Mjm1014 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Here's the deal... I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months, and I can honestly say she is the most sane girl I've ever dated, and has a great heart, but the spark is burning out quickly. The problem is, she still lives at home (she's 24 and I'm 28), I work for an airline and am gone over half the month and our schedules never match. When I come home from my trips, her mom constantly gets in the way of our plans to the point where I only spend one on one time with my girlfriend maybe 2-3 times a month (if I'm lucky). Her family always includes me in things which is generous of them, but they give us no space, and my girlfriend always wants to include her mom in things (I think her mom might be dealing with depression?). It's very upsetting at my age because I want something serious, but my girlfriend never makes it a big deal that we spend time together.. It just always feels like a power struggle with her mom. I've spent one on one time with my girlfriend once in the past 3 weeks. Usually I come home from a trip hoping to go out with my girlfriend and she just says she's tired and has me over to her house, and her mom will sit and watch tv with us for hours and make dinner for us. It was never like this in the beginning but the past 2-3 months it's gotten bad. As I write this, she is on her way to Europe with her mom (my birthday is tomorrow) so I feel like her mom purposefully planned her vacation over my birthday to keep us apart. It sucks. I've brought all this up to my girlfriend and she usually just cries and tells me she doesn't want to lose me, or makes tons of excuses, but things never really change. My parents even think our relationship is extremely weird. I'm not really asking for opinions since I know the answer what I need to do, but has anyone dealt with a relationship like this? It's tough even talking to her about this without sounding selfish (saying we spend too much time with her family)...this is very lonely and depressing :/ I want to stay with her since she seems really great but I feel like I'm dating her family, and not her...
LostOne1 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Here's the deal... I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months, and I can honestly say she is the most sane girl I've ever dated, and has a great heart, but the spark is burning out quickly. The problem is, she still lives at home (she's 24 and I'm 28), I work for an airline and am gone over half the month and our schedules never match. When I come home from my trips, her mom constantly gets in the way of our plans to the point where I only spend one on one time with my girlfriend maybe 2-3 times a month (if I'm lucky). Her family always includes me in things which is generous of them, but they give us no space, and my girlfriend always wants to include her mom in things (I think her mom might be dealing with depression?). It's very upsetting at my age because I want something serious, but my girlfriend never makes it a big deal that we spend time together.. It just always feels like a power struggle with her mom. I've spent one on one time with my girlfriend once in the past 3 weeks. Usually I come home from a trip hoping to go out with my girlfriend and she just says she's tired and has me over to her house, and her mom will sit and watch tv with us for hours and make dinner for us. It was never like this in the beginning but the past 2-3 months it's gotten bad. As I write this, she is on her way to Europe with her mom (my birthday is tomorrow) so I feel like her mom purposefully planned her vacation over my birthday to keep us apart. It sucks. I've brought all this up to my girlfriend and she usually just cries and tells me she doesn't want to lose me, or makes tons of excuses, but things never really change. My parents even think our relationship is extremely weird. I'm not really asking for opinions since I know the answer what I need to do, but has anyone dealt with a relationship like this? It's tough even talking to her about this without sounding selfish (saying we spend too much time with her family)...this is very lonely and depressing :/ I want to stay with her since she seems really great but I feel like I'm dating her family, and not her... Maybe it's time to cut your losses and move on. Sure she might cry, but the thing is that's what she always does. She cries, knows you'll do what she says and the cycle continues.... Time to break the cycle and realize this isn't a good fit for you. Especially, if that's what you feel and how you feel. Sometimes we want to hold onto something. When in reality were holding onto something we have no real grasp on. I've been there... I learned to know when to cut my losses and move on.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Maybe it's time to cut your losses and move on. Sure she might cry, but the thing is that's what she always does. She cries, knows you'll do what she says and the cycle continues.... Time to break the cycle and realize this isn't a good fit for you. Especially, if that's what you feel and how you feel. Sometimes we want to hold onto something. When in reality were holding onto something we have no real grasp on. I've been there... I learned to know when to cut my losses and move on. Yea, i would agree with this. There are allot of women who cannot seem to manage creating their own life, i encountered one recently too. They are very loving and seem to feel that they are somehow betraying the ones they love to go out on their own. I have never seen this mindset change once it has set in.
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 The family including you in the family things is fine. Your GF expecting that her mom will get to accompany both of you on your dates is odd. While I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, I think one is in order here. Tell your GF that you will go to her family stuff but dates can only be you & her, no mom. If that doesn't work for your GF then get a new GF. I'm not saying don't compromise. After my mom died, DH was sweet enough to spend 2 Valentine's Days with my dad. The 1st one was because it was only a month since mom passed & I was terrified to leave my broken hearted dad alone on such an emotional day; for the 1st time in 60 years he didn't have a Valentine. DH & I went out to dinner the night before. If we hadn't been married I think I still would have had our celebration on another date & spent the actual holiday with my grieving dad but I would have given DH the choice to come to dads or not. Do you see the balance in my example vs. you being always expected to include mom?
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