xpaperxcutx Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It's been 10 months since my breakup and almost 2-3 months since I last saw my ex (when I bumped into on the train). Overall I still feel like I've been going through the motions of life, but not really living. There are days when I don't think about him but when that happens, I immediately find myself reminding myself about him. It's been really hard letting go. His best friends have all gotten married after one and another and it seems that he is the next one in line to get married. He is still with the girl he left me for. He is in a sexless relationship for certain reasons and because of this he has been looking for sex outside of his relationship, in the form of CL. He hasn't looked for me and unfortunately I found him on CL and I broke NC. He doesn't want me back at all, despite our history together. Despite my pleading and prodding that I have changed and that I was very sorry for a lot of things I had done in the past, I was hoping he would give me another chance. He doesn't want me and he chose to ignore me. But I still see him posting his pictures and number on CL. If a guy really hates a girl will he not give her any chance? I was really immature in the past and I did hurt him a lot with things I said to put him down, but throughout the end of our relationship I have tried my best to change. Even now, I haven't moved on and I feel like an empty shell. I know I sound like a hopeless case, but he was the first person I really fell in love and I still to this day, I don't know why I cling on to hope to be with him again. I'm really, really lost. I have restrained myself from contacting him even though I know he is looking for someone outside of his own relationship. How come he left me for another girl and yet, he still wishes to cheat on her? Also, is there really no other CHANCE he can give me even after all this time? I really want to believe in the possibility that there's a reconciliation between him and I. What do I have to do? Do I have to disappear from this Earth? Do I have to die for him to completely forgive me? How can I make him see that I am a changed person and that I can be the person he had wanted in the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You need to work on developing self esteem. The last thing in life you need is a NSA sexual relationship with a guy who is cheating on the women he left you for by posting CL's ads. Fortunately for you he is smarter than you are in this sense & is staying away. You are kidding yourself if you think being his piece on the side will ever be enough for you. Your relationship is over. It will not be put back together & that is a good thing. Look forward in your life. Focus on healing, not allowing yourself to be emotionally abused by a man who does not care about you. Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 There's always a chance. Don't listen so much to the cynical opinions on here. Link to post Share on other sites
healingsoul Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 From everything you shared, I think your ex has made it very clear that he does not want to get back together. Since you are struggling so much with moving forward and letting go, do you think it would help to talk to someone professionally (a counselor) to find out why you feel this strong pull even after the negative responses and left to be like an empty shell? I would love to see you pursue something that makes your heart sing so that you would no longer feel like an empty shell. Is there something you have always wanted to learn, experience or do but you have put it off because you were too busy? Maybe this is a great time to go for that new adventure. As you do you will grow and maybe make new friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 the real question you need to asking yourself is why you think so poorly of yourself that you yearn to be with a guy that seeks extra poon on CL behind his GF's back? Yeah he sounds like a real winner. You need to find out why he sounds good to you and correct that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I really miss him. I've been so depressed I don't know what to do. I know we had a lot of problems and I worked hard to change myself. Is there any way for him to see me as girlfriend material again? If he is looking to cheat on his girlfriend does that mean he doesn't love her? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 It doesn't matter if he loves her or not. Why do you think so little of yourself? You need to work on figuring that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 He left me for her and yet, he's cheating on her. but he doesn't want me? I have so much to offer... Link to post Share on other sites
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