ChancesAre24 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I have been NC with a married muslim man that proposed to me before he left the country to work on his childrens citizenship in may and hasn't contacted me since. I need to just let go so I can heal from this 7 year BS i have been involved in. I said yes! That is the most disturbing part to me. I was willing to compromise everything I believe in to have this man and I just can't understand why I was willing to do that and why I still cry over him. I have a wonderful career that Im doing great with , a 10 year old daughter who is my bff and a great and supportive and present family that lives 15 minutes from me so why did I allow myself to be emotionally, sexually and mentally out of this normal world and down the rabbit hole? Maybe because I felt that we were in love and that if I couldn't get over it it must be true love. We were broken up for all of 2013 and like an idiot I started emailing him again early 2014 and fell back into it all over again. It hurts worse this time because somehow I had convinced myself that it would be different this time and I was SO happy. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 First of all, how can a married man propose? I mean how exactly did you see that working out? Secondly when did you break up with him? Your post reads like the affair just ended but you also said you haven't heard from him since May. Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 First of all, how can a married man propose? I mean how exactly did you see that working out? Secondly when did you break up with him? Your post reads like the affair just ended but you also said you haven't heard from him since May. Muslims can have more than one wife Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I think that OP has been NC since May and posted here because she's still struggling to let go. It may have been a second wife situation or it could have been, "I'm proposing to you with the intent of marrying you a week after my divorce is finalized" a la Jennifer Lopez and Mark Antony. Unfortunately Muslim men from very conservative families sometimes get caught back up in a more traditional/conservative lifestyle when they visit family in their home country. I'm sure you've already done some of this, but try looking for online resources for western women (assuming that is you, correct me if I'm wrong) who marry Muslim men and intend to move to their country. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChancesAre24 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 First of all, how can a married man propose? I mean how exactly did you see that working out? Secondly when did you break up with him? Your post reads like the affair just ended but you also said you haven't heard from him since May. Im sorry I should have said more. Its hard for me to talk about him and not cry so I was a little short. Muslim culture/religion (its really one thing with them and not two like you would think) allows for more than one wife. In the beginning she lived in his home country with their kids and he hadn't seen her for more than 8 years. So in the beginning I was in some kind of fog where he was my whole world. We lived together and had a great life although I was clearly bothered by the situation he would always placate me and we would just carry on. In 2012 he traveled back to his home country and we communicated every now and then..not regularly like I wanted. His employer here that he had worked with for more than 10 years passed away and communication stopped. He returned home and began living with his house full of buddies and I was disappointed in that because we had been living together all that time. He said he couldn't pay for everything so he would not live with me. We broke up because I couldn't deal with this step backward and etc. In 2014 we reconnected and reunited and were living together again. He proposed, I said yes, all was right in the world although he still was working he did not have a career like I had found in 2013. He traveled back to his home country in May and I haven't heard from him since so Im taking it as a breakup because thats just not normal to fall off the face of the earth. I mean really WTF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChancesAre24 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I think that OP has been NC since May and posted here because she's still struggling to let go. It may have been a second wife situation or it could have been, "I'm proposing to you with the intent of marrying you a week after my divorce is finalized" a la Jennifer Lopez and Mark Antony. Unfortunately Muslim men from very conservative families sometimes get caught back up in a more traditional/conservative lifestyle when they visit family in their home country. I'm sure you've already done some of this, but try looking for online resources for western women (assuming that is you, correct me if I'm wrong) who marry Muslim men and intend to move to their country. It was either or being that he claimed to me that he intended to stay married to his first wife and she would remain in her home country and other times he would claim that they didn't get along and he was closer to me that anyone he'd ever been with. However I NEVER intended to move anywhere and I never told him I would so thats not the issue. He travels back and forth at this point in time. His daughters are teenagers now. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 It was either or being that he claimed to me that he intended to stay married to his first wife and she would remain in her home country and other times he would claim that they didn't get along and he was closer to me that anyone he'd ever been with. However I NEVER intended to move anywhere and I never told him I would so thats not the issue. He travels back and forth at this point in time. His daughters are teenagers now. I think he likely expects you to allow him to travel and live his life and visit his family as he sees fit and connect with you as he pleases. If he didn't see his legal wife in 8 years he maybe doesn't respect and value the bond and have the need for constant physical connection and communication as normal relationship needs. He is able to turn it off. If you really love someone you truly cant do what hes doing. Ge maybe sees you and his wife as property. I couldn't do this. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 It's okay to admit it isn't true love. The sooner you admit it the sooner you can move on. Otherwise it seems to me a waste of time. What do you want to carry on a denial that it isn't true love for? Shame? What? Maybe you both realized early on that it wasn't true love but wanted to wile away time pleasantly with each other anyway. When it comes to an end it ends. I'm thinking he found a job in his country better than the one he had in your country. Link to post Share on other sites
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