candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Yes, people, it is alive and kickin'. As much as I thought I could handle my abuser / at the time boss - turns out I am not that strong, after all. Weirdest thing is, at the core, he is not a bad person, he is simply... suffering from a horrible mental illness that made him make a fixation on me. I ended up reporting him when it became unbearable and after 3 horrid months, I was moved to a new department only to be fired soon after. Of course, I am taking the company to court - hired lawyers and stuff. I thought I had handled the situation pretty well - inside, I mean. 6 months passed since I last saw him and I am starting the recruitment processes and all that. It's just that I've started having horrid dreams and my previous boss is in them. I am sometimes running, other times I dream I am being held and performed surgery on my knees against my wishes and then I see the cuts of the knife on my legs and I know the doctor followed my boss's orders - and I see him at a distance, acting all composed and fake. I feel powerless... a victim all over again. In real life, the fact that I am taking the company to court is immensely helpful to my self esteem. I am fighting back, I am being told I was done wrong, not protected and fully exposed to what obviously was a man in full OCD episode. I used to have a lot of anger against him. I've worked a lot on acceptance - mindful meditation on acceptance - and it brought me peace, to a certain level. I am a bit far away from forgiveness and most importantly, I see it is taking a toll on my application process. I'm a bit... freezing. What if the next authority figure will also abuse his power and use it on the subordonates? So I have these ruminating thoughts about potential abuse happening again and occasional dreams that pop up... last night - insomnia and anxiety. I did stop running for the last 2 weeks - I intend to pick up back again, today. any tips and tricks to cope with the past abuse - or maybe books? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Do not do the self help thing. Get a professional therapist. Doing so will also help your lawyer prove damages. If you try to DIY with books the court / jury will have a harder time believing that you suffered emotionally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 the lawsuit is on the side. This has nothing to do with the lawsuit. The lawsuit is my personal vendetta on a company who wronged me and is about to pay some big money... The only thing I care about is me. Thing is, I am seeing a therapist, but not one specialized in abuse. I am not sure there are a lot of those around my part of the world. I'm not interested in self help books per se, but in books written by specialists / psychiatrists describing the effect of abuse on the victims and also the typical treatment - or suggestion of treatment. My nightmares are not unbearable, but I do want them to stop, as they are haunting me. I'm also getting the stupid insomnia... like a bit of a downspell. I think I need to be careful to not slip into a little depressive episode. Anyways, I was wondering how people who did suffer from abuse - namely stalking and harassment - manage to find their way out of the big black hole. I'm not in it... but I do find myself contemplating it, more times than I'd like to admit. cheers, d ! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Which ever is your priority I commend you for sticking up for yourself but if one action -- working with a good therapist -- can address both issues, your healing and your damages, isn't that better than something that can only do one of those things? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 that's a good point, d. Basically you're suggesting me I try someone who's more specialized in more traumatic events - a therapist or such... makes sense, actually. I know it sounds stupid, I'm a bit scared of change. Meaning there must be something to it, to trigger that. Ok, I'll talk to my regular therapist, maybe she can recommend me someone more suitable. thanks a lot, d ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Run! (Or walk.) It uses up nervous energy (which your dreams might be fueled by). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mmcain Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If I could possibly get paid for the harassment ; that in itself would restore my positivity Link to post Share on other sites
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