LovelyBrown Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 After all these months of him and I talking, not talking, being friendly but ignoring each other, blah blah blah... I had come to terms that we were co-workers nothing else and I would treat him as such the same way I am with everyone else, I've been doing this for a month or so. No personal emails or conversations, maybe joking in the office when everyone's around. I still every bit in love with him and it's my battle everyday to try and move on. Anyways, last week out of the blue he asked me out for lunch...the loner who nobody even knows when he takes his lunch asked me to go for lunch, I went... it's all I've wanted since we laid eyes on each other! This is the guy who didn't want to play games, who didn't want an affair, who's very angry wife hates me! So WHAT THE HELL?!... Lunch was innocent, talked mainly work, shared his vape while walking there. He must know how I feel about him by now... Why would he do this? Am I way overthinking this? Could this be something completely innocent I'm reading too much into? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 After all these months of him and I talking, not talking, being friendly but ignoring each other, blah blah blah... I had come to terms that we were co-workers nothing else and I would treat him as such the same way I am with everyone else, I've been doing this for a month or so. No personal emails or conversations, maybe joking in the office when everyone's around. I still every bit in love with him and it's my battle everyday to try and move on. Anyways, last week out of the blue he asked me out for lunch...the loner who nobody even knows when he takes his lunch asked me to go for lunch, I went... it's all I've wanted since we laid eyes on each other! This is the guy who didn't want to play games, who didn't want an affair, who's very angry wife hates me! So WHAT THE HELL?!... Lunch was innocent, talked mainly work, shared his vape while walking there. He must know how I feel about him by now... Why would he do this? Am I way overthinking this? Could this be something completely innocent I'm reading too much into? My advice is to politely decline future lunch offers and interract even less. This is the perfect example of why friendship after affair doesn't work...one platonic lunch and your emotions are all tied up and your analyzing. Dont do the friendship thing. Hes thoughtlessly made a polite gesture not a request to resume affair. You gotta press on. Keep thinking of him taking his wife on dates and remember the words he said of not wanting the A. Focus on work, strictly professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The real question is: What the hell are you doing?! Why are you doing this? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Yes, the actual question here is what are YOU doing. As I recall your previous threads, there was no real affair present. It was just sort of suggestive of one, and you held onto that when it tapered off. So what are you doing? Are you waiting around for HIM to decide if he wants to screw up your life? Where is your own control over YOUR life? To answer your question - what HE is doing is padding his male ego by making sure that you are still on the string and if he decides to jerk that string in the coming weeks and months, you'll be there. It's blatantly apparent to him that all he has to do is offer you minimal attention (such as a completely work-related lunch) and you will be again thinking about him 24/7 as he intends. He does NOT intend to have an affair with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 These games won't ever stop until he has a Dday or one of you leaves that job. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The game stops when she takes the ball and goes home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The game stops when she takes the ball and goes home. Doesn't seem like she wants to. It seems like it won't end until he ends it, or someone/something else ends it. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Never mind my original advice- I agree with the others. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The real question is: What the hell are you doing?! Why are you doing this? I'm still waiting on the answer to this question. OP what are you doing????? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The guy is married, is playing hot/cold with you (you to him), he doesn't want an affair, his wife HATES you, yet you still go to lunch with him?! What are YOU doing. Forget the why's and how's on what he is doing!! What are YOU getting out of this, other than being used and manipulated by someone who has no respect for you and is looking for an ego feed? He LOVES that you're "into" him and he calls the shots. I bet if you asked him to lunch, started chasing him a bit more, paying attention to him, he'd run for the hills and give you the silent treatment. Aim higher! Find a great (single) guy who will treat you with respect and kindness, not some married co worker who is playing you for a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 I went for lunch with a friend... That's what I did... I just happen to connect and love him. I don't know why I came back here... This place is filled with resentment and anger, I no longer get a good vibe from this site! So full of judgement. Maybe I was hoping for some objective words aside from: this man is filling his ego and you mean nothing to him. Most people would be able to tell when you're being treated like crap and would not want to be around that person. I went to this lunch because it felt right, afterwards my ego took over and started questioning everything instead of letting things be and letting the universe do its thing, if we are meant to be we will be, if not we won't. I don't go out of my way to contact him, upsetting his family life is not my focus. Thanks for your time, I wish all much love and light. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I went for lunch with a friend... That's what I did... I just happen to connect and love him. I don't know why I came back here... This place is filled with resentment and anger, I no longer get a good vibe from this site! So full of judgement. Maybe I was hoping for some objective words aside from: this man is filling his ego and you mean nothing to him. Most people would be able to tell when you're being treated like crap and would not want to be around that person. I went to this lunch because it felt right, afterwards my ego took over and started questioning everything instead of letting things be and letting the universe do its thing, if we are meant to be we will be, if not we won't. I don't go out of my way to contact him, upsetting his family life is not my focus. Thanks for your time, I wish all much love and light. Sorry that you didn't like the advice given. Seems you're not ready to 'hear' it and not take it so personally. Said with respect because I see you're upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Truth hurts. I have gone back and read all of the previous threads of yours. They contain lots of insight and advice. I hope you re-read the posts, when you are ready to receive it. I think folks are trying to help you avoid the mistakes they've made. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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