She finally came and got her stuff.

[Oregon_Dude]

I understand the memories. Got it. However, this 18 year old does not have the life experience or wisdom that you have. Expecting such a person to make mature and rational decisions is unrealistic. You will have to come to terms with this eventually. When you do, it will all make sense.

[Xidion]

I understand the memories. Got it. However, this 18 year old does not have the life experience or wisdom that you have. Expecting such a person to make mature and rational decisions is unrealistic. You will have to come to terms with this eventually. When you do, it will all make sense.

 

You're right about that. I understand I was foolish for involving myself with someone so young, but I can't change that. This may sound stupid, but other than her instability, she was wife material. Cooked, cleaned, great with kids, very nurturing, intelligent, good communication skills. So what would she mean by a text that says. "I do want you. I'm not wanting or asking you to do anything. Just telling you what I want."

[warshaw]

18 years old or 28 years old, the age matters not. The reality is that this is a person that I spent a lot of time with and have a lot of great memories. It doesn't make it suck any less because she is 18. If anything, it just explains her instability.

 

Of course age matters! You're a man and she's a teenager, barely more than a child. Would you date a 17 year old? Or a 16 year old? If age "matters not" as you put it, then where do you draw the line?

 

You should be humiliated that you've been dumped by a teenager who has no clue about what she wants in life because she's immature and inexperienced, and who probably dumped you to be with a boy that goes to school with her.

 

I suggest you leave her alone and find someone closer to your own maturity level and don't fool yourself into believing that a teenager is anywhere near ready to be a wife and mother. You don't really know someone until you've been together for the better part of a year, you've known her for 5 months and you moved in together after 3 months. You really need to question your judgement in regard to these things.

 

Sure young girls have children and some even get married but that doesn't mean it's a good thing and it certainly isn't a good thing to be having such relations with a girl who is little more than half your age.

Edited September 14, 2015 by warshaw

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Does it really matter what she says?

Pay attention to her actions not her words.

[organizedchaos]

18 years old or 28 years old, the age matters not. The reality is that this is a person that I spent a lot of time with and have a lot of great memories. It doesn't make it suck any less because she is 18. If anything, it just explains her instability.

 

This was just a 5 month relationship right? How many memories can you have in that short amount of time? Move on. Learn from it.

[warshaw]

This was just a 5 month relationship right? How many memories can you have in that short amount of time? Move on. Learn from it.

 

He's 30, she's 18, you can bet your ass he's got some fine memories.

 

I know I would.

[Xidion]

She started blowing my phone up today, I didn't answer. I ended up calling her back on my break. Apparently she took a pregnancy test last night and it came out positive. She's sending me a picture of the test tonight and going to a friends house to take another test.

[warshaw]

She started blowing my phone up today, I didn't answer. I ended up calling her back on my break. Apparently she took a pregnancy test last night and it came out positive. She's sending me a picture of the test tonight and going to a friends house to take another test.

 

It's yours? I guess you're gonna find out how good a mother she's really going to be.

 

It's almost ironic, she's at the age that child support usually stops, and she's going to have a child you're going to be paying support for, for 18 years, exactly how old she is now.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's yours?

Actually, there's every chance it may not be. She cheated on the OP 2 months ago, with her ex- and was in constant contact with him too...

 

 

I guess you're gonna find out how good a mother she's really going to be.

At 18, she's going to have to do some pretty quick geowing up.

There's 'mature' for you, OP....

 

It's almost ironic, she's at the age that child support usually stops, and she's going to have a child you're going to be paying support for, for 18 years, exactly how old she is now.

It IS ironic - but irrelevant.

 

I suggest the OP do nothing until a DNA test has been taken.

At her expense.

Until the child's male parentage is definitely and unarguably established, this is still a no-contact situation.

If she wants to prove the child is the OP's, she's going to have to do it herself.

[Christos]

She started blowing my phone up today, I didn't answer. I ended up calling her back on my break. Apparently she took a pregnancy test last night and it came out positive. She's sending me a picture of the test tonight and going to a friends house to take another test.

 

Nice. In the case she isn't lying about the test, you will have the priviledge of paying to support a child that 99% is not yours. Congratulations!

[Xidion]

Well, I can tell you this, after she actually cheated on me, she changed everything. She went to desperate lengths to assure me she wasn't doing it anymore (at the time). We worked the same exact work schedule, and weren't every away from each other. Not once did I go somewhere alone, and neither did she. She always gave me her phone unless she actually needed to use it. She deleted her facebook, etc.

 

So IF she is telling the truth and she really is pregnant. The chances that it's mine are 100%. During this phone conversation, she expressed that she cares about me more than she cares about him. She said "I messed up and let lingering feelings control my actions". If she is pregnant she wants to have a serious talk about us. I told her that if she really is, than she would have nothing to worry about.. I would be a father to the child with or without her in my life. I also told her that I don't want to be involved in some silly love triangle. I want someone who knows what they want and mean it. And if that she isn't pregnant, that I'm stepping away from the situation, because she really needs to think about things and figure it out on her own. Realistically if she was serious about it, I would give this 1 last go. why? I don't know. because I love the girl.

 

The last thing I said was that everything she is telling me are just words. I need action.. right now her actions aren't matching her words. And until her actions match what she's saying I wouldn't consider anything.

[Christos]

the chances that it's mine are 100%.

 

 

ooookkkkkeeeeeyyyyy

[warshaw]

So IF she is telling the truth and she really is pregnant. The chances that it's mine are 100%.

 

How can you be 100% sure it's yours? She cheated on you with another guy, I'm guessing someone else around her age that goes to her school?

 

You can't trust anything a confirmed cheater says. They operate on a "need to know" basis. Especially when they're young and conflicted, as she is.

 

You do not want to be in a love triangle, especially with two teenagers.

[Christos]

How can you be 100% sure it's yours? She cheated on you with another guy, I'm guessing someone else around her age that goes to her school?

 

You can't trust anything a confirmed cheater says. They operate on a "need to know" basis. Especially when they're young and conflicted, as she is.

 

You do not want to be in a love triangle, especially with two teenagers.

 

You don't undestand... This, this, this.... is different. She is a special snowflake. She would never lie to him about THAT. It's not like she is scared of the pregnacy and wants an adult and mature support her through that instead of the young and immature boyfriend oh no no no.

 

The child is 100% his. A DNA test is reduntant, a waste of money and time.

[Xidion]

You don't undestand... This, this, this.... is different. She is a special snowflake. She would never lie to him about THAT. It's not like she is scared of the pregnacy and wants an adult and mature support her through that instead of the young and immature boyfriend oh no no no.

 

The child is 100% his. A DNA test is reduntant, a waste of money and time.

 

Regardless, I will get a DNA test.

[warshaw]

Regardless, I will get a DNA test.

 

Smart man.

 

Not sure about the "regardless" that would indicate that you missed the sarcasm in her post.

 

Or you're being DOUBLY sarcastic which is clever!

[Xidion]

Smart man.

 

Not sure about the "regardless" that would indicate that you missed the sarcasm in her post.

 

Or you're being DOUBLY sarcastic which is clever!

 

I still question the legitimacy of her claim. the next day after she leaves, she takes a test and is pregnant? Granted. I'll be honest. we had sex every night and I never pulled out. So there's a huge chance it's legit. and in the week before this all happened, she said her nipples were really sore and the bumps around them got bigger.

[warshaw]

we had sex every night and I never pulled out. So there's a huge chance it's legit

 

If you had sex every night with a healthy fertile young 18 year old over a period of months, the odds of her getting pregnant are a lot higher than "a chance", in fact they approach 100%.

[Oregon_Dude]

Good god, man.

 

I don't want to pile on, b/c you have enough opinions right now. Let me just say this. You'll maybe get out of this one unscathed. The child will turn out to be the other guy's. You'll go no contact with the teenager. You'll heal, etc.

 

But your decision making in this entire situation has been atrocious. You dated an 18 year old, got cheated on, and stayed with her. You had sex with her without pulling out lots of times - I assume she wasn't on BC? What did you think was going to happen?

 

Once - IF - this storm blows over, I would take a good long look at your life and your decision-making. You are a pretty irresponsible 30 year old man. If no one else is going to tell you this, I will.

 

Get counseling. Please. Get a mentor. Talk to your parents. Anything. You're making decisions with very little care to their consequences.

[TaraMaiden2]

Good god, man.

.....your decision making in this entire situation has been atrocious. You dated an 18 year old, got cheated on, and stayed with her. You had sex with her without pulling out lots of times - I assume she wasn't on BC? What did you think was going to happen?

 

Once - IF - this storm blows over, I would take a good long look at your life and your decision-making. You are a pretty irresponsible 30 year old man. If no one else is going to tell you this, I will.

 

Get counseling. Please. Get a mentor. Talk to your parents. Anything. You're making decisions with very little care to their consequences.

 

I totally agree with this post.

I think the OP is still in a fog.

 

I'm sorry, Xidion but you're still pandering to her immature ego.

And excuse me, but showing your own lack of thought yourself.

THis is now a serious situation: Things have moved up several notches, and have the potential to alter your life for ever.

This is NOT the time to make any decisions based on an emotional impulse.

You need to think rationally and logically.

Goodness knows neither of you have, hitherto....

 

If she is pregnant, the DNA test is up to her to obtain.

She's waving this crisis under your nose, but you can honestly, at this point, actually have very little idea whether it's either genuine, or accurate.

 

Let her do the leg-work, she in essence created this mess.

Let's see how maturely she handles THIS one.

 

Your best bet is to distance yourself until such a time as you have definitive, irrefutable information.

THEN: talk.

[Felicite]

She started blowing my phone up today, I didn't answer. I ended up calling her back on my break. Apparently she took a pregnancy test last night and it came out positive. She's sending me a picture of the test tonight and going to a friends house to take another test.

 

Honestly dude, you're 30 years old, you should have a mature girlfriend around your age that supports and cares for you, not participating in this soap opera ongoing drama. And now, pregnancy??

I would say, get the pregnancy issue sorted out (I hope for your own sake it's NOT yours), and then if it's not, don't talk to her EVER AGAIN. If it's yours, you're...well... quite screwed.

 

I had a woman friend that every time a guy dumped her, she had gotten "pregnant".

2-3 times in a row. I mean how much of an accident can that be, with 3 guys in a row???

She always lost the baby after 2-3 weeks either because it was a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage or something like that. She absolutely swore that she was pregnant, even showed me tests, but somehow it dropped. So keep an eye, girls sometimes do wierd stuff.

 

Good god, man.

 

I don't want to pile on, b/c you have enough opinions right now. Let me just say this. You'll maybe get out of this one unscathed. The child will turn out to be the other guy's. You'll go no contact with the teenager. You'll heal, etc.

 

But your decision making in this entire situation has been atrocious. You dated an 18 year old, got cheated on, and stayed with her. You had sex with her without pulling out lots of times - I assume she wasn't on BC? What did you think was going to happen?

 

Once - IF - this storm blows over, I would take a good long look at your life and your decision-making. You are a pretty irresponsible 30 year old man. If no one else is going to tell you this, I will.

 

Get counseling. Please. Get a mentor. Talk to your parents. Anything. You're making decisions with very little care to their consequences.

 

Couldn't agree more.

[Xidion]

I know I made a poor decision with involving myself with this girl. I was in a bad time in my life and she was there so I did it without really putting much thought into it.

 

She sent me the pregnancy test. It looks real.. however it also kind of looks like the 2nd line that shows pregnancy could be colored in. It's far thicker than any line if seen from positive tests on google. Just doesn't look the same at all. But idk. Is there a way to show you guys the picture for opinions?

[Christos]

It doesn't matter. You should look at the original test results up close. And in any case, this is a bad situation.

 

The best senario, is that she lies about it. If that's the case, get away. Now. Run to the hills. RUN FOREST RUN!

 

If the test is real, then that's where the difficult part begins... She will either keep the baby, or have an abortion...

 

I hate abortions, in my opinion they are murder of an innocent life. I don't want to derail the thread, i am aware you may not think like i do.

 

In any case, if she does have an abortion, she will have serious psychological consequences. Abortions aren't problem-free. For all parts involved.

 

If she keeps the baby, now we are entering the even harder part... Whose baby is it? You may had unprotected sex, but you can be sure as hell she had unprotected sex with the other teenager, and believe me, his sperm is better quality-wise than yours, since he is younger... You can never know whose baby it is, until a proper DNA test...

 

The thing is, the relationship with both of you will be damaged during the long wait to test the parenthood...

 

This is seriously a tough situation. But you deserve all of it. It felt nice having unprotected sex right? Well, now you pay...

[Xidion]

I came here for support concerning my situation, not criticism even if that's what I need. I realize the error of my ways, but right now there isn't any going back and I need to deal with this head on. I've already talked to her about that. She doesn't believe in abortion. She said she would "want a life with me abd the baby".

[Christos]

Ok. I understand. I won't criticize you any longer, it is counterproductive, like beating a dead horse, anyway.

 

So, first of all, it is clear you love her. It is foolish, but love is blind.

 

If she intends to keep the baby, which i applaud by the way, then you have a really difficult decision to make:

 

Will you stay with her, even knowing the danger that the baby is not yours is great?

 

Will you be loving her and the baby if the DNA test proves the other person to be the father?

 

Will you grow to resent her, especially after you honeymoon "hot sex" period fades away?

 

Will you forgive her?

 

Will you take the risk, that she will cheat on you again, since the risk will be higher? Remember, she cheated and even got a baby, and you are taking her back and cleaning up the mess... You are not exaclty teaching her that actions can have consequences...

 

These things, only you can answer. Every single one of us, viewing this situation from a distance, will think that the best thing to do is to dumb her, support the kid if it is proven yours, and go on with your life.

 

But it's your life, not ours. You will have to live with the results of your decision.

 

So, think clearly.

 

If you decide to keep her and the baby, keep her on a leash. She has lost the right to be independent, period. Since she wants your support after a terrible situation she put herself in, she will have to make compromises. No individual life from now on. Keep her in check, or she will cheat again. Don't be vengeful, treat her right and with love and respect, but dictate her life, and make her submissive to you.

 

That's the only way i would have accepted a pregnant cheater back.