lemondrop21 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Wishing you all the best with your continued journey, NewLeaf. I think that the desire to turn more of your attention to other pursuits shows how much progress you have made and I'm very happy for you. Thanks very much for all you've given to these boards over the past 6 months. We have all been touched by your kindness and courage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Hi Newleaf, I don't post a lot but have read all your threads. I just wanted to wish you a lot of happiness and healing in this new year. Thanks for sharing your story. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 You and I went NC right around the same time, my 6 month mark is coming up next week. I have followed you from the beginning and I will miss your really insightful posts. Good luck in the future New Leaf! Say hi every once in a while, we will miss you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's happened. I see him as a weak pitiful doormat to a situation he is too much of a pathetic chicken to face. He could never have made me happy, or brought anything to my existence. Everything that was amazing in the relationship was brought by me. The fun, the beauty, the vacations, the social status, amazing zest for life, the super big sky dreams and execution of them, amazing social circle and champagne lifestyle: all mine. He was nothing but an interloper, the great pretender. I know now that it was like a bit of rough. It's over and he did me dirty but it's done. If I ever saw him again I'd pretend not to know him. The best punishment for him is what has happened: he stays right where he is with a sad less than mediocre existence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's happened. I see him as a weak pitiful doormat to a situation he is too much of a pathetic chicken to face. He could never have made me happy, or brought anything to my existence. Everything that was amazing in the relationship was brought by me. The fun, the beauty, the vacations, the social status, amazing zest for life, the super big sky dreams and execution of them, amazing social circle and champagne lifestyle: all mine. He was nothing but an interloper, the great pretender. I know now that it was like a bit of rough. It's over and he did me dirty but it's done. If I ever saw him again I'd pretend not to know him. The best punishment for him is what has happened: he stays right where he is with a sad less than mediocre existence. I think this is wonderful! You sound like a delightful person who deserves someone with the same strengths and interests 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 I think this is wonderful! You sound like a delightful person who deserves someone with the same strengths and interests Thank you LD. Every day is a new opportunity to learn from my past experiences and strive to be better and do better. Not sure what's ahead for me but I will welcome it as graciously as I can. NL x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's very hard to maintain the warm, fuzzy feelings when they hurt us to the extent they do. Carry on, my friend. You've got the world by the tail! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'm having nights where I don't think of him before I go to sleep. Life is getting easier. It's changed me forever but I'm reclaiming the space in my head. Keeping busy is helping too. It's only now I really believe 100% that NC saved my life. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'm having nights where I don't think of him before I go to sleep. Life is getting easier. It's changed me forever but I'm reclaiming the space in my head. Keeping busy is helping too. It's only now I really believe 100% that NC saved my life. It's really true! And I agree, it did me too. So happy for you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 It's really true! And I agree, it did me too. So happy for you! Thank you. 7 months is a long time but the freedom of not checking my phone hourly and wasting time dreaming of a future that was never going to happen whilst demeaning myself accepting breadcrumbs is all best left in my past. X 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Well I crashed my car this morning on my way to a class to learn how to give myself a manicure believe it or not. It was in a parking garage and I hit a concrete balustrade. No one was hurt and I can drive it. However it kicked me off on a sobbing weeping uncontrolled cry. I was supposed to have a man, him with me for times like these when I'm scared and it's car stuff. Piss off ExMM you failed me again you tit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Well I crashed my car this morning on my way to a class to learn how to give myself a manicure believe it or not. It was in a parking garage and I hit a concrete balustrade. No one was hurt and I can drive it. However it kicked me off on a sobbing weeping uncontrolled cry. I was supposed to have a man, him with me for times like these when I'm scared and it's car stuff. Piss off ExMM you failed me again you tit. Oh NL. I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident. Very glad you weren't hurt though. Importantly, did you make it to the manicure class, or can you retake it another time? Love that you are doing that! I know this sobbing exactly. I have been a complete mess in public more times in the past 9 months than in the prior 9 YEARS and it's always been because feelings about MM are pent up, and then something pushed me over the edge. I made a list called "Places I have lost my sh** in [Country where I am living]" but it's not just the country that does it to me, it's also MM. My list currently includes two airports, two shopping malls, a mega-home goods store, and the middle of a street in my neighborhood. Screw your exMM, he has failed you over and over and over again and never deserved you. Your exMM is one on this board that makes me ESPECIALLY angry. Also, I know you know this, but try and be proud you can handle things on your own even when it's tough. From prior conversations it seems like exMM's wife is very much the opposite. Now he's stuck babysitting her the rest of his life, instead of having fabulous experiences with you. Gosh, imagine what must run through his mind *shudder*. Wouldn't surprise me if he has occasional sobbing fits as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I've had two car accidents in the last month. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Well I crashed my car this morning on my way to a class to learn how to give myself a manicure believe it or not. It was in a parking garage and I hit a concrete balustrade. No one was hurt and I can drive it. However it kicked me off on a sobbing weeping uncontrolled cry. I was supposed to have a man, him with me for times like these when I'm scared and it's car stuff. Piss off ExMM you failed me again you tit. Good, use that anger to push you forward even more! Glad you weren't hurt though the wallet may hurt! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 (edited) Well I crashed my car this morning on my way to a class to learn how to give myself a manicure believe it or not. It was in a parking garage and I hit a concrete balustrade. No one was hurt and I can drive it. However it kicked me off on a sobbing weeping uncontrolled cry. I was supposed to have a man, him with me for times like these when I'm scared and it's car stuff. Piss off ExMM you failed me again you tit. Oh dear NL, you've had a horrible string of accidents thus far. First the hand, now this. Glad you're not hurt - could've been much worse! On the bright side, you will always have perfect, self manicured nails! Cry it out. Let it out. Sometimes we want to march on and do all the things we are supposed to do to move on and focus on ourselves, while trying really hard to shove these deep feelings of betrayal, disrespect and loss somewhere deep down in some dungeon. And then something happens that just triggers the floodgates and we succumb. You are a fighter. Yes, it's nice to have a man to depend on, but he has to be available, reliable and caring - all things your MM cannot give you. Edited January 24, 2016 by Lovetoohard Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Piss off ExMM you failed me again you tit. I am glad you are ok, and I think it is good to get it out, whatever form it may come in. I am so proud of how far you have come! But I still can't even with the above sentence!! I love it and I actually laughed out loud. That is why you have gotten my first ever use of a smiley on this site! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 I forgot to mention my boiler springing a huge leak yesterday! In the midst of all this and it's not even 9am, one of my former colleagues rang me to tell me as a joke ExMM has changed his name at BW behest for some reason. (Reason: A so that if I ever let his porn or news of the A out, it doesn't look like it is him) so example (this isn't his name) Before: Matthew Joseph Smith Now: M. Joseph Smith He's never been known as his second name and his last name is as common as Smith so it's an effort to confuse his identity and fall off the radar. This all makes me realise that as long as I stay in my profession I will hear about him because the circle is small and chat rife. The idea of changing my life has been kicking around for awhile so, I'm going to accelerate that plan. I will look today and tomorrow for a year long programme to retrain as something else. I have multiple passports and I'd like to be somewhere warm. I will make arrangements for my friend I look after, and I'm going to start a new life. I deserve it, I've had a hard life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I forgot to mention my boiler springing a huge leak yesterday! In the midst of all this and it's not even 9am, one of my former colleagues rang me to tell me as a joke ExMM has changed his name at BW behest for some reason. (Reason: A so that if I ever let his porn or news of the A out, it doesn't look like it is him) so example (this isn't his name) Before: Matthew Joseph Smith Now: M. Joseph Smith He's never been known as his second name and his last name is as common as Smith so it's an effort to confuse his identity and fall off the radar. This all makes me realise that as long as I stay in my profession I will hear about him because the circle is small and chat rife. The idea of changing my life has been kicking around for awhile so, I'm going to accelerate that plan. I will look today and tomorrow for a year long programme to retrain as something else. I have multiple passports and I'd like to be somewhere warm. I will make arrangements for my friend I look after, and I'm going to start a new life. I deserve it, I've had a hard life. Wait I'm confused - you said that a colleague rang you "as a joke" to tell you this - so was the name change a joke/not real? Or did he actually change his name (or how he presents his name professionally)? Reading about this MM and his BW never ceases to amaze me. It makes me kind of wish you would release his porn, although I wouldn't actually advocate it because that will just validate his decision to change his name. Fun to think about though. I'm definitely supportive of you changing your life. Keep us posted on those plans. It would be great for you to be able to move on completely from all this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Wait I'm confused - you said that a colleague rang you "as a joke" to tell you this - so was the name change a joke/not real? Or did he actually change his name (or how he presents his name professionally)? Reading about this MM and his BW never ceases to amaze me. It makes me kind of wish you would release his porn, although I wouldn't actually advocate it because that will just validate his decision to change his name. Fun to think about though. I'm definitely supportive of you changing your life. Keep us posted on those plans. It would be great for you to be able to move on completely from all this. A former colleague rang me. She told me of the name change situation with the opinion "What a Joke!" Meaning she thinks he's gone bonkers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Also not sure if he legally changed it by deed pole or just professionally changed it. Regardless the amount of paranoia is funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 The time has come. It's 205 days since I started this sad and ultimately liberating journey and now it's time to start as I mean to go on. As I take my steps out of the veil of exOW and just into the world as woman, please accept my heartfelt Thank You for the advice, criticism, support and friendship. It's time for me to fly. I wish you all well on the road of life, today and every day. NL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Thread closed by request. If the OP would like it reopened, please use the Alert Us button on this post. Thank you, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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