Do bullies from childhood remain bullies throughout their entire life?

[Bobbi7]

I was browsing through facebook and came across some former bullies from high school. This one guy that I saw who is now in his mid-30's is married with a baby daughter. And now I'm thinking if this jerk still bullies people unprovoked? When bullies have their own kids, isn't that sort of an eye opener not to bully people anymore, don't they think if their son/daughter was bullied at school, do they ever think back how bad they were back in school when they picking on others like 15 years ago??? I just don't get how the majority of bullies are happily married and "blessed" with children while some others who were nice to people and never bullied others still struggle to find love and happiness in a partner...or bullies will remain bullies no matter what. I know people in their 60's that still say cruel things to "friends..."

Edited October 11, 2015 by Bobbi7

[E-Squared]

I don't see any of my childhood bullies at all, but I will say that there were some people who sort of picked on me. Later on in high school they started treating me with more respect than before. However, I had some bullies in elementary school, none of whom I see at all either. I am not sure if they still remained that way, but I would not doubt if they went the wrong path in life.

[todreaminblue]

I would like to think no......they dont stay the same..people change...all the time.....i change the way i think and feel on multiple occasions.....smilin...in joke ......

 

i was bullied severely when i was younger.......at school and away from school......makes me think ...the reason i was bullied is, i was an easy target......i stood out...my second oldest son told me that actually....he said mum i feel like i have to follow you around saying to people to leave you alone, you are my mum why do you always have to be different why cant you be like everyone else....and i said to him...yeah but if i changed i wouldnt be the mum you know anymore would I....do you really want me to change....and he said ...no...i want people to leave you alone......so i dont have to kick their ass.....so

 

 

as far as bullies go......i have them on facebook some of the ones who bullied me or isolated me when i was in school...they like my posts.....and wish me happy birthday...i never mention the bullying or ask why me...i know why...i was different....

 

...people change........i believe that not all bullies remain bullies...and i also believe a lot of bullies dont even mean to be bullies...they are just thoughtless with others...and say things without thinking..........deb....

[newmoon]

i was a childhood bully to others in my high school - i don't do that to people anymore - obviously - but the tendency to be bossy, domineering, assertive, etc. is still there. and i never keep quiet, i can easily speak my mind. so basic personality traits remain, i think, but the act of bullying goes away. i can't speak for all bullies, obviously, but i think there are some shared traits that bullies carry into adulthood. i actually think that strong(er) personality has helped me more than hurt because it brings a lot of workplace rewards where those types of skills are beneficial. i still see a majority of people as weak, too. i still feel like i can step all over the feelings of weaker people and do have a tendency to take advantage of others. i think bullies often end up successful b/c the traits that hurt others in grade school can actually benefit you as an adult a lot more. it's ok to get ahead in work/business, it's ok to be ruthless to get ahead, etc.

[todreaminblue]

i was a childhood bully to others in my high school - i don't do that to people anymore - obviously - but the tendency to be bossy, domineering, assertive, etc. is still there. and i never keep quiet, i can easily speak my mind. so basic personality traits remain, i think, but the act of bullying goes away. i can't speak for all bullies, obviously, but i think there are some shared traits that bullies carry into adulthood. i actually think that strong(er) personality has helped me more than hurt because it brings a lot of workplace rewards where those types of skills are beneficial. i still see a majority of people as weak, too. i still feel like i can step all over the feelings of weaker people and do have a tendency to take advantage of others. i think bullies often end up successful b/c the traits that hurt others in grade school can actually benefit you as an adult a lot more. it's ok to get ahead in work/business, it's ok to be ruthless to get ahead, etc.

 

there's also a lot of successful people who are kind ....honest caring and compassionate who make it.......they do so with integrity

 

i think if you could or would want to measure success they day your life ends....you will possibly measure that success with thoughts to the times and experiences you were truly happy...and when you are about to die...i dont think having wads of cash in your pocket serves any purpose other than to be taken by someone else or fought over by warring family on who deserves to take it............and i just cant see ruthlessness towards someone else as happy times...for anyone who has a heartbeat that loves and wants to be loved in return..

 

its ok to get ahead in business..sure..if it is done with integrity and with thoughts to others welfare....as well as your own....like an eternal thing..a legacy to leave behind...where you are remembered not only for your monetary value....... .deb

Edited October 12, 2015 by todreaminblue

[bluefeather]

There isn't some rule out there that makes it one way for all kids who were bullies. Some people mature and stop being that way. Others don't.

[Tayla]

attended a high school reunion. The gang who bullied then... aged with the same traits... sad really. I had such hopes for humanity. Even some of the girls kept their mean girl spirit. Best it did for my esteem was to validate that I stayed in the school of change and continue to learn from my mistakes and those who cling desperately to being bullies.

 

Some folks hear the warnings... others not so much.

[lino]

A lot do stay bullies well into adulthood, yes.

[htmshsj]

i was a childhood bully to others in my high school - i don't do that to people anymore - obviously - but the tendency to be bossy, domineering, assertive, etc. is still there. and i never keep quiet, i can easily speak my mind. so basic personality traits remain, i think, but the act of bullying goes away. i can't speak for all bullies, obviously, but i think there are some shared traits that bullies carry into adulthood. i actually think that strong(er) personality has helped me more than hurt because it brings a lot of workplace rewards where those types of skills are beneficial. i still see a majority of people as weak, too. i still feel like i can step all over the feelings of weaker people and do have a tendency to take advantage of others. i think bullies often end up successful b/c the traits that hurt others in grade school can actually benefit you as an adult a lot more. it's ok to get ahead in work/business, it's ok to be ruthless to get ahead, etc.

 

Sucking up to your superiors and crushing your subordinates will get you ahead for a while. The problem is that those people eventually run out of allies and suddenly find that they don't have a leg to stand on when they hit a major bump in their trajectory upwards.

 

And then the fall is usually pretty spectacular to watch. Can't say I haven't enjoyed watching a few of them come toppling down with a thud.

[xpaperxcutx]

I was bullied in elementary school and there were these kids who were absolutely mean and used to call me names. One of them for some reason, decided to become my friend and after that she stopped bullying.

 

 

I feel like there's karma for people who do bad unto others. What you see on FB may not be the full truth, but if someone was a bully, life's circumstances will always eventually make them reflect on past actions.

[Krieger]

No not in my experiences in fact I had a few people back in the day tell me via Facebook they are sorry for being overly mean to be back in the day and they are sorry for that . I think they mean it because why would you take the time to find me and tell me that out of the blue.

 

I just told it water under the bridge it was a long time a go like 6th grade and I am overt it .

 

I just believe holding grudges is what leads to cancer ok not really but you get the idea.

 

For me it help me get thick skin and made me to stand up for myself I did in the end got into a few fights and what not way back when. If I was never picked on I might be a door mat for people to walk on.

 

Fighting might not be the answer but they stop picking on me as much and left me alone after the taken few punches to the face.

[Krieger]

A lot do stay bullies well into adulthood, yes.

 

I have seen the kids that got picked on become adults and then get a little power over people like he will be your boss and use his power and bullies everyone around him to feel important.

[deen-ooo]

Meh...i never bullied anybody, and generally don't give a **** about school...i think to answer the question they do though. some bully for the hell of it, only for some others is it part of their personality.

[loveweary11]

I think they back off of that behavior and settle into a more socially acceptable life, until they get online that is...

[Heatherknows]

I was browsing through facebook and came across some former bullies from high school. This one guy that I saw who is now in his mid-30's is married with a baby daughter. And now I'm thinking if this jerk still bullies people unprovoked? When bullies have their own kids, isn't that sort of an eye opener not to bully people anymore, don't they think if their son/daughter was bullied at school, do they ever think back how bad they were back in school when they picking on others like 15 years ago??? I just don't get how the majority of bullies are happily married and "blessed" with children while some others who were nice to people and never bullied others still struggle to find love and happiness in a partner...or bullies will remain bullies no matter what. I know people in their 60's that still say cruel things to "friends..."

 

My former tormentors are on Facebook as I noticed once when I was looking back at my past (never a good thing.) I stay away from Facebook.

[Ms. Faust]

My first severe bullying experience that I could recall was a girl slanting her eyes at me and calling me Chinese (I'm Korean) over and over again. We were in 4th grade, and for what it's worth this girl was not of European descent. My mom went to her father several times, and he was so embarrassed of his daughter's antics, but she continued up until we moved at the end of the school year.

 

Every once in a blue moon I wonder about her and about the teacher who knew it was going on but did nothing.

[joseb]

it's ok to get ahead in work/business, it's ok to be ruthless to get ahead, etc.

 

I disagree. I think that's just another form of bullying.

As others have said, it works for a while.

I've had the pleasure of seeing a couple of workplace bullies have spectacular falls from grace. Karma'a great!

[Ms. Faust]

I disagree. I think that's just another form of bullying.

As others have said, it works for a while.

I've had the pleasure of seeing a couple of workplace bullies have spectacular falls from grace. Karma'a great!

 

Yup, we had a manager who was a bully and he was recently canned in the most :love::love:glorious:love::love: of ways.

[Wewon]

i was a childhood bully to others in my high school - i don't do that to people anymore - obviously - but the tendency to be bossy, domineering, assertive, etc. is still there. and i never keep quiet, i can easily speak my mind. so basic personality traits remain, i think, but the act of bullying goes away. i can't speak for all bullies, obviously, but i think there are some shared traits that bullies carry into adulthood. i actually think that strong(er) personality has helped me more than hurt because it brings a lot of workplace rewards where those types of skills are beneficial. i still see a majority of people as weak, too. i still feel like i can step all over the feelings of weaker people and do have a tendency to take advantage of others. i think bullies often end up successful b/c the traits that hurt others in grade school can actually benefit you as an adult a lot more. it's ok to get ahead in work/business, it's ok to be ruthless to get ahead, etc.

 

 

True, a lot of those traits can get you ahead.

 

There are also a lot of people in prison that view the world this way as well.

 

 

The real problem of bullies is not their strength, or assertiveness, its their lack of empathy and the fact that they don't respect anyone unless they've been defeated or hurt in some way.

 

Its stressful dealing with someone that can't resist exploiting every possible opening.

[GravityMan]

Some do remain bullies into adulthood, while others don't. It depends on a variety of variables that may or may not have occurred in their life. For example, perhaps someone (a friend, a parent, etc.) got through to the bully one day and helped him realize that he needed to grow up.

 

I tend to think that many bullies either had parents who were themselves bullies...or they had very weak parents (in particular a weak father) who were too nice and let everyone walk all over them...or they had naive parents who believed that their kids could do no wrong. Kids as young as the age of 5 or 6 can sense weakness and insecurity in others very easily, and some of them are just wired to exert "dominance" and "power" over the weak. Plus, many people "fear" those who seem different in some way (e.g. they talk weird, etc.), and some channel that fear into bullying.

 

I'll also mention that there are some folks out there who were timid and frequent targets of bullying during childhood...and then they got promoted to positions of leadership in their 20s and 30s and suddenly act very bossy, arrogant and a-hole-ish to their coworkers. It's a silly form of "payback" for all the humiliation they received earlier in life, and it's also a way to mask their own deep insecurity. Many bossy people out there are actually quite weak and they will quickly collapse once someone calls them out on their BS.

[pureinheart]

I was browsing through facebook and came across some former bullies from high school. This one guy that I saw who is now in his mid-30's is married with a baby daughter. And now I'm thinking if this jerk still bullies people unprovoked? When bullies have their own kids, isn't that sort of an eye opener not to bully people anymore, don't they think if their son/daughter was bullied at school, do they ever think back how bad they were back in school when they picking on others like 15 years ago??? I just don't get how the majority of bullies are happily married and "blessed" with children while some others who were nice to people and never bullied others still struggle to find love and happiness in a partner...or bullies will remain bullies no matter what. I know people in their 60's that still say cruel things to "friends..."

 

Awwww ((((hugs)))) ... I know what you're saying. I was bullied and knew MANY bullies/jerks.

 

Hopefully they've changed. I can tell you most of the HS bullies and scoshes (I don't know how to spell that term, it's what we called the arrogant popular people) actually came down to earth and are productive really cool people!

 

Then there were the ones that stayed the same or got worse. I avoid them like the plague.

[JustGettingBy]

I (intentionally) no longer have anyone in my life who bullied me, so I can't tell. I think that the "bullying" becomes more subtle. The former bullies become the 'possessive' types, or the 'passive-aggressive' types --- the 'alpha' traits the draw you in, and then make you run due to how toxic they are. True on both a romantic and platonic level.

[Myragal]

There is a big difference between a 12 year old and an 18 year old bully. The former may act out of all types of reasons, variables, pressures, insecurities, etc. He is as much a victim as the person he bullies. Hopefully he stops bullying as he learns social skills.

 

The 18 year old is more of a formed personality. One assumes he using bullying more as a tool than an outlet. He is trying to get some type of behavior from his victim. I would think that he lacks empathy and sees people as a means to some personal end. I doubt if he changes that much. A psychotic or similar self that manipulates people...could be via any means such as physical violence, money, flattery, etc. He is unlikely to change although may give the outward appearance to have done so.

[mrldii]

There is a big difference between a 12 year old and an 18 year old bully. The former may act out of all types of reasons, variables, pressures, insecurities, etc. He is as much a victim as the person he bullies. Hopefully he stops bullying as he learns social skills.

 

The 18 year old is more of a formed personality. One assumes he using bullying more as a tool than an outlet. He is trying to get some type of behavior from his victim. I would think that he lacks empathy and sees people as a means to some personal end. I doubt if he changes that much. A psychotic or similar self that manipulates people...could be via any means such as physical violence, money, flattery, etc. He is unlikely to change although may give the outward appearance to have done so.

 

I agree; children who are too young to have developed requisite social skills are "bullies" or become bullies' "victims".

 

Adults can't be bullies or bullied; they can only have insufficient social skills when effectively dealing with others, which will either cause them to be "victimized" by others (who are then mislabeled "bullies") or the (incorrectly labeled "bully") is actually [on their way to being] a criminal/social outcast.

 

It always makes me raise an eyebrow when I hear adults calling other adults "bullies"; as with most cases, IMHO, it says more about the label-makers, themselves, than it does the people they're attempting to slap the label on.

[bluefeather]

I agree; children who are too young to have developed requisite social skills are "bullies" or become bullies' "victims".

 

Adults can't be bullies or bullied; they can only have insufficient social skills when effectively dealing with others, which will either cause them to be "victimized" by others (who are then mislabeled "bullies") or the (incorrectly labeled "bully") is actually [on their way to being] a criminal/social outcast.

 

It always makes me raise an eyebrow when I hear adults calling other adults "bullies"; as with most cases, IMHO, it says more about the label-makers, themselves, than it does the people they're attempting to slap the label on.

 

Good point. Basically, bullies don't remain bullies when they grow up, but rather, they can grow into a-holes.