Pregnant from my affair

[Sassy Girl]

Your daughter will have the right to know her paternity.

 

And no baby deserves to be someone's dirty little secret.

 

She is a person. She deserves more from the both of you quite frankly.

If you love her like you claim you do you will do very thing in her best interests - that includes hanging him out to dry when you apply for child support. She deserves that much. If you can't be the mother she needs then give her to someone who can.

 

Time to grow up. It's not about you anymore

[Adoraxx]

Dear Mayday,

Please stop seeing this horrible MM. He is only using you for sex now.

You are worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS! Your baby is worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!

 

He doesn't love you, he doesn't love the baby but I know you do love the little one so please choose life for her. You've already chosen to give birth to her and I'm truly glad that you took that decision, because like I said, she is totally worth it . But you also have to choose life for her and for yourself in all other aspects.

 

Don't let him use you anymore, Mayday... Apart from how demeaning he treats you, I can't imagine having sex in a car being 25 weeks pregnant! That man is only thinking about himself and 'his needs' (ugh) and I can't believe how selfish he is. I hope you will get mad at him and end this once and for all.

 

Can you possibly move back to your hometown? To have support from friends and family? Do you have friends, good friends, in the town where MM lives? I think you need to move away from him as far as possible. He will never be a good father to your baby, and he will never be good to you. It makes me so angry that he treats you the way he does, especially now that you're with child.

 

About the baby needing to know who the father is... If you can't tell someone in person, I think you should write it all down in an official document and give it to a notary (not sure if that's the correct title in the USA) who will make sure that your child will get it if something happens to you...

 

I wish you and your baby all the best, you can do this but please stay away from this man as far as possible. He treats you like a piece of dirt and even worse than that

 

Big hugs!

[fellini]

I am hurting so much, on one hand I love him and would NEVER want to harm him, on the other I love our daughter that I feel kick and hiccup and roll every day. I just don't know what to do.

 

He has done enough harm, as a married man and a father to all those he supposedly loves around him.

 

Yet his is just one more member of Ashley Madison, and you clearly are just another stop along the road. He genuinely expects you to disappear when the child is born or more likely, sooner, when he no longer gets turned on being with you with a belly 8-9 months showing.

 

Back on AM he will go. He is probably already there fishing. Back he will go to his child and be a "wonderful incredible" father teaching him all the values his daddy no longer is able to practice, and kiss his wife goodbye each day as he goes off into yet another sexual encounter without condom.

 

No man who is married, with kids, a job, and with his "priority" in family goes online to AM, finds himself a willing partner and has unprotected sex with her just because she is using her OWN protection.

 

He is, in spite of appearances to you, a reckless, ignorant selfish entitled, irresponsible, immature Peter Pan.

 

STOP putting your future child between YOU and HIM. There is no more HIM: neither the good version or the bad. There is no more MM for you. Put yourself AND your child first, foremost, and entirely on the table.

[truncated]

OP,

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. You are going to be a mother soon, and, no offense, but you sound like a dreamy eyed teenager.

 

You need to face facts. The first is that he doesn't really care about you or the baby. He is not going to be there for you and you are most likely going to end up as a single parent.

 

Stop using this child as some sort of link to this mm. That's not fair to the baby.

 

Ask yourself if you are really ready to be a mom on your own. If you are going to do that, you need to put the baby first, before yourself and before the mm That means putting his name on the birth certificate, getting a paternity test done, and then using the legal system to obtain support from him for the baby. The most important part of that sentence is for the baby. You can not use that as an excuse to try and see the mm or insert yourself into his life. Besides, with the way he is treating you, why would you want to?

 

I'm not trying to be mean but you are putting your own need to kowtow to this jerky guy by keeping the pregnancy a secret ahead of all else. That is not fair to your child. I'm not saying you need to tell all and sundry that he is the father, but your child has a right to know who his or her father is, both morally and medically. If they know who he is, when they are of an age to make the decision to do so, they will be able to contact him and perhaps have a relationship with him and any sibling he or she might have.

 

If you can not do those things then you really need to have a serious discussion with yourself about whether or not keeping the baby is the right thing for you to do. I know adoption has fallen out of favor as an option for a woman who has an unplanned pregnancy, but it can be a very loving act, and it doesn't mean you love your child any less.

 

Look after your health, eat well, get lots of rest, and put the energy you are currently putting into trying to maintain this nonexistent relationship with the mm into "building a better baby" and facing the facts. Yes, this guy is treating you really badly, but at some point, you need to take responsibility for allowing him to keep doing so. He is what he is, and that isn't going to change, and yet you keep inviting him into your life and your bed ( car in his driveway). He is able to do this because you allow it, so stop allowing it.

 

Best of luck to you, and even though you have some difficult decisions to make, if you think with your head and not your heart, you and your baby should come out of this just fine.

[Dancewithme]

Good advice there. Id like to reiterate, cease all contact with him immediately. Tell a trusted person or attorney that MM is the father of your baby. Establish paternity, then seek child support, but only communicate through an attorney.

 

This MM is extremely narcissistic, he only thinks of himself. You are only there to satisfy his needs. He does not care for you, nor respect you. Your situation is an inconvenience to his life.

 

Not trying to scare you, but trying to keep it real: my worst fear is that this MM could get desperate enough to keep you secret, and could harm you, or have you harmed in some away. He is harming you now with his treatment of you.

 

Keep your distance, surround yourself with people you trust, and who care for you. Move away if need be.

 

In this situation, considering adoption for your baby would be a loving and compassionate gesture. She could be in a situation where she is not considered a dirty little secret by her father. And you could take the time to explore why you are okay with being disrespected so completely by MM. Best of luck to you.

[Got it]

I have no one close enough in my life I'd trust with this huge secret. I have protected him from day one, I have never done anything to damage his life. I didn't start out thinking I'd keep the pregnancy either. He sat down when I told him and said, 'I support you no matter what you choose.... I always wanted more children but my wife is obviously too insane to have more...' Before that I had already scheduled a termination. When he said that it changed my whole thinking and I started dreaming what it would be like. I know it was crazy living in a fantasy, especially when a month or two later he told me I made the wrong choice of keeping the baby.

 

I know it all seems so ridiculous but I absolutely fell in love with him. Even when he was at his worst I was there wanting to be close to him. I've seen him in terrible sorts, it wasn't all fantasy or illusion, we had many real moments over the last 11 months. Many.

 

I am just so torn. I can't give him up so I took the booty call reduction because it was still maintaining a piece of him. He really is an incredible person- charming, enigmatic, handsome, insanely intelligent, witty, and tragic in all the best ways. Letting go of him, not the fantasy of him, but the real him has proven almost impossible. Look at me now, reduced to crumbs, and I happily accept them.

 

I couldn't terminate the pregnancy because it would have ended the one thing he ever gave me. Years ago I had an abortion and it crippled me, I couldn't bear the thought of disposing of something that I already loved so much. And I do love my baby even though I cant be happy and joyous because she has to stay a secret. I am hurting so much, on one hand I love him and would NEVER want to harm him, on the other I love our daughter that I feel kick and hiccup and roll every day. I just don't know what to do.

 

Oh Honey. . . . Have you gotten into therapy? You need therapy please. You now have to think of the child's best interest by default your best interest. You don't need to protect him. That isn't your job. He is a big boy and can take care of himself. Is he protecting you? You need to start opening up to people in your life. You have the right to have support. And legally your child is owed the child support. Even if you never use it, put it in an account for the child and they can access it when they are 18. But as the father he is obligated to take care of his child(ren).

 

Please allow your love for your child to become your number one priority. And please don't settle. That is ultimately going to crush you. You can let him go, you just think you can't.

 

Please take care of you. (((((((()))))))) I am almost 31 weeks pregnant so understand exactly where you are and my heart is breaking you are doing so much of this alone.

[sandylee1]

 

Not trying to scare you, but trying to keep it real: my worst fear is that this MM could get desperate enough to keep you secret, and could harm you, or have you harmed in some away. He is harming you now with his treatment of you.

 

Keep your distance, surround yourself with people you trust, and who care for you. Move away if need be.

 

.

 

100 % agree with this ^^^^

 

A desperate man will go to all lengths to silence you.

If he and his wife have joint finances, he can't pay CS without her knowing. That could very well lead to divorce and the break up of his family.

 

He could loose the respect of his kids

His in laws

His friends

coworkers

 

 

And so much more......and the idiot will want to blame you for that and refuse to accept he's the fool that led to his downfall.

 

His wife needs to see him for what he is. I'd be devastated if I was the BW and I'd have a great amount of dislike for the OW, but I'd want to know the rat I was married to.

 

It should teach you both a lesson.

 

Do you really think it's nice for a child to be conceived from a guy you met on an affair website. His wife and kids will have so much resentment for you and the innocent child. Why put that burden on a child before their even born -knowing they will be resented. It's not a mature and sensible thing to do .

[Pastypop]

Kids are expensive!! Do you know how much daycare is? It's around 800+ a month. Formula is $30.00 a can and babies usually go through two cans a week. What if you child has autism? Insurance companies don't provide much coverage for special needs children. What if she needs braces? That's another $6000.00. Most public schools have uniforms now so that's another $500.00 per year plus, someone always has their hand for sone other stupid fee. Thirty dollars here, $10.00 there and so on. Also don't forget college, car, insurance and food costs. At the very least, you need the maximum child support allowed in your area. He needs to cover the child under his medical, dental and vision until the age of 26 or until she is self supporting and a minimum of a $250,000 life insurance policy with your daughter as beneficiary just in case he kills over before she turns 18 or graduates high school. I'm not trying to be greedy, I'm being honest. My 3 kids eat up 3/4 of my paycheck. You really need to start checking the prices of raising a child and go to a lawyer.

 

In about 4 more weeks, you won't feel like getting up in the middle of night and driving to his house for a hookup. You could go into per-term labor doing that. Please take care of yourself and go to the lawyer. When the bills start coming in, you will be glad you did.

[Mr. Lucky]

And I do love my baby even though I cant be happy and joyous because she has to stay a secret.

 

Someone asked this earlier but I don't think you answered - at 28 weeks, aren't you starting to show? What's you plan for secrecy in 2 or 3 months?

 

You're going to have a period of craziness when the sh*t all hits the fan. You might think about an honest conversation now with your MM where you lay out plans for child support. It would be better if the meeting took place during daylight hours in your attorney's office rather than late at night in your AP's driveway...

 

Mr. Lucky

[truncated]

If you have a good friend that you can trust to give you good advice, then sit down with them , either in person or over the phone, and talk it all out with them.

 

They know you and they will be able to offer you advice and help that is suited to your individual situation.

 

I will reiterate what I said before. You are going to be a mom soon, whether you keep the baby or find a loving fmaily to adopt him or her. Nothing will take being a mom away from you.

 

That being said, as a mother, you need to place your baby first, and than means this mm shouldn't even be a blip on your radar, except in terms of seeking child support should you keep the baby.

Ask yourself if you are ready to steel yourself to the task of going after him to get what you child has every right to receive. This is another place where having that good friend in your corner can really help.You'll have someone to turn to.

[StBreton]

Mayday

 

You emotions and hormones are both running high right now and I feel for you ...yours is a difficult situation.

 

-As others have said, tell an attorney and draft papers in case something were to happen to you and baby lives (who you give custody to). Tell attorney who father is.

 

-protect yourself and your baby ...you are officially a momma bear now so start by putting your baby girl as number 1 ...you're feeling her life in you with all her kicking etc and I'm sure it's pulling at your heart strings so be her number 1 ...oh this means zero unprotected sex. The MM may not go to AM for another at this point for fear the same issue may result so he might go to an escort or prostitute so you must protect!!! Agreed with others about him being a cornered animal and he might be secretly scheming for yours or your baby's demise. I would not see him any longer and move residence so he could not find me to protect.

 

-go for child support ...this is a must. His wife may not necessary have to know

 

-none of us knows how MM is truly feeling about the baby ... He is scared and reacting to the situation. He is worried about blowing up his family understandably. I personally wouldn't put any stock in him being a part of your life in the future...based on his actions. Your hormones and heart are playing games with your head right now so please stop any wishful thinking.

 

-Consider going to a single woman's pregnancy advocacy center. They can help you with counseling and resources.

 

-As far as MM being a good family man ...no guy who has a young child at home takes away from his family/child all the hours you mentioned you two spent together ...that's not what good family men do ... I'd say he's narcissistic. You were needy ...he was needy ...and together you created a storm and also a precious baby. If you keep the baby and it seems you feel strongly you will, list MM on birth cert and possibly hyphenate name. Be ok being a single parent.

 

-find someone to be in delivery room with you ASAP!!! You may deliver early so get on this. You do not want to go through that alone.

 

-I'm concerned you haven't done anything in preparation for the baby. You seem a bit traumatized by the whole situation ...and understandably so. You've had several major transitions in your life. Please shift your focus to preparing instead of crying for what you wish to have which is the MM being part of your life. Put your energy into the baby know ..even if you do decide to put baby up for adoption. If you can't do this shift ...get some counseling/therapy. You need support.

 

-do you still have medical insurance? If you do not ....you'll want to get some ASAP ...for yourself and eventually for baby. I think here are like 10 visits that first year. Also ...as this is MM's child ...the baby could be on his insurance.

 

-you're quickly approaching the 11th hour here ...you need to start thinking about the practical instead of having regrets (no judging yourself) or wishful thinking or giving your emotions over to MM. Babies come and when they do you won't have time for anything and you won't be sleeping much. And as your emotions all over the place now ...they will be compounded by the hormones after birth so get some counseling NOW and get your ducks in a row.

 

I wish you and your baby the best. This is a precious time ...your emotions are affecting your unborn child!! Start clearing your head of all the negativity and be proactive by getting your life in order.

Edited October 15, 2015 by StBreton

[Ms. Faust]

Sadly, I don't think a single person on this thread has told the OP what she wants to hear.

[Jonah]

Your baby feels what you feel. You feel sad, your baby knows that. You feel stressed your baby knows that too. Your baby is a miracle, your baby should be celebrated.

 

See the prenatal care nurses and doctors. They are a good support group and will train you on how to take care of yourself and your baby. They will guide you on finding support.

 

Open up the secret to everyone. Let it all out. Don't keep it inside. Everyone has to know. The BS needs to know, your MMs children need to know. You will feel better afterward. 5 years from now, if MM is still being a jerk or if he is not helping then you will not feel love at all for him, you will feel something else. No, whatever you feel now will be long gone by then.

 

Your baby will grow. Your baby will need resources. It would be wrong to deny your baby the support deserved. Child support. Your MM can't just walk away. Sorry but he will just have to man up. You wouldn't deny your baby, would you? A year from now your baby will be your everything. Your MM... not so much.

 

Take care of yourself OP. Find the people that love you and be honest with them so they can help you.

 

It's going to be ok. You will soon have a beautiful baby! A miracle. It is so important that you find joy in this... so your baby can feel your joy.

[Cloudcuckoo]

May, what an awful situation for you.

 

You are obviously quite young, and apparently floundering with the inexperience of it all. This is hugely life altering! No wonder you are feeling so overwhelmed!

 

As many others have already indicated, just one trusted person is essential to your future well being. You simply can't keep this all to yourself any longer without it affecting your physical and mental well being, let alone the affect on the baby growing inside you.

 

I also agree that counselling for you is a must, but not right now, you need to concentrate on yours and the baby's health and well being.

 

Whatever the whys and wherefores, you are going to be a Mum. The biggest responsibility and the most rewarding job in the world. Your baby girl will need you to concentrate all your efforts on her upbringing, so why not start now with a new and healthier attitude to your life?

 

You DO deserve to be respected and you ARE worthy of so much more than you have been willing to accept (I have the feeling that there is much underlying your willingness to accept such terrible treatment).

 

Confide in someone, tell them everything, and sharing it will reduce your stress levels (this is so unhealthy for you and your baby, and don't you want her to be born into calm and happy acceptance? Hopefully, she will sleep better for you)! You'd be amazed at how much better you will feel immediately just sharing it all.

 

Grieving the man you thought he was at first and accepting he was not, in reality, that man when he showed you his other, less attractive persona will happen when you stay away and have no contact with such a dreadful individual. Giving up those feelings of neediness and validation are difficult, but I'm sure deep down you know that you are worthy of much more then a quick shag in a car.

 

As most have said, the man is responsible for your child financially, whether he wants it, like it or not. Tough tittie, as they say, he should have kept a lid on it. Neither you, nor his wife and child are 'commodities'. The man appears to be the ultimate narcissist. Honestly, his treatment of you and his family makes me nauseous.

 

Darling, he REALLY isn't nice. As hard as it is right now for you, bring those closest around you, wrap yourself up in them like a comfort blanket and before you know it, you will be heading towards a brighter future with your beautiful little baby girl, and with the fortitude and knowledge from this experience to make better and healthier choices.

 

I sincerely wish you lots of luck and a much brighter future.

 

Cuckoo x

[Jonah]

A good counselor would be helpful.

Go forward as not a secret anymore. You deserve to be much more than to be a secret. Your baby deserves to be more than a secret. Let the light shine into your life, be proud of who you are. Everyone lives a life and like everyone else you are doing everything the best you know how.

 

There is many a strong and successful woman out there that had struggled through situations much like yours. They gained much wisdom in their trials.

[Mayday2016]

I read EVERY reply. It was a lot to absorb. I decided the day after my birthday when I was in severe crisis to reach out. A counselor saw me that day. Unfortunately, 10 mins into the session and she said she has a 'conflict of interest, I can't say more, I just can't have you be my patient'.. I was devastated and damn near suicidal. She threw me papers she printed from online for other therapists, several of which had disconnected phone numbers.

 

I'm slowly accepting the fantasy I had envisioned in my mind was just that, fantasy. He led me on with dreams and goals and promises in the beginning and unfortunately, when his true colors started to show I held on to the first part and didn't allow myself to realize he was a shifty person.

 

I'm hurt. I'm going to keep my daughter, I went into L&D on Friday night for early labor. I was having contractions and my cervix is starting to efface. I realized, holy **** a baby really is coming. I want to do right by her, idk if that means filing for support when she's born, I won't decide on that for a while. I don't want to hurt her and I really don't want to hurt his wife and child. I social media looked up his wife and it's so strange seeing pictures of their child- I realized, holy crap, that's my daughter's sibling. Will she ever know that? Idk. Frankly, I'm scared if I try to pursue support, scared he'll just throw money our way and expect us to disappear so will she ever know that part of her life, anyway?

Edited October 27, 2015 by Mayday2016

[Ms. Faust]

Have you still been seeing and sleeping with him? Has he helped you with the early labor? You can start the paperwork for child support now, which I think is best in your case, being unemployed and all. You should also look into government assistance. Diapers are expensive; nursing doesn't always work out, and if you go the formula route that is expensive. Clothes, hygiene products, toys, possible daycare for when you get a job are all a factor, and you will need financial support. This responsibility should be given to the father, and not to friends or family members. It shouldn't all be on you. He needs to pay for many reasons.

 

And there is definitely a good chance he will give you money and want to go no contact. It happens all the time. I have lurked in a support forum for people in reconciliation when an OC (other child) is involved, and many are no contact. If the MM has to tell his wife and then choose to reconcile they are going to look at protecting their marriage and their children. This can mean going NC with you and your daughter and having Wife involved in corresponding with you when necessary.

 

You should look at being prepared for all possible scenarios.

 

Good luck.

[StBreton]

Hi Mayday

 

I was hoping you'd post an update and glad to hear you're more in the present with the matter at hand ...your baby ...than the guy. Sorry to hear things didn't work out with the counselor ...that must have been difficult but you'll find another.

 

So if your starting to efface ...you may deliver early. Do you have someone to be with you during delivery? You'll want to have an advocate because the experience can be overwhelming ...who am I kidding ...it is overwhelming.

 

Don't be hard on yourself right now ...about anything ...and get some nice music for delivery so you can meditate a little ...I listened to Anya for hours ...it really helped.

 

Try not to worry about what is going to happen in the future with MM and his kids etc. It'll only stress you out.

 

Keep us LSers posted! Wish you the best

[bathtub-row]

Mayday, you have really been through it. I can't believe the therapist did that to you. Totally unprofessional. I wish you and your baby the best. Please keep us updated.

[SoleMate]

Facing the possibility of a premature birth makes it ever more urgent that you immediately engage a lawyer, name the father, and get proceedings started for support. A premature baby will need far more resources, time, and money to care for properly.

[truncated]

I read EVERY reply. It was a lot to absorb. I decided the day after my birthday when I was in severe crisis to reach out. A counselor saw me that day. Unfortunately, 10 mins into the session and she said she has a 'conflict of interest, I can't say more, I just can't have you be my patient'.. I was devastated and damn near suicidal. She threw me papers she printed from online for other therapists, several of which had disconnected phone numbers.

 

I'm slowly accepting the fantasy I had envisioned in my mind was just that, fantasy. He led me on with dreams and goals and promises in the beginning and unfortunately, when his true colors started to show I held on to the first part and didn't allow myself to realize he was a shifty person.

 

I'm hurt. I'm going to keep my daughter, I went into L&D on Friday night for early labor. I was having contractions and my cervix is starting to efface. I realized, holy **** a baby really is coming. I want to do right by her, idk if that means filing for support when she's born, I won't decide on that for a while. I don't want to hurt her and I really don't want to hurt his wife and child. I social media looked up his wife and it's so strange seeing pictures of their child- I realized, holy crap, that's my daughter's sibling. Will she ever know that? Idk. Frankly, I'm scared if I try to pursue support, scared he'll just throw money our way and expect us to disappear so will she ever know that part of her life, anyway?

 

You're in a tight spot, and it sounds like you have some decisions to make that won't be easy ones.

 

 

I understand you want to keep your daughter,and are wondering about your future and whether or not she will know her half siblings, and I can see where you are coming from.

 

For what it's worth, I was adopted, and don't have much knowledge about who my biological parents are, though given the ages they were at the time I was born, it's probably I have siblings I have never met. I was always raised to know that I was adopted, but that my mom and dad love me just as much as they would if I had been biologically theirs.

 

Keep in mind that might not be an issue until she is older and able to make a decision about that on her own. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but for me, knowing I had biological siblings "somewhere out there" doesn't matter all that much to me. It could be because I was raised with a lot of love and there was never any sort of shame attached to me being adopted, it was what it was. Hopefully, if you give your child lots of love and be a great mother to her, all your worry will have been for nothing and she'll grow up a happy child.

 

If I can offer one more thought, it's that for your own peace of mind, at least get child support put in place and find out if there are any medical issues that run in his family. That is one area where I wish I had some more information, as it could be very helpful to one of my kids.

 

Best of luck to you...try and relax and enjoy the special time with your newborn...it's very precious

[Artie Lang]

I really don't want to hurt his wife and child

 

you didn't do that... he did that all by himself. it would be great injustice for you and your child not to proceed with legal ramifications for his part in all this. he needs to be made responsible for his actions.

[whichwayisup]

Find another therapist, not one on that list obviously.. The therapist at least was honest and had a conflict of interest, maybe she is related to your MM or to MM's wife? Never know what the circumstances were as to why she refused to be your therapist.

 

Rely on your good friends and family to help support you through this. Don't rely on MM. He won't be there in the way you want him to be.

[Miss Peach]

If you are still legally married, in a lot of jurisdictions they will want to put your husband's name on the BC even if he isn't the father.

 

Legally you or him would probably have to go into a paternity trial first but I would check with an attorney in your area if you want to go after child support.

 

Even though child support and visitation isn't necessarily tied legally in many places, I would think twice if you want to be tied to this person. If he is declared the father, it may mean you have to provide him visitation and/or custody. You may have to make decisions with someone who doesn't want to be a father. He may take his anger of the situation out on you and/or your daughter.

 

I get that a man needs to support his child. I'm just saying I would seek advice (especially legally). You may not WANT this man in your life once the baby comes. If you want to maintain total control over the baby it may be in your benefit to not declare this man as the father.

 

I am a single parent and know many others. I have seen many of the battles in abusive relationships. But I have also seen a number of dads who don't want to be a father. Often times no "father" can be better than one who doesn't want to be one or one you have to force to be one. I know one poor little boy who whose father doesn't want to visit him and he's going through counseling for it.

 

It's not an easy choice. I'm just suggesting to think about it before making a choice. Many people will say to go after this guy for support, etc. I'm just saying I would find out what the legal roads would look like and see what you want to do before listening to all this well-meaning advice. A lot of single parents I know would chose to go alone as the primary parent than to essentially go alone with the legal issues.

Edited October 27, 2015 by Miss Peach

[Artie Lang]

it's not about "wanting" this man in your life. i can almost bet that he is gonna forfeit his rights. his current actions are pretty much leaning this way.

 

He refused to acknowledge the pregnancy except to tell me when the baby comes he's walking away and expects me to be mature and responsible and accept that decision and just disappear myself.

 

furthermore, it seems that any relationship with her ex-husband is pretty much over and done at this point, so there is no way he's gonna accept responsibility for another man's baby. to do that, he's gotta be the most generous and forgiving human being in the world, or completely insane to put himself in that position.

 

 

this so-called man, needs to be made aware of the impending birth of his child and most importantly, that although he wants his affair to remain a "dirty little secret" his child shouldn't be labeled as such. this is a person(baby)- not an "inconvenience!" he needs to own up to it.

 

if you and him really want nothing more to do with each other, then i suggest you make it legal and raise your daughter on your own. but don't let him treat you or your daughter this way... it's demeaning, insulting, and disrespectful. the decisions that led you two here were indeed horrible, but the birth of your child isn't.

 

 

just remember that what you think you had with this man was NOT love... far from it. you met him on AM, for pete's sake.