dontforgetyourname Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) My story/ explanation could be much longer; however, I think the essence of what I am asking is here. I've realized in the three years that I have been married that my partner and I have a few fundamental areas where we differ. Religion and money might be the two biggest. I don't think we drastically disagree with each other on either, but as we have gotten older our ideas regarding both have changed. Additionally our hobbies/ interest were similar in the beginning of our relationship, but I think it had a lot to do with where we were in our lives. We were both just out of college/ still in college and a lot of that need was filled by the newness of the relationship. "Ill try this just because Im being nice, etc." Lastly, I think our relationship struggles in the sexual department. My partner is very apathetic towards sex (both having it and variety). In the end, I fear our relationship won't sustain itself long term, but for the time being we are seemingly fine. Would it be realistic to consider divorce or am I over thinking this? Edited October 8, 2015 by dontforgetyourname Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) I think it's smart to nip things in the bud when you first start to feel yourselves drifting apart. Waiting until there is a major gulf is a mistake. A few questions: Did you guys have premarital counseling? Religion and finances are fairly major issues. When did these differences pop up? Were you aware of these before your wedding day? Are you in agreement on child-rearing? That's a third biggie. How does your wife feel about married life? About your differences and how you've both changed? How do you guys handle disagreements? Do you know any older couples who have been married for several decades? 40...50...60 years? The insights they can give you would be invaluable. They make fantastic mentors...giving you practical tips, helpful advice, and adjusting your expectations. (Sorry, but everyone's hobbies change over time.) Do you belong to a church? If so, you might seek advice, either individually or with your wife, from a member of the pastoral staff. Finally, I would strongly recommend looking into marital counseling. Is this something that you two have discussed yet? ETA: Just to be clear, jumping to divorce when, to use your words, things are "seemingly fine" but somewhat boring suggests that you don't understand what marriage and commitment mean. You don't drop everything and walk away at the first blip. Edited October 8, 2015 by angel.eyes Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I saw somewhere that the best couples aren't ones that don't have problems; the best couples are the ones that fix problems quickly. Problems are inevitable. I would ask, are your problems fixable? Are they dealbreakers? Are they fixable quickly? Link to post Share on other sites
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