sandylee1 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Can I ask if you disclosed any names (apart from your own) to the therapist before declaring her conflict of interest? Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Mayday, you have really been through it. I can't believe the therapist did that to you. Totally unprofessional. I wish you and your baby the best. Please keep us updated. What! It is not totally unprofessional for a therapist to declare there is a conflict of interest, if indeed there is a conflict of interest. It would be totally unprofessional not to declare a conflict of interest. If there is a conflict of interest there is no necessity to state exactly what that is either, as that may be breaching confidentiality of others. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 What! It is not totally unprofessional for a therapist to declare there is a conflict of interest, if indeed there is a conflict of interest. It would be totally unprofessional not to declare a conflict of interest. If there is a conflict of interest there is no necessity to state exactly what that is either, as that may be breaching confidentiality of others. This is completely accurate. I would certainly not want to, unbeknownst to me, share a therapist with my h's ex wife. I don't need to know why there is a conflict, just that there is. I think it speaks highly of the therapist for stopping the session. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Curlgirl Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 This is a situation where everybody is losing. That's why you should claim CS and state that if its not provided amicably and responsibly then you have to burn it down. Sorry to say but there are no winners here and I don't think someone who has lost it all would really care about anything Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 MayDay, Try to see this situation from the outside. The guy you are expecting a baby from, not only doesn't want to take responsibility for getting you pregnant, or getting prepared taking care of the little one, he tells you that the situation what he created is inconvenient for him, tells you when he is moving on....he still has THE BALLS to use you for occasional quickies taking advantage of your feelings for him. MayDay, you need to recognize that you devalue yourself at the moment. How you perceive yourself, that's how others will perceive you too. You need to find that strong inner pride that won't let anyone treat you like that ever again. HE IS A VERY SELFISH, IMMATURE, IRRESPONSIBLE person. What kind of man does this? I think you are better off without him. Love that sweet baby, be the loving, caring, PATIENT mother she/he deserves. Never tell her/him about how "dad" didn't want her/him, it would devastate any child. Someone advised to threaten him for child support..... NO !!!!! BAD ADVICE! It would put you in danger, why would you do that ? Stay away from him and focus on being the best Mom ! You will be happy and content soon. I wish you and the little one the best!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) What! It is not totally unprofessional for a therapist to declare there is a conflict of interest, if indeed there is a conflict of interest. It would be totally unprofessional not to declare a conflict of interest. If there is a conflict of interest there is no necessity to state exactly what that is either, as that may be breaching confidentiality of others. That's great except that this therapist pulled this while her client was in crisis. The therapist should have had the maturity to put her own issues aside for a short time until her client could find someone new. That is what I'm saying was unprofessional on her part. I can't believe someone in that profession would be so immature. Edited November 2, 2015 by bathtub-row 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 It is in the best interest of both the client and the professional that a declaration of conflict is made immediately. She did the right thing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 MayDay, Try to see this situation from the outside. The guy you are expecting a baby from, not only doesn't want to take responsibility for getting you pregnant, or getting prepared taking care of the little one, he tells you that the situation what he created is inconvenient for him, tells you when he is moving on....he still has THE BALLS to use you for occasional quickies taking advantage of your feelings for him. MayDay, you need to recognize that you devalue yourself at the moment. How you perceive yourself, that's how others will perceive you too. You need to find that strong inner pride that won't let anyone treat you like that ever again. HE IS A VERY SELFISH, IMMATURE, IRRESPONSIBLE person. What kind of man does this? I think you are better off without him. Love that sweet baby, be the loving, caring, PATIENT mother she/he deserves. Never tell her/him about how "dad" didn't want her/him, it would devastate any child. Someone advised to threaten him for child support..... NO !!!!! BAD ADVICE! It would put you in danger, why would you do that ? Stay away from him and focus on being the best Mom ! You will be happy and content soon. I wish you and the little one the best!! No Captivating, it is the best LEGAL advice. Telling the person to not seek child support which is NOT about either adult but about monies owed the child, is the right course of action. Being the best mom is about looking at what is right for your child emotionally, physically, and legally. And he is the father, there is no two ways around that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 That's great except that this therapist pulled this while her client was in crisis. The therapist should have had the maturity to put her own issues aside for a short time until her client could find someone new. That is what I'm saying was unprofessional on her part. I can't believe someone in that profession would be so immature. That is exactly what the therapist is supposed to do. Waiting out the crisis, which there is no set timeline, could cause an even bigger issue. The therapist can help get the OP set up with another therapist and support that way but immediately indicating there is a conflict of interest is the correct and legal course of action. Nothing immature about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 No Captivating, it is the best LEGAL advice. Telling the person to not seek child support which is NOT about either adult but about monies owed the child, is the right course of action. Being the best mom is about looking at what is right for your child emotionally, physically, and legally. And he is the father, there is no two ways around that. Got It, What you say sounds great on paper, I agree with that, yet, look at the statistics how often pregnant women get abused or worse! You wouldn't believe ! I wouldn't push this guy to his limits, he doesn't seem remorseful or caring to me at all. People are capable of doing the unthinkable given the right circumstances. It's not worth it! A loving, caring mom who provides a humble upbringing is way better than a dead one. It is dangerous !!! Mayday, just walk away Sweetheart! Like I said, your priority is to be the best Mom!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Got It, What you say sounds great on paper, I agree with that, yet, look at the statistics how often pregnant women get abused or worse! You wouldn't believe ! I wouldn't push this guy to his limits, he doesn't seem remorseful or caring to me at all. People are capable of doing the unthinkable given the right circumstances. It's not worth it! A loving, caring mom who provides a humble upbringing is way better than a dead one. It is dangerous !!! Mayday, just walk away Sweetheart! Like I said, your priority is to be the best Mom!!! You are making a lot of emotional and dramatic assumptions on this. I do understands the stats but it doesn't completely negate everything else and there is little evidence in the OPs case that she is in immediate harm. If he is going to harm her he can do so even with out her going after support. One does not control the other. You are making a lot of assumptions that I think are not warranted at this time and highly dramatic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 You are making a lot of emotional and dramatic assumptions on this. I do understands the stats but it doesn't completely negate everything else and there is little evidence in the OPs case that she is in immediate harm. If he is going to harm her he can do so even with out her going after support. One does not control the other. You are making a lot of assumptions that I think are not warranted at this time and highly dramatic. Got it, I made a LOT of assumptions? I made one, that pushing someone to his limits might be dangerous. Not considering this possible outcome is highly irresponsible. Assuming that this guy is on the same page and will think like you do, is a false sense of security. Pressuring someone for child support will change his life dramatically, he has to tell his family, he might get divorced over this, his job might get affected. If he is a man with a strong moral compass, how you assume he is, then he will be there for Mayday and their child without any legal obligations, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Got it, I made a LOT of assumptions? I made one, that pushing someone to his limits might be dangerous. Not considering this possible outcome is highly irresponsible. Assuming that this guy is on the same page and will think like you do, is a false sense of security. Pressuring someone for child support will change his life dramatically, he has to tell his family, he might get divorced over this, his job might get affected. If he is a man with a strong moral compass, how you assume he is, then he will be there for Mayday and their child without any legal obligations, I'm sure. I am assuming nothing of the sort. I am giving the OP the best advice without any emotions or imagination tied to it. I am giving what a legal or law enforcement professional would give. There are plenty of men who do not have strong moral compasses that will comply with state and federal laws. He also does not need to tell his wife with the child support coming out. There are plenty that are able to keep that quiet. Regardless, it doesn't make it a Lifetime movie where he is now going to show up at her door, cutting her brake lines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Let's combine the best of both those ideas......OP needs to file for C/S AND she needs to protect herself from MM. Seeing a family law practitioner is the best first step on both those paths. Safety must be a consideration, this man seems like a potential abuser who could really lash out. Get help! Is filing for child support safe? - MassLegalHelp 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Good advice, Solemate. OP, you must seek legal advice ASAP. If you cannot afford it, maybe there is free or sliding-scale legal help available in your area. You are entitled to CS, but you are also in a situation that has the potential to escalate into high drama or violence. There may be ways to obtain CS without MM having access to you and your baby. The MM may be desperate to keep you and your baby hidden from his wife, and not upset the status quo at home. And desperate people sometimes do desperate things. When I started reading your thread, I did some reading. What Captivating said is a real concern. The stats are real. The article Solemate linked to advises women in your situation to not seek CS if there is a threat, or history of abuse. That's your call. You know the MM better than any of us here. You may have an idea what he is capable of if his back is against a wall. Just get all of the legal advice you can, and take all the steps you can to be safe. Edited November 3, 2015 by Dancewithme 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayday2016 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Truthfully, I have no idea if he'd be prone to violence. He's never hurt me, ever, even when we fought (and we have, at 4 am in a hotel room because he wouldn't talk) he has never even raised his voice at me, just been passive aggressive. He's a big man, 6'8" and physically conditioned. If he wanted to, he could but I have never felt threatened in his presence, I don't believe he'd be capable of harming me... I mean, you never know, even the best serial killers never gave off the vibe... But I'm just saying in a year together I can't imagine he'd try and physically hurt me, emotionally and mentally though absolutely. He's the king of gas lighting. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Are you still seeing him? Link to post Share on other sites
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