Has anyone overcome self-sabotage?

[SpiralOut]

I am dealing with this issue right now. I figured out why I do it, where it comes from. I follow exercises from a book that is supposed to help me.

 

 

It feels like I am at war with the voice in my head. It tells me that I don't know anything, it's not okay for me to act like I understand anything, and if I do act that way I'm just pretending to be smart and tricking people, and so on. It is the reason I start projects and quit halfway through, why I don't follow through on certain goals. I talk back to it now. I am making progress, I think, but it's exhausting.

 

 

Has anyone else gone through this? It would cheer me up to hear some success stories.

[Mendalore]

I used to be, very much. I wish I could tell you HOW I did it, but I really can't explain it. I think I just, sort of, grew out of it at one point. I still have negative thoughts, but I don't believe in them.

 

I guess, if I had to make a suggestion, start with small goals and successes. Start taking on fears where there's little risk and let the confidence overflow into other areas of your life. The less overall fear/doubt you have in your head, the more confidence there'll be and the fewer self-sacrificing impulses you'll have. If you get 2 sabotaging thoughts a week in your head related to one topic, it's easier to ignore them vs trying to defeat 50 sabotaging thoughts in a week related to ALL topics.

 

Might not help, but it's my two cents.

 

PS - A "**** it, I'm going to do it anyway," helps as well.

[Tayla]

They are called Old recordings....Either interpreted thru past events or people you associated with.

 

reframe your thought process....Slowly it changes...

 

Instead of saying This days sux's, Say- Yup I got me a real challenge to overcome, yet I have done it before...then do it. Action, attitude and changing the way we talk to ourselves is key.Build upon your success's and challenges...

 

I still sometimes just downright laugh at myself when I think I have to take myself so seriously....

 

I marvel when I sit and simply listen to others ...either their opinion or how they interact....it foretells how they self talk. particularly when they are downcasting others...makes ya wonder how self sabotaging they are to themselves.....

[todreaminblue]

if i have negative thoughts......i do something else to put the voice on mute..thoughts are a process......its not a singular action but a combination of mental physical and emotional stimulation that fires neurons

 

 

 

often thoughts are conditional....they rely on experiences and happenings..thoughts are not unconditional they have been conditioned from a young age....and no not birth but from your earliest memories..... and wired into our dna.........i have many many negative thoughts the best way to break a thought process....its to change what you are doing.....where you are......or who you are with.......i find the best way is self medicating..examples

 

 

..meditation......music........poetry...prayer..singing..... humming..positive people i vibe off..reading...... writing in a journal.......helping others........putting in ellipses...;0)......finding and learning inspiring quotes .its a healing thing..in extreme cases.....actual medication might be needed if the thoughts are all invasive..

 

thoughts are not unconditional.....they are conditioned and can be conditioned over again.........and are all about choice.you can choose not to dwell on them.........i wish you the best thoughts possible...deb

[froz]

I think self sabotage is one of the most difficult things to get past.

Definitely recommend therapy of some kind to help uncover some of the issues.

[SpiralOut]

I have a doctor appointment set up for the end of November. I'll ask her to refer me to a therapist.

 

 

It's kind of crazy, the amount of anxiety that I have about such seemingly small things. I wrote a list of things that I would do "if I were good enough." It's an exercise from one of my books. Anyway, I'm supposed to start doing those things. Starting one of them last night sent me into a near panic. I managed to calm myself down and start it. Damn this is hard.

 

 

I'm considering going public about my anxiety on my creativity blog. After all, the main reason I've started creative projects is to try and deal with anxiety. Is this a personal struggle that I should share with the world? I've always kept it secret but maybe I shouldn't. Maybe keeping it a secret makes me feel even worse because it forces me to go on pretending I'm fine. Is this my story? Should I tell it?

Edited November 1, 2015 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I've been listening to Eckhart Tolle videos on youtube. My strategy now is to step away from my thinking and observe the thoughts.

 

 

This past weekend the voice in my head became really aggressive. I recognized what it was trying to do. Despite knowing that, bad feelings came up and I felt very down on myself.

 

 

I'm hoping that if I continue to observe my thoughts, my emotional reactions will become less severe.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm a recovering self-sabotager and although I'm better than I used to be I'm always a work in progress.

 

Eckhart Tolle is outstanding so it's a wonderful place to start.

 

I've also done a lot of shadow work (The Shadow Effect by Debbie Ford) and mirror work (Louise Hay). I've also found short 20 minute mediation to be enormously helpful in terms of hearing your true inner voice and making sense of the chaos in life.

 

But you're right. It can absolutely feel exhausting and sometimes all consuming particularly if your shadow is a bully that never wants to shut up.

 

Keep up the great work. Developing a daily practice can be really helpful in terms of staying on track and training it to blend into your life so it doesn't feel like a chore.

 

Good luck.

[truthtripper]

I marvel when I sit and simply listen to others ...either their opinion or how they interact....it foretells how they self talk. particularly when they are downcasting others...makes ya wonder how self sabotaging they are to themselves.....

Other people's comments tend to sabotage me more than my own negative self-talk. I find often when I want to start something new, someone will say something to discourage me. A year ago I suffered an accident(tore my groin muscles in a sporting accident which lead to pelvic spasm), which has exacerbated my PTSD. Just the other day, I was telling my therapist how much better I was feeling. She replied "but I don't know if you're nervous system will heal". How is that comment going to help me? A friend of mine who works in the medical field, also told me I would never heal and my doctor said my healing would not be complete. How can people make such open judgements without taking into consideration how I will feel? They are not God!

[SpiralOut]

Since starting this thread I have gotten a casual part-time job. I'm not in love with it but just working again should help my mindset. My last job was so horribly negative that I've been afraid to work anywhere else ever again.

 

I've been writing regularly too which is something I've been wanting to do for years. It feels great.

 

I still wake up feeling kinda crappy, and I've been struggling to get through the afternoon. I am getting better at doing something anyway, regardless of how I feel, so that I can tell the voice "even though I feel like crap it didn't stop me from getting at least something done today." My shadow tries really hard to stop me from doing anything that might help me.

 

 

Other people's comments tend to sabotage me more than my own negative self-talk. I find often when I want to start something new, someone will say something to discourage me.

 

I sometimes find this too, though other people only get to me if they are voicing something I already think or believe. Sometimes the internal voice is easy to ignore by itself, but as soon as someone says something to validate it, it becomes stronger.