bathtub-row Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I just spent the last 45 min catching up on this thread. Wow, what a freakin' roller coaster. You're doing really well, though, and seem to be getting past all this. Just getting to the point where the 24/7 pain stops is a huge milestone. Of course you know that it's a process. Betrayal is not easily forgotten. It's been over 3 yrs since things ended between MM and I and I am just now to the point where I really and truly don't give a fig about him, his thoughts, his reasons or anything else. The fallout from my 8-yr affair with him, though, has caused me to stay away from men. I am no longer the trusting person I once was. Nor will I ever be again. Having said that, however, I actually don't feel that's a bad thing. I'm quite content to be a single person. I often read the married section of this site and it always reminds me of what a disaster most marriages are. I hope you're doing well. A new year is right around the corner! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I just spent the last 45 min catching up on this thread. Wow, what a freakin' roller coaster. You're doing really well, though, and seem to be getting past all this. Just getting to the point where the 24/7 pain stops is a huge milestone. Of course you know that it's a process. Betrayal is not easily forgotten. It's been over 3 yrs since things ended between MM and I and I am just now to the point where I really and truly don't give a fig about him, his thoughts, his reasons or anything else. The fallout from my 8-yr affair with him, though, has caused me to stay away from men. I am no longer the trusting person I once was. Nor will I ever be again. Having said that, however, I actually don't feel that's a bad thing. I'm quite content to be a single person. I often read the married section of this site and it always reminds me of what a disaster most marriages are. I hope you're doing well. A new year is right around the corner! hi BR sorry for sloppy one handed typing. bad cut of finger and got oramorph. thanks for reading all this tosh. I am angry. hes not on a pedestal. hes an arse. he didn't even care about me enough to say sorry which is enough to make him vile. I did love him, truly I did. the fact he was a fake isn't my issue. the only person besides me that I hope finds happiness is BW. if each day for the rest of his life is miserable, lonely, and unfulfilled I'm not going to be sad in any way. Leafy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 It doesn't make me feel better. I feel like I got stabbed in my soul. Why would he do this? (((NewLeaf512))) ugh this make me so angry at your xMM. They do this because they are lonely, thinking of you and want to get their ego reinforced that you still have feelings for them too. I'm so sorry this happened. Broken NC is the worst and is definitely a mind f**k. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I just spent the last 45 min catching up on this thread. Wow, what a freakin' roller coaster. You're doing really well, though, and seem to be getting past all this. Just getting to the point where the 24/7 pain stops is a huge milestone. Of course you know that it's a process. Betrayal is not easily forgotten. It's been over 3 yrs since things ended between MM and I and I am just now to the point where I really and truly don't give a fig about him, his thoughts, his reasons or anything else. The fallout from my 8-yr affair with him, though, has caused me to stay away from men. I am no longer the trusting person I once was. Nor will I ever be again. Having said that, however, I actually don't feel that's a bad thing. I'm quite content to be a single person. I often read the married section of this site and it always reminds me of what a disaster most marriages are. I hope you're doing well. A new year is right around the corner! Truth that^^^ While I know we don't always see eye to eye on these boards I relate to what you say here, even as a BS. I am sorry you feel this way too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 (((NewLeaf512))) ugh this make me so angry at your xMM. They do this because they are lonely, thinking of you and want to get their ego reinforced that you still have feelings for them too. I'm so sorry this happened. Broken NC is the worst and is definitely a mind f**k. thank you darling. you are always so kind to me. x Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Leafy!! Just wanted to send over some love! As you had told me when I first started posting: YOU ARE A STRONG WARRIOR WOMAN. Keep fighting! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I've been reading this since October. I knew he'd reappear, they always do. I think you have two options either respond with a giant f u or completely ignore. I understand talking may bring closure but over time it may open it all up for you again and before you know it you're back in the affair Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I've been reading this since October. I knew he'd reappear, they always do. I think you have two options either respond with a giant f u or completely ignore. I understand talking may bring closure but over time it may open it all up for you again and before you know it you're back in the affair You may have missed it but because of the way the message was sent, she didn't have the option to reply. Also, she now thinks it wasn't him. I'm still wondering why the person who sent the message used the name xMM used to call her. Not sure about that. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 You may have missed it but because of the way the message was sent, she didn't have the option to reply. Also, she now thinks it wasn't him. I'm still wondering why the person who sent the message used the name xMM used to call her. Not sure about that. I think it was him using that nick name it says a lot. I didn't realise she couldn't reply that's a pretty ****ty move from him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I think it was him using that nick name it says a lot. I didn't realise she couldn't reply that's a pretty ****ty move from him Amen, sista. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Hi girls Someone emailed me admitting the text. I had told them all about the A in October. Maybe they thought it was funny. I don't know. The good news is ex MM didn't break NC. This false alarm makes me realise how much of a hold on me this situation has. I'm re doubling my efforts to put this to bed. Today I am so away with the faires I nearly severed my finger. I have to have surgery. Tomorrow like I mentioned. This is way more worrisome than a text from idiot. I must use perspective! NL x Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Who on earth would do a thing like that and think it was funny?? How very odd! I'm glad you are at least taking some perspective from this. Also, sorry to hear about the finger! "Chopping veg on a mandolin," huh? best of luck with the surgery! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hi Newleaf, I am horrified on your behalf, what sort of person plays such a cruel joke? regardless ones moral stance on infidelity (I'm assuming thats why they felt entitled to play such a prank) to actively seek to harm someone is just awful. I'm so sorry you were targeted in that manner. I have been reading your thread and have seen how far you have come, you really are putting the work into your healing and I'm glad that this bump has not completely derailed you.It's a setback and you may feel back at the start again but recovery will happen far more rapidly, your NC is still going well. I think that with NC, many here view it as a magical cure all- don't call/text/email and ignore the same and you will get over it without realising that NC is emotional as well. I believe that you are reaching the real point of NC which is emotional detachment and letting go of the memories, thoughts and pain that surrounded your A, this is great! People can go for decades without achieving this. When we think of someone who has hurt us, relive memories, play out scenarios or conversations in our heads our chemical reaction is similar to if it was actually occurring meaning that to our brains NC hasn't really occurred at all - sure there are no new hurts but the old ones are still powerful. Others make NC all about their X and spend their time wondering how the X is reacting or doing and on this board imagining that they are having a perfect life with their spouse. This may or may not be true but it still makes NC all about the X rather then on healing (this is why I get so annoyed when I see all the pointless "they are at home having a great life with the ones they truly love not you" comments..not helpful!) NC is a time for identifying why you were vulnerable to the affair, and in SO many cases horrific treatment, in the first place and for working on those issues so you can truly heal. (again note to the BWs, I get why so many of you do it but belittling someone in pain will never help them deal with their issues, hence the cycle continues) Newleaf, you have been doing that, which means you are achieving a much higher state of healing then may ever get to. Be proud of this and keep practising self love. I really think you're going to be fine 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hi Newleaf, I am horrified on your behalf, what sort of person plays such a cruel joke? regardless ones moral stance on infidelity (I'm assuming thats why they felt entitled to play such a prank) to actively seek to harm someone is just awful. I'm so sorry you were targeted in that manner. I have been reading your thread and have seen how far you have come, you really are putting the work into your healing and I'm glad that this bump has not completely derailed you.It's a setback and you may feel back at the start again but recovery will happen far more rapidly, your NC is still going well. I think that with NC, many here view it as a magical cure all- don't call/text/email and ignore the same and you will get over it without realising that NC is emotional as well. I believe that you are reaching the real point of NC which is emotional detachment and letting go of the memories, thoughts and pain that surrounded your A, this is great! People can go for decades without achieving this. When we think of someone who has hurt us, relive memories, play out scenarios or conversations in our heads our chemical reaction is similar to if it was actually occurring meaning that to our brains NC hasn't really occurred at all - sure there are no new hurts but the old ones are still powerful. Others make NC all about their X and spend their time wondering how the X is reacting or doing and on this board imagining that they are having a perfect life with their spouse. This may or may not be true but it still makes NC all about the X rather then on healing (this is why I get so annoyed when I see all the pointless "they are at home having a great life with the ones they truly love not you" comments..not helpful!) NC is a time for identifying why you were vulnerable to the affair, and in SO many cases horrific treatment, in the first place and for working on those issues so you can truly heal. (again note to the BWs, I get why so many of you do it but belittling someone in pain will never help them deal with their issues, hence the cycle continues) Newleaf, you have been doing that, which means you are achieving a much higher state of healing then may ever get to. Be proud of this and keep practising self love. I really think you're going to be fine Agree true NC there should be no emotional attachment. I think OW are traumatized as well by the A and go through many of the reliving memories (similar to what a BS goes through reliving the A and dday). It is a trauma and the way we usually process the trauma is by reliving it over and over again. If it tends to overtake your life I know some medications can help with this (I had to go on meds because I have OCD tendencies). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hello friends I had the dreaded hand surgery today. It's too gory to describe but they had to do a major job and nail bed micro surgery. It will take 3 months to heal and I need plastic surgery to make it look nicer. All for the bloody vanity of perfectly sliced veg. Apparently I fancy myself a Nigela / Stewart! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hello friends I had the dreaded hand surgery today. It's too gory to describe but they had to do a major job and nail bed micro surgery. It will take 3 months to heal and I need plastic surgery to make it look nicer. All for the bloody vanity of perfectly sliced veg. Apparently I fancy myself a Nigela / Stewart! Holy smokes! That's a long recovery time. I'm glad all went well. Keep us posted on how you're doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Holy smokes! That's a long recovery time. I'm glad all went well. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Hello Dear Heart, Absolute bloody agony. I've not slept all night despite heavy pain medication, I feel as though a rubber band has been twisted tightly around my finger and the top part is half tingly and half numb. My friend is coming to take me back to hospital in 30 minutes. I hope they inject me with the morphine needle they use for elephants! Leafy Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hello Dear Heart, Absolute bloody agony. I've not slept all night despite heavy pain medication, I feel as though a rubber band has been twisted tightly around my finger and the top part is half tingly and half numb. My friend is coming to take me back to hospital in 30 minutes. I hope they inject me with the morphine needle they use for elephants! Leafy Omg! I'm so sorry to hear this! I wonder if that's normal. Yes, request elephant levels of pain killers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 I am back and high as a kite. In this moment, life is good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hi Newleaf, I am horrified on your behalf, what sort of person plays such a cruel joke? regardless ones moral stance on infidelity (I'm assuming thats why they felt entitled to play such a prank) to actively seek to harm someone is just awful. I'm so sorry you were targeted in that manner. I have been reading your thread and have seen how far you have come, you really are putting the work into your healing and I'm glad that this bump has not completely derailed you.It's a setback and you may feel back at the start again but recovery will happen far more rapidly, your NC is still going well. I think that with NC, many here view it as a magical cure all- don't call/text/email and ignore the same and you will get over it without realising that NC is emotional as well. I believe that you are reaching the real point of NC which is emotional detachment and letting go of the memories, thoughts and pain that surrounded your A, this is great! People can go for decades without achieving this. When we think of someone who has hurt us, relive memories, play out scenarios or conversations in our heads our chemical reaction is similar to if it was actually occurring meaning that to our brains NC hasn't really occurred at all - sure there are no new hurts but the old ones are still powerful. Others make NC all about their X and spend their time wondering how the X is reacting or doing and on this board imagining that they are having a perfect life with their spouse. This may or may not be true but it still makes NC all about the X rather then on healing (this is why I get so annoyed when I see all the pointless "they are at home having a great life with the ones they truly love not you" comments..not helpful!) NC is a time for identifying why you were vulnerable to the affair, and in SO many cases horrific treatment, in the first place and for working on those issues so you can truly heal. (again note to the BWs, I get why so many of you do it but belittling someone in pain will never help them deal with their issues, hence the cycle continues) Newleaf, you have been doing that, which means you are achieving a much higher state of healing then may ever get to. Be proud of this and keep practising self love. I really think you're going to be fine Winterkeep Thank you for this lovely response. In my therapy I have worked out that I wasn't vulnerable to an affair per se because I was lied to and didn't know he was still M. Why I went BACK and entered into what I now understand was an EA was because I am starved for love and because I needed and craved the feeling of belonging to /with someone. Now I know other reasons why him (mimicking childhood patterns of emotional abuse) Every day is better. I really enjoy your posts. NL x Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I am back and high as a kite. In this moment, life is good! Very good!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 It's today. The 13th anniversary of my H's murder/attempted murder/ suicide shooting spree. My worst day of the year. I'm afraid to go to sleep Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 It's today. The 13th anniversary of my H's murder/attempted murder/ suicide shooting spree. My worst day of the year. I'm afraid to go to sleep (((NewLeaf512))) ugh I'm sorry. I still cannot believe you went through all that. You are a very strong lady! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 (((NewLeaf512))) ugh I'm sorry. I still cannot believe you went through all that. You are a very strong lady! Thanks. I have emotions all over the place. Right now I'm trying not to wet myself every time a firework goes off NL X Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I believe that you are reaching the real point of NC which is emotional detachment and letting go of the memories, thoughts and pain that surrounded your A, this is great! People can go for decades without achieving this. When we think of someone who has hurt us, relive memories, play out scenarios or conversations in our heads our chemical reaction is similar to if it was actually occurring meaning that to our brains NC hasn't really occurred at all - sure there are no new hurts but the old ones are still powerful. I think that this is true. I also believe that what hinders us as OP is that it often feels like the MP get the better end of the deal -- like they don't suffer the same type of loss we do. And it's true, to a degree. I must forsake any future with MM because he has chosen to stay with his W, regardless of the quality of their M. I know that he too is forsaking a better future. However, it's a future that he had a hand in choosing. When you have no choice except the one someone makes for you, that's the real killer -- that's what feels so darned inequitable and unjust. I dunno. I had a really bad couple of days this week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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