He says he is "ALMOST" in love with me. Huh?!?

[FarAndAway]

I am the original poster of the thread "Getting Mixed Signals in LDR" Well, at least the signal is clear now. Boyfriend and I have been having some serious talks. We have talked about me moving to his side of the country at the end of the year but lately he has been pressuring me to do it earlier.

 

He is 30 years old and this is his first mature relationship. He will be the first to admit that. He said this is the strongest he has ever felt about anyone. He left my part of the country almost immediatly after we met. We have seen each other maybe 15 to 20 times in the last 9 months. We do very well together but the distance has put a strain on the relationship.

 

He has a hard time expressing his feelings for me sometimes but he finally said he wasn't in love with me. This floored me since he has spent thousands of dollars flying out to see me and flying me out to see him. He said he is "almost" in love with me and that he knows he would fall in love with me if I moved there. He said "haven't you noticed that I never say I love you back when you say it?" I said "um yeah, that's why I stopped" Well, don't I feel like have the word ass written in big black letters on my forehead! At least now I know right? Isn't it better to know you have cancer than to not know what is wrong with you?? I know..wierd analogy but you get my drift.

 

He has really been putting on the pressure to move there. He tries to "sell" it to me. Like "we would have so much fun being togther and doing couple things blah blah blah.. then he minimalizes my situation here. Saying, your boss treats you like crap (which he does) and then he says, you don't have a house ( I live in an apartment) and he names the few close friends that I have and says you would miss your mom but other than that you can just pick up and come here. He says that he will take care of me and that if I work I can keep my money and I wouldn't have to pay him anything.. he said you can use it to pay off your debts... ok.. that's nice.

 

I told him that he should find someone close by that he could really fall in love with. I told him that he should have a woman move in his house that he is in love with... he said, But I am close to falling in love with you and I don't want to be with anyone else!!

 

I told him I think I am going to pull back with my feelings for him.. I mean after all, I feel a bit stupid and vulnerable right now. He said if I did that then we would break up...

 

Ummm.. am I missing something here??? Why is asking someone to love you before you move across the country too much to ask???! JEEEEZZZZ. What the hell has this guy been doing with me all this time? After these intense talks he gets really clingy for a little while..like he is afraid that I might dump him or something...

 

Thoughts please anyone??

[Debster]

He is close to falling in love with you??

 

I've never heard that before. Either you are in love or you aren't in my experience.

[Artscrafter]

If this is his first serious relatipnship, I can sort of understand where he's coming from. I'm not so sure it's best described as being "almost in love" with someone, but speaking as someone who hasn't been in very many relationships myself, some of us are very careful when we say things like we love someone, because we want to be absolutely certain that we mean it. And in my case at least, there have definitely been times when I honestly didn't know whether I loved someone or not. (With more experience I'm guessing that this uncertainty won't last as long.) Such as right now with my current gf of a few weeks. If the issue came up, I'd probably have to say that I didn't love her, because I'm not sure. But I recognize that it might happen and I'm open to the possibility.

 

That might be what he means when he says he "almost" loves you. Then again, continuing with things like he'd love you completely if you moved closer to him... That seems a little odd.

[Tyric]

Hmmm, I agree. Brother sounds a little immature when it comes to dating. But there's a bigger problem as I see it.

 

You're absolutely right - if you're going to move across the country or to a new country or move across the street, for that matter, to be with someone, you should both be in love! But in this day and age, I think it's impossible to fall in love if you can't jump in the car and drive over to their place be with them whenever you want to. You may make this relationship work, but having it pan out sounds more like fantasy than reality from the cheap seats.