Ladies...when do you give out your phone number to a guy

[tokyo]

Originally posted by browneyes22

I have more respect for women whom reject me too my face.

And of course you're still friends with them.

 

Giving out your number to someone your not even interested in only to ignore his phone calls is flakey behaviour. To not reject someone to their face 'cause you think it's too humiliating really serves to lessen the pain for yourself, rather than the other person. This is really selfish.

I don't feel any pain, I just find it rude and I don't think people deserve this kind of impoliteness. I told you already, give her your phone number and let her call you back, what's the big deal about it? Or do you like to collect phone numbers as a trophy?

 

Plus, when our friends hear about this stuff...they will know you are a bit of a game player. This will get around and guys that will be interested in you will only bother you for sex 'cause they know everything else is a craps shoot. Maybe this is ok with you, who knows.

So, you get your great advice for women from your buddies. Shoot me, please.... I never get bothered for sex and I'm not ugly. You're pretty judgemental which certainly will not lead to great success, my dear. Insist on your point of view instead of learning something new.

 

XNemesisX, kooky, i'm sure your really nice. But knowone likes a flake no matter how sweet you may come across in person.

You know, if you want to hear the brutal honest truth, then don't ask her for her phone number. Ask her if she wants to date you, that's when you will get a clear answer. Asking people for their phone number in my eyes is not direct enough to "deserve" a frank answer. If you want honesty, show first that you have the guts to take it.

 

XNemesisX, i didn't mistake her niceness for flirtation. I've been in enough flings and relationships to know when a girl is being more than nice to me. I wait for the most obvious signals to make a strong move...and these signals are night and day compared to just being nice.

I've explained it before, she might have felt secure in her long distance relationship to flirt with you knowing that it would not lead to more. If she's single and still flirt with you like this, then you might have a chance, but when she stops doing this after her relationship is over, then you should look for the next girl.

 

Its just that after she'll ignore my phone calls (and there haven't been many from me) I'll see someone waving at me from across campus and it'll be her (like she is trying to get my attention) WTF? I don't think I am going to give her my attention anymore.

You know, take what I said in Wordguy's thread about the bikini girl, namely that girls smile all the time and you should be careful to not misinterprete it.

 

Then I'd take a good look at the kind of girls who flat out reject you. I'm not sure if you have ever met any them in real life, but you know, look for them, get to know them and then come back and tell me that you still don't like flakes like me.

 

All this discussing with you just shows that obviously you are not interested in understanding women and what motivates us to give out phone numbers. Ignore it, do it your way, feel rejected and don't get dates.

[westernxer]

I don't know why a girl will give me her number when she has no intention of picking up when I call.

 

On the other hand, I don't know why I ask for a girl's number when I have no intention of calling her in the first place.

 

Actually, I do know why.

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by kooky

And of course you're still friends with them.

 

 

I don't feel any pain, I just find it rude and I don't think people deserve this kind of impoliteness. I told you already, give her your phone number and let her call you back, what's the big deal about it? Or do you like to collect phone numbers as a trophy?

 

 

So, you get your great advice for women from your buddies. Shoot me, please.... I never get bothered for sex and I'm not ugly. You're pretty judgemental which certainly will not lead to great success, my dear. Insist on your point of view instead of learning something new.

 

 

You know, if you want to hear the brutal honest truth, then don't ask her for her phone number. Ask her if she wants to date you, that's when you will get a clear answer. Asking people for their phone number in my eyes is not direct enough to "deserve" a frank answer. If you want honesty, show first that you have the guts to take it.

 

 

I've explained it before, she might have felt secure in her long distance relationship to flirt with you knowing that it would not lead to more. If she's single and still flirt with you like this, then you might have a chance, but when she stops doing this after her relationship is over, then you should look for the next girl.

 

 

You know, take what I said in Wordguy's thread about the bikini girl, namely that girls smile all the time and you should be careful to not misinterprete it.

 

Then I'd take a good look at the kind of girls who flat out reject you. I'm not sure if you have ever met any them in real life, but you know, look for them, get to know them and then come back and tell me that you still don't like flakes like me.

 

All this discussing with you just shows that obviously you are not interested in understanding women and what motivates us to give out phone numbers. Ignore it, do it your way, feel rejected and don't get dates.

 

kooky...i think I remember you from some other threads. Perhaps this wordguy one. You seem hell bent on telling us men we know nothing of women when we never claim too. The fact is, you continuously give proof that you are not even in the ball park when it comes to understanding men. In fact...it doesn't even seem like you are even listening to what we are saying. And your reaction to the "flakey behaviour" is proof that the truth hurts.

 

I guess you really don't get what myself and Chipmonk are trying to tell you.

 

I did ask her out to a movie before getting her number. She had a volleyball tournament the next day and had to drive to the venue. Then I suggested lunch the following week to which see said she was free...and then she continued to talk to me about stuff until I ended the conversation.

 

Whatever, or however, girls feel about their current relationship doesn't make teasing right, 'cause that is all they are doing...it is flakey plain and simple.

 

When a women rejects me outright...sure we don't become best buddies...but I have more respect for them plain and simple.

 

OK you don't feel any pain not rejecting someone to their face but you think it's rude. What me and Chipmonk are trying to tell you is that the up front rejection is not rude...it is matter of fact. What is rude is giving out your real number, then refusing to call back. Its like you want to know we are still chasing you to build up your ego. So you may think you are actually avoiding being rude, but what you are actually doing is being as rude as one can be in this situation. I don't know how clearer I can put this.

 

She has my phone number on her cell obviously. And no, I don't like collecting #'s as trophy's.

 

Never said I take advise from my buddies. They'll just know that this girl likes to tease guys. I've met girls that complain about guys never leaving them alone when it always result in a bit of teasing from her end of things. Not totally her fault, but teasing doesn't help.

 

Myself being judgemental has nothing to do with my ill success. In fact, when I first meet a girl I don't make judgments about one person or another 'cause I think that's not appropriate given the situation. But in situations like this...I call it like I see it. If people want me to have a different perception of them I will have to see them act differently from what they have shown me.

 

And WOW...all I want is the brutal honest truth...this whole thread is about women not giving guys the brutal honest truth...just their phone numbers so they can save face.

 

When I blow a girl off, I don't wave and smile across campus to get her attention. I walk the other way so she won't see me. I don't engage in lengthy conversations with her, pay attention to her, etc.

 

kooky, it's not about the who's nicer; number giving girls or flat out rejection girls. It's about whom is playing games. The flat out rejections girls aren't, 'cause they know exactly what they want...and it's not to play games. The number giving girls are playing games...and i'd don't know of one single person that likes that in the longrun...male or female.

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by westernxer

I don't know why a girl will give me her number when she has no intention of picking up when I call.

 

On the other hand, I don't know why I ask for a girl's number when I have no intention of calling her in the first place.

 

Actually, I do know why.

 

This is at the heart of it all. Nice one westernxer.

[Chipmonk]

Originally posted by kooky

And of course you're still friends with them.

Dunno about browneyes22, but I am still friends with them. Or at least half of them ... the other half suddenly started finding excuses to avoid me, excuses that didn't exist the week before. Honestly, if a girl can't handle the fact that I find her attractive and interesting, then she's too immature to be a friend - so I don't regret that second half.

 

Originally posted by kooky

You know, if you want to hear the brutal honest truth, then don't ask her for her phone number. Ask her if she wants to date you, that's when you will get a clear answer. Asking people for their phone number in my eyes is not direct enough to "deserve" a frank answer. If you want honesty, show first that you have the guts to take it.

First thought when I read this was, "hey, what a really good idea. She has a point." Except you don't.

 

I've seen too many posts on this board here from women (and men) claiming men only want sex. Anyone care to guess how she's going to interpret a direct request for a date? (Unless, of course, SHE only wants sex, but that's not what browneyes22 is looking for.) Kooky, by telling him to not ask for phone numbers, you're throwing away the only chance he's got.

 

Asking for a phone number is sort of a code. It says, I'd like to ask you out on a date. But I don't want the baggage of my friends (standing over in that corner) or your friends (standing over in the other corner) analysing this not-yet-a-date to death - my friends because they'll expect it to happen, and your friends because unless they think I'm adorably cute they'll talk you out of it. And frankly, I don't know what I'm doing for the next few days anyway - maybe the guys and I are going to the ball game, and I don't want to have to cancel a date we make. So I'll call you at a more convenient time.

 

Originally posted by kooky

I've explained it before, she might have felt secure in her long distance relationship to flirt with you knowing that it would not lead to more. If she's single and still flirt with you like this, then you might have a chance, but when she stops doing this after her relationship is over, then you should look for the next girl.

Now I'm laughing. "She may have felt secure in her long distance relationship to flirt with you knowing that it would not lead to more." You are defending this girl? By saying she's a shallow flirt? Did she bother telling him that it was nothing serious - ha! A girl willing to abuse men's interest deserves every breakup she gets and I hope she never finds a person she likes, because she's apparently not willing to respect that person. Maybe that girl will grow up and learn some respect, and for her sake I hope she does, but I have no pity for someone as shallow and manipulative as her.

 

Originally posted by kooky

You know, take what I said in Wordguy's thread about the bikini girl, namely that girls smile all the time and you should be careful to not misinterprete it.

 

Then I'd take a good look at the kind of girls who flat out reject you. I'm not sure if you have ever met any them in real life, but you know, look for them, get to know them and then come back and tell me that you still don't like flakes like me.

 

All this discussing with you just shows that obviously you are not interested in understanding women and what motivates us to give out phone numbers. Ignore it, do it your way, feel rejected and don't get dates.

You didn't listen. YOU DID NOT LISTEN. Read carefully. The "girl that smiles all the time" is NOT the girl that smiles at every guy. browneyes22 and I are talking about the girl that smiles AT ONE PERSON - us. She doesn't smile at everyone else in the area, she walks directly up to us and us alone, and our friends (guys and girls alike) comment that we look, and act, like a great couple. I have exactly one interpretation of someone acting like that, and it ain't friendship.

 

Kooky, the only thing I get out of your "advice" is that you think guys should be interested exactly when girls want them to be interested and should stop being interested exactly when girls decide they shouldn't be interested anymore. You think guys should hang around flattering girls that are flat-out uninterested (but haven't told him this yet) because girls like the flattery. And everything else just reads as wishful thinking. If you want us to listen to your advice, stop thinking about how you want guys to act and start thinking about how real guys act.

[Merin]

My Policy on giving out My number is he has to be of interest to Me..

 

If a Guy I have zero interest in asks for My number and I know I'm not interested in him, while I don't say "Hell no, you can't have My number" I DO say "I'm sorry, I don't give out My number"

 

AND I don't take Guys Numbers... Could be just me, but I'm not all about persuing the Guy even if I really like him.. While I will show interest in Him, I won't ask for his number or call him to arrange first dates.

[Chipmonk]

Originally posted by browneyes22

OK you don't feel any pain not rejecting someone to their face but you think it's rude. What me and Chipmonk are trying to tell you is that the up front rejection is not rude...it is matter of fact. What is rude is giving out your real number, then refusing to call back. Its like you want to know we are still chasing you to build up your ego. So you may think you are actually avoiding being rude, but what you are actually doing is being as rude as one can be in this situation. I don't know how clearer I can put this.

 

And WOW...all I want is the brutal honest truth...this whole thread is about women not giving guys the brutal honest truth...just their phone numbers so they can save face.

And THAT'S the brutal honest truth.

 

Here's one more tidbit of knowledge. A guy asks for your phone number - he doesn't expect to get it. He's been rejected too many times to expect that (though, for ego's sake, he'll act like he expects to get your number). He expects to get rejected. And you have no idea the guts it takes to walk into that expecting to get shot down.

 

I don't even recall who started this thread ... but the question was, "when do you give out your phone number to a guy". He WASN'T asking "how do I get such-and-such girl to give me a phone number", he was asking "if I get a phone number, how should I interpret that".

[blind_otter]

I don't give out my number. I get numbers. That way I have control over who calls when and why. Although if I AM really interested I can easily be convinced to exchange numbers.

[prisoner]

When did the telephone become the way toa girl's heart? When did it become the end all be all of the universe if a woman doesn't return a call? When dod men lose the imaginations trhey were born with and rely solely on technology?

 

I mean seriously, you like somebody? Get over the fear. Take the risk. Succeed or fail? No, it is not a question of that. It is about getting to know someone and then seeing what happens? Why are men shocked when asking for a woman's number and then calling doesn't just sweep them of their feet? And why are women obligated to be interested just because men (we) have proven that we can use a telephone?

 

Why is email acceptable as a way to ask someone out on a date? Does that imply interest? Is that making an effort? Being different?

 

What happened to:" Hi. My name is... I liked your opinion at last week's book signing (I am making tbis up as I am going along) or I liked the way you worked that "It's Tricky" Remix, what can i do to get to know you better?"

 

Men used to send notes. Flowers. Calling cards. Invitations. They used to throw parties and then invite a girl and make a big deal when they arrived. Men used to do more than just say, "can i have your number"?

 

I am sure that women somewhere wish that the phones would just stop being the way and the , you know, person would matter more.

 

When is a woman going to say" No, but we can to know each other a little and then decide if we can move beyond a drink". And women SHOULD be able to do that without there being the attachments, i.e. a million phone calls in a four day period and then a 'b*tch' tag because they are too busy to call back.

 

Stop with the numbers and get to knwo the woman without stalking or causing stress or fear. Figure out a way to tell someone you want to get to know them beyond "I want to be able to interrupt your life, that I know nothing about, whenever I deem fit".

 

Is that really too much to ask?

[tokyo]

Originally posted by Chipmonk

I've seen too many posts on this board here from women (and men) claiming men only want sex. Anyone care to guess how she's going to interpret a direct request for a date? (Unless, of course, SHE only wants sex, but that's not what browneyes22 is looking for.) Kooky, by telling him to not ask for phone numbers, you're throwing away the only chance he's got.

Excusez-moi, but I don't assume at all that they are only looking for sex. I wouldn't mind getting asked directly and being able to give him a blunt rejection. And I told you, give her your phone number, if she's interested, she'll call back.

 

Asking for a phone number is sort of a code.

CODE??? Did someone say CODE? Ok, if you know this is a code, then understand that after calling once and not getting a call back means she's not interested and stop obsessing and finding excuses for her.

 

Now I'm laughing. "She may have felt secure in her long distance relationship to flirt with you knowing that it would not lead to more." You are defending this girl?

I did not defend her. I tried to explain her behavior. He was wondering what she was doing and I tried to explain it to him. I told him already, I don't think she's that much interested in him.

 

You didn't listen. YOU DID NOT LISTEN. Read carefully. The "girl that smiles all the time" is NOT the girl that smiles at every guy. browneyes22 and I are talking about the girl that smiles AT ONE PERSON - us. She doesn't smile at everyone else in the area, she walks directly up to us and us alone, and our friends (guys and girls alike) comment that we look, and act, like a great couple. I have exactly one interpretation of someone acting like that, and it ain't friendship.

I was not aware that he said she only smiled at him and no one else. If I recall it correctly he already claimed in the other thread that a girl who smiles is sending mixed signals and is playing. Now please, listen, Chipmonk and browneyes22, I don't play games, OK??? I argue with you, browneyes22, because the only explanation that you ever give is - girls are playing games, even though I've repeatedly told this is not the case, but you continue to insist that you know better than I do what goes inside my head. If I say, you have no clue about girls, it's because you cling to this idea that every girl that gives out her number when she's not interested is playing games. That is you who continues assuming ulterior motives. All you do is ranting and getting angry. If you would listen to my explanations, you could stop obsessing about girls who are not interested in you. You assume that a girl who says no is much better than one who doesn't tell you the truth point blank? You obviously don't know yet how many kind of games people can play and if you think giving out a number when you're not interested means that she's playing a game, then let's see what you would think of the games that some girls who refuse you right from the beginning play with you.

 

Kooky, the only thing I get out of your "advice" is that you think guys should be interested exactly when girls want them to be interested and should stop being interested exactly when girls decide they shouldn't be interested anymore. You think guys should hang around flattering girls that are flat-out uninterested (but haven't told him this yet) because girls like the flattery. And everything else just reads as wishful thinking. If you want us to listen to your advice, stop thinking about how you want guys to act and start thinking about how real guys act.

Continue to believe what you want to believe. That is you who clings to this girl even though she doesn't call back. You think this is a game and you still go ahead and feed her ego by calling her all the time. That's damn smart, huh?

 

I can imagine that asking someone out and exposing yourself requires courage and maybe that's why I think it's impolite to turn someone down, but that is obviously something that you don't understand at all.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by Chipmonk

Here's one more tidbit of knowledge. A guy asks for your phone number - he doesn't expect to get it. He's been rejected too many times to expect that (though, for ego's sake, he'll act like he expects to get your number). He expects to get rejected. And you have no idea the guts it takes to walk into that expecting to get shot down.

I do can imagine this.

 

I don't even recall who started this thread ... but the question was, "when do you give out your phone number to a guy". He WASN'T asking "how do I get such-and-such girl to give me a phone number", he was asking "if I get a phone number, how should I interpret that".

He should have called her and if she declines his offer for a date then he knows he's not in. - Hey, I just realized he eventually has to ask her for a date! Then what's this fussing all about? If he has to ask her for a date anyway, why not ask her right from the beginning? If he's tiptoeing, why am I not allowed to as well??

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by prisoner

Stop with the numbers and get to knwo the woman without stalking or causing stress or fear. Figure out a way to tell someone you want to get to know them beyond "I want to be able to interrupt your life, that I know nothing about, whenever I deem fit".

 

Is that really too much to ask?

 

 

It's so true it's funny.

[prisoner]

it has ruined us all I am afraid.

 

at least you laughed. I knowI did.

[morrigan]

I won't give out my number. In the past, if a guy I found attractive asked for mine, I'd just ask for his and then call him. If it was a guy I wasn't interested in, I lied and said I was already seeing someone else. Why waste anyone's time? Regardless, if you ask someone out/give them your number and it's been over a week or two, you can figure they weren't interested and stop worrying about them. Everyone's been rejected at some point in time.

 

Some people want to be polite and would rather just take/give a phone number and let avoidance do the talking than say, "I'm not interested in you," to a person's face. I don't think it's a game or a ploy, the person doesn't want to deal with a tense situation.

[Chipmonk]

Originally posted by kooky

He should have called her and if she declines his offer for a date then he knows he's not in. - Hey, I just realized he eventually has to ask her for a date! Then what's this fussing all about? If he has to ask her for a date anyway, why not ask her right from the beginning? If he's tiptoeing, why am I not allowed to as well??

I agree - she should have declined his offer. SHE DIDN'T. She either doesn't return a phone call, or (my personal favorite, since I've heard it so many times): "I'd totally love to, but I'm already doing something that night, maybe some other time! Thanks for calling! *click - hang up*".

 

browneyes22 has not once complained about someone who turned down a date ... he's complaining about the people who keep things ambiguous. And how to get those to stop avoiding the issue.

 

Originally posted by prisoner

Stop with the numbers and get to knwo the woman without stalking or causing stress or fear. Figure out a way to tell someone you want to get to know them beyond "I want to be able to interrupt your life, that I know nothing about, whenever I deem fit".

 

Is that really too much to ask?

 

Here is the issue.

1) You never answer the phone, think the guy is stalking you and get more and more freaked out. This is bad - bad for you, bad for him. Him - he thinks you just aren't in town, wants to let you know you are still on his mind. If your boyfriend / crush does this it's "cute", but he's not so you freak out, deluding yourself into thinking he's a stalker.

2) You answer the phone, say "hey I don't want to talk to you anymore, please stop calling". It takes less than a minute. And apparently it IS too much to ask.

 

Anything less - anything where you don't want him calling you trying to get dates but you don't want to tell him not to call - is playing games. PERIOD. Maybe you call it something else ... but I sure call it a game, because it's deceitful.

 

 

I know dozens of people who are friendly in person, but if I try to call/e-mail etc. (not even for a date) I get no response (my usual rule is try three times, no less than a week apart, then give up. Five times for someone particularly great). I can count on one hand the people who actually said they weren't interested. So let me be perfectly clear: Silence does not speak for itself. And yes, prisoner, I do try to ask for dates in person.

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by Chipmonk

You didn't listen. YOU DID NOT LISTEN. Read carefully. The "girl that smiles all the time" is NOT the girl that smiles at every guy. browneyes22 and I are talking about the girl that smiles AT ONE PERSON - us. She doesn't smile at everyone else in the area, she walks directly up to us and us alone, and our friends (guys and girls alike) comment that we look, and act, like a great couple. I have exactly one interpretation of someone acting like that, and it ain't friendship.

 

Kooky, the only thing I get out of your "advice" is that you think guys should be interested exactly when girls want them to be interested and should stop being interested exactly when girls decide they shouldn't be interested anymore. You think guys should hang around flattering girls that are flat-out uninterested (but haven't told him this yet) because girls like the flattery. And everything else just reads as wishful thinking. If you want us to listen to your advice, stop thinking about how you want guys to act and start thinking about how real guys act.

 

Chipmonk...we are on the same wavelenght. I obviously couldn't have put it any better.

 

The biggest bit about this whole things is what Chipmonk in the first paragraph quoted above.

 

And again...I'm never the one whom shows serious interest, just light conversation to scope the girl out. The chics are always the one's whom suck me in with the flirting business. They either get in over their heads or know exactly what they are doing.

[browneyes22]

Prisoner...we both got to know one another before anything happened. I did send her a letter explaining how I felt. Tried to romance her as you are suggesting. I asked her out in this email. She declined. I forgot about her then a month later I started seeing her everywhere. And it was usually like Chipmonk described on my quote above. This went on for another two months. So I got sick and tired of this stuff and started talking with her again. She was very receptive to the conversations, always willing to talk more than me. One thing that struck me was that she would quote conversations we had in the past. Recalling stuff I told her about myself that I didn't even remember telling her. Hell, some of the stuff she would quote, I didn't even think she was listening too me the time I told her. Some of the flirting resumed. So, I was scoping the situation out 'cause I didn't know if I should try asking her out again. I talked about this with friends and family to see what they thought. They said go for it...so I did. I asked her out, she couldn't make it but said she would be free the following week so that is when I got the girls number.

 

So for me...it's not about chickening out and getting a number. It's about me asking them out, and them letting the situation get worse by making me think it's going to happen.

 

In another months time I will forget about her all over again. But the point is that this keeps on happening with girls I meet.

 

Kooky...your posts make no sense anymore. And yes...this is a sad game being played. This is probably why the divorce rate is so high in this country.

 

Chipmonk...I am looking for other stuff with girls when I ask them out...but sex is definalty something I would like with them as well...in due time.

[Chipmonk]

Originally posted by browneyes22

Chipmonk...I am looking for other stuff with girls when I ask them out...but sex is definalty something I would like with them as well...in due time.

Yup - you didn't strike me as the booty-call type of person.

 

Best of luck!

[RecordProducer]

I don't think you should analyze this girl or any girl and be confused. You never know why they flirt or give out their phone numbers. They might be uncomfortable with saying "no," they might be in love with someone else or simply unsure about how they feel about you or a bunch of other reasons. Only they know the answers.

The best thing to do is to keep approaching girls you like and asking them out on a date. If they say 'no' or you call them a few times and they are "busy", just accept the reality without digging into it too much. You won't figure out women by analyzing them a lot. Leave the analysis for the relationships. The one who will like you will not be busy for a date with you. Obviously this girl is playing some game and it's not fun at all.

It's good to react promptly, it leaves the "real-man" impression. However, don't stalk anyone, it's very annoying. People do that to me all the time. They call me, message me, ask me out and only after I reject them a few times they get the picture and get mad at me. And I never flirt with them or give them any signs, but am simply kind and they have my phone number because we are professionally linked.

You can call her one more time and tell her that you're interested and if she wants to go out with you she can call you, that you won't bother her anymore. If she tells you that you're not bothering her and that you can call her, just don't call her. It means she likes to be called on the phone and screw you in the head. Some people are not quite "clean" in their minds, ya know. They like to keep you hanging on.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I don't think you should analyze this girl or any girl and be confused. You never know why they flirt or give out their phone numbers. They might be uncomfortable with saying "no," they might be in love with someone else or simply unsure about how they feel about you or a bunch of other reasons. Only they know the answers.

The best thing to do is to keep approaching girls you like and asking them out on a date. If they say 'no' or you call them a few times and they are "busy", just accept the reality without digging into it too much. You won't figure out women by analyzing them a lot. Leave the analysis for the relationships. The one who will like you will not be busy for a date with you. Obviously this girl is playing some game and it's not fun at all.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

Leave it to the lady in red.