different women. I have a male acquaintance and he met a woman through OLD who isn't so into the geek stuff but they have other things in common. He told me that he adjusted his approach so he didn't bring up the geek stuff straight away (as some people may be put off by this) and showed off his other interests. It worked for him.

 

Personally I'm not into geek stuff myself and don't tend to be into guys who are into it but it's only if I get a sense that they are super into it and it's a really big part of their life as I struggle to see how I fit into it. I don't feel I have to have everything in common with the guy but I want him to have a few female-friendly interests that we can bond over.

 

I love learning and museums as well. Maybe you can talk about that with women you meet. I work in a museum which I love and I sometimes visit them too, when it doesn't feel like going to work.

[Els]

No doubt it's extremely valuable. At the very least, you need a tolerance of the other person's interests and hobbies and the willingness to participate occasionally. But I don't think it's the end of the world if you're not gung-ho about the same stuff. In fact, if your interests are particularly niche it might just be downright impractical. You're going to have a very hard time finding someone with whom there's mutual attraction that you get along with is hard enough, finding one of those people who likes the same unusual things as you even is exponentially harder.

 

---

 

OP, there's got to be women in your own city who you'd get along with. Let that be your biggest criteria. My guess is you'd rather be in a relationship with a girl who you enjoy doing "normal" stuff with than a prolonged search for one in a different city who loves Star Wars or whatever. If you enjoy each other's company, have similar values, ethics, mutual attraction, and a similar sense of humor, then you'll be able to try and understand and appreciate all the things you don't have in common. I'm not saying it's the most ideal situation, but I do think it's probably the more realistic, practical one.

 

Ah, yes, I agree with this. Personally I find a 2.5 hour "long distance" (not really long distance IMO, but lets go with that) to be nothing compared to compatibility. So while it was certainly exponentially harder to find someone 'ideal', it mattered enough to me that distance was irrelevant. But we all have our own priorities - some would rather take the 'practical' choice in the same city, fair enough.

 

Certainly for every additional requirement the OP adds, he's narrowing his pool significantly. I agree with you that he likely needs to decide which is more important to him and pick one.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

That being said - OP, you can only have so many limitations. You need someone geeky and you're sticking to your guns even though you acknowledge it's rare, okay, but you can't even travel 2.5 hours for someone you think you might be very compatible with? That is barely even long distance IMO. You're entitled to your choices, but know that with every 'must have' you have, you're narrowing your pool significantly. So if you must have a geeky woman who lives within, what, a 50 mile radius - you might not have any luck with that.

 

I don't think I need someone geeky as such, I just really want someone geeky. I'm not really the sort of person to 'need' someone, I get on just fine on my own, but would really like a significant other. Maybe even my own family although that prospect is fading, unfortunately.

 

2.5 hours is a pretty long travel to me although I would consider it for the right person, it's just the lady I met a little while back felt it was too much for her and, while it was disappointing, I understood entirely. A 2.5 hour travel into London and then the extra hour that would be needed to reach my place, if she was visiting, would be pretty hard going (I know as I used to commute to west London daily). Plus, it's not like one of us could pop over to the other one evening after work to watch a DVD together with travel times like that.

 

I was in a relationship with someone that moved to Northern Ireland and we carried that on as a long distance thing for some time... I would fly there every Friday evening and come home Sunday evening with work being the next day. I did it because I thought she was worth it but it wasn't ideal, so I'd much rather have something with someone being no more than an hour away.

 

I suppose if I was blown away by someone as they were so unbelievably awesome, I'd consider a longer journey but only if they felt the same about me (and were equally willing to do the journey to see me).

 

OP, there's got to be women in your own city who you'd get along with. Let that be your biggest criteria. My guess is you'd rather be in a relationship with a girl who you enjoy doing "normal" stuff with than a prolonged search for one in a different city who loves Star Wars or whatever. If you enjoy each other's company, have similar values, ethics, mutual attraction, and a similar sense of humor, then you'll be able to try and understand and appreciate all the things you don't have in common. I'm not saying it's the most ideal situation, but I do think it's probably the more realistic, practical one.

 

Perhaps but they keep themselves well hidden. I seem to be more popular with women in neighbouring towns. No idea why. My home town on dating sites seems to be very poorly represented. Again, no idea why as it isn't exactly a small town and is on a direct commute line to London, is a pretty affluent area... I'm not going to date someone for the sake of it though. There has to be something there. I'm not a 'date for something to do' sort of person, I think that's a waste of their time and mine (which wouldn't be fair on them).

 

To a LOT of people that's considered, to them, long distance, ESP. if it's the meeting through only online dating. I live an hour outside of a big city where most available women live, and most of those women think even an hour is too far.

 

Some emphasize "Must live within 15 mins drive!"

 

Since I live in more of a suburban area, the further north you go, the wider apart these smaller towns/cities become. One woman was on POF, never married, no kids, same age as me was emphatic about dating close by. I lived about 45 min drive from her, depending on what part of town...and she thought that was too far...apparently, she was busy with helping running her parents horse business and couldn't be too far away from her business.

 

What caught my attention was her detailing in her profile was how her family, values, and belief systems mirrored mine. She even talked about how her parents have been married 40+ years and INTENDS on following their example.

 

Rarely I come across a woman like that...and I was hoping she'd be a little flexible.

 

Keep in mind, she announced in her profile this was her 2nd attempt at trying the site again after it being a failure last time.

 

I entertained me being the one to take the drive, because I really like that area of the woods (it's near a big forest, very scenic.)

 

She wouldn't have it. Enter failure of her online dating experience #2...her failure is really on her for severely limiting herself.

 

Hmm. Everyone has their own preferences, I guess. Some people just don't like travel like that. 45 mins isn't too bad at all, to my mind, but people want what they want.

 

I have a female friend who's into geek stuff - I could hook you up haha.

 

My point of view is that you either focus your search on places and events where you might find a geeky girl or you become more open about dating different women. I have a male acquaintance and he met a woman through OLD who isn't so into the geek stuff but they have other things in common. He told me that he adjusted his approach so he didn't bring up the geek stuff straight away (as some people may be put off by this) and showed off his other interests. It worked for him.

 

Personally I'm not into geek stuff myself and don't tend to be into guys who are into it but it's only if I get a sense that they are super into it and it's a really big part of their life as I struggle to see how I fit into it. I don't feel I have to have everything in common with the guy but I want him to have a few female-friendly interests that we can bond over.

 

I love learning and museums as well. Maybe you can talk about that with women you meet. I work in a museum which I love and I sometimes visit them too, when it doesn't feel like going to work.

 

It's funny the number of times people say stuff along the lines of "I have this friend" or "I know loads of women who like this" but they can never give me any clues where to find them! I'm guessing they maybe mention it to them and they say "ewww a stranger from online? No way!"

 

I have dated many women that wouldn't consider themselves geeky - I got fed up with the complaints and attempts to negotiate me out of my interests. I've had a number contact me on dating sites but it never really pans out - there tends to just be something missing. Almost like I'm being talked at rather than to.

 

I've also had instances of being threatened - an ex girlfriend once wanted to come over and smash all my stuff as she reckoned everyone was laughing at her for dating a guy that liked sci-fi. Not an isolated case, either (though that is the more extreme one, to be fair).

 

I also just find geekiness/nerdiness very attractive in a woman!

 

It would just be nice to find someone who actually embraced their geeky/nerdy interests rather than find them embarrassing and something to be hidden like a terrible rash or illness.

[MGX]

Have you tried Dragonfruit or Cuddli? Those are apps for geek dating. Women interested in geeky things are unicorns, so you'll need to know where to find them...or at least some of them.

[little_cloud]

In what site do you have your profile? Where do you find more geeky people nowadays? I am rather a geek myself, girl based in London

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Sorry for the late response - things have been pretty busy for me.

 

Have you tried Dragonfruit or Cuddli? Those are apps for geek dating. Women interested in geeky things are unicorns, so you'll need to know where to find them...or at least some of them.

 

Not heard of those before - I'm wondering how many people from the UK are on them though? I'll take a look at them though, thanks. :-)

 

In what site do you have your profile? Where do you find more geeky people nowadays? I am rather a geek myself, girl based in London

 

On OKCupid although I don't go on there that often these days. London isn't very far from me at all. Less than an hour - depending on which part, of course. :-)

[Miss Peach]

How active is meetup in the UK? I'm a member of a 'Nerds' group as well as strategy game groups, computer game groups, programming, and other geeky interests through that site.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

How active is meetup in the UK? I'm a member of a 'Nerds' group as well as strategy game groups, computer game groups, programming, and other geeky interests through that site.

 

There are Meetups around although not much near me. I haven't even been looking recently, to be honest, as I've decided to invest my time and energy elsewhere now. I'm taking over the running of pretty much everything at work now and things are going really well there - in fact, things are going very well in all other areas of my life in general so finding someone has pretty much dropped right to the bottom of my priorities.

 

It doesn't mean I wouldn't be interested if I happened across someone like that - just that I felt like I was wasting time looking for someone who doesn't seem to exist or want to put themselves out there.

 

I've just spent the weekend at a great convention - I was literally being stopped every few minutes by friends I've made through these things, it was a really nice and enjoyable experience but it didn't even really cross my mind about meeting anybody that could be anything more. I think everyone is too busy worrying about getting to photo shoots or signings to be looking to meet someone - I include myself in that too!

[Nowty V]

I think what you are looking for is an 'Introvert' woman. They don't take too kindly to being labelled 'geeks'.

 

Moreover, they don't use OLD nor have any significant web presence.

 

They do like books, music and more cerebral pass times.

 

I wouldn't know how one would go about meeting one unless they were encountered on the fringes of your social circle.

 

Introverts tend to hang out at home.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

I think what you are looking for is an 'Introvert' woman. They don't take too kindly to being labelled 'geeks'.

 

Moreover, they don't use OLD nor have any significant web presence.

 

They do like books, music and more cerebral pass times.

 

I wouldn't know how one would go about meeting one unless they were encountered on the fringes of your social circle.

 

Introverts tend to hang out at home.

 

I would think someone like that wouldn't be very interested in dating or a relationship though. If you remove yourself to such a degree that the only place you can be found is at home... then you're not likely to be found at all. If someone wants to be found then they need to be out there in some capacity!

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Was October really the last time I was on here? Wow! The time has flown. Nothing to add really other than I removed my online dating profiles and have got on with other things. Completely given up on ever finding someone I share anything geeky in common with.

 

I can't say I miss the dating sites - even though I was apparently doing quite well on there. Spending two or three times a week meeting someone and then going round and round every week doing the same thing... not for me I'm afraid. I can only say the same thing so many times without getting bored.

 

I'm even winding down the conventions now. I just don't think they're as great a way to meet someone as some say... made lots of friends at these things but people live too far away and they're far too busy these days. Plus I seldom meet anyone that's open to the idea of finding someone.

 

Considering all the claims that there are so many geeky women out there... they must all hide somewhere. I've made a couple of female friends that could be considered geeky but they live too far away.

 

Anyway, like I say - done with this. Would have been nice to meet someone with that common interest and maybe more but I can't spend loads of time on that now. My career has taken off in a big way - I'm now in charge of my department at work so that's going very well indeed. I'm better off putting the time into something that does yield a tangible return. Would have loved to have a family of my own, settle down with someone but at 37, I can't afford to chase a fruitless dream anymore.

 

I'm just on a cleanup operation now, removing dating profiles - unfortunately I did join a large number of them in my quest to find my geeky lady!

 

Last thing - anybody know how to remove your account/profile from here?

[Els]

Uh... FWIW, none of the female geeks I know are on OLD or would ever join an OLD site. They meet people through their hobbies.

[TheWoman]

I'm a geek, started with Asimov when I was 8 years old, wasted serious amounts of time gaming inm y 20s (which I no longer have time for), built my own PC a few years ago. Ive watched /read every quality scifi or fantasy movie, book and tv show ever made. Love the natural history museum, Ive got a pic of me there on my profile. Im a bit older than your age group, but still relevant enough, so how would you go about meeting me?

 

On Okcupid, i mention scifi in my profile. So that is a place to start, do a search on scifi and message anyone who comes up (within your age range, location etc). You could also search on popular authors like Banks, Pratchett, GRR Martin etc. These geek lite ones will probably be more common than say Stephenson or Simmons.

 

Im an introvert so I wouldnt go to a con or anything like that. I suspect there are plenty of introvert geeks and online is a good place to meet introverts. Doesnt have to be datings sites though, any site of interest will do. If you are into gaming I know people do meet though MMORPGs. Im also into board games (another common geek area of interest), and I bet there are plenty of board game groups/meetups in London.

 

Just on another note though, although I am a geek I dont require it in a partner. So long as they have the same intensity of interest in whatever floats their boat, Im good with that.

 

And with regards to women who openly mock or express a problem with your interests - NEXT - that's just not nice people.

[TheTraveler]

All the big cons I've been to have geek speed dating. Men pay and for the women it's free.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

I'm a geek, started with Asimov when I was 8 years old, wasted serious amounts of time gaming inm y 20s (which I no longer have time for), built my own PC a few years ago. Ive watched /read every quality scifi or fantasy movie, book and tv show ever made. Love the natural history museum, Ive got a pic of me there on my profile. Im a bit older than your age group, but still relevant enough, so how would you go about meeting me?

 

On Okcupid, i mention scifi in my profile. So that is a place to start, do a search on scifi and message anyone who comes up (within your age range, location etc). You could also search on popular authors like Banks, Pratchett, GRR Martin etc. These geek lite ones will probably be more common than say Stephenson or Simmons.

 

Im an introvert so I wouldnt go to a con or anything like that. I suspect there are plenty of introvert geeks and online is a good place to meet introverts. Doesnt have to be datings sites though, any site of interest will do. If you are into gaming I know people do meet though MMORPGs. Im also into board games (another common geek area of interest), and I bet there are plenty of board game groups/meetups in London.

 

Just on another note though, although I am a geek I dont require it in a partner. So long as they have the same intensity of interest in whatever floats their boat, Im good with that.

 

And with regards to women who openly mock or express a problem with your interests - NEXT - that's just not nice people.

 

Hmm. Ok, thanks for the tips. I disabled my OKC profile last year and was intending to delete it... but maybe I'll try those search terms (pretty sure I already tried 'scifi' but I'll give it another go) before deciding to axe it good and proper.

 

I don't play games that much these days (apart from a bit of WoW or Skyrim) and I've never really done board games although would be up for trying that out with someone, if that was an interest of theirs.

 

It's not an absolute requirement in a potential match but I've had so much grief and abuse in the past over my interests from ex partners and women I've been on dates with that I think I'd rather like someone who actually understands why I enjoy stuff like that. Would be nice to have someone I could do stuff with too (rather than being told it's boring/silly and I'll have to do it by myself).

 

All the big cons I've been to have geek speed dating. Men pay and for the women it's free.

 

I'm guessing that's in the US? I don't know why, but they hardly ever do that at UK cons. I've only ever been to one con where they tried that and apparently they abandoned it on the second day as it was such a disaster. The word was that all the guys that went couldn't speak to the women so it was all a bit awkward and rubbish. I couldn't go as I was at a photo shoot the same time it was on... I have no problems speaking to women (or anyone!) so I think I would have done alright at that. Typical!