Happily married but rarely watching adult videos - ?

[jbb1335]

I know my wife for about 3 years now, we are married for over 2 years, quite happily, I do discuss many things with her whenever I have issues etc. however on some occasions and in some way, only some way, I'm "glad" that it's quite rare and doesn't happen too often but when it does, especially when I'm not at work, home early I find myself alone watching porn or more precisely webcams.

 

I do try to keep myself busy and never allow myself to be home alone, we're also expecting our first baby in about 3 months.... I did read the forum quite briefly, I've noticed some guys describe how they went to escorts etc. - it happened to me before I got married with my wife, quite a long time before that, when I had a bad relationship - my advice to you is to avoid it like the plague - it won't do any good in your life ... and yes, been several years now "without it" - and it feels much better, much much better.

 

And yes, the reason I brought this up is to emphasize it's crucial and very important for me to not even get close to any escort or any physical service with girls because I love and respect my wife - but on these rare occasions where I fall "online" (and not offline) - I feel really bad and I'm not even sure if I shouldn't classify 'webcams' as a type of cheating because it's definitely bad, doesn't matter if it's virtual.

 

I did tell my wife about these times several times before, she understood, asked me to share with her those feelings before I do anything "stupid", some times I did that and it helped and some times I probably gave in to the devil ... I was wondering what would be the best advice to stay out of porn/webcams anything whatsoever, stay clean 100% without having even 1 single black spot? Is it possible? If so how can you do that?

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes it's possible, if you really want to respect your wife. I don't think porn is an issue in itself but do feel that webcams stray more into the arena of cheating, it's not one way only, it's back and forth, you're interacting sexually and intimately with a woman who is not your wife.

 

What does your wife actually think about you using webcams? Does it hugely bother her? She seems to have responded to it pretty calmly. If she's asked you to speak to her first before you go through with it when you're tempted, isn't the thought that you're going against her wishes and indirectly lying to her enough to stop you?

 

What do you get from webcams that you don't get from your sex life with your wife?

[smackie9]

It's not extreme but you have an addiction.....you still can't help yourself. At this point you are in denial that it's not cheating....the above poster is right it is cheating. YOU DO HAVE A PROBLEM. I suggest you seek out a therapist that specializes in this type of addiction.

[jbb1335]

At this point you are in denial that it's not cheating....

 

Please read above:

and I'm not even sure if I shouldn't classify 'webcams' as a type of cheating because it's definitely bad, doesn't matter if it's virtual.

[lchf]

I will agree that excessive porn usage especially when your wife is around is not healthy. You definitely don't seem to have a handle on the issue. I'm not too sure I classify webcams as cheating. If you're spending money and tipping these chicks for specific things then yes perhaps that pushes a boundary. But if you're watching a free show how is that different from watching amateur porn? The fact that it's live? I don't really get that.

[jbb1335]

What does your wife actually think about you using webcams? Does it hugely bother her? She seems to have responded to it pretty calmly. If she's asked you to speak to her first before you go through with it when you're tempted, isn't the thought that you're going against her wishes and indirectly lying to her enough to stop you?

 

 

She responds in a way of understanding along the lines of being sad/upset ... she sees it as an old addiction still going through life but slowly losing more and more place in our joint life which is what we want ... it's like smoking a cigarette - it's an addiction, she doesn't look at it as myself doing by all means the opposite of what she wants but deep inside, myself, I just don't want to have it ... it's funny in gambling there is a term called "self exclusion" so I actually used it with some webcam websites asking them to ban me, and they did, but some others don't cooperate.

 

What do you get from webcams that you don't get from your sex life with your wife?

 

I don't think I get anything ... when I come to write about it now I honestly don't see what the benefit of it ... in gambling you can make money (I do arbitrage so I actually do make money from it, in fact my wife supports it because we don't really risk anything) ... we are both risk takers, I feel like these websites are turning me into the opposite of what I need to be, they take my energy out ... and no, I haven't watched it lately as if I write it in remorse, I just write what I feel about it now, out of the blue that's what I think ... but so the same thing a person with smoking/alcohol issues would tell you the same - you reckon it's wrong but you keep on doing it - that's the problem ... I'm glad I shared my wife with it, and so far this "addiction" hasn't cost much (relationship is ok, financially I didn't spend more than $30/month on it but it's still a BAD THING!!)

[jbb1335]

I will agree that excessive porn usage especially when your wife is around is not healthy. You definitely don't seem to have a handle on the issue. I'm not too sure I classify webcams as cheating. If you're spending money and tipping these chicks for specific things then yes perhaps that pushes a boundary. But if you're watching a free show how is that different from watching amateur porn? The fact that it's live? I don't really get that.

 

What I did in the past is a combination of both free shows and paid view, so I did spend money on this, but I never exaggerated and even if I haven't exaggerated (I have the bank account statements that I actually use to follow any addictions or out-of-the-ordinary-spending) - I'm still feeling wrong with it ...

 

 

In fact, I feel like I'm in a junction - if I won't stop it completely (100%, not 90%!!) then things could get worse ... and on the other hand if I manage to succumb and conquer this devil then our life would be even better (if they are 85% okay now they will be 110% better).

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Disney movies are good, but I'd get bored of them if that's all we could watch.

 

 

I enjoy porn. I don't watch porn when I'm in a relationship, unless it's a truly mutual thing. I'm imaginative enough to not get bored with sex.

[smackie9]

OK so you ARE admitting you have a problem no? then wouldn't it make sense to spend that money on a therapist rather than your webcam/masturbation fix?

[jbb1335]

OK so you ARE admitting you have a problem no? then wouldn't it make sense to spend that money on a therapist rather than your webcam/masturbation fix?

 

Yes, of course I admit I have a problem.

Would you go to a therapist alone or ask my wife to join me as well? I've never done it before.