Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) He wants you to respond. I think I would just to find out it's him. Then once he says it is, I'd shut him down. Hi Popsicle, Merry Christmas! He sent it like a text you'd get from a dentist appointment reminder. No return phone number to reply even if I wanted to. I'm half gutted half angry, and 100% still in shock! Edited December 25, 2015 by NewLeaf512 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Hi Popsicle, Merry Christmas! He sent it like a text you'd get from a dentist appointment reminder. No return phone number to reply even if I wanted to. I'm half gutted half angry, and 100% still in shock! Merry Christmas, NL! I know you are in shock. If it is in fact him, he will eventually make it known that it's him, because it's a response that he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Merry Christmas, NL! I know you are in shock. If it is in fact him, he will eventually make it known that it's him, because it's a response that he wants. What kind of response would he want? The irony of him cutting me off and ghosting me so "I" could not get a response isn't lost on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 What kind of response would he want? The irony of him cutting me off and ghosting me so "I" could not get a response isn't lost on me. Naturally, he would want a warm friendly receptive response. I never said MM aren't self-absorbed. I would do it. I did it when my xMM came back... just to see what he wanted (and for my own satisfaction) then I promptly shut him down. PS - I don't buy this malarkey that they are checking on you. That just sounds good. It's a hit of the drug that they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Naturally, he would want a warm friendly receptive response. I never said MM aren't self-absorbed. I would do it. I did it when my xMM came back... just to see what he wanted (and for my own satisfaction) then I promptly shut him down. PS - I don't buy this malarkey that they are checking on you. That just sounds good. It's a hit of the drug that they want. Well like say, I have no way of being 100% sure it was him and no matter who it was, they did it to prohibit a response. Let's see if anything else happens. I hate that this has turned me inside out. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Well like say, I have no way of being 100% sure it was him and no matter who it was, they did it to prohibit a response. Let's see if anything else happens. I hate that this has turned me inside out. I'm sorry about it too, especially that it's happening in this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 As others have said, I don't think his intent was to hurt you, but it's bizarre why one would send a message without any way for the recipient to respond back. Why the games? Maybe he fears you will not respond favorably? Has he ever communicated via this app before? Also, I do think it's him because he used a name that he usually calls you by (unless someone else knows that name too?). I would be mentally prepared for him to reach out again. In any case, what a mind****! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 As others have said, I don't think his intent was to hurt you, but it's bizarre why one would send a message without any way for the recipient to respond back. Why the games? Maybe he fears you will not respond favorably? Has he ever communicated via this app before? Also, I do think it's him because he used a name that he usually calls you by (unless someone else knows that name too?). I would be mentally prepared for him to reach out again. In any case, what a mind****! He never has done that in any way. I think he did it like that so I would have no way of telling his wife or anyone else. The very fact I can't prove it, even to myself, is what he needs. Remember he went legal to say he didn't want me in any way in his life, his family's lives, forever. He said he would never contact me in any way again. He can't leave any trace. I don't know what he got out of it. So my Christmas gift from whomever it was: make my mind trip out forever wondering who it is and what they want. Merry Christmas to Leafy! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) He never has done that in any way. I think he did it like that so I would have no way of telling his wife or anyone else. The very fact I can't prove it, even to myself, is what he needs. Remember he went legal to say he didn't want me in any way in his life, his family's lives, forever. He said he would never contact me in any way again. He can't leave any trace. I don't know what he got out of it. So my Christmas gift from whomever it was: make my mind trip out forever wondering who it is and what they want. Merry Christmas to Leafy! Ugh, this triggers memories of my exMM. He was insanely paranoid every time we communicated after the breakup. He would call me by hiding his caller ID at times. I had zero interest in telling his W and wrote off the money he owed me and let it go, but I guess we had both hurt each other to a point there was no trust (of course, he saw no fault of his own). I think he still misses me, hence the no caller ID calls but the fact that he was that paranoid was sad. Amazing how relationships devolve to that point. In your case, I can understand the ramifications for your xMM if he reached out to you after escalating things legally and got busted. He's backed himself into a corner by escalating things legally and soured the relationship with you to the point of ridiculousness that involves him pathetically reaching out via an untraceable message. If he had acted with some level of maturity and class and simply had a discussion with you stating that he wants to stay in his marriage, returned the money you gave him and wished you well, that would be the end of that and maybe you could have even salvaged the friendship aspect of it down the road. I don't know what he sought to accomplish by reaching out to you. I am sure he genuinely misses you and maybe had a weak moment. Like I said earlier though, unless he's willing to have a substantive discussion and explain why he acted like an ass and apologize for it, his "I miss you" is meaningless. I will be conservative and say that since he's got a history of being a coward, I doubt he will have the balls to face you and that will just reinforce what a spineless man he is and not someone you want in your life, even as a friend, as it is not your job to be his security blanket. If he does have an adult discussion with you and admit to his wrongs, my faith in humanity will be restored. Either way, you are moving on and staying on your path to leading a healthy and happy life. Edited December 25, 2015 by Lovetoohard 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Ugh, this triggers memories of my exMM. He was insanely paranoid every time we communicated after the breakup. He would call me by hiding his caller ID at times. I had zero interest in telling his W and wrote off the money he owed me and let it go, but I guess we had both hurt each other to a point there was no trust (of course, he saw no fault of his own). I think he still misses me, hence the no caller ID calls but the fact that he was that paranoid was sad. Amazing how relationships devolve to that point. In your case, I can understand the ramifications for your xMM if he reached out to you after escalating things legally and got busted. He's backed himself into a corner by escalating things legally and soured the relationship with you to the point of ridiculousness that involves him pathetically reaching out via an untraceable message. If he had acted with some level of maturity and class and simply had a discussion with you stating that he wants to stay in his marriage, returned the money you gave him and wished you well, that would be the end of that and maybe you could have even salvaged the friendship aspect of it down the road. I don't know what he sought to accomplish by reaching out to you. I am sure he genuinely misses you and maybe had a weak moment. Like I said earlier though, unless he's willing to have a substantive discussion and explain why he acted like an ass and apologize for it, his "I miss you" is meaningless. I will be conservative and say that since he's got a history of being a coward, I doubt he will have the balls to face you and that will just reinforce what a spineless man he is and not someone you want in your life, even as a friend, as it is not your job to be his security blanket. If he does have an adult discussion with you and admit to his wrongs, my faith in humanity will be restored. Either way, you are moving on and staying on your path to leading a healthy and happy life. This is absolutely spot on. Thanks for the post. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 It doesn't make me feel better. I feel like I got stabbed in my soul. Why would he do this? Im not sure why you feel stabbed in your soul. You have gotten stronger, found a healthier place and started to look forward to plans in your life upcoming. He reached out, misses you...blow it off. You didnt break nc and theres nothing to analyze. keep moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Im not sure why you feel stabbed in your soul. You have gotten stronger, found a healthier place and started to look forward to plans in your life upcoming. He reached out, misses you...blow it off. You didnt break nc and theres nothing to analyze. keep moving. Hi PG. It's because the anniversary of my husbands suicide is in a few days. I'm feeling vulnerable. I preferred it when he dropped me in the ditch and he was gone forever. He hurt me. He told lawyers to draw up a letter dismissing me like trash. Now this. Head games hurt. Hope you're having a nice Christmas.NL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hi PG. It's because the anniversary of my husbands suicide is in a few days. I'm feeling vulnerable. I preferred it when he dropped me in the ditch and he was gone forever. He hurt me. He told lawyers to draw up a letter dismissing me like trash. Now this. Head games hurt. Hope you're having a nice Christmas.NL Sorry for your sadness in grieving the loss of your husband. This is important greif. It might not have been a game but a sincere sadness knowing he caused pain so he reached out in a way that could let you know while also protecting himself/assets/family. Just because his way of handling things made you feel like trash, doesn't mean its how he saw you. Yes, its over but yes, he cared and there was nothing to gain by it. The act was straightforward. You dont even have to let it pull you backward, you are strong and have come so far. Keep going, he's stuck, you are not my dear. Merry Christmas. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Merry Christmas New Leaf. Unfortunately, Christmas brings out stupidity and selfishness in people. I know you must have had an awful shock. Put on you glad rags, meet your neighbour and try to look at it as his hiccup. You didn't do anything. I'm off to a posh hotel in the city with my family today for lunch....time for a great nosh up. Warm wishes as always, Poppy. Poppy, Happy Boxing Day Darling, How was it? I looked smashing in a black and white Tom Ford number suggested by yodel. I had my makeup done with airbrush foundation and hair coiffed. She used Mac Russian Red lippy. I've never done red but felt v. Glam! This old bird turned a head or 2 I must admit. Dinner was fab. Today is recovery! How did you enjoy? NL xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 All quiet on the western front. Must have been a drive by mind f?@! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 What a psycho. I was in complete disbelief yesterday when I read about his text. After everything he's done to you... There are no words. Well, he's obviously made a real-life hell for himself. He probably misses you beyond belief and had a moment where the pain got too unbearable so he felt he had to break NC. But there's actually no going back for him, after all that legal drama, with everything being public at work etc. It must also kill him knowing that he acted in a completely unforgivable way towards you. Anyway, enough about him, I hope YOU are doing well today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 What a psycho. I was in complete disbelief yesterday when I read about his text. After everything he's done to you... There are no words. Well, he's obviously made a real-life hell for himself. He probably misses you beyond belief and had a moment where the pain got too unbearable so he felt he had to break NC. But there's actually no going back for him, after all that legal drama, with everything being public at work etc. It must also kill him knowing that he acted in a completely unforgivable way towards you. Anyway, enough about him, I hope YOU are doing well today. LD Good to see you again and thanks for stopping by my thread. Yes he is a dip wick. There is no going back from what happened. I saw a quote and I hope it works for him. may the light from the stick of dynamite you throw over your shoulder to burn all your bridges light your way forward He was fading into memory and now he is front and centre again. How are you doing? Leafy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 LD Good to see you again and thanks for stopping by my thread. Yes he is a dip wick. There is no going back from what happened. I saw a quote and I hope it works for him. may the light from the stick of dynamite you throw over your shoulder to burn all your bridges light your way forward He was fading into memory and now he is front and centre again. How are you doing? Leafy Hi NL, a bit crap here but trying to be reflective about it. I'm so low on MM's priority list because I've allowed myself to be there, and that's all there is to it. Still nothing more from him? I'm so sorry he has reinserted himself into your thoughts. Love the dynamite quote. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Hi NL, a bit crap here but trying to be reflective about it. I'm so low on MM's priority list because I've allowed myself to be there, and that's all there is to it. Still nothing more from him? I'm so sorry he has reinserted himself into your thoughts. Love the dynamite quote. Stay strong. You know you can take back the power of you want to. NL x Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Sigh I am still spinning out Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Text not from ExMM Extremely relieved Extremely sad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 And I've just come home from hospital after nearly slicing the top of a finger off trying to cut veg on a mandolin. Specialist hand surgery tomorrow morning and who knows if I'll ever play again Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I was cheated on once and I gave my then husband the opportunity to say goodbye to the OW. I knew that if I didn't do that, there would always be unfinished feelings between them. I believe that's what there is between you and your xMM. He probably feels the same as you, if it makes you feel any better. The truth is, he could've found a way to contact you and say a simple goodbye. He went behind his wife's back to screw around on her but he can't go behind her back to have a short goodbye conversation with you? That's completely unforgivable. Someday, you'll be wise enough to get angry with him and that's when the healing will truly start. When you take him off the damn pedestal, stop thinking that the feelings the two of you shared were going to change the world, and realize that he's just a cheater who didn't have the guts to either stay faithful to his wife, or end his marriage, you'll stop counting the days and wondering how he's feeling. Whatever the case, his marriage is broken and full of lies. Let him live with that. Move on and promise yourself to never get involved in a situation like this again. And stop thinking of yourself as a fool. You're not, especially now that you're wiser. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 So sorry you have had a bad few days. Hope the surgery goes well and that 2016 starts well for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Well like say, I have no way of being 100% sure it was him and no matter who it was, they did it to prohibit a response. Let's see if anything else happens. I hate that this has turned me inside out. I didn't see all this before my last post, although everything I said in it seems even more true. Lol. Ok, if it's not him, then who else knows the pet name he called you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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