iceton84 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hello, Would like to tell my story of a drunkin cheater GF, So we been together 13 yrs , always good times when no drink involved but she can't help herself when drunk... I love her, have 2 kids with her, but what to do? She cheated like 10 times all ready only 2 this year that I know of... 1st one this year my son caught her in bed and this is the only reason I found out, yes! my son told me mummy was in bed with a man...I was sick and left and as usual came back to her 2nd time was recently only a week ago.. she was with her friend and said would be home for 1am she then ended up going to another friends with 2 other guys , so I called her names in texts like slut etc....she turned phone off and came home at 9am and yes I was furious and had an argument with her but she just sat there and said nothing and decided to kick me out! yes...I got kicked out for not liking the thought that she stayed out all night and turned phone off. Anyway I went to my mums and asked her if she loved me to come clean in texting her and said to her tell me who you went with last night , she replied his name only...so I went on at her about how you could do this to me after everything I done for you etc and she let me go on until she admitted she only kissed him as he was leaving...Is she telling the truth? As she could have denied it fully and I would never have known the truth. I still love her and want to be with her but how do I make her not do it again Yes she said she'll stop drinking for good and what not but am hurting real bad and all she said was sorry Please help with some advice. Thnx Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I know this story happens, nut when I see it posted I think troll. Look it seems like a mental health issue on her part and a co-dependence issue on yours. Look up childhood sexual abuse, BPD. Then look up codependence and care giver syndrome. See how they fit. If they do private message downtown and ask him to review this thread, after doing your research and posting your thoughts. Understand there are the doctors here, but you can get a good head start. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 How do you not make her do it again? She's cheated on you over and over and over again and from what I can tell it doesn't sound like you've done anything about it at all. Why shouldn't she do it again? What exactly are you going to do about it if she does?? I'm sure she knows the answer: nothing. So it she right? Do what you should have done and file for divorce. Don't whine, threaten, plead, give ultimatums, don't warn her ahead of time. Just file for divorce, either have her served or have the papers drawn up for her to give to a lawyer. If that doesn't snap her out of it then you've already gotten the ball rolling on what you probably should have done years ago. You should also see a therapist yourself if you haven't already. I mean for real, your son caught your wife in bed with another man, and you're trying to hold onto her for dear life. Are you giving the whole story? Maybe some more background information would help too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't see any other option than to split on good terms, custody arrangements, Visitation Rights, financial, etc... Every other decision you take will make you constantly miserable with no hope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceton84 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 How do you not make her do it again? She's cheated on you over and over and over again and from what I can tell it doesn't sound like you've done anything about it at all. Why shouldn't she do it again? What exactly are you going to do about it if she does?? I'm sure she knows the answer: nothing. So it she right? Do what you should have done and file for divorce. Don't whine, threaten, plead, give ultimatums, don't warn her ahead of time. Just file for divorce, either have her served or have the papers drawn up for her to give to a lawyer. If that doesn't snap her out of it then you've already gotten the ball rolling on what you probably should have done years ago. You should also see a therapist yourself if you haven't already. I mean for real, your son caught your wife in bed with another man, and you're trying to hold onto her for dear life. Are you giving the whole story? Maybe some more background information would help too. Hey, thanks for the replys. Well when she was younger she was raped by her brother , her father went to prison and her mother ran of with another man. She was left with her uncle and aunt who beat on her a lot and she has been self-harming for many years now. For me it's hard to leave her as I know nothing else, I was in children homes from when I was 10 years old until 18...got out moved home and never went out, I am far worse now as I cannot leave my home at all, don't talk to anyone not even family members and tried getting help from doctors and meds but nothing helps me..... she is the only person I can talk with her and our kids, right now I'm staying in my mums and don't say two words to anyone sitting in my room 24/7 on a laptop, I feel so low and wish I could make her learn not to do this $hit no more as it's my family and that's all I have. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It sounds like this woman needs counseling, possibly medication, and a good long stint in AA. Unfortunately, this is something she needs to do on her own. She is treating you horribly. If it were me, I would document, try to get primary custody, and break up with her...at least until she has a LONG LONG pattern of change. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Do either of you work? Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You've got to walk away from her and seek some more help bro. This is not a healthy relationship and regardless of her past, it doesn't give her the right to treat you like this. Take your kids and raise them to be good people. Make preparations to get a lawyer and get custody of your children. It actually pissed me off that your son had to come and tell you about a strange man in the bed with mommy. Who knows what that guy could've done. You need to wipe the fog from your eyes. A woman that loves you doesn't cheat...so understand that she doesn't love you or respect you. The wisest thing you can do is walk away from her and be the best father you can be for your children. I wish you the best of luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Walking away from this woman is not going to help. As long as he repeatedly takes back cheaters, allows women to use the excuse that she cheated because she was "drunk", allows women to throw him out of the house ... nothing is going to change. The next woman will see he's a doormat and walk all over him too. Might as well stay with this woman until he gets a backbone. After all, she is the mother of his children. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You can't make her not do something. She has to want to change. Sadly she doesn't want to change. She likes how she's behaving. So your choices are put up with it -- bad bad idea that gives your kids the wrong message or walk away. There is a very small chance that you leaving & taking her kids will be her rock bottom that motivates her to get her life together but probably not. You should also consider going to a local Al-Anon meeting. It's a support group for people who love alcoholics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Dude, seriously? She's cheated on you 10 times. She's putting her health and life at risk including yours and your kids. Dude, this should be done. You need to start worrying about you and how you can be the best father to those kids. I mean, really?!?! She spends the night out with another guy and turns off her phone. She doesn't show up till 9AM the next day and she seriously wants you to believe that she only kissed him? If you believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. Kick her and this relationship to the curb and start focusing on you. Fix yourself and your situation. Sure, it's easy for me to say because she isn't the mother to my kids (and do you even know if they're your kids?) Dude, time to move on. You can't go on living this way. You're miserable and stressed out to the max. You deserve better and you KNOW you do. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 She seems to have neither internal remorse or external consequences for her actions... so why exactly should she stop? Link to post Share on other sites
perol Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 she just sat there and said nothing and decided to kick me out! yes...I got kicked out for not liking the thought that she stayed out all night and turned phone off. Explain how she kicked you out. In other words, why would you leave just because she tells you to leave? She was obviously in the wrong. The person who is wrong is the one to leave. That's what fairness is all about. If you don't treat yourself fairly you can't expect others to treat you fairly. It's all about self respect and not being used by selfish others. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 For me it would be divorcee and take full custody of the kids. Someone that has behavioral problems and drinks is UNFIT to raise children. YOU sir have a responsibility to put your feelings for her aside and protect your children. raising your children in this kind of environment will have an ever lasting negative impression that they will carry with them into adulthood.....most likely having their own behavioral issues. Do you want that for your kids???? Kids do much better with a single parent that gives them a stable environment....you owe it to your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 For me it would be divorcee and take full custody of the kids. Someone that has behavioral problems and drinks is UNFIT to raise children. YOU sir have a responsibility to put your feelings for her aside and protect your children. raising your children in this kind of environment will have an ever lasting negative impression that they will carry with them into adulthood.....most likely having their own behavioral issues. Do you want that for your kids???? Kids do much better with a single parent that gives them a stable environment....you owe it to your kids. Smackie is spot on. Look at how she was raised and look how she turned out. Do you want that for your kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 So we been together 13 yrs , always good times when no drink involved but she can't help herself when drunk... I love her, have 2 kids with her, but what to do? She cheated like 10 times all ready only 2 this year that I know of... She is not really "your" girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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