Mon021 Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Okay, I need some help here! MY husband and I have been married a little over a year and he has been acting strange the past month or so. I finally confronted him about a week ago and he said he feels he is being smothered. We do spend a lot of time together and when he said he needed more time to spend with just his guy friends, I was fine with that. Now, all of his guy friends are single and are about 22-24 years old (husband is 27). Now, he has been hanging out with one guy in particular that I just don't care for. He is big into partying and drinking. My husband had the day off yesterday and spent it with this friend and another friend at our house. When I came home, my husband's cell phone rang and the friend answered the phone and walked around to the other side of the house to talk...when he came back in the house and talked to my husband, they were whispering and when I walked in the room, they changed the conversation. I asked my husband about this last night and he denies that they were talking about anything. I checked his cell phone later that night and he had erased all of the dialed and received calls. Now, he and this friend are going to a baseball game tomorrow night (the last time they went to a game, my husband didn't come home until 4 am). Am I just being overly suspicious or what?? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Yes, whenever a friend answers your husband's cell phone in front of you and they both conceal the conversation, there is something fishy going on. Please Google for "marriage builders" and check out Plan A and Plan B for people with cheating spouses. I'm not saying that your H is actually getting horizontal with anyone right at the moment. However, he is on the road that leads in that direction. Plan A will help you prevent or stop any affair from happening (if it works). If Plan A doesn't work, then Plan B will help you stay calm and cope with what is one of the most difficult things a married person can face. Link to post Share on other sites
OneFaith Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 No, you're not being overly suspicious. I wouldn't define it as that. I would say your intuition is speaking to you, and I advise you to listen to it. 1. Change in behavior is a good indication that something new is going on in your husband's life. 2. To erase phone messages is "hiding" something. Get the cell phone bill and check out numbers on that date (if you can remember) of the day your husband's friend "answered" the telephone (weird). In fact, check the cell phone bill for the past two months. If it comes out clean, your suspicions are assauged. If not, you both have something to seriously talk about. 3. Men whispering after a "cell" phone call, and husband not admitting the conversation existed, is again -- "hiding". -- I am sorry you are going through this right now. I know how it feels. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I agree with the other two poster, definately check the cell phone records... He sounds very immature actually. And he is NOT acting like a husband by being more concerned about going out, having fun and doing wtf he pleases. HA, next time, tell him, I wanna go with ya to boys night out - And wait for his "reaction." That will tell you alot. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I agree with the others, something isn't right. Also it has been my experience that when someone is married, they really shouldn't hang out with alot of single friends. Alot of times single friends can have a bad influence over married people. Not all, but some. It sometimes will say to the married person, "hmmm, so snd so is having fun, I would like to also." I know that no one can influence another unless that person allows it, but like I said something is up. I would keep a watch on it, and also if you cell bill isn't itemized, get it like that, and maybe see whats going on, because its highly unlikey your husband is going to say whats going on. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
observer Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 He's been married for a little over a year and yes I'm sorry I think he is up to no good. Do you know where the game is? Spy. Link to post Share on other sites
OneFaith Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I have to disagree that the company you keep is going to influence you in doing something that you normally wouldn't do. It goes much further than that. For instance, I have had quite a lot of single friends upstate NY where I lived while I was maintaining a long distant relationship. If you're not a walking advertisement for the low self-esteem club, you're secure in your relationship and it is healthy, (toss in that you have the basic morals and ethics of commitment), then I dont believe the friends you hang out with (married or single) will influence you to do something that is wrong. I've known married people who have less ethical and moral standards than the average single person. Only you Mon, would know what kind of person you married. Did he display moral and ethical standards before marraige? I do believe when a relationship is in "trouble" -- that no matter who you hang out with, that person is apt to seek an external solution to an internal problem (with self and/or relationship). Rarely you will get the person to admit they are doing something wrong at first attempt. Confront the situation now (and I dont mean start a fight -- sit down and talk calmly without tears or anger in your voice). Attempt to provide a median for him to feel he can confide in you and open up emotionally. If he says something that strikes a nerve in you, bite your lip for the time being -- listen, really really listen to what he's saying. If you cannot come up with any responses to what he has said to you, end the conversation/communication nicely and think about it for awhile. Discuss it here or with close friends -- whatever it takes. Eventually, you will read between the lines of what is said, process it then evaluate what rings true or not or what you will tolerate or not. Unfortunately, if he is doing something "wrong", it will escalate into a fight -- because as humans, they get defensive and protect what they are doing even if it's in the wrong. It is on rare occassions you will get someone to open up when there is an obvious wall building between the both of you. Break down that wall. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I said SOME PEOPLE who are single can influence others, and people can only be influenced it they allow it. Just because you might not be influnced by single friends doesn't mean others might not be. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 hey if i was you get a copy of the cell bill then you will know who is calling it will show up on the bill no matter if he deletes them can't delete the bill .. get it itemized.. i do that Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I am really sorry you are going through this so soon into your marriage. I guess he must be feeling the responsibility of the relationship now huh? People normally go through this kind of thing where they don't know where they belong any-more but..........your husband is hanging out with guys who are single........that tells me that he also wants to be single so "when in Rome......do as the Romans do". Better keep tabs on him.......you don't want to made a fool of! I'm sure. Keep us posted.......we are all here for you bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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