williewill Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 I have the complete OPPOSITE problem of the postings I read on here from girls. They are all upset b/c their man was whacking off! The one girl even said she caught her man whacking off and got on her knees and finished him off! OH MY GOD is this bizzaro world my girl is the complete opposite!! Tonight, my fiance was a little drunk and I thought for sure I'd be getting some. But no, instead HERE I AM searching for answers on the internet with only 4 weeks to go before our wedding. You see, her libido has become non existent. She blames it on stress and self-esteem. (she gained some weight in the last 18 months). probably 40 pounds or so! I still love her and find her sexy. I tell her she's beautiful and try to seduce her in various ways. The stress of the wedding is compounded because we just bought a house and a dog in the last few months. BUT SHE WOULD RATHER I GO DOWNSTAIRS AND WHACK OFF TO INTERNET PORN THEN to have sex with her. That's what she said tonight. "Go downstairs and watch porn if you want I'm tired I wanna go to sleep." I try being sensitive, I try being assertive, nothing seems to turn her on anymore. This is becoming more and more frequent. This is f'n killing my EGO. She insists its not me but wtf? When we do have sex, I feel that its only because she feels she has to b/c its been too long. I can't remember the last time she said "I'm horny" or acted horny. ANY OF YOU GIRLS WHO WOULD RATHER "SERVICE" YOUR MAN THAN LET HIM WATCH PORN HAVE ANY ADVICE?? I'm in the complete opposite boat! Maybe we should switch fiances?? I'm worried that after all the "stress" of the wedding and the new house dies down that she still won't want it and I'll be unfulfilled. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Her problem is her head. She needs it read. I'm being flip but really you two need to get to counselling. She's decided she's undesirable so you can tell her until you run out of air that you think she's desirable but, as people do, she will believe what she wants to believe no matter what you say. So at this point you need the intervention of a professional who should know the sorts of things to say to her to get her to listen and understand that you do want her and aren't just pretending. The numero uno sex organ, particularly for women, is the noggin and if she's decided she's undesirable, she won't feel desire. You can't just hope this away. BTW, 40 lbs in a year and a half is an awful lot. Has she been checked by the doc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author williewill Posted May 21, 2005 Author Share Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme [/ BTW, 40 lbs in a year and a half is an awful lot. Has she been checked by the doc? Yeah he said she's obese and she was startled by that word and started dieting immediately. She has lost like 6-8 lbs in the last month but that's the thing... Do I assume that her weight gain and self-esteem is the reason for the loss of libido and hope that she'll lose all the weight eventually and that all will return to hunky-dory? I dunno there could be more going on. I think (or wonder) wouldn't a girl still want to give it up to her husband to be than to let him just go pleasure himself? The thing that's driving me nuts is why doesn't she desire me sexually as much as she used to? We have spoken many of times about this. It is not unknown to her that I think we don't have sex enough. She has listed the aforementioned reasons in our conversations... She says things like "sex isn't all there is" and "would you still love me if I couldn't have sex anymore?" It turns into quite the conversation b/c I (at the risk of sounding shouvanistic) believe that its okay for her to give it up once in a while even if she doesn't feel like it. It doesn't have to be fireworks everytime. Sometimes I just wanna get some and go to sleep. If she wanted sex and I didn't feel like it I'd oblige (can't imagine that scenario maybe if I just broke my pelvis or something) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 I believe that its okay for her to give it up once in a while even if she doesn't feel like it. It doesn't have to be fireworks everytime. Sometimes I just wanna get some and go to sleep. Women just don't work the same as men. If we're not turned on, it's uncomfortable if not downright painful. If we feel like ugly blobs, we don't get turned on. It's pure physiology. So you *must* get the brain in tune or the body just won't be there. If she wanted sex and I didn't feel like it I'd oblige (can't imagine that scenario maybe if I just broke my pelvis or something) You people don't operate the same way we do. A passing breeze and you're ready to go. We are not like that. She says things like "sex isn't all there is" and "would you still love me if I couldn't have sex anymore?" This is bad news. Rather than turning it into a fight about 'giving it up' (which, for the above reasons, you will never win), try to find out what she means. Is she just not interested anyway? Did she only have sex due to the newness of the relationship and is now back to an old pattern? If her current loss of libido is about 'stress and self-esteem' then why is she making these rather drastic statements? Could be she was just saying them in the heat of the argument which is why I suggest you have a conversation about this when you're awake and dressed - say when you're having breakfast this weekend. I'm sure the word 'obese' really hit her hard. Which is why, if you truly want to persuade her that you are sincere about desiring her anyway, you need to go see a counsellor to help her understand that your lust is about love. It's pathetic that so much of society has been brainwashed to believe that appearance is the only possible source of attractiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
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