Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I will get a lot of "what were you thinking" from this, but that's not what I need. Anyway.. I'm 30, she's 18. yes I said it, 18. Not your typical 18 year old, though. Very mature, life together.. well, sort of. Anyway.. We were together for 5 months. She lived with me for the past 2. We got along very well. She even packed my lunch for work every single day..and despite our age difference, we were very much alike in personality. She always talked about how her Grandpa was 12 years older than her grandma, so the age gap made no difference to her. well, 3 months into the relationship she actually cheated on me with said ex. She begged me not to go, etc. Foolishly I gave her another chance, and about an hour ago I found out she had talked to him today and she left to go be with him. She was here for about 2 hours crying and telling me how confused she was. She said she loved me but she also loves him. Obviously she chose him over me. Thing is, from what she said, he always treated her like ****. I know that she has left and gone back to him several times. It stings.. pretty bad. But I guess in a way I saw it coming. I only have myself to blame. I've already deleted all photos from my phone and got rid of visuals in the apartment that makes me think of her. I had a similar thing happen before her. I'm so fed up with relationships honestly. I just want to get through this and come out on the other side a better person.. But I'm obviously here because I feel alone right now. Gotta get use to living alone again. She texted me about 30 minutes ago and said "please don't hurt yourself". I obviously didn't reply. Going NC right away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
disbelief Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 no contact all the way. shes 18 man, she has a lot of jumping around to do before she settles down. she will probably try to pop in and out of your life as she pleases. weather you let her or not is your call but emotionally you know it will hurt if you do. find a girl closer to your age that has that crap worked out of her system. Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I will get a lot of "what were you thinking" from this, but that's not what I need. Anyway.. I'm 30, she's 18. yes I said it, 18. Not your typical 18 year old, though. Very mature, life together.. well, sort of. Anyway.. We were together for 5 months. She lived with me for the past 2. We got along very well. She even packed my lunch for work every single day..and despite our age difference, we were very much alike in personality. She always talked about how her Grandpa was 12 years older than her grandma, so the age gap made no difference to her. well, 3 months into the relationship she actually cheated on me with said ex. She begged me not to go, etc. Foolishly I gave her another chance, and about an hour ago I found out she had talked to him today and she left to go be with him. She was here for about 2 hours crying and telling me how confused she was. She said she loved me but she also loves him. Obviously she chose him over me. Thing is, from what she said, he always treated her like ****. I know that she has left and gone back to him several times. It stings.. pretty bad. But I guess in a way I saw it coming. I only have myself to blame. I've already deleted all photos from my phone and got rid of visuals in the apartment that makes me think of her. I had a similar thing happen before her. I'm so fed up with relationships honestly. I just want to get through this and come out on the other side a better person.. But I'm obviously here because I feel alone right now. Gotta get use to living alone again. She texted me about 30 minutes ago and said "please don't hurt yourself". I obviously didn't reply. Going NC right away. Here we go again.... ARRRGHHHH...These girls are all the same, it seems they are coded to provide us with the same BS again and again and again...My girlfriend of 7 months also went back to her ex, everything was great between us, I had fallen badly for this girl...until 3 month ago when she said she couldn't continue, when I asked her about the reason, she said she did not have any reasons, she said she wanted to end it, without any reasons...obviously her ex had shown up...so a week later she texted me and said,'' I can't live without you, I am so in love with you, I wanna be with you'' so it all started again, a month later, she acts strangely does not respond my messages, is cold and distant... and then breaks up telling me, she can't give 100% of her emotions at the moment, that she did not know if she was doing the right thing, that she might come back, and we might even get married... Now it has been a month since that day, and I am on NC, I have had no contact either, well I guess that's it...my girlfriend was 22 yours was 18...what can we expect from these people? I think girls at these ages are not emotionally mature, believe me my girlfriend did not know her mind...just stay NC, the first month is gonna be bad , but it will get better and better, sometimes you will experience this roller coaster of emotions... but nothing we can't manage to handle... Stay strong... you will be with someone you love before you even know it Good luck bro 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It hurts ! Your situation is very similar to mine my ex was 12 years older than me ! she left because she wasn't over her ex ,I don't know they are back together because from day 1 i've been in no contact and that was 7 weeks ago . I loved her and obviously still do but sometimes it just doesn't work out , you've started in the right way and you just have to ride it out , I think it takes 2 months of nc to be in a place you can start to feel happy again. Try not to hold too much hope but rember they couldn't make it work once so probability say it will end again , but nobody knows how the future will pan out , be it in a week a month or a year ,try and move on and if she doesn't contact you it won't be a surprise and if she does hopefully you will have moved on enough to say " sorry I've moved on " 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It hurts ! Your situation is very similar to mine my ex was 12 years older than me ! she left because she wasn't over her ex ,I don't know they are back together because from day 1 i've been in no contact and that was 7 weeks ago . I loved her and obviously still do but sometimes it just doesn't work out , you've started in the right way and you just have to ride it out , I think it takes 2 months of nc to be in a place you can start to feel happy again. Try not to hold too much hope but rember they couldn't make it work once so probability say it will end again , but nobody knows how the future will pan out , be it in a week a month or a year ,try and move on and if she doesn't contact you it won't be a surprise and if she does hopefully you will have moved on enough to say " sorry I've moved on " ^^^ very true... I wasted a lot of time, and waited for her contacting me, don't do the same thing...they won't contact you at all...until things go awry...so don't expect any sympathy anything from their side... drseuss I feel bad again man...I really feel awful today... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I thought of you yesterday Samuel22 and noticed you hadn't posted much and wondered if it was because you were on a bit of a downer , a few days ago when I felt like **** I went quiet , but I'm back on a bit of a high , it's very hard to practise what you preach .... We both know by now that it's up amd down but never forget you know for a fact you will get over her and you are closer that ever , it hadnt helped she had been contacting you and I can't imagine how your stomach must have flipped when she did ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I will get a lot of "what were you thinking" from this, but that's not what I need. Anyway.. I'm 30, she's 18. yes I said it, 18. Not your typical 18 year old, though. Very mature, life together.. well, sort of. No, not mature at all. Far from it. Maybe in some ways she looked ahead of her age, but you can't change biology. Anyway.. We were together for 5 months. She lived with me for the past 2. We got along very well. She even packed my lunch for work every single day..and despite our age difference, we were very much alike in personality. She always talked about how her Grandpa was 12 years older than her grandma, so the age gap made no difference to her. well, 3 months into the relationship she actually cheated on me with said ex. She begged me not to go, etc. Foolishly I gave her another chance, and about an hour ago I found out she had talked to him today and she left to go be with him. She was here for about 2 hours crying and telling me how confused she was. She said she loved me but she also loves him. Obviously she chose him over me. Thing is, from what she said, he always treated her like ****. I know that she has left and gone back to him several times. It stings.. pretty bad. So... there's nothing remotely 'mature' about this, is there? "But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire." (Not that I'm religious, but there's a lot of truth in that.) But I guess in a way I saw it coming. I only have myself to blame. I've already deleted all photos from my phone and got rid of visuals in the apartment that makes me think of her. No, you don't only have yourself to blame, she's the protagonist here. You got burned, because you refused to listen to your gut feelings.... I had a similar thing happen before her. I'm so fed up with relationships honestly. I just want to get through this and come out on the other side a better person.. But I'm obviously here because I feel alone right now. Gotta get use to living alone again. She texted me about 30 minutes ago and said "please don't hurt yourself". I obviously didn't reply. Going NC right away. Read the NC Guide (see my signature) and stick with it 100%. Do not respond to breadcrumbs. (Mind you, I would have replied to the above text "No, you did that already." But that's dialogue, and really, not worth the hassle. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) I thought of you yesterday Samuel22 and noticed you hadn't posted much and wondered if it was because you were on a bit of a downer , a few days ago when I felt like **** I went quiet , but I'm back on a bit of a high , it's very hard to practise what you preach .... We both know by now that it's up amd down but never forget you know for a fact you will get over her and you are closer that ever , it hadnt helped she had been contacting you and I can't imagine how your stomach must have flipped when she did ! Her sister contacted me, she did not contact me directly, It is all bad now man....It is all bad all over again... this fact her ex has left her again, and she has not yet contacted me, just goes to show that it was not about the ex at all...she did not want me, that's all....it is a new pain...I had spent all my energy thinking that it was just because her ex was back, and they had more bonds, so she decided to go back to him... but now...it's a new pain, she didn't want me...the ex...well it was not him, I am back to square number 1, and I have to deal with this new fact, the new pain, the new BS... Listening to Eminem day in, day out... haha... It helps me a lot... anger is soooo good that I am being addicted to it...That selfish bitch, I hope she fuc**ng burns in hell for this **** Edited September 13, 2015 by Samuel_22 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It's a horrible situation , and I hope I don't have to go through it, I don't want to know if my ex is back wither ex or not and I don't want to get breadcrumbs off her !! Living in hope is horrible because we can kid ourselves but at least how it won't get anymore raw for you . It's is clear she doesn't want you , at the moment , I exspect she just debt want to rebound with you again , she is now raw from 2 breakups in a short period ,and has been through 3 in 1 year , in would say it will be at least 6 months until hear head is clear enough to realise what she lost with you , but don't hols out , she seems to be good at breaking hearts . , your back near square 1 but you know what to do and you came through it like a boss last time and made some brilliant progress , you will have the emotional control of an ox when you get over this ! Did you reply to her sister , i did see the original thread 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It's a horrible situation , and I hope I don't have to go through it, I don't want to know if my ex is back wither ex or not and I don't want to get breadcrumbs off her !! Living in hope is horrible because we can kid ourselves but at least how it won't get anymore raw for you . It's is clear she doesn't want you , at the moment , I exspect she just debt want to rebound with you again , she is now raw from 2 breakups in a short period ,and has been through 3 in 1 year , in would say it will be at least 6 months until hear head is clear enough to realise what she lost with you , but don't hols out , she seems to be good at breaking hearts . , your back near square 1 but you know what to do and you came through it like a boss last time and made some brilliant progress , you will have the emotional control of an ox when you get over this ! Did you reply to her sister , i did see the original thread No, I did not send any replies, I don't owe them anything...I just wish they would leave me alone, for god's sake, I am doing my best to get rid of this situation....I'll be fine, even if she came back, I would still say no...nothing has changed, or maybe they sent the message, to see if I am still available...well they figured out I was not...well I am not...to hell with them all... no this time her heart is broken...and cool I am glad it is true... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Here are some things I am having a hard time understanding: In every day life and just being with her, she was really great to me. After she cheated and I decided to give her another chance, she stepped up her game to prove herself to me. She would leave her cell phone with me when she took a shower. Send me pictures of where she was if she had to go somewhere, but it was rare that we weren't together outside of work. She started packing my lunch and keeping the apartment spotless. I forgot to mention that we had just had a pretty big fight.. first one. This happened this past Friday. I texted her from work having bad thoughts and wanted her to reassure me, as she said she would always do. I said a few things that came across as mean, but when I got home we talked about it more. It escalated into another argument that ended in the exchange of some yelling. I had to be somewhere, so I left and she had tears in her eyes as I left (ugh). She texted me as I was on my way to where I was going and basically said that She loves me when she doesn't see me ever getting over the fact that she cheated on me, and that she hasnt forgiven herself for it, so how can she expect me to forgive her for it. She went to a friends house for the night and that's when she started talking to her ex. I know it wasnt before this happened because i always had access to her phone and she was always with me. I do feel as if she really loves me... but she seemed so confused when she was here last night. It's like our argument caused her to want to run to her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It is a total riddle most of the time and your mind furiously has to process every possibility and senario , I think you have to go through it and as time goes by you run out of things for your mind to process and stop think about it so much I think the cheating thing has impacted you so much that sometime you just can't fix that , she may feel exhausted trying to always reassure by feeling she has to send you photos and leave her phone with you and just can't do it anymor You will never get that pice of closer your looking for , it's sad but true , time to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 She called me twice this morning at 10:30. I didn't answer either calls. Unfortunately her exes house is on my commute to Church, and her car was there. Why would she be calling me already? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Guilt. It's bound to be placatory breadcrumbs.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Guilt. It's bound to be placatory breadcrumbs.... My guess is she just wanted to see if I would answer to see if I was okay. Her last text to me last night was "Please don't hurt yourself" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 no contact all the way. shes 18 man, she has a lot of jumping around to do before she settles down. she will probably try to pop in and out of your life as she pleases. weather you let her or not is your call but emotionally you know it will hurt if you do. find a girl closer to your age that has that crap worked out of her system. Her and her ex have broken up and gotten back together numerous times. She can't seem to get away from him. She always called me perfect and said I was perfect for her.. so many lies. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Same as my ex but and that **** has gone on for 12 years , I think some people are unconsciously content with doing that ...... I sure as he'll can't see my ex changing and tbh I think she should be with her ex after all the years they have woth eachother Your ex will find her way , take the easier rout and fine a girl that only wants you and doesn't have other guys in the back of her mind A posative thing I though of today is every day you spend single means your one day closer to finding your next love 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 She texted me. it reads.. "I hurt... I miss you.. idk what to do". I replied. I said "If you figure things out and they involve me, then contact me. Otherwise I need to step away from the situation" Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 My guess is she just wanted to see if I would answer to see if I was okay. Her last text to me last night was "Please don't hurt yourself" Fuc* thaaaaaaat...don't hurt yourself....ahhhh....I am happy my ex did not send me anything like that, I would have replied go fu** yourself motherfu**er... BS...100% Pure BS... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Fuc* thaaaaaaat...don't hurt yourself....ahhhh....I am happy my ex did not send me anything like that, I would have replied go fu** yourself motherfu**er... BS...100% Pure BS... Yeah, kind of puzzling why she said that to me. I just didn't reply. I'd never do anything like that over a girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yeah, kind of puzzling why she said that to me. I just didn't reply. I'd never do anything like that over a girl. Yes man..stay NC... don't reply to any of her dirty breadcrumbs...just ignore them, zilch...nada....You have not received anything...nothing...we are ghosts...no existent....even if she sent you a message like she is dying, you would let the bitch die...we are the kings...peasants deserve no response... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Sorry to hear. Here is my perspective as I like to look at things glass half-full: 1) You have no children together and you got to keep the apartment/home. 2) You know you can never trust her again so blocking her out of your life 100% should be easy as there is no "maybe we will get back together", unlike so many other relationships 3) You're a guy in his prime, with a few months time you can bounce back from this and meet someone else who is even amazing and trustworthy. Take from this what you can, have a better eye for red flags when you are in the early stages of a relationship; if something doesn't seem right end it early otherwise be prepared to get attached and have this happen again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Why is she texting me with things like this? "I'm sorry idk what I was thinking, Idk what I'm thinking. I just miss you and it hurts waking up without you. I replied with. "I wish you the best" She replied with "I want you". Trying to keep me on the backburner while she does what she wants? Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 This is going to sound harsh. Sorry in advance. You should be embarrassed to be hung up on an 18 year old girl, and her constantly shifting "feelings". You are a 30 year old man. Act like one. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 This is going to sound harsh. Sorry in advance. You should be embarrassed to be hung up on an 18 year old girl, and her constantly shifting "feelings". You are a 30 year old man. Act like one. 18 years old or 28 years old, the age matters not. The reality is that this is a person that I spent a lot of time with and have a lot of great memories. It doesn't make it suck any less because she is 18. If anything, it just explains her instability. Link to post Share on other sites
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