Author Jkerr3 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 How are you making 6 figures while in school? I'd say you're above average looking. Especially considering you're black. What type of girls are you going after? Don't go after the blondes because you're going to strike out a lot. Keep to the girls who look like yourself and you'll have a lot less rejection. Your fashion is right on. (though I'd lose the vest) What's funny about this is I've only had sex with 1 girl in my life and she was white and blonde lol, also my GF in HS was also white "she was a brunette though" lol. I honestly think I get rejected by black and Hispanic women more than white women....... Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Way I see it there are many positives here : you are comfortable approaching, kudos because at 31 I cant do that. : you seem to come across well based on the way you write. : you seem to have confidence I can but echo what others have said, perhaps go back to basics and spend time not looking for a date. Good post here Link to post Share on other sites
Terry8889 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 What's funny about this is I've only had sex with 1 girl in my life and she was white and blonde lol, also my GF in HS was also white "she was a brunette though" lol. I honestly think I get rejected by black and Hispanic women more than white women....... White girls are more open minded in general. Black girls usually date their own mostly. Same with Hispanic girls. You should go to the gym and meet new people or join a club in your school. I made lots of friends when I joined a club in school years ago. So maybe you should try it too. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I like to feel there should be dating classes for guys in school, guys get educated about meeting and attracting women in their formative years, like during puberty, that way there wouldn't be so many late bloomers out there, as in their should there be one for girls about meeting and attracting men? Maybe, but I feel men need more knowledge than women do about dating and relationships, the only knowledge women will need is how to screen guys the right way, but for men, they need a whole lot more skills than women will in the dating/mating game 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I like to feel there should be dating classes for guys in school, guys get educated about meeting and attracting women in their formative years, like during puberty, that way there wouldn't be so many late bloomers out there, as in their should there be one for girls about meeting and attracting men? Maybe, but I feel men need more knowledge than women do about dating and relationships, the only knowledge women will need is how to screen guys the right way, but for men, they need a whole lot more skills than women will in the dating/mating game Incredibly true in my opinion. On the face of it the OP is a catch for a female, yet look at what his reality looks like? People here will around about now say "its all confidence and positive attitude", is it really when the OP with many good attributes cant find a gf? Personally if I were the opening poster and lucky enough to be able to simply ask random people out I would simply take a sabbatical and focus on myself and then try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Incredibly true in my opinion. On the face of it the OP is a catch for a female, yet look at what his reality looks like? People here will around about now say "its all confidence and positive attitude", is it really when the OP with many good attributes cant find a gf? Personally if I were the opening poster and lucky enough to be able to simply ask random people out I would simply take a sabbatical and focus on myself and then try again. It's not that hard, I just start up a conversation and if she seems receptive to talking to me after a few minutes I'll just ask her if she would want to get lunch "since she doesn't really know me, I'll ask her to do something chill like lunch or coffee". But I just ALLWAYS seem to get denied. Imet a girl the other day, we've been texting back and forth for a few days, I asked her to go out with me next weekend and she said she'll be busy all weekend. That basically means no right? It sucks because she looks really good, and has a great personality. I swear I'm starting to think I'm hexed or something, b/c I just can't get any girl to go out with me..... Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It's not that hard, I just start up a conversation and if she seems receptive to talking to me after a few minutes I'll just ask her if she would want to get lunch "since she doesn't really know me, I'll ask her to do something chill like lunch or coffee". But I just ALLWAYS seem to get denied. Imet a girl the other day, we've been texting back and forth for a few days, I asked her to go out with me next weekend and she said she'll be busy all weekend. That basically means no right? It sucks because she looks really good, and has a great personality. I swear I'm starting to think I'm hexed or something, b/c I just can't get any girl to go out with me..... Trust me, in my opinion the fact you get to the talking stage is going pretty dam well in my opinion. Maybe and its a big maybe considering my disaster of a dating life, you should not ask them out so quickly, get a number and try take it from there? As I say my own terrible experiences don't really qualify me to comment but its just an idea. Or if she says I am busy, then say "ok cool how about next weekend", if you give people a way to opt out they usually will but if you then offer an alternative they perhaps may accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Trust me, in my opinion the fact you get to the talking stage is going pretty dam well in my opinion. Maybe and its a big maybe considering my disaster of a dating life, you should not ask them out so quickly, get a number and try take it from there? As I say my own terrible experiences don't really qualify me to comment but its just an idea. Or if she says I am busy, then say "ok cool how about next weekend", if you give people a way to opt out they usually will but if you then offer an alternative they perhaps may accept. Yea kinda feel like if someone was interested they would ask about rescheduling themself. Like if I had a job interview on Monday and for some reason couldn't go I would just say "sorry I'm busy Monday can't go" I'd be more like "I can't go Monday but can I reschedule for Wednesday day or Thursday?". To me it says that she's not interested..... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 At 22 it seems like you have your act together more so than many of your peers: you have a well paying job, you wear a suit to work, you probably spend your work day with established adults & you are going to school. All in all that most likely intimidates a number of women your age & almost all of them who are younger than you are. They are still young & fancy free (irresponsible in a good way because they can be not because that is a lifestyle choice). All I can do is share my experience with you. During the 1st week of grad school I felt like 1/2 the people I talked to (men & women) were in awe & like kids in the candy store. We all walked around amazed because for the 1st time in our nerdy young lives we were in a room with people just like us -- smart, not too bad looking, with our ducks in a row. For the 1st time we weren't the odd ones because we were smarter than everybody else. In that room everybody was just like us. It was so empowering. I don't know where that room is for you but have some faith to know it's out there. I would look around on campus. I would also attend networking (the people kind not the computer kind) events for your company. Go to a conference or a continuing education class for your industry & make a point to introduce yourself to the women there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 I like to feel there should be dating classes for guys in school, guys get educated about meeting and attracting women in their formative years, like during puberty, that way there wouldn't be so many late bloomers out there, as in their should there be one for girls about meeting and attracting men? Maybe, but I feel men need more knowledge than women do about dating and relationships, the only knowledge women will need is how to screen guys the right way, but for men, they need a whole lot more skills than women will in the dating/mating game I hired a dating coach recently lol, I'm half way thinking it was a waste of money b/c I haven't seen any results.... But I guess of gotten some useful advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 At 22 it seems like you have your act together more so than many of your peers: you have a well paying job, you wear a suit to work, you probably spend your work day with established adults & you are going to school. All in all that most likely intimidates a number of women your age & almost all of them who are younger than you are. They are still young & fancy free (irresponsible in a good way because they can be not because that is a lifestyle choice). All I can do is share my experience with you. During the 1st week of grad school I felt like 1/2 the people I talked to (men & women) were in awe & like kids in the candy store. We all walked around amazed because for the 1st time in our nerdy young lives we were in a room with people just like us -- smart, not too bad looking, with our ducks in a row. For the 1st time we weren't the odd ones because we were smarter than everybody else. In that room everybody was just like us. It was so empowering. I don't know where that room is for you but have some faith to know it's out there. I would look around on campus. I would also attend networking (the people kind not the computer kind) events for your company. Go to a conference or a continuing education class for your industry & make a point to introduce yourself to the women there. Well I don't really flaunt my money, so I don't think most girls know anything about me when I approach them. So I don't think that there intemidated, maybe when I have a suit on though. Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) Jkerr33, You keep talking about being in a relationship but you don't seem so interested in falling in love. You've gotta work on that disconnect...it probably pervades all of the interactions you have with girls - and not in a good way. Confidence, looks, etc. are just things to help you get your foot in the door. The reality is, it's about how you make her feel or in other words what sort of experiences she associates you with. Next time you're talking to any person try to think about how you're making them feel. When you get the hang of that I feel you'll do a bit better with the ladies. Just my 2 cents. Edited October 16, 2015 by DJOkawari 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Incredibly true in my opinion. On the face of it the OP is a catch for a female, yet look at what his reality looks like? People here will around about now say "its all confidence and positive attitude", is it really when the OP with many good attributes cant find a gf? Personally if I were the opening poster and lucky enough to be able to simply ask random people out I would simply take a sabbatical and focus on myself and then try again. Ya I mean if there were to be classes for Girls teaching them on how to get a boyfriend, they will only need to know on how to screen for the right guys, as in to make sure the guy is not gonna use them for sex, but I would imagine that won't require as much skill-learning as guys would in order to get a girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Jkerr33, You keep talking about being in a relationship but you don't seem so interested in falling in love. You've gotta work on that disconnect...it probably pervades all of the interactions you have with girls - and not in a good way. Confidence, looks, etc. are just things to help you get your foot in the door. The reality is, it's about how you make her feel or in other words what sort of experiences she associates you with. Next time you're talking to any person try to think about how you're making them feel. When you get the hang of that I feel you'll do a bit better with the ladies. Just my 2 cents. Hmmm.... It's actually quite the opposite, I'm not interested at all in one night stands or anything like that. I want a serious relationship, not sure what makes you think the opposite? It's hard to have a meaningful conversation with someone when you just approach them at the mall, store, or similar location. This is generally why I'll ask a girl to get lunch with me or something like that so we can sit down and talk. It's interesting that makes you think I'm not serious or I would just want sex and that's it.... But I'll take your advice into consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Ah, maybe you misunderstood, I didn't say anything about sex or one night stands. I said "you keep talking about being in a relationship" (and not about love) and you disagreed with "I want a serious relationship"...get my point now? The relationship is a result of the connection you have with this person. I'm not trying to split hairs I think this is an important point in how you approach women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Ah, maybe you misunderstood, I didn't say anything about sex or one night stands. I said "you keep talking about being in a relationship" (and not about love) and you disagreed with "I want a serious relationship"...get my point now? The relationship is a result of the connection you have with this person. I'm not trying to split hairs I think this is an important point in how you approach women. I get your point but obviously we have to spend time together "me and a woman that is" before we could fall in love "or even know if we're compatible for the matter". But I'm not looking to settle down and have kids and everything. since I've never loved a woman those type of emotions are foreign to me...... But I'm open to them and would like to experience them. I guess my point is if I go on a date I'm going to have a whatever happens happens kind of attitude. Maybe we'll go on one date and find out we're just completely different, maybe we'll end up getting married. I'm generally a go with the flow type of person especially with friendships and relationships, I'm not going to have a planned timeline of our future together lol. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenManAgain Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Stay single. It's a hell of a lot easier, espeically dealing with jealous ex's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 Ah, maybe you misunderstood, I didn't say anything about sex or one night stands. I said "you keep talking about being in a relationship" (and not about love) and you disagreed with "I want a serious relationship"...get my point now? The relationship is a result of the connection you have with this person. I'm not trying to split hairs I think this is an important point in how you approach women. I guess my struggle is how do i create that connection? Espacaly with someone I don't know very well, I thought that was the whole point of a date to see if that connection/chemistry is there. If it is keep dating, if not move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jkerr3 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 Incredibly true in my opinion. On the face of it the OP is a catch for a female, yet look at what his reality looks like? People here will around about now say "its all confidence and positive attitude", is it really when the OP with many good attributes cant find a gf? Personally if I were the opening poster and lucky enough to be able to simply ask random people out I would simply take a sabbatical and focus on myself and then try again. LOL I'd love to take a sabbatical, but I've got work and school and shiz like that. I'm honestly considering asking my sister for help/advice, which might be a bad idea but I'm running out of options...... Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I hired a dating coach recently lol, I'm half way thinking it was a waste of money b/c I haven't seen any results.... But I guess of gotten some useful advice. The name of the dating coach? And you sound financially for your age Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Hmmm.... It's actually quite the opposite, I'm not interested at all in one night stands or anything like that. I want a serious relationship, not sure what makes you think the opposite? It's hard to have a meaningful conversation with someone when you just approach them at the mall, store, or similar location. This is generally why I'll ask a girl to get lunch with me or something like that so we can sit down and talk. It's interesting that makes you think I'm not serious or I would just want sex and that's it.... But I'll take your advice into consideration. There's needs to be at least some conversation past an introduction and brief interaction before you ask them to get lunch or go on a date tho. If you're asking too fast without the "get past being a random guy" standard talk time then that could be a reason why you're getting turned down. Yes of course it's better to talk on a date or at lunch but the natural defense mechanism girls have will default them to saying "no" to s guy who just randomly approached her and asked even if they are attracted to you and would otherwise date you. So my advice would be to spend a little bit more time flirting and showing them you're someone worth going on a date with before you actually ask them on a date. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 That's why I wish people would stop frowning upon men who visit hookers/escorts, brothels were common in Ancient Rome Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How much rapport are you having w/women that you approach? The one thing that will get them to respond back is actually making an impression. But if you're walking up to a random girl, barely talking to her at all, and then asking for a number right away, that's why you get blown off. Now I'm not saying you have to spend an hour with a girl, or even 30 minutes with one. But try to at least chat for 5-10 minutes, get on a first name basis, etc.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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