"I want to savour your every move"

[katiegrl]

I'm not joking. I'm really scared. But I don't even know how to explain the situation properly to those close to me in real life because it's hard to explain it. None of my friends or siblings have met him but they knew I was dating him.

 

I tried to break it off with him due to his increasingly obsessive behaviour but he won't accept that I no longer want to be with him. His last comment was 'no, you are wrong. We are meant to be together.' He has been talking a lot about what he calls 'signs' that we belong together and he means really random coincidences like we were both born in the same month of the year.

 

He's probably going to skin suit me.

 

I don't know what "skin suit" means, but it does not sound good!

 

You don't need to explain your decision to end it to anyone, if that's what you mean.

 

If you mean his behavior, then tell them his behavior is controlling and obsessive, and dysfunctional. Period.

 

If you feel like you are in physical danger, contact the police.

 

If not, simply block him from phone and all social media...

 

I know how you feel, I've been through it myself.

 

Best thing to do is don't engage him. Do not react!

 

That is what he wants, for you to react to keep the drama going.

 

Don't do it. Block, delete and walk away.

 

He will get bored eventually because it's no fun fighting with yourself.

[losangelena]

Ergh, this sounds awful.

 

Can you block him on social media? Ask those he's friended to do the same, perhaps. I have never dealt with this kind of situation, but to me it seem like shielding yourself from his view as much as possible is a start. He knows where you live, though.

 

How did things get so intense so quickly?

[Michelle ma Belle]

OP, to say I'm confused would be an understatement.

 

You've been setting the forums on fire with all your recent threads eluding to some doubts you may be having in your relationship but nothing so obvious that set off any alarms bells. This thread has turned a corner and you're only now revealing a much darker side to your relationship which you defended only a few short days ago.

 

What gives???

 

If this guy, who has been the focus of so many of your threads is frightening you need to LET SOMEONE IN YOUR REAL LIFE KNOW ABOUT IT!

 

Unfortunately no one here can help you if this goes terribly wrong. You need to share this information with a friend or family member and then, if need be, take appropriate measures to protect yourself.

 

Using your words, this isn't rocket science.

[JasmineJones]

Get a restraining order on this guy, if necessary.

 

He doesn't done anything to give me grounds for getting a restraining order. He hasn't hit me or threatened me etc.

[GunslingerRoland]

Go the police, you probably don't have enough for a restraining order yet. But the quicker you get things documented on record, the better it will be if things continue to escalate.

 

That said, like everyone else I'm extremely confused about your situation given you were talking about the relationship as recently as yesterday. Are we just being trolled by you?

[JasmineJones]

OP, to say I'm confused would be an understatement.

 

You've been setting the forums on fire with all your recent threads eluding to some doubts you may be having in your relationship but nothing so obvious that set off any alarms bells. This thread has turned a corner and you're only now revealing a much darker side to your relationship which you defended only a few short days ago.

 

What gives???

 

If this guy, who has been the focus of so many of your threads is frightening you need to LET SOMEONE IN YOUR REAL LIFE KNOW ABOUT IT!

 

Unfortunately no one here can help you if this goes terribly wrong. You need to share this information with a friend or family member and then, if need be, take appropriate measures to protect yourself.

 

Using your words, this isn't rocket science.

 

A long time ago I dated an abusive guy. There are similarities between him and this guy's behaviour now. They created a situation where they are not breaking the law or doing anything tangible enough for me to go to the police or even get my brother on board to confront him. Even this thread itself probably isn't making sense to many people reading it, because the situation I am trying to describe sounds so very odd.

 

I suppose I allowed this to escalate by initially being flattered by the attention and not paying heed to the red flags. Even after our first ever date he interrogated me (by text) about who the man was that he said he saw me talking to prior to entering the cafe. I don't think I was even talking to any man at the time. But he said "I want to preserve the image in my head of the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I need every detail."

 

Stupidly my interpretation of that at the time was "how sweet, he is really into me"

 

[Michelle ma Belle]

A long time ago I dated an abusive guy. There are similarities between him and this guy's behaviour now. They created a situation where they are not breaking the law or doing anything tangible enough for me to go to the police or even get my brother on board to confront him. Even this thread itself probably isn't making sense to many people reading it, because the situation I am trying to describe sounds so very odd.

 

I suppose I allowed this to escalate by initially being flattered by the attention and not paying heed to the red flags. Even after our first ever date he interrogated me (by text) about who the man was that he said he saw me talking to prior to entering the cafe. I don't think I was even talking to any man at the time. But he said "I want to preserve the image in my head of the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I need every detail."

 

Stupidly my interpretation of that at the time was "how sweet, he is really into me"

 

 

Fair enough. Now that you're recognizing that this isn't normal nor does it feel like something you want or enjoy you will need to find the strength and end it with him.

 

Just because he says "No" doesn't mean YOU don't have a say in how this story ends.

 

You need to take some of the responsibility for how this has played out, and I think you have and let this be a lesson to learn and grow from.

 

At the very least, speaking as someone whose worked with and advocated for abused women for many years, it might help you to seek out some therapy to heal the scars of your last abusive relationship. Until you do, I fear the pattern will continue to repeat itself. I've seen it happen a million times before.

 

Good luck to you.

[losangelena]

A long time ago I dated an abusive guy. There are similarities between him and this guy's behaviour now. They created a situation where they are not breaking the law or doing anything tangible enough for me to go to the police or even get my brother on board to confront him. Even this thread itself probably isn't making sense to many people reading it, because the situation I am trying to describe sounds so very odd.

 

I suppose I allowed this to escalate by initially being flattered by the attention and not paying heed to the red flags. Even after our first ever date he interrogated me (by text) about who the man was that he said he saw me talking to prior to entering the cafe. I don't think I was even talking to any man at the time. But he said "I want to preserve the image in my head of the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I need every detail."

 

Stupidly my interpretation of that at the time was "how sweet, he is really into me"

 

 

How did these two things coexist in your mind?

 

I'm not judging you, I'm just really curious. About ten years ago I was in a complicated, not-quite-abusive, codependent relationship with a sociopathic man. It left a big impression that the second I get a similar whiff of it off someone else, I shut it right down; there is no way in hell I'm getting into that kind of relationship again.

 

Given your history, how did you interpret his initial behavior as SWEET?!

[JasmineJones]

Fair enough. Now that you're recognizing that this isn't normal nor does it feel like something you want or enjoy you will need to find the strength and end it with him.

 

Just because he says "No" doesn't mean YOU don't have a say in how this story ends.

 

You need to take some of the responsibility for how this has played out, and I think you have and let this be a lesson to learn and grow from.

 

At the very least, speaking as someone whose worked with and advocated for abused women for many years, it might help you to seek out some therapy to heal the scars of your last abusive relationship. Until you do, I fear the pattern will continue to repeat itself. I've seen it happen a million times before.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks. I'm very disappointed that I have attracted another obsessive weirdo. I've been in therapy in the past. I think I will just give up on dating for now as I can't imagine being able to relax and trust anyone from now on.

 

Hopefully this guy doesn't have any history of violence and will have no choice eventually but to accept my refusal to continue seeing him.

[JasmineJones]

How did these two things coexist in your mind?

 

I'm not judging you, I'm just really curious. About ten years ago I was in a complicated, not-quite-abusive, codependent relationship with a sociopathic man. It left a big impression that the second I get a similar whiff of it off someone else, I shut it right down; there is no way in hell I'm getting into that kind of relationship again.

 

Given your history, how did you interpret his initial behavior as SWEET?!

 

If I'd really thought it was 100% sweet it would not have remained in my mind and jarred me. Sometimes we see a red flag and dismiss it so immediately that we don't take heed. In my heart I just really wanted this guy, who was not my usual type in terms of looks and confidence at all, to turn out to be the sweet, caring guy I'd never known before.

[jen1447]

Give me his contact info and I'll dump him for you. (I should start a proxy dumping service lol.)

[JasmineJones]

Give me his contact info and I'll dump him for you. (I should start a proxy dumping service lol.)

 

I might even take you up on that!

[jen1447]

I might even take you up on that!

 

Shoot me a PM and I will, seriously. It won't be pretty tho.

[bluefeather]

Shoot me a PM and I will, seriously. It won't be pretty tho.

 

Be careful with that. I don't doubt your cleverness in use of the English language, but if he's psychotic, it could fuel his obsession.

 

 

I would text him once something like: "You creep me out. I don't want to hear another word from you. If you continue to stalk me or contact me in any way, I will take it as harassment and take necessary action against it. Do not ever contact me again."

 

After that, I would block every way he could contact me, and tell your story to everyone of your contacts that he added on twitter or wherever. If he finds another way to message you or you find out he is still stalking you, I would go to the authorities.

[Gaeta]

Jasmine: You remind me of the episode of Seinfeld when George wanted to break up with his girlfriend but she would not let him. Then his friends would ask him: SO did you break up? and he'd say : No she won't let me break up.

 

See the ridicule in it?

 

You break up with him, period. He doesn't get to decide what relationship YOU get to pursue. You send him a text that you do not wish to pursue any longer and do not want to receive any contact with him, then block. If he reaches you in other ways just ignore. If he goes overboard contact the authorities.

[GemmaUK]

I read your first post and it sounded pretty much like my abusive ex who luckily I got rid of after a few months.

Even from your first post his behaviour would set off alarm bells and make me run a mile!

I had typed it out but then decided to read on instead of hitting 'post'.

 

 

Now I have read further posts you need out of this quick and clean.

I would get yourself one of the phone apps which blocks but keeps a copy of texts, can send a standard reply and can silence a call for you. Extreme Call Blocker can do all of that.

Don't do anything to wind this guy up but make it clear you don't want to see him again.

 

Staking is an offence and now certainly in the UK anyway you can report emotional abuse so I would contact those who could help, whether that is the police or maybe prior to that a helpline so that you know at what exact level you should report something. (I know this sounds dumb but I would rather know before contacting the police whether the details I have are vaidly reportable.)

 

Let your friends, family, people at work and your neighbours know that this guy is being weird too and make sure they know you don't find any of it flattering nor funny.