Overbearing clingy family.. NEEDED

[KittyKat67]

(THE TITLE SHOUD SAY HELP NEEDED) After going through much needed therapy, I am now seeing co dependency in me, and my family members. Now that I am healthy and trying to distance myself from the controlling clingy people that are in my life, family....they are not taking it well. I have always been a people please and up to know, I did allow them to take control over me, but that is stopping now. She is so negative that its trauamatic to even be around her at all. If she calls you or texts you, she waits by her phone or computer and come hell or hi water you better answer or you will continue to get harrsing texts and emails all day long. Here is an example of what is going on.

 

I have an aunt who NOBODY in our family likes and has pretty much cut ties except for her sister. Her own kids don't even help her and she is super bossy, manipulative and controlling. Since I moved to her city 5 years ago, I have helped her when I can and she has harrasssed me alot, but because I was a people please, I let it happen. She is someone that would be there for me for ANYTHING, I will say that, but she can't be trusted, will gossip about anything and EVERYBODY. I love her, but I honestly do not like her.

 

She has been calling me, and If I don't answer my phone, will call me every two hours. Then if I don't answer, she will call and yell "Answer your damn phone". This has really re introduced the contolling trauma that I have been working so hard to erase within my own childhood as I was serverely beaten and controlled as a child.

 

She has been calling blowing up my phone for the last few years I have been living near her. She is confined to home since she doesn't have great eye site and her own kids who live within an hour from her never help her ever so I always take her to grocery shop etc. I am extremely tired of the manipulation, and the bullying. The reason I kind of put of with it is before I went to counseling, I had great fear of people. She would gossip and tell her kids that I was ignoring her and I was fearing them for some reason, which is totally unfounded.

 

Last night for example she emailed me. Now I didn't email her back and now she is having her son call me to see if Im ok. She told him that she worries about me etc....she is obsessing over me and frankyly this is stressing me out. I plan to move out of the area really because of this. I know its easy to say, just stop talking to her and I recently told her I'm too busy with 2 jobs to help her anymore. I'm just pissed though because she is gossiping about me, but still contiues to email me and I feel forced to reply. Ughh...extended family sucks. There are no boudnries and respect, I did write her a letter and told her this, which I was surprised she apologized. But still, every time she emails or calls, the hair stands up on my back. Not because I don't love her, because i don't like who she is.

She has clung on to me. What do I do.

Edited October 7, 2015 by KittyKat67

[DrReplyInRhymes]

(THE TITLE SHOUD SAY HELP NEEDED) After going through much needed therapy, I am now seeing co dependency in me, and my family members. Now that I am healthy and trying to distance myself from the controlling clingy people that are in my life, family....they are not taking it well. I have always been a people please and up to know, I did allow them to take control over me, but that is stopping now. She is so negative that its trauamatic to even be around her at all. If she calls you or texts you, she waits by her phone or computer and come hell or hi water you better answer or you will continue to get harrsing texts and emails all day long. Here is an example of what is going on.

 

I have an aunt who NOBODY in our family likes and has pretty much cut ties except for her sister. Her own kids don't even help her and she is super bossy, manipulative and controlling. Since I moved to her city 5 years ago, I have helped her when I can and she has harrasssed me alot, but because I was a people please, I let it happen. She is someone that would be there for me for ANYTHING, I will say that, but she can't be trusted, will gossip about anything and EVERYBODY. I love her, but I honestly do not like her.

 

She has been calling me, and If I don't answer my phone, will call me every two hours. Then if I don't answer, she will call and yell "Answer your damn phone". This has really re introduced the contolling trauma that I have been working so hard to erase within my own childhood as I was serverely beaten and controlled as a child.

 

She has been calling blowing up my phone for the last few years I have been living near her. She is confined to home since she doesn't have great eye site and her own kids who live within an hour from her never help her ever so I always take her to grocery shop etc. I am extremely tired of the manipulation, and the bullying. The reason I kind of put of with it is before I went to counseling, I had great fear of people. She would gossip and tell her kids that I was ignoring her and I was fearing them for some reason, which is totally unfounded.

 

Last night for example she emailed me. Now I didn't email her back and now she is having her son call me to see if Im ok. She told him that she worries about me etc....she is obsessing over me and frankyly this is stressing me out. I plan to move out of the area really because of this. I know its easy to say, just stop talking to her and I recently told her I'm too busy with 2 jobs to help her anymore. I'm just pissed though because she is gossiping about me, but still contiues to email me and I feel forced to reply. Ughh...extended family sucks. There are no boudnries and respect, I did write her a letter and told her this, which I was surprised she apologized. But still, every time she emails or calls, the hair stands up on my back. Not because I don't love her, because i don't like who she is.

She has clung on to me. What do I do.

 

Maybe you should talk to her instead of talking about her to your therapist?

If she's willing to do anything for you, calling less would be one of them.

[Alwaysthinkofme]

(THE TITLE SHOUD SAY HELP NEEDED) After going through much needed therapy, I am now seeing co dependency in me, and my family members. Now that I am healthy and trying to distance myself from the controlling clingy people that are in my life, family....they are not taking it well. I have always been a people please and up to know, I did allow them to take control over me, but that is stopping now. She is so negative that its trauamatic to even be around her at all. If she calls you or texts you, she waits by her phone or computer and come hell or hi water you better answer or you will continue to get harrsing texts and emails all day long. Here is an example of what is going on.

 

I have an aunt who NOBODY in our family likes and has pretty much cut ties except for her sister. Her own kids don't even help her and she is super bossy, manipulative and controlling. Since I moved to her city 5 years ago, I have helped her when I can and she has harrasssed me alot, but because I was a people please, I let it happen. She is someone that would be there for me for ANYTHING, I will say that, but she can't be trusted, will gossip about anything and EVERYBODY. I love her, but I honestly do not like her.

 

She has been calling me, and If I don't answer my phone, will call me every two hours. Then if I don't answer, she will call and yell "Answer your damn phone". This has really re introduced the contolling trauma that I have been working so hard to erase within my own childhood as I was serverely beaten and controlled as a child.

 

She has been calling blowing up my phone for the last few years I have been living near her. She is confined to home since she doesn't have great eye site and her own kids who live within an hour from her never help her ever so I always take her to grocery shop etc. I am extremely tired of the manipulation, and the bullying. The reason I kind of put of with it is before I went to counseling, I had great fear of people. She would gossip and tell her kids that I was ignoring her and I was fearing them for some reason, which is totally unfounded.

 

Last night for example she emailed me. Now I didn't email her back and now she is having her son call me to see if Im ok. She told him that she worries about me etc....she is obsessing over me and frankyly this is stressing me out. I plan to move out of the area really because of this. I know its easy to say, just stop talking to her and I recently told her I'm too busy with 2 jobs to help her anymore. I'm just pissed though because she is gossiping about me, but still contiues to email me and I feel forced to reply. Ughh...extended family sucks. There are no boudnries and respect, I did write her a letter and told her this, which I was surprised she apologized. But still, every time she emails or calls, the hair stands up on my back. Not because I don't love her, because i don't like who she is.

She has clung on to me. What do I do.

 

I understand the controlling behavior and I was also beaten in a hallway by my Grandmother who is extremely narcissistic and psychologically corrupt from past trauma, I can't express how terrible that is..My Grandmother did this to me for years and even when you tell them flat out how you feel, chances usually end up being that they don't listen. You can put on a proud, strong attitude and write an entire paragraph of how you feel and she may never bat a lash. Wanting to help her is only natural, but as you said yourself..you have to think about your health. If you live on your own, pay your own bills..let her freak out. What harm is going to come from this but, a police officer coming to your door claiming they were called. (That officer may become very tired of being constantly contacted by a frantic woman.) You have to cut every, single string that she holds against you..this part can be very difficult. As time goes on it becomes hard emotionally while, going through struggles so its very good you are in therapy. You may have to tell her no.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Alwaysthinkofme

[KittyKat67]

Maybe you should talk to her instead of talking about her to your therapist?

If she's willing to do anything for you, calling less would be one of them.

 

I do talk to my therapist about her as well as wrote her a 2 page letter explaining her hassment and clingy nature. But yes she would do anything for me but since I have explained to her about calling too much, now she is calling other family members saying she has not heard from me and getting other people to call me for her!!!! what manipulation.