kind of social anxiety

[xazecp]

I've had this social anxiety thing for a while now. I can hardly look in the mirror at myself without getting mad because of how I figure I must appear to everyone else. I can hardly look people in the eyes and I've always put my hand over my face when I'm talking to someone. Other than that, everything in my life becomes a mess because I assume the worst of everything so I never call anyone up or anything. I don't really know what to ask, but has anyone else felt been into this? Help if you can, thanks.

[Sparky]

Hey, I can really relate to this.

 

I have serious depression issues. They were caused by the brutal bullying in my childhood. It made me feel ugly inside, and angry enough to kill someone sometimes. I get the feeling about seriously hurting or killing someone and I couldn't be happier. I feel happy to be angry, or alone in the world. It's a good and bad feeling at the same time. I have a rage inside that wants to come out, but can't, and that's the bad feeling. The good feeling is knowing that someone is suffering and I'm causing it. I'm alone, quiet, and no energy at all.

 

It makes me question myself if I'm an evil person.

 

To stop these feelings, I'm on something called "Zoloft". It's an anti-depressant, and it completely changed me. I'm social, happy, and my worries just die on me. I would highly recommend it. Check it out and talk to your doctor about it.

 

I'm no doctor, but I think that this would be the perfect solution, or a similar anti-depressant.

[xazecp]

Thanks much for the reply

 

Sorry to hear about your situation..

 

I think mine was caused by common shyness and loads of stress growing up. I fear that if I take medication, that I will still appear to be the person I hate, just without being aware of it at the time. I am always trying to make myself presentable for some reason. I overthink everything and thats where the assuming the worst comes in. I am considered a very logical person (sorry if it sounds egotistical, I am the complete opposite) and am thankful that there is one or two people close enough that share the same outlooks on so many things.

 

I used to sweat excessivley when in social situations and couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure how that went away, glad it did though. I'm just giving what its like to see if anyone else can relate to it and hopefully help me if they've overcome it.

 

Thanks again..

[Sparky]

I'm glad I could help.

 

Originally posted by xazecp

I fear that if I take medication, that I will still appear to be the person I hate, just without being aware of it at the time.

 

Don't worry about that. Go see your family doctor or a psychiatrist.

 

Originally posted by xazecp

I am always trying to make myself presentable for some reason. I overthink everything and thats where the assuming the worst comes in.

 

Okay, I think this is the root of the problem. This is just from my observation, but...

 

1. You worry about what others think of you. WHO CARES?! You'll always have people that will like you, and others that don't. Don't waste your time trying to get people to like you.

2. You think way too far ahead. Focus on the here and now.

3. You think about every little detail. Little details don't matter, just think about the things that matter.

4. You have a low self-esteem. Give yourself credit; pat yourself on the back; and don't shoot yourself in the foot everytime you do something wrong. Realize your mistakes and learn from them.

5. You are very pesimistic. Look on the bright side on things, and focus on that. Just keep the bad outcomes in mind.

6. You are a very quiet person. OPEN YOURSELF UP TO SOMEONE! A parent, doctor, friend, sybling, etc. If you hold everything in, the fear will build up and you'll feel worse.

7. You avoid risks. Life is all about risks, and they open up many doors to life. Some are the best things that can every happen to you, and others can destroy you. Try new things, and explore them. If you don't like it, learn from it. Of course, use your judgment.

8. You don't trust yourself. Go with your gut feeling, and worry about the consequences later, but be smart!!!! Every situation is different.

 

These are some ways to relax. Use your conscience though. Don't become a bad guy, that gets into sh*t all the time and risks his life. There are limits, you know.

 

Look. I'm not telling you to stop worrying all together, because you need to be concerned about some things, not everything. You need to let go of your fears.

 

I''m not a psychiatrist, but I know how to relax. I hope this helps.

[whichwayisup]

Great advice btw...

 

Ask your family doctor about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I've been in therapy for a year now and my anxiety is sooo much better. This kind of therapy will help you cope better, learn about your fears, face them slowly with exposure therapy - SLOWLY at your own pace (though some Therapists do it too fast and it can set you back) and you learn to gain the confidence, self worth and get CONTROL back in your life. You learn how to re-train the brain to get rid of the "learned" fears (cuz that is what they are -Learned behaviour! And learned behaviour can be undone!) and be more positive, not letting those negative thoughts/ feelings take over your life.

 

I understand ALL your fears as I've been there too...Still am at times too! I have more good days than bad days, I'm not scared anymore of the anxiety - Learned how to deal with them, get angry at them and take back my life bit by bit. Every small accomplishment is HUGE! And one thing you have to remember is, CELEBRATE those small things because each time you push yourself and get through whatever the situation is, (even if it is 20 mins of feeling comfy with a crowd etc...Or whatever it was that set the anxiety off) ride out the anxiety like a rollercoaster - When you've done it - You've won! And that feeling is positive...That good energy is what you build from.

 

Talk about it, join anxiety sites (Feel free to PM me and I can give you some links to some great sites with group forums) and don't be embarressed by it. I know how it feels to be ashamed of the problem, but SO many suffer from it and the more it's talked about the more help we put out there for everybody else - And learn more too.

 

Hang in there.

[xazecp]

Originally posted by Sparky

 

1. You worry about what others think of you. WHO CARES?! You'll always have people that will like you, and others that don't. Don't waste your time trying to get people to like you.

 

It might be that I've seen alot of shallow friends do disrespectful **** behind backs, so I'm trying to get friends back again, meanwhile they've probably been there the whole time.

 

Everything else you said I took into account aswell, I was amazed how well this reflected me. I tend not to congratulate myself for anything because I always see it as a fluke that It happened properly, whether it be something like a conversation or a creation (art).

 

Also when I try to focus on everything positive, it falls apart in front of my eyes, either because it seems corny, or I should have done it by now, or It's too perfect. I never like doing this, it's not that I enjoy doing it, but yes it is also a problem.

 

and whichwayisup..

 

I thank you for your reply aswell, I understood it clearly. I hardly feel ashamed of it, because I know that the people around me that share this are FULL of intellectual beauty. The only time I've talked about it to people though is when I'm drunk, becasue otherwise (I know, enough of this) I feel that they're just going spread it on like "oh that kid's a pussy" or "he's a wierdo, he's not fun to party with". I know that this wouldn't happen though becuase I know these people too well.

 

Thanks for the replies and I'll check that stuff out, already feelin' bettter

 

EDIT: by the way, i forgot.. could you give me a few of those sites? thanks

[xazecp]

sorry, apparently I can't PM you yet ( i have it turned on, but am not an active participant ). So let me know if theres another way you could share those links, thanks again

[Sparky]

Originally posted by xazecp

It might be that I've seen alot of shallow friends do disrespectful **** behind backs, so I'm trying to get friends back again, meanwhile they've probably been there the whole time.

 

Everything else you said I took into account aswell, I was amazed how well this reflected me. I tend not to congratulate myself for anything because I always see it as a fluke that It happened properly, whether it be something like a conversation or a creation (art).

 

Also when I try to focus on everything positive, it falls apart in front of my eyes, either because it seems corny, or I should have done it by now, or It's too perfect. I never like doing this, it's not that I enjoy doing it, but yes it is also a problem.

 

Xazecp, you just proved that my observations are true. You have zero self-esteem, completely pesemistic, and you're trying to get the whole world to like you.

 

Originally posted by xazecp

I tend not to congratulate myself for anything because I always see it as a fluke that It happened properly, whether it be something like a conversation or a creation (art).

 

WHY?! Is there nothing you're good at? Do you enjoy being miserable?

 

What so corny about looking on the positive side of things? Quit worrying about the past, and focus on the future. Nothing is too perfect for you! Just look at yourself and see what you're good at! WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL? WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE?

 

If you don't like looking on the good sides and working towards them, then you had better be prepared to have a long, excrutiating, and miserable life, and at the rate you're going, you are well on your way! Don't so this to yourself!

 

I'm sorry for being harsh, but come on! I have never met anyone as pesemistic as this in my life!

[lindya]

Xazecp, was there some point in your life at which thinking negatively served a purpose? Did it result in other people giving you compliments, reassurance or attention which you didn't know how else to get? Self-deprecating comments can become a habit, and eventually they can become a deep seated characteristic.

 

You say that you have an anxiety disorder. Perhaps you do - I don't know. I know that I was diagnosed by my doctor as having PTSD a couple of years. I spent a short while on medication, but really wasn't happy about doing so - though I agree with Sparky that medication can help to bump you up a bit (and when you hit the bottom, you do sometimes really need that extra help).

 

The anxiety was mainly circumstantial and caused by a traumatic experience (obviously... ). I think that certain thinking patterns I had developed over time heightened my anxious reaction to that event, and I had a delayed recovery. If you imagine that every time you walk into a room, everyone in that room stops to stare and whisper about you - then, yes, you're going to be paranoid about walking into that room. But unless you're a celebrity, have been involved in some really juicy major scandal - or have walked into the room butt-naked with a flower-pot on your head, the chances are that you won't elicit that sort of reaction from others except in your head.

 

You need to stop focusing on how bad you feel, and start focusing on the practical steps you have to take in order to feel better about yourself. Forget about the fact that other people can be shallow at times. People need a level of shallowness in their lives in order to keep things fun; it's a balance. When you can't remember how to have a laugh with your mates, things really have gone downhill.

 

Tempting as it is, when you feel like s***, to talk about it for hours on end - there comes a time when you have to stop talking about it and start doing something concrete to make things better. That might mean cognitive therapy, it might mean buying a book on neuro-linguistic programming - or it could involve investing in a couple of hypnotherapy sessions aimed at developing patterns of positive thinking.

 

You describe people who suffer from anxiety disorders as "full of intellectual beauty." If you genuinely want to get better, then you need to stop thinking in those terms. Yes - working through a severe anxiety disorder is a tough process that can leave a person with a lot of very strong and positive qualities...but start romanticising mental illness or anxiety disorders, and you might find yourself stuck there for ever more.

[whichwayisup]

xazecp, COMPLETELY ignore the previous poster as she just doesn't get it, understand or relate to what you're feeling. And Sparky is harsh, but doesn't really get the anxiety thing either.

 

what's yer email addy, I will shoot you the site links..Or just start posting and replying to other people's posts to raise your posting quota up so you can get PM's.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by Sparky

 

 

Xazecp, you just proved that my observations are true. You have zero self-esteem, completely pesemistic, and you're trying to get the whole world to like you.

 

 

 

WHY?! Is there nothing you're good at? Do you enjoy being miserable?

 

What so corny about looking on the positive side of things? Quit worrying about the past, and focus on the future. Nothing is too perfect for you! Just look at yourself and see what you're good at! WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL? WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE?

 

If you don't like looking on the good sides and working towards them, then you had better be prepared to have a long, excrutiating, and miserable life, and at the rate you're going, you are well on your way! Don't so this to yourself!

 

I'm sorry for being harsh, but come on! I have never met anyone as pesemistic as this in my life!

 

Spark, the thing is, most (not all) people with anxiety get into their own heads and tend to "over think and over worry" over just about everything! It's SO easy to say to somebody, hey just don't worry about it, be positive, feel good! IF it was that easy then we wouldn't have this problem. I don't wish this disorder on even my worst enemy! The negative thoughts which lead you to yukky feelings, the constant build up of anxiety - Feeling ashamed, embarressed and yes, it plays a number on your head and makes you feel down - Depression and anxiety also go hand in hand. xazecp may have some depression as well and that definately affects self confidence so that could be a factor in how he feels generally.

 

Lindya, sorry I didn't read your full post - I more or less had just woken up, I did read your post and you've nailed some important issues as well, your last three paragraphs are good advice.

 

The way I look at it, when you have a really bad day - accept it as a bad day. Don't do anything that will heighten your anxieties...Those days just keep to yourself, and try not to go too negative. Keep distracted! On your better days, push yourself to the limit! There is nothing better than feeling enpowered by having a great bunch of days! That is the goal you strive for - To feel like that most of the time.

[lindya]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

xazecp, COMPLETELY ignore the previous poster as she just doesn't get it, understand or relate to what you're feeling. And Sparky is harsh, but doesn't really get the anxiety thing either.

 

No probs WWUID. I just posted an indignant reponse telling you not to "monopolise" the area of anxiety disorders -but scanning my post I can see why it could have looked less than sympathetic. I think sometimes when you come through a difficult time, you can look back and feel a bit impatient with yourself for having let things get you down for so long.

 

That impatience can probably be transmitted quite easily to other people who are still stuck in that place. A sort of "come on man, I got through it - you can too" sort of thing. And you forget that one of the reasons you got through it was because other people cared and bothered enough to listen and relate.

[xazecp]

Originally posted by lindya

 

You need to stop focusing on how bad you feel, and start focusing on the practical steps you have to take in order to feel better about yourself. Forget about the fact that other people can be shallow at times. People need a level of shallowness in their lives in order to keep things fun; it's a balance. When you can't remember how to have a laugh with your mates, things really have gone downhill.

 

That actually helped quite alot. See I think that whenever I hit bottom, I'm learning something new about it and realizing something, but it's just the same old crap. Also, maybe someone else would have said "the people who are shallow have no lifes in the first place, or shouldn't be your friends" which would then just breed some sort of anxiety in fear of these people, you put it differently helping me understand again that everyones like that and its light, not meant to ruin lifes.

 

You describe people who suffer from anxiety disorders as "full of intellectual beauty." If you genuinely want to get better, then you need to stop thinking in those terms.

 

Sorry I didn't mean it like that. I meant that the people that happen to be around me, (not having any disorder) know so much about whats real in life. They are cautious about what people think about them, but it's not like it takes over them. Recently, for the first time, they convinced me to really show some of my creativity for example and that made a quite an impact. No-one would have pushed me to do it before.

 

 

WHY?! Is there nothing you're good at? Do you enjoy being miserable?

 

What so corny about looking on the positive side of things? Quit worrying about the past, and focus on the future. Nothing is too perfect for you! Just look at yourself and see what you're good at! WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL? WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE?

 

There are a few talents that I have that I'm proud of. I don't enjoy being miserable though, it's that I like that I can see the world differently. But when it gets so different that everyone treats you lousy, then it's too distorted.

 

And the corny thing is, that if I were to show someone that vision, I wouldn't know what to expect to hear from them. As if it's the stupidest thing out there. As I'm typing this, I learn that everyone may have these, and it's not a thing in which other people are supposed to see.

 

 

Spark, the thing is, most (not all) people with anxiety get into their own heads and tend to "over think and over worry" over just about everything! It's SO easy to say to somebody, hey just don't worry about it, be positive, feel good! IF it was that easy then we wouldn't have this problem. I don't wish this disorder on even my worst enemy! The negative thoughts which lead you to yukky feelings, the constant build up of anxiety - Feeling ashamed, embarressed and yes, it plays a number on your head and makes you feel down - Depression and anxiety also go hand in hand. xazecp may have some depression as well and that definately affects self confidence so that could be a factor in how he feels generally.

 

Lindya, sorry I didn't read your full post - I more or less had just woken up, I did read your post and you've nailed some important issues as well, your last three paragraphs are good advice.

 

The way I look at it, when you have a really bad day - accept it as a bad day. Don't do anything that will heighten your anxieties...Those days just keep to yourself, and try not to go too negative. Keep distracted! On your better days, push yourself to the limit! There is nothing better than feeling enpowered by having a great bunch of days! That is the goal you strive for - To feel like that most of the time.

 

Thanks for watchin out on this, I'm running out of time to type, but this, as all posts, have actually really affected me positively,

 

I still don't know why I can't look in the mirror and see distinction instead of a face speckled with hideous features. It's not much of that I think I'm ugly as can be, but that I don't want to look like something ( I really can't explain it ) Mainly big ugly stoner lips, and looking like a immature kid for some reason. Not photogenic in any way.

 

Thanks all.

[monkey00]

I think i know where the cause of the problem is. You're a very self conscious person. I used to be that kind of guy too.

 

self consciousness leads to overthinking, worrying, insecurity, low self esteem, lack of confidence.....and worst of all it makes you very unnatural when interacting with people.

 

The old me used to be very overanalytic in any situation. Whenever people looked over at me or talked to me, they could tell by my facial expression. and when that happened it made me overanalyze even more in fear theyh didnt like me. So it was a double edge sword basically, cause problems for each side.

 

I dont know what i can say to help. But i will say this....I knew exactly where my problem lied, and was very open minded about changing myself cause i really did not like the way i was at all. It took time, and it happened. Stuff like this cant turn 360 overnight.

 

Just go with the flow, and focus on the present. Be the best of you, without all the garbage clutter your mind feeds you. Regardless if people will like you or not, it's life so learn to deal with it. The human mind can be your worst enemy at times...so dont overanalyze or think too much.

[lindya]

 

I meant that the people that happen to be around me, (not having any disorder) know so much about whats real in life. They are cautious about what people think about them, but it's not like it takes over them. Recently, for the first time, they convinced me to really show some of my creativity for example and that made a quite an impact. No-one would have pushed me to do it before.

 

 

I'm glad that you've got people around who are helping you to explore your creative abilities. There's no doubt about it that doing what you love and are naturally good at really helps to build up your confidence.

[Sparky]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

And Sparky is harsh, but doesn't really get the anxiety thing either.

 

That was pretty harsh too. I DO understand the anxiety thing too, because depression and anxiety are really close alike, and also I used to be like him but not as severe as this.

 

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Spark, the thing is, most (not all) people with anxiety get into their own heads and tend to "over think and over worry" over just about everything! It's SO easy to say to somebody, hey just don't worry about it, be positive, feel good! IF it was that easy then we wouldn't have this problem. I don't wish this disorder on even my worst enemy! The negative thoughts which lead you to yukky feelings, the constant build up of anxiety - Feeling ashamed, embarressed and yes, it plays a number on your head and makes you feel down - Depression and anxiety also go hand in hand. xazecp may have some depression as well and that definately affects self confidence so that could be a factor in how he feels generally.

 

Whichwayisup, this is exactly what I'm trying to say to him, but I just don't think he gets it. That's why I was angry and harsh, which I apologize for. But to me, it seems like he wants to feel like this. And yes, anxiety does go hand in hand.

[whichwayisup]

I shouldn't reply to posts when I first wake up! No excuse for that and I was a tad grumpy today too. I shouldn't have assumed (ASS-U-ME is what I get for that! ) that you didn't understand. I guess I kinda take things personally when I see others that have anxiety and are just starting to admit that they need help, I get abit over protective as I slip myself into that senario - I need to back off abit and let others jump in and have their say...Been told that I monopolize anxiety threads too much too apparently.

 

I agree with ya definately the two go hand in hand...s***ty as they are, they definately bring out alot of good along way at the same time. Weird...

[Sparky]

It's alright. I get overprotective too about things as well.

 

It's just that I don't think he gets it. I used to be depressed for as long as I can remember, and I got over it.

 

Hey, xazecp! I used to be SO depressed about things because I was in love with someone. I told her how I felt and that made me feel a hell of a lot better. I also stumbed across this, and became interested (because I'm a horny little bastard! ).

 

Speed Seduction

 

It's Neuro-Linguistic Programming that changed my life. At first glance, it looks like a con, but after I tried it, I think that anyone who thinks this is bullsh*t should be shot! If you do everything that Ross Jeffries has instucted to do properately and completely, you will notice a huge change in yourself. It helped me become more socialble with other people and kill my shyness. Then from then on, I have become a completely different person!

 

To be honest, I stumbled on this in WinMX and tried it out, so I got some stuff for free! (shhhhh!! )

[xazecp]

Originally posted by Sparky

...to be honest, I stumbled on this in WinMX and tried it out, so I got some stuff for free! (shhhhh!! )

 

hmm, what did search term did you use?

[Sparky]

Well, how I stumbled across it was that I was downloading a file from someone, I forget which, and just out of curiousity, I decided to browse through his other shared files to see what else I could download (Right-click, Browse Files). And low and behold, I found it!

 

Now, the search term I used was "Ross Jeffries", because he's the author of it all, and I just downloaded all the PDF and MP3's I could find from him. You should subscribe to his newsletter and he'll explain thoroughly and sometimes give you exercises to do. I can give you the first PDF I tried, and that's the one that changed my life.

[xazecp]

My god, thanks all for everything, my lifes going great. I owe everyone. Everything I read, and everything I took in.

 

This may just be a reference for me in the future, but the chance that anyones like me, and have the same problems, Check it.

 

 

 

- get out there this month get a nice tan (now i can look at myself not looking ugly and ghostly) i gave up using hair products and all that

 

- get a mini workout going, pushups, situps. Feels much better

 

- If your talking with someone you like, DON'T start questioning in your mind if they really meant what they expressed.

 

- If your talking with someone you like, DON'T start questioning in your mind if they understood how you felt before you lose your chance, becasue chances are, they're not stupid. You'll never be able to talk to them if you don't think they care about you.

 

- Sleep alot, try different foods.

 

- spend a day or two with everyone, where your all exposed to something new. Might sound a little wierd, but a day at the beach with some guys and girls.

 

- act like a big brother in your mind, it let me help other people, which led me to getting courage.

 

 

 

Maybe this might have an affect on one or two people out there that are like me.