Goodbye Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Do you consider "friending" people who are single/attractive a problem when you are in a relationship? Do you consider vague flirtations problematic? I'm not in an R now, but recently broke up with someone and I did have a problem with his online "friendships" and wasn't sure if it was because of my age :(mid 40's) and not seeming the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Whether people want to admit it or not, "friending, liking, commenting, interacting" with strangers or members of the opposite sex (that aren't obvious friends or family) is a disrespectful thing to do when in a relationship. Either you can have the talk with your partner that they can either continue "single" social media behavior simply because they enjoy the ego boost it gives them or they can respect their partner enough to know that even if they have 0 intentions of cheating, the appearance that it gives off is detrimental to their partner. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO then you shouldn't do it at all! I hope you are not second guessing your decision Goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO then you shouldn't do it at all! I hope you are not second guessing your decision Goodbye. No, not second guessing. I just don't "get" what is ok or not these days. Spent all my internet days married and I would NEVER have just sought out random single "friends" on social media. I barely use social media. I mainly use it to try and get an idea of what my daughters are up to and not much more. However, I know lots of other people use it as a social outlet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Whether people want to admit it or not, "friending, liking, commenting, interacting" with strangers or members of the opposite sex (that aren't obvious friends or family) is a disrespectful thing to do when in a relationship. Either you can have the talk with your partner that they can either continue "single" social media behavior simply because they enjoy the ego boost it gives them or they can respect their partner enough to know that even if they have 0 intentions of cheating, the appearance that it gives off is detrimental to their partner. I'm going to try and remember this. Boundaries have just become so confused and mixed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'm going to try and remember this. Boundaries have just become so confused and mixed up. My current fiancée actually had to have this conversation with me during the first year of our relationship. I was admittingly so a "player" before dating her and utilized social media to meet and interact with girls. Liking photos, friending people I found attractive... The whole deal. I got an ego boost if a pretty girl liked a photo of mine or friended me with a message. Now once I got a gf I stopped trying to meet other women however I still liked a bikini picture here and there or followed model type girls on social media. Finally my gf who I have so much respect for doing this called me out on it and said that if I was the kind of guy who needed other girls to like my pics or vice versa in order to feel good about myself and get that confidence boost and think "yea I still got it" then she wasn't going to continue Dating me. I also neglected to realize that her friends and mine are able to see when I "like" or "friend" someone so it makes me look like a dick doing so while in a relationship and is embarrassing for my gf to have to deal with if her friends think I'm being a flirt on Facebook or Instagram. If you point this out to your partner and demand respect both ways then if they truly value you they will make the change. If not then you will find out where you stand at least. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I Never liked when my ex looked over my shoulder when I was browsing Fb and made comments such as "whos That?" "Is she single etc". Fb is private. Liking and commenting pics or status update doesnt equate with "I want a hookup with her and will cheat on you." Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 My current fiancée actually had to have this conversation with me during the first year of our relationship. I was admittingly so a "player" before dating her and utilized social media to meet and interact with girls. Liking photos, friending people I found attractive... The whole deal. I got an ego boost if a pretty girl liked a photo of mine or friended me with a message. Now once I got a gf I stopped trying to meet other women however I still liked a bikini picture here and there or followed model type girls on social media. Finally my gf who I have so much respect for doing this called me out on it and said that if I was the kind of guy who needed other girls to like my pics or vice versa in order to feel good about myself and get that confidence boost and think "yea I still got it" then she wasn't going to continue Dating me. I also neglected to realize that her friends and mine are able to see when I "like" or "friend" someone so it makes me look like a dick doing so while in a relationship and is embarrassing for my gf to have to deal with if her friends think I'm being a flirt on Facebook or Instagram. If you point this out to your partner and demand respect both ways then if they truly value you they will make the change. If not then you will find out where you stand at least. Sounds as if you and gf work well together in your R. Really liked reading that she shared this with you and rather than opposing it you realized the wisdom in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Sounds as if you and gf work well together in your R. Really liked reading that she shared this with you and rather than opposing it you realized the wisdom in it. Oh, well thank you for that, much appreciated. I think a lot goes into the way couples word and voice their concerns with each other. My gf was able to say it in a way that made me feel embarrassed for not realizing this behavior was disrespectful on my own. Instead of making it combative, raising her voice and putting me on the defensive. That's something I had dealt with in previous partners and can prohibit growth and compromise in a relationship. Think about what you will say before you say it. Look at it and try to think how you'd react if your partner said that to you, and tailor it to be as mature as possible. At the end of the day, people will be open to change and adjusting themselves if they truly value and respect their partner. If they don't, then the conversation will be met with hostility and skepticism. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 No, not second guessing. I just don't "get" what is ok or not these days. Spent all my internet days married and I would NEVER have just sought out rondom single "friends" on social media. I barely use social media. I mainly use it to try and get an idea of what my daughters are up to and not much more. However, I know lots of other people use it as a social outlet. I think that completely depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. What one person sees as disrespectful maybe another would not in regards to social media. At the risk of sounding generic I think communicating honestly with your partner is the best way "get" what is ok or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I agree....everyone has their own values and expectations....so when you start dating someone, you see if yours matches up with theirs. Never every try to "fix" them to suit your own expectations. Doing this is the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
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