RySant Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 My marriage was really happy... I wasn't happy but my wife would never grind with a guy in front of me. She would do simple things to ease my mind if needed. Did I give up the right person for the wrong person? Well, yes. You didn't work on your marriage and decided to cheat. And now she's having second thoughts, and now you are alone. Talk about karma. Why am I even bothering with all this. She isn't mine. Oh and she told me Oct 1st she was leaving... Then it was Nov 1st....now it's Nov something.... But I already know next is after the holidays.... I honestly thought she loved me. I can feel it when we are together but when we are apart it's brutal lately. Obviously, she will never leave. You are just a fling and if she's serious in leaving her husband, she should've done when you had your D-Day or at least started the process. I must admit I don't feel sorry for you but as a human being, I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well, yes. You didn't work on your marriage and decided to cheat. And now she's having second thoughts, and now you are alone. Talk about karma. Obviously, she will never leave. You are just a fling and if she's serious in leaving her husband, she should've done when you had your D-Day or at least started the process. I must admit I don't feel sorry for you but as a human being, I wish you the best. was this necessary? or helpful? i'm sorry you're hurting, lost. if you felt strongly enough about leaving your marriage that you actually left (and not for your ap) then i think you did the right thing. if you think you left for the wrong reasons- you can always reach out to your wife and try again, no? have you done mc? personally it seems to me like you have some soul searching and healing to do. and once that happens you're going to find an amazing woman. it's just more than likely not going to be these 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Outofmysystem Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Lost, pay attention to her actions, not her words....whatever she is saying to you, it doesn't matter, just actions......I got the same stuff from my xMOW.....she would tell me one thing and then do just the opposite.....don't try and figure it out, just accept that she is flawed and a lier and move on....I know it's hard, ****, I have to tell myself that every day, but you take care of yourself and you move on.....you are the most important one right now, not her.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Parannonx Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Get yourself to therapy, figure out why you have so little self respect that you had the affair and blew your marriage up in the first place. If you do that you will likely figure out why you let this woman walk all over you. Then you will be able to separate yourself from this unhealthy situation and make better choices in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I forgot about this thread and I just read this today, so forgive my late reply. Was this necessary? . Since this is a forum where opinions are freely given, I don't see why you are questioning the necessity of my opinion. But to oblige you, no, it's not necessary. But it's still my opinion. No one's post here is necessary. It's just that, this is a forum, and I am entitled to post my opinion about a story that was publicly posted. As a forumer, when you decide to post your story, you should be prepared to different kinds of opinion. As long as everyone follows the guidelines, I don't see any reason why you are questioning my opinion. or helpful? I believe I just summarized the OP's situation. He asked if he left the right woman for the wrong one, and based on his post, my opinion is a yes. Since he cheated, and he lost both woman, my opinion for that is it's karma. So yes, I believe it's helpful. Because I didn't say anything that was not his current situation. Just a summary of what he relayed in this thread. To help him grasp his reality of the moment. No judgement, no name-calling, just pure facts. I'm sorry you're hurting, lost. So, let me return the question: Is your sympathy necessary? or helpful? This is a support forum. And support doesn't mean that all support will only be about giving sympathy or comments that include "I feel you," "I can relate," "I hope you are okay" etc etc. because support can also be given in the form of criticism. Sometimes, when people commit mistakes, they need a whack in the head to clearly see what they've truly done, to the people around him and to himself. Obviously, you are an OW (current, former etc.) that's why you feel so defensive in regards to my posts, but I hope you understand that not because some people here do not sympathize your current predicament doesn't mean we are attacking your person. We are all anonymous here. We base our reaction only on the stories written here. We all have no capabilities to judge each other, but we can help each other see, not what is right or wrong (since obviously we have subjective opinions in regards to what is right or wrong) but to assess the effects of our actions. If you are experiencing something horrible as an effect of your action, it's up to you if you'll call it a wrong move (Personally, for me it's wrong) Respect begets respect. ~Ciao~ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 OP: Here are a few of snips from an old journal of mine: "Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, craving, wanting, and needing. Its important to understand those differences. Those things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing. Really reflect on that. It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better." Love: "First do no harm." Those are the words of a surgeon, but they apply to relationships as well. To profess love, whilst causing harm, demonstrates that the person speaking has no idea what love is. One of many valid definitions of love is: "A persons total commitment to the wellbeing of another." Thats the bottom line benchmark for me. Thats where real love begins." "Love or dysfunctional attachment? There are many things that people call 'love,' which aren't love at all. Here's a little test: "Love is total commitment to a person's wellbeing." If you can both meet that standard, its love. If you can't, it isn't." Take care. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 was this necessary? or helpful? People have the right to post here as they see fit, as long as they do so within the forum guidelines. So it has been since ancient times, when giants walked amongst us. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I don't disagree. But I've seen that poster continually post things that I thought were rude/ not helpful. Other people have commented on it as well in other threads. And since you both pointed out that we're all entitled to our opinions- that's mine. Moving on.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 By the way Satu- Being hung up on an ex that doesn't want to be with you is like being attached to an old lottery ticket that didn't win you anything. is a really great image. Thank you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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