Author learning to breathe Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I definitely know right from wrong, regardless of who is wrong I know what I need to do but I didn't do obviously. I got myself wrapped up in not love, but lust and infatuation, another way as well to like forget about reality and just do what I have to ease the pain. I know the emotional affair have had was wrong. highly noted. I didn't mention that earlier because that wasn't what I was talking about and my husband did not mean that I would be cursed because of my adultery ( we both have anyway) but more because OF divorce. he said if I left him that he and I would be cursed for the rest of our lives and that is why he doesn't want to continue with the divorce.... to be honest that makes me feel like i am trapped and i have to live with someone who does not see me as a wife (yes ever BEFORE i had an emotional affair) i don't want to be looked at as a piece of meat, or get hit over something stupid like having a piece of glitter on the floor..... I don't feel God would "curse" me to want to be safe and get away from pain. however i also feel like i may be running away from my problems.. idk its a weird way to think about it even though the abuse happens... but i always face and own up to my problems or my wrong doings.... but with my husband idk.... i just don't want to be abused anymore. i don't want to feel like i go home i have to go to my room and sleep on the floor and wait in there all day for hours on end because i feel like if i go outside he will manipulate me to stay..... i know because you are abused doesn't mean you should go out and have "fun" and just forget about everything but to be honest that is what i wanted to do, forget about EVERYTHING. I couldn't take it anymore. I just started to zone out but i knew that my actions have a consequence just like everything in life and i started to accept it. wrong i know. i understand.. todreaminblue thank you for sharing part of your story... very insightful and you are right no matter what you have repented and totally changed your life... praise God for that really.... im proud of you! and to everyone else who has posted and listed very insightful passages and links and names of others who have touched you i appreciate it as well... i just wanted to get clarity on what others thought "cursed" meant... who wants to be cursed? i don't... its just weird... Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 AM scandal again? If so I'll reiterate my previous thoughts on that subject. People who commit crimes(hackers included) should be punished when caught, but in a world that includes starving children and persecuted dissidents I'm not gonna lose any sleep over some adulterers getting caught with their pants down, online or otherwise. There are certain posters(yourself included) who speak a lot about redemption, but I sometimes get the feeling that the term 'redemption' is being used interchangeably with the term 'good'. But being redeemed does not mean that we are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. The apostle Paul was redeemed, he had done some truly heinous things before his road to Damascus conversion and you already know what he had to say about his character. I'd like to paraphrase something I once heard J Vernon McGee(whom I recommended to OP earlier) say about this very subject. "All of mankind is divided between the saints and the aint's, if you ain't in Christ then you are an ain't, if you are in Christ then you are a saint. It is not your character that makes you a saint, it is your position in Christ." Here is what I mean: Our sin should cause us guilt and shame.....UNTIL we confess, repent, turn, and begin living anew. It is not Biblical to carry that shame and guilt from the point of sin until the day we die. It just isn't. When Christ (the only Sinless One) forgives, He cleanses us from all unrighteousness, so for us to keep carrying that around is to insult His gift of grace, IMO If we sin against someone, there will be consequences. The relationship will be affected, our fellowship with Christ will be affected, and our own self will be affected. Sometimes the relationship cannot be restored. And yes, sometimes sin will tarnish our reputations. Those are all natural consequences. BUT...it is not MY job to make sure that another person's consequences spread as far and wide as possible. I am neither God nor the Holy Spirit. If my spouse cheats, I have the right to expose, garner support, and require amends. Because they are my spouse and have sinned against me. If the guy down the street has cheated or a member of a forum I have never met has cheated.....NO, that isn't my job or right. I have a very hard time with any Christian who believes it is their duty to remind all sinners of their sin...even after they have repented. I have a hard time with Christians who fixate on all the wrath and public display verses and forget the verses about grace, repentance, forgiveness, and restoration. I have a BIG problem with any professing Christian who suggest that we are not to forgive. Because that is imminently clear in the Bible. When a spouse cheats, and they repent, turn from that sin, make amends to those who are entitled to it (BS, family, etc), and regain that esteem, it is not my job or anyone else's on earth to determine when they have been shamed enough, punished enough, had enough consequences, or make sure they never forget. There are quite a few professing Christians out there who have appointed themselves the Holy Spirit and the town crier...and to put it simply: they are not acting in a way that is at all like Christ. And some of their actions border on illegal. It would be my suggestion that they look at the mote in their own eyes before advertising the speck in everyone else's. As far as AM...I consider anyone who was exposed on that list to be suffering the natural consequences of their actions. However, it is not my job or anyone else's to dictate the consequences for strangers. OR get involved in their lives to create havoc and then hide behind their sin as a justification. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 BUT...it is not MY job to make sure that another person's consequences spread as far and wide as possible. I am neither God nor the Holy Spirit. If my spouse cheats, I have the right to expose, garner support, and require amends. Because they are my spouse and have sinned against me. If the guy down the street has cheated or a member of a forum I have never met has cheated.....NO, that isn't my job or right. I have a very hard time with any Christian who believes it is their duty to remind all sinners of their sin...even after they have repented. This is contradictory to what you are saying of 'Christians' and their behavior even though it is 'personal'. IMO we don't have a right to require anyone of anything in this scenario... it's all up to God. More so than not, it's the control of the BS that leads to the A in the first place (I'm not saying the BS is the entire cause of the A). Having seen many horrible BS's in my day and having been a BS, I do know the difference. I have a hard time with Christians who fixate on all the wrath and public display verses and forget the verses about grace, repentance, forgiveness, and restoration. I have a BIG problem with any professing Christian who suggest that we are not to forgive. Because that is imminently clear in the Bible. I have never seen this before. Ever. Could you be specific of what Christian group you are referring to? When a spouse cheats, and they repent, turn from that sin, make amends to those who are entitled to it (BS, family, etc), and regain that esteem, it is not my job or anyone else's on earth to determine when they have been shamed enough, punished enough, had enough consequences, or make sure they never forget. Many, many BS's are famous for what you state right here- There are quite a few professing Christians out there who have appointed themselves the Holy Spirit and the town crier...and to put it simply: they are not acting in a way that is at all like Christ. And some of their actions border on illegal. It would be my suggestion that they look at the mote in their own eyes before advertising the speck in everyone else's. I don't see this at all anymore... we live in a 'do what you want' society, so again, not sure who you are referring to. However, it is not my job or anyone else's to dictate the consequences for strangers. OR get involved in their lives to create havoc and then hide behind their sin as a justification. You seem to adamant Autumn... what in the heck happened to you love! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 This is contradictory to what you are saying of 'Christians' and their behavior even though it is 'personal'. IMO we don't have a right to require anyone of anything in this scenario... it's all up to God. More so than not, it's the control of the BS that leads to the A in the first place (I'm not saying the BS is the entire cause of the A). Having seen many horrible BS's in my day and having been a BS, I do know the difference. I probably shouldn't have used the word "right." My point was that if someone is going to expose, set up requirements, impose consequences...it would be the BS whose place it is to do it....not someone else's. I completely disagree that a BS - no matter how bad - causes an A. That choice is 100% on the WS I have never seen this before. Ever. Could you be specific of what Christian group you are referring to? I can't, not if I want to be safe Many, many BS's are famous for what you state right here- The pain a BS goes through is horrible, and the betrayal is deep. I try not to judge what a BS does with regard to their own situation. I will judge someone who involves themselves in the lives of non-family members or strangers. I don't see this at all anymore... we live in a 'do what you want' society, so again, not sure who you are referring to. Actually, the do what you want mindset can cause problems. Not just because people think they are entitled to affairs, but when people believe they are entitled to infiltrate the lives of others You seem to adamant Autumn... what in the heck happened to you love! Again, I can't safely answer this, which is sort of pathetic when you think about it. How does any of this relate to the OP? Well, OP, your job is to own your own actions, live your own life honorably and in a way that is pleasing to God. It is also pefectly acceptable for you to protect your well-being and to NOT put up with being abused, even if you are not perfect. It is also important that you understand that no matter what man does or says, GOD does not hold sins repented of against a believer. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It is also important that you understand that no matter what man does or says, GOD does not hold sins repented of against a believer. Period. Very much yes! I'm Catholic. We believe it's a spiritual act of mercy to tell someone of their sin. However, there are rules governing this. We aren't to judge, but come from a place of kindness and concern. We aren't to be cruel, because cruelty in the name of God just pushes the sinner further from Him. We aren't to publicly shame, but be as discreet as possible and there is some debate if telling family is public shaming or not.. And, if the sinner repents and makes amends, we are to assume the sinner has been forgiven and stfu about it. It's not all roses after Confession and Absolution, though. Sin creates a spiritual consequence and a corporal consequence. Just because one has Confessed, been Absolved, and is forgiven doesn't mean that one escapes the consequences of their actions in the material world. Sometimes those consequences include divorce and exposure. As far as divorce being a sin, the Church encourages forgiveness after infidelity if at all possible. If not, separation is considered morally acceptable. If necessary, to protect and provide for spouse and children, divorce in cases of infidelity and abuse is also morally acceptable. It's remarriage without annulment that causes problems. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Yep...EVERY time the Bible speaks of believer confronting sin, it is IN LOVE. Talk of public humiliation (not church discipline), "outing" strangers (not the AM scandal, but people appointing themselves judge, jury, and town crier), fastening the permanent scarlet letter, following people around to "keep them in their place," and taking all the "wrath" verses out of context are basically unbiblical twisting of Scripture to justify persecution, pride, and mistreatment. And any religious or marital leader that turns a blind eye to this ought to be ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) Yep...EVERY time the Bible speaks of believer confronting sin, it is IN LOVE. Tell that to Ananias and Sapphira Edited October 17, 2015 by TheFinalWord Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Tell that to Ananias and Sapphira True, but I was speaking in terms of the Bibles instructions to US, not the narrative about people. Funnily enough, they were struck down for hiding money and lying about their gift....NOT infidelity. Imagine that..... Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 True, but I was speaking in terms of the Bibles instructions to US, not the narrative about people. Funnily enough, they were struck down for hiding money and lying about their gift....NOT infidelity. Imagine that..... True... A good video, on how to deal with these types of issues (try not to look at their appearance, they're Christian rock artists lol): (...I am sure there are better resources for women, I just don't know what they are...) Link to post Share on other sites
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