Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I am free, but alone too. Sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Well for the first time in a long time I had a bad night. I dreamt of ExMM all night. I even woke up, got water, fell back asleep and the dream picked up right where it left off. buggar Sorry that your sunconscious is creeping into your sleep. It's funny because I had a rough night too and dreamt of xMM. It was a very vivid and bizarre dream, and while it was not reality the events in the dream accurately depicted happy moments, betrayal, hypocrisy, jealosy, hurt, you name it. I woke up drenched in sweat and my heart racing. I think what triggered the dream was looking at an email regarding a company sponsored charity event I am on the mailing list for and seeing his name as having raised the most money and the company praising him for being such a hero. It killed me to get a reminder if what a hypocrite he is - such a wonderful human being to the rest of the world but cheats on his wife and basically took advantage of me emotionally and financially. I still struggle with how you can present an entirely different facade to the world while lacking the most basic things like empathy, respect and kindness towards people that you claim to love. Someday it will catch up with these types of people. I have forgiven him and let it go, but hell, seeing that email obviously messed me up, hence the dream. And I unsubscribed from the stupid mailing list. NL, take this a minor bump in the road. Think happy thoughts and do something (if not many things) nice for yourself today. Edited December 24, 2015 by Lovetoohard Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I am a pragmatic sort. I don't believe in signs. Omens or superstitions. I dreamt of him and 28 minutes ago he figured out a way to text me with no phone number. He said "I miss my £:£:7£3" (name he used to call me) Nearly 6 months. 1 week away. I'm shredded Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I am a pragmatic sort. I don't believe in signs. Omens or superstitions. I dreamt of him and 28 minutes ago he figured out a way to text me with no phone number. He said "I miss my £:£:7£3" (name he used to call me) Nearly 6 months. 1 week away. I'm shredded Oh no he broke contact! It certainly does set you back every time that happens. I know on one hand it makes you feel better that they think of you but bad that now you are thinking of them again *blech* so sorry he did this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) I am floored. I didnt think you would ever hear from him. This is not good for you. Please think of the progress you've made from the dark days of when this man disappeared on you. He brought you to your knees. Don't let him do that to you again. Edited December 24, 2015 by Lovetoohard 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Oh no he broke contact! It certainly does set you back every time that happens. I know on one hand it makes you feel better that they think of you but bad that now you are thinking of them again *blech* so sorry he did this. It doesn't make me feel better. I feel like I got stabbed in my soul. Why would he do this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I am floored. I didnt think you would ever hear from him. This is not good for you. Please think of the progress you've made from the dark days of when this man disappeared on you. He brought you to your knees. Don't let him do that to you again. I am actually floored with you. Stunned. Gobsmaked. I could have seen a unicorn and been less shocked. Wtf does he want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 He dropped me on the floor like a dirty rag. He dehumanised me without even a sorry. Then he and his W tried to fake a pathetic legal manoeuvre to try and scare me. He didn't even give me the dignity of a nearly decade long friendship. He humiliated me. The anniversary of the shooting is a few days away. His breadcrumb throwing timing is sick. The first week of Jan would have been 6 months NC. I shouldn't be crying but I am. I feel like my sturdy foundation has now been cracked. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Oh honey I wish I could give you a huge hug. I'm so terribly sorry. I believe that finally the ghosts of our lives will be put to rest for good. Some pains take such a long time to build & are so completely consuming you wouldn't be human if you could be 100% numb to any of this YET. I try to keep faith in the 'YET'. The day will come. Won't it? Do you still have your Christmas 'date' with your neighbor to look forward to? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Merry Christmas New Leaf. Unfortunately, Christmas brings out stupidity and selfishness in people. I know you must have had an awful shock. Put on you glad rags, meet your neighbour and try to look at it as his hiccup. You didn't do anything. I'm off to a posh hotel in the city with my family today for lunch....time for a great nosh up. Warm wishes as always, Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Who knows what his reasons are for reaching out but unless he follows up with a substantive message that includes begging for your forgiveness, this man does not deserve your tears. Based on his pathetic text, one thing that remains the same is that he is a coward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Oh honey I wish I could give you a huge hug. I'm so terribly sorry. I believe that finally the ghosts of our lives will be put to rest for good. Some pains take such a long time to build & are so completely consuming you wouldn't be human if you could be 100% numb to any of this YET. I try to keep faith in the 'YET'. The day will come. Won't it? Do you still have your Christmas 'date' with your neighbor to look forward to? Hello Darling. Yes the day will come. I thought I was numb. My neighbour and I will be commencing festivities tomorrow. A lovely young lass here sent me a link to a Tom Ford number a month or 6 weeks ago and I trotted over to Bond Street, they ordered it over from another shop and I felt dreamy in it so I snapped it up. I hope it will cheer me. Sending a hug to you. NL x Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Merry Christmas New Leaf. Unfortunately, Christmas brings out stupidity and selfishness in people. I know you must have had an awful shock. Put on you glad rags, meet your neighbour and try to look at it as his hiccup. You didn't do anything. I'm off to a posh hotel in the city with my family today for lunch....time for a great nosh up. Warm wishes as always, Poppy. Happy Christmas Ms P! It's quite a shock, but I've survived worse. What a lovely day you have. New party frock? I'm all white on the night for Chrimbo tomorrow. You'll have to check back in and tell me what was delicious ! My very best tidings on your Christmas, NL x Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Tom Ford. You have style! Nothing like getting dolled up and showing yourself off. Have a lovely Christmas, and don't forget how fabulous you are! Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 New leaf, be proud of how far you've come on this journey. If you don't respond your NC remains intact, don't break it so short of six months. He's a selfish prick, he knows that you'll be feeling a bit lonely and wants to capitalise on that to validate himself. Remember there is NOTHING that he can say that is more important then your dignity and healing. Have a terrific time with your neighbour, I bet you'll look stunning in your new outfit..never know who you may meet 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Who knows what his reasons are for reaching out but unless he follows up with a substantive message that includes begging for your forgiveness, this man does not deserve your tears. Based on his pathetic text, one thing that remains the same is that he is a coward. Lovetoohard you are right. He is a coward beyond measure. The fact that he'd do this now shows he is cruel too. I won't respond, I just hope it was a random shot. He did it through some app or the internet so no return number showed up. Super coward. NL x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 New leaf, be proud of how far you've come on this journey. If you don't respond your NC remains intact, don't break it so short of six months. He's a selfish prick, he knows that you'll be feeling a bit lonely and wants to capitalise on that to validate himself. Remember there is NOTHING that he can say that is more important then your dignity and healing. Have a terrific time with your neighbour, I bet you'll look stunning in your new outfit..never know who you may meet I'll never break NC but he still wants to hurt me for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Unbelievably I just got another anon text but this one had a phoney number. It said "Merry Christmas to All" Wtf Is it possible it's not ExMM? This is all very upsetting. Sad NL Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Hi NL it is possible that it's a generic message from a wrong number or something but I understand your concern. As to your question on why he would try to hurt you check out esteemeology your xMM may not be a narcissist but it's amazing how often MM's behaviour replicate their actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Well this is a crappy set back. It's 3:35 and I'm too upset to sleep. It feels like it did in the summer. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Lovetoohard you are right. He is a coward beyond measure. The fact that he'd do this now shows he is cruel too. I won't respond, I just hope it was a random shot. He did it through some app or the internet so no return number showed up. Super coward. NL x I just want to say this... he IS cruel to do this to you. But please dont let it get to you. He is cruel, and selfish, and probably is not even aware of the fact that he has upset you by sending a message. So hold your head up high and keep moving forward. This is just a blip on the radar, do not let it distract you from your goals. This man is just a cloud of dust in your rear vision mirror. Look forward! Hugs x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 He wants you to respond. I think I would just to find out it's him. Then once he says it is, I'd shut him down. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Unbelievably I just got another anon text but this one had a phoney number. It said "Merry Christmas to All" Wtf Is it possible it's not ExMM? This is all very upsetting. Sad NL It is possible, which is why you should respond to find out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 I'm convinced that the holidays (especially the day of) makes some married people feel even sadder and lonelier when they are with their spouse, rather than happier. This may cause them to send emails and texts to you at times when they wouldn't have before. I say this because, oh man, all my friends who are in unhappy marriages are driving me crazy with so many texts in the last 24 hours. They want to text all night long and I hate texting (they know this). One asking to spend time together away from home on xmas day. They are trying to escape their spouses and the feelings they would be stuck at home to deal with. Towards the end of my marriage I remember dreading having to spend time together stuck at home with no place to go too, but it is expected. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 I'm not sure he means to hurt you and is possibly ignorant of the negative impact this has in you. I think it is entirely possible that in his own mind he wants to assure you that he does think of you . I know it is selfish thinking but that seems to be a given with these MM. it was how my WH thought for some time after his affair ended and he still cared for his AP: he felt it was a thoughtful act and he was 'checking she was all right' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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