OW - my aftermath [update: day 205]

[NewLeaf512]

Well it's gone midnight here so 94 days. I thought this would be a magic number when it all vanished. It isn't.

 

I knew because of how it ended he'd never break NC and neither would I. I know it's over forever and that is proper.

 

At some point during this process I began to ask myself questions: why did I do and how can I never do it again? Will I be this hurt forever or will it slowly dissipate over more time and of course, does he or did he ever love me at all etc.

 

Many of you get a contact fron ExMM, which at least lets those people get To have some closure and answers I won't.

 

Maybe just knowing he's a Pratt is enough

Edited October 4, 2015 by NewLeaf512

[minimariah]

it gets better, Leaf. you're healing, it takes some more time.

 

i think you're getting over it but you're probably being "pulled back in" by the feeling of unfinished business... could that be it? if i remember your story well - your break up came out of the blue and you got no closure. it's harder to get that closure from your own self, i think it takes a little more time.

 

what are your thoughts now? what are you wondering or thinking exactly?

[FusionCutter]

Closure comes from within. Stop counting days if you can. Eventually it all gets better.

[NewLeaf512]

it gets better, Leaf. you're healing, it takes some more time.

 

i think you're getting over it but you're probably being "pulled back in" by the feeling of unfinished business... could that be it? if i remember your story well - your break up came out of the blue and you got no closure. it's harder to get that closure from your own self, i think it takes a little more time.

 

what are your thoughts now? what are you wondering or thinking exactly?

 

Just the why of it all. In my life in general there are lots of whys. X

[NewLeaf512]

Closure comes from within. Stop counting days if you can. Eventually it all gets better.

 

 

 

Apologies in advance Fusion. I don't think closure comes from within at all. Letting go and acceptance in my eyes do. Closure, no.

[yodelwithyu]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down, Newleaf. I keep wishing I had words of advice for people who are posting, but I'm still such a mess, I'm not sure I have anything smart to say. Until the day I can actually give advice, I am sending you lots of love and strength.

 

About closure...I think no matter how long these relationships last, and no matter the circumstances, it is hard to find closure and answers. I often think back to other relationships or loves, and how even if you are the one breaking up, it still feels weird when they move on. So how could this NOT be excruciating and confusing, because they are already with the someone else. They have already, in a sense, moved on, leaving us to wonder about all the whys.

 

While I know in my heart and mind, that we will ALL love again, because we have before, I have resigned myself to the fact that this will always be one of those things that linger in the back of your mind or the deep crevices of your heart. Because it is, essentially, unrequited love. And we all know about stupid unrequited love.

 

Many hugs to you. Xoxo.

[movingon123]

It's been a little less time for me, but lately has been a lot better. I find that the more time that goes by that I don't hear anything the less kindly I think of him which helps me to move on. I'm still flabbergasted by his completely cold attitude towards me after d-day, I don't get it, and I still have all of the why and what-was-I-to-him questions. But, when I don't hear from him at all I realize that he really didn't have the same feelings I did. Silence says a lot. Maybe sometimes he did, but sadly, a lot of it was probably about sex and an ego boost for him, and for me it was a lot more. If I was m having an A and had a d-day, I would definitely have had a heart-to-heart with my AP about what I wanted and felt I should do. If I wanted to stay in my m I would have had a kind ending to my A. I didn't get that and he's an *** for not giving me that and that's all the answer I need.

 

So, yes, knowing he's a Pratt (haven't heard that term before!) is enough because why would you want to be with that?

 

I've been so incredibly busy that I just can't think about him and I'll go long stretches where I will think, wow, I haven't thought about him at all today. That's wonderful. I find myself occasionally looking at the dating section of LS and I've looked at online dating sites (which are incredibly depressing for my age group). Clearly, I'm slowly moving on. I have to.

 

I know you were promised way more than I was, but clearly he is so manipulated by his wife that he couldn't do it. And that says a lot about him no matter what his feelings were. Feelings aren't constant, so sometimes he may have felt incredibly loving towards you and wanting to be with you, but at other times he saw that whatever he had in his m was more important. And it doesn't sound like a happy m just like it isn't with my mm.

 

I'm determined to go on and build a happy life for myself. The A for me was something of an exit A, so I'm divorced and it was a difficult one but it is getting better. I see a lot of good for my future. I see the same thing for you with your new position - in the end we have both ended up in way better situations than our AP's. Don't let this ruin you forever; I hope you keep open the prospect of another relationship. You just never know.

[NewLeaf512]

It's been a little less time for me, but lately has been a lot better. I find that the more time that goes by that I don't hear anything the less kindly I think of him which helps me to move on. I'm still flabbergasted by his completely cold attitude towards me after d-day, I don't get it, and I still have all of the why and what-was-I-to-him questions. But, when I don't hear from him at all I realize that he really didn't have the same feelings I did. Silence says a lot. Maybe sometimes he did, but sadly, a lot of it was probably about sex and an ego boost for him, and for me it was a lot more. If I was m having an A and had a d-day, I would definitely have had a heart-to-heart with my AP about what I wanted and felt I should do. If I wanted to stay in my m I would have had a kind ending to my A. I didn't get that and he's an *** for not giving me that and that's all the answer I need.

 

So, yes, knowing he's a Pratt (haven't heard that term before!) is enough because why would you want to be with that?

 

I've been so incredibly busy that I just can't think about him and I'll go long stretches where I will think, wow, I haven't thought about him at all today. That's wonderful. I find myself occasionally looking at the dating section of LS and I've looked at online dating sites (which are incredibly depressing for my age group). Clearly, I'm slowly moving on. I have to.

 

I know you were promised way more than I was, but clearly he is so manipulated by his wife that he couldn't do it. And that says a lot about him no matter what his feelings were. Feelings aren't constant, so sometimes he may have felt incredibly loving towards you and wanting to be with you, but at other times he saw that whatever he had in his m was more important. And it doesn't sound like a happy m just like it isn't with my mm.

 

I'm determined to go on and build a happy life for myself. The A for me was something of an exit A, so I'm divorced and it was a difficult one but it is getting better. I see a lot of good for my future. I see the same thing for you with your new position - in the end we have both ended up in way better situations than our AP's. Don't let this ruin you forever; I hope you keep open the prospect of another relationship. You just never know.

 

 

Thanks you MO

 

 

I hope this for me too. I guess I am still gobsmacked at the length of the friendship, then A (over a decade in total) exIdiot being in my life for H suicide, for my 2 cancers, then him lying to me, proceeding to spend time and money and then not go through with it, without even a backwards glance and the final insult the legal letter BS over the summer.

 

 

Perhaps this weekend is worse due to their huge 25th wedding anniversary party. They either really love each other and have more forgiveness than any 2 people I have ever met, or it's an act. I hope it's the former.

 

 

As for me, I know I couldn't forgive a man who cheated on me with multiple women over a circa 20 year period and be ok with it. That's where LS helped me to understand that THEIR M is THEIRS. not mine.

 

 

I just want to stop the hurt

[Mount]

Hey "NewLeaf512", don't be so down and you need to look at yourself you have achieved so much during past few months such short time.

 

 

I sense that you was hoping your exMM could have contacted you, which for you, to show he was still caring and he did love you as he behaved during the affair. From the context you described I can see your exMM was a very man, his qualities not even up to yours at all.

 

 

The true love in the affair, even it is for OW and MM, should not be acting this way as your exMM did. The true love from MM to OW, MM would stand up for his OW in front of his wife, insisting he would still be in relationship with OW. The contact between MM and OW would never stop, because they both do not want to.

 

 

So my perspective is that your exMM was merely a person fascinated by how strong you are. And for you, you were just in love with whom you thought he might be.

 

 

Well it's gone midnight here so 94 days. I thought this would be a magic number when it all vanished. It isn't.

 

I knew because of how it ended he'd never break NC and neither would I. I know it's over forever and that is proper.

 

At some point during this process I began to ask myself questions: why did I do and how can I never do it again? Will I be this hurt forever or will it slowly dissipate over more time and of course, does he or did he ever love me at all etc.

 

Many of you get a contact fron ExMM, which at least lets those people get To have some closure and answers I won't.

 

Maybe just knowing he's a Pratt is enough

[NewLeaf512]

Hey "NewLeaf512", don't be so down and you need to look at yourself you have achieved so much during past few months such short time.

 

 

I sense that you was hoping your exMM could have contacted you, which for you, to show he was still caring and he did love you as he behaved during the affair. From the context you described I can see your exMM was a very man, his qualities not even up to yours at all.

 

 

The true love in the affair, even it is for OW and MM, should not be acting this way as your exMM did. The true love from MM to OW, MM would stand up for his OW in front of his wife, insisting he would still be in relationship with OW. The contact between MM and OW would never stop, because they both do not want to.

 

 

So my perspective is that your exMM was merely a person fascinated by how strong you are. And for you, you were just in love with whom you thought he might be.

 

 

Hi Mount,

 

 

Your post made me happy and sad at the same time.

 

 

What I was actually hoping for was not a love declaration but merely an "I've changed my mind, sorry"

 

 

I cant put an image here, but one time before when he screwed up, he wrote me a text which I have an image of in front of me.

 

 

he asks:

How can I be a friend to you who has so much class and grace?

Can I be a friend to you the way you are to me?

Can I be amazed at your strength, intelligence, honesty and fullness of life?

I am most aware that I do not want to create pain for you.

 

 

My Response:

"You have no idea what it means to be a friend. You are a liar and a fake. Your apologies are completely meaningless words followed by no action. Lip service at best, flat out lies at worst. I will never need your help, & you judge everyone you come across. Hypocrisy at its most startling. You will always be amazed at anyone's strength, intelligence, honesty and fullness of life because you do not possess theses things yourself"

 

 

I end the communication there. Sadly it didn't capture the date but I know it was spring 2014 time. Why wasn't I taking care of me then? I knew what he was.

 

 

Today I feel more of a fool than ever before.

[wanderingxsoulz]

I did not get any closure or answers too. He did not break NC and neither did I. My pride refused to let me and in a way, I'm thankful for that. It's been slightly more than 3 months now and I am actually finally starting to feel better again. I still miss him of course, everyday, but at least I don't feel like I'm going to die from the pain anymore.

 

But the weeks that followed after I decided to call it quits were hell. Even though I was the one who decided to walk away, I wanted for him to chase after me so bad. Just to show that I meant something to him or that he genuinely cared. Everyday, I wished he would just text or say something. Some days I was in so much pain, I actually wondered if it was worth it or if I did the right thing and if I should simply throw myself at him again. But his silence was all the answer I need.

 

All he said was, "Why?" when I said I didn't want to see him anymore but I didn't respond. Firstly because I didn't know where to begin, and secondly because I realised it didn't matter why anymore. It wouldn't make a difference, nothing would have changed, I'll just be putting myself through the same vicious cycle again. Highest of highs and lowest of lows, giving my all and getting crumbs in return.

 

Would proper closure have made a difference? Would answering his why have changed anything? Everyday I ask myself that... but at the end of the day, I don't think it really makes a difference.

 

For me, I never wanted him to leave his family and I was never illogical enough to think that my A was "different". You can say I played by the rules and everything. Yet even knowing that didn't make it any easier. The pain and hurt I feel is as bad as everyone here.

 

I still miss him everyday... but there's nothing I can do about it except to move on.

[NewLeaf512]

I did not get any closure or answers too. He did not break NC and neither did I. My pride refused to let me and in a way, I'm thankful for that. It's been slightly more than 3 months now and I am actually finally starting to feel better again. I still miss him of course, everyday, but at least I don't feel like I'm going to die from the pain anymore.

 

But the weeks that followed after I decided to call it quits were hell. Even though I was the one who decided to walk away, I wanted for him to chase after me so bad. Just to show that I meant something to him or that he genuinely cared. Everyday, I wished he would just text or say something. Some days I was in so much pain, I actually wondered if it was worth it or if I did the right thing and if I should simply throw myself at him again. But his silence was all the answer I need.

 

All he said was, "Why?" when I said I didn't want to see him anymore but I didn't respond. Firstly because I didn't know where to begin, and secondly because I realised it didn't matter why anymore. It wouldn't make a difference, nothing would have changed, I'll just be putting myself through the same vicious cycle again. Highest of highs and lowest of lows, giving my all and getting crumbs in return.

 

Would proper closure have made a difference? Would answering his why have changed anything? Everyday I ask myself that... but at the end of the day, I don't think it really makes a difference.

 

For me, I never wanted him to leave his family and I was never illogical enough to think that my A was "different". You can say I played by the rules and everything. Yet even knowing that didn't make it any easier. The pain and hurt I feel is as bad as everyone here.

 

I still miss him everyday... but there's nothing I can do about it except to move on.

 

 

It probably wouldn't matter except I bought into the fantasy to the point we had a plan and lawyers involved. A sorry would have been ok.

[whatatangledweb]

My heart always breaks to see any of you hurting. I am a BS, but we are all just people who have been hurt.

 

In my case and many others I have read about, the WS can not contact the OW in any way after d-day or the marriage is over. It isn't always because they don't care about the OW or her pain but they had to make a choice. Their wife or contact with the OW. They can't have both.

 

You ask why your ex idiot did all that then on d-day stayed with his wife. His wife was crying when you called to tell her. Her crying and the pain in her eyes may have made him realize how deeply he can hurt her and how much he didn't want to lose her. That he never wanted to be the cause of that pain ever again. This is what my husband told me. I know that is painful for a OW to hear when they don't seem to care about the pain they caused you. They can't be there to see your pain or give you closure if they want to stay married. I'm truely sorry that you are hurting New Leaf.

[NewLeaf512]

My heart always breaks to see any of you hurting. I am a BS, but we are all just people who have been hurt.

 

In my case and many others I have read about, the WS can not contact the OW in any way after d-day or the marriage is over. It isn't always because they don't care about the OW or her pain but they had to make a choice. Their wife or contact with the OW. They can't have both.

 

You ask why your ex idiot did all that then on d-day stayed with his wife. His wife was crying when you called to tell her. Her crying and the pain in her eyes may have made him realize how deeply he can hurt her and how much he didn't want to lose her. That he never wanted to be the cause of that pain ever again. This is what my husband told me. I know that is painful for a OW to hear when they don't seem to care about the pain they caused you. They can't be there to see your pain or give you closure if they want to stay married. I'm truely sorry that you are hurting New Leaf.

 

What a tangled that was so compassionate my eyes welled up with real tears.

 

I feel terrible for BS not just because of what I did but because of what exIdiot did to her and had done so many times before.

 

Thank you for recognising me as a human being and not just seeing me a as some evil and broken whore. I wish I could hug you.

[Mount]

I have to disagree with this, for the MM if he really cares about OW, even his choice to be stay with wife, he can find 2 second reaching out to OW saying sorry, that would be sufficient.

 

In my case, despite MM's wife gave MM 4~5 times ultimatum saying either wife or me, MM and myself are always back together and we are in relationship > 3 years. The latest time that MM stood up for me saying to his wife that he and myself love each other so deeply when his wife tried to ask me why we still see each other, following with MM's wife angry words and then door smashing...etc. Again his wife gave him another ultimatum, but MM won't follow through for sure as you can imagine.

 

In reality, no one can force anyone else doing things as we are not kids anymore. We are all adult, we KNOW what we are doing, and what we CHOOSE to do.

 

My heart always breaks to see any of you hurting. I am a BS, but we are all just people who have been hurt.

 

In my case and many others I have read about, the WS can not contact the OW in any way after d-day or the marriage is over. It isn't always because they don't care about the OW or her pain but they had to make a choice. Their wife or contact with the OW. They can't have both.

 

You ask why your ex idiot did all that then on d-day stayed with his wife. His wife was crying when you called to tell her. Her crying and the pain in her eyes may have made him realize how deeply he can hurt her and how much he didn't want to lose her. That he never wanted to be the cause of that pain ever again. This is what my husband told me. I know that is painful for a OW to hear when they don't seem to care about the pain they caused you. They can't be there to see your pain or give you closure if they want to stay married. I'm truely sorry that you are hurting New Leaf.

Edited October 4, 2015 by Mount

[whatatangledweb]

I understand what you are saying Mount. An ultimatum is no good if his wife doesn't follow through with it. She stays with him for her own reason just as you do. It isn't my place to judge her for it.

 

Before the bolded part you added to my post, I put they had a choice. No one can make anyone do anything. My husband had a choice just as he did when he had his affair. If my husband had called her or wrote his OW I would have divorced him. He knew that I was serious. He chose to stay married. I didn't make him do anything.

 

New Leaf, you are a human being in pain.You are not evil or an whore. Please don't ever considered yourself that way. You are so wonderful and strong in so many ways. We all have things we wish we could undo. It doesn't make us bad people just human.I never thought my pain would end. It took a long time but it did end. Yours will as well but it will be a rollercoaster of emotions till it does. I wish I could hug you back.

[Mount]

Yes, as the beginning of my last post pointed out, the exMM of "Newleaf512" could have spent a few min reaching out to her simply saying sorry, despite his decision choosing to stay with wife. By saying his wife forcing him not to contact "Newleaf" I just don't buy it.

 

 

If he wants to say sorry to "Newleaf" he would, otherwise I assume he choose not to face himself weakness by apologizing.

 

 

I understand what you are saying Mount. An ultimatum is no good if his wife doesn't follow through with it. She stays with him for her own reason just as you do. It isn't my place to judge her for it.

 

Before the bolded part you added to my post, I put they had a choice. No one can make anyone do anything. My husband had a choice just as he did when he had his affair. If my husband had called her or wrote his OW I would have divorced him. He knew that I was serious. He chose to stay married. I didn't make him do anything.

 

New Leaf, you are a human being in pain.You are not evil or an whore. Please don't ever considered yourself that way. You are so wonderful and strong in so many ways. We all have things we wish we could undo. It doesn't make us bad people just human.I never thought my pain would end. It took a long time but it did end. Yours will as well but it will be a rollercoaster of emotions till it does. I wish I could hug you back.

[WakingUp]

There is another way to look at this.

 

He will never give you closure. Seeking closure only postpones being able to let go. There is no closure, no "sorry" is going to do it, there is nothing he can say or do that will make it OK. So I think you need to let go of that wish.

 

And be thankful that he doesn't contact you. At least that shows some respect for your feelings, that he isn't trying to drag you back in at the first opportunity as soon as the dust settles.

 

I am somewhat experienced in this, unfortunately. Trust me, once they have said sorry and made multiple promises that they never deliver on, you start to see it a little differently. The kindest thing that they can do is maintain no contact. Anything less is cruel, unkind and selfish. To everyone involved.

 

So hold your head high, dear girl, I can tell you have a lot of friends and support here from both sides of the equation.

 

Hugs to all who are hurting.

 

**** the use of the word "they" does NOT imply more than one! Never ever again!

Edited October 5, 2015 by WakingUp

[NewLeaf512]

There is another way to look at this.

 

He will never give you closure. Seeking closure only postpones being able to let go. There is no closure, no "sorry" is going to do it, there is nothing he can say or do that will make it OK. So I think you need to let go of that wish.

 

And be thankful that he doesn't contact you. At least that shows some respect for your feelings, that he isn't trying to drag you back in at the first opportunity as soon as the dust settles.

 

I am somewhat experienced in this, unfortunately. Trust me, once they have said sorry and made multiple promises that they never deliver on, you start to see it a little differently. The kindest thing that they can do is maintain no contact. Anything less is cruel, unkind and selfish. To everyone involved.

 

So hold your head high, dear girl, I can tell you have a lot of friends and support here from both sides of the equation.

 

Hugs to all who are hurting.

 

**** the use of the word "they" does NOT imply more than one! Never ever again!

 

 

waking Up thanks for your post. Ive thought about it and saying sorry doesn't help. what would it do just nothing.

 

 

I think obviously coming off my H catastrophe suicide which forever closes any kind of answers to questions or dialogues, you just get thrown in a tar pit. exIdiot did the same. perhaps even if BS sent even a text saying you wont hear from him again ever would have been ok instead of being in no info land.

 

 

thank you for helping me let go of the "I'm sorry" wish.

[movingon123]

I also want to say that I appreciate reading your words, what a tangled web. It is helpful to hear from the "other side" and in a such a kind way. I already assumed this was the case that he had to choose and break all contact, but I agree with Mount that something could have been said when contact was ended. I mean, typically there is at least one conversation letting OW know about d-day and that's where the kindness should happen.

 

In my case, we had 3 short phone conversations within 5 days after d-day, and in none of them did he ever respond to my "I'm going to miss you's" or similar. He was silent. I went from happy emails stating his love, to "she knows everything", to those conversations. I couldn't comprehend it and still don't. He could have said something back to me but chose not to. Believe me, I have no interest in a relationship with him now, but I would love an explanation as to why he turned so completely cold. Is this unusual when there's a d-day?

[Susmay]

Yes, as the beginning of my last post pointed out, the exMM of "Newleaf512" could have spent a few min reaching out to her simply saying sorry, despite his decision choosing to stay with wife. By saying his wife forcing him not to contact "Newleaf" I just don't buy it.

 

 

If he wants to say sorry to "Newleaf" he would, otherwise I assume he choose not to face himself weakness by apologizing.

 

Mount, you are right that Newleaf's MM and any other MM could choose to reach out to say sorry...

 

However in many cases the MM is acutely aware that if he does, and if his BW finds out then divorce is on the cards. It's not as simple as saying he could reach out to the OW and still gets to choose to stay with his wife. While he may make that choice his BW may then make the choice not to stay with him.

 

There's an old saying that "men want affairs not divorces". Any MM who is in that category is knowingly putting himself in the dilemma of not being able to do the right thing by both the BW and OW after a D-day.

 

In my case I told my WH that my choice was not to stay married to him if he wanted to continue with the OW. However I did say to him that I thought it would be decent of him to let her know the affair was over and to apologise to her, if indeed he was planning to stay with me. Of course I couldn't force him to do anything. I expect in his typical style, he worked out all the options and then decided what would be best for him.

[WakingUp]

Mount, you are right that Newleaf's MM and any other MM could choose to reach out to say sorry...

 

However in many cases the MM is acutely aware that if he does, and if his BW finds out then divorce is on the cards. It's not as simple as saying he could reach out to the OW and still gets to choose to stay with his wife. While he may make that choice his BW may then make the choice not to stay with him.

 

There's an old saying that "men want affairs not divorces". Any MM who is in that category is knowingly putting himself in the dilemma of not being able to do the right thing by both the BW and OW after a D-day.

 

In my case I told my WH that my choice was not to stay married to him if he wanted to continue with the OW. However I did say to him that I thought it would be decent of him to let her know the affair was over and to apologise to her, if indeed he was planning to stay with me. Of course I couldn't force him to do anything. I expect in his typical style, he worked out all the options and then decided what would be best for him.

 

Good luck with that.

Edited October 5, 2015 by WakingUp

[NewLeaf512]

Mount, you are right that Newleaf's MM and any other MM could choose to reach out to say sorry...

 

However in many cases the MM is acutely aware that if he does, and if his BW finds out then divorce is on the cards. It's not as simple as saying he could reach out to the OW and still gets to choose to stay with his wife. While he may make that choice his BW may then make the choice not to stay with him.

 

There's an old saying that "men want affairs not divorces". Any MM who is in that category is knowingly putting himself in the dilemma of not being able to do the right thing by both the BW and OW after a D-day.

 

In my case I told my WH that my choice was not to stay married to him if he wanted to continue with the OW. However I did say to him that I thought it would be decent of him to let her know the affair was over and to apologise to her, if indeed he was planning to stay with me. Of course I couldn't force him to do anything. I expect in his typical style, he worked out all the options and then decided what would be best for him.

 

 

Susmay,

 

 

That is because you understand the human condition and have class.

 

 

Personally, I wasn't expecting any love declarations to be sure, but just a this is over or sorry at least would have let me know immediately instead of wondering if something had happened (as he tried to kill himself the week or so before). But his option whatever the reason, and that was what he chose.

 

 

I couldn't be that horrible to another person, but it also helped me see who he was : the lying bastard with not a shred of human kindness.

 

 

NL

Edited October 5, 2015 by NewLeaf512

[privategal]

Susmay,

 

 

That is because you understand the human condition and have class.

 

 

Personally, I wasn't expecting any love declarations to be sure, but just a this is over or sorry at least would have let me know immediately instead of wondering if something had happened (as he tried to kill himself the week or so before). But his option whatever the reason, and that was what he chose.

 

 

I couldn't be that horrible to another person, but it also helped me see who he was : the lying bastard with not a shred of human kindness.

 

 

NL

 

Had you mentioned his suicide attempt before now?

Either way listen, he is likely a mess and hurting too, but what cruelty to try and duplicate a painful experience you already went through by his attempting to do the same and leave you greiving 2 suicides?

Either way he has many problems right now and his greif and life situation do not allow him room to find compassion and care to comfort you. He needs to get away from everything.

It is good for you to be away from this mess.

When its over no words, apologies, or explanation can help soften the pain or really help. The folks on here that HAVE gotten that "closure" are normally sickened by the words chosen by their xap's as the explanations are usually cop outs, or disrespectful and leave a person with more to analyze.

Your screen name is New Leaf...with your new job and coming up on the end of a year...now that this chapter us closed, it truly is time to turn a new leaf and let the flow of CHANGE and new interests and experience to come into your life.

Try slowly to accept and let go. Hopefully you've left no way back to you as your doing well in NC...

[Susmay]

Good luck with that.

 

We are still together many years later, and the OW is nothing...

 

He is still a flawed man, but then aren't we all.