Mindy6803 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I've had a FWB thing with a friend of for a month now. He told me he wanted to be FWB when I was still with my last boyfriend. He even tried to break us up several times. He stopped talking to me for a while when I wouldn't break up with him. He texts me every morning and talks most of the day. When we do hook up he always stays the night. He doesn't hide that he wants sex but after he wants to stay the night, cuddle a lot and stay up talking. He always texts to see what I'm doing. He asked if he could stay the night one night just to hang out and watch movies, no sex needed. I tried to hook him up with one of my friends. He said he was a one woman kind of man and didn't want to sleep around. He's started making jokes about "oh that was meant for the other guy huh lol" even though I've never said a word about anyone else. Am I overthinking this or is he leaning towards something more? Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. He wants you all to himself to enjoy as his girlfriend. But he doesn't want the pressure of being in a relationship... You need to figure out what you want, and if it's compatible. If not you need to let him know he can't have his cake and eat it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. He wants you all to himself to enjoy as his girlfriend. But he doesn't want the pressure of being in a relationship... And that's the tricky thing about FWBs...my last FWB would bring my flowers, take me out to eat, spend the weekend, do repairs/handiguy stuff for me and I thought it meant more, but nah, he still wanted to just be FWBs. That's why I'm not sure if I'll ever wanna go down the FWB route again cuz you start thinking more's there, then he tells you he's banging some other chick too. That's the other downside of FWB, no exclusivity. So, while they might wanna cuddle and all that with you - the next night they might be in some other chick's bed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindy6803 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 That's the confusing part. He's gotten really protective of me and my kids because he hangs with the same people my ex does and it was a bad break up. He's even showed up in the morning after we didn't see each other to bring me coffee and brought my kids breakfast. I made a joke lastnight about if I'm just FWB he can go home afterwards which made him upset. He keeps asking if my mom knows about us yet (he's friend with her too). I thought the point of FWB was little attachment as possible, not to be more involved. Link to post Share on other sites
savvy2008 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 It sounds like he does want a relationship but isn't pursuing for some reason. Could be he is scared you won't agree and what you do have will be ruined, maybe he has commitment issues, the thought of being in an official relationship scares him, etc. You won't know until you ask him though. Link to post Share on other sites
ShouldGo Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 How old are you, how old is he? There was a article in Vanity Fair about Tinder, then a follow analysis by the Washington POst. The comment section of the Post had a bunch of younger guys whose main objective was no marriage, no commitment. The two articles paint a fairly bleak picture for younger women. Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGee Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 As an older man, I can't help but be very aware of the difference in attitudes between generations. I also often assume my opinion might be easily dismissed by those younger because .. well .. it's probably what I would have done as a younger man. But, I'll post it anyway. There is nothing new under the sun, so, I'm sure there were plenty of such situations going on back then (my youth). But, it didn't have a name, let alone its own acronym (FWB). It certainly was not generally accepted nor easy to come by. So whenever I hear it being casually spoken of by younger women I think, "wow, how I wish that could have been a thing when I was young and really needed it." Then, rational thought kicks back in and I remember, youth is fire and passion and emotion and drama. And also cold and cruel and inconsiderate and manipulative. Not to say that those traits don't carry across all generations, but it seems to me FWB requires a very delicate balance of caring enough to be "friends" but not being invested enough to be jealous, overprotective, and needy. That kind of balance comes with emotional maturity .. having been madly in love and dumped, having been inconsiderate and selfish to another and later regretted it. Having been in a relationship that seemed perfect but didn't work out, having been in a relationship that WAS perfect but still ended (for one reason or another), having been in a relationship with someone crazy that didn't work out, having been lonely and desperate for a relationship and found out that grabbing on to the first likely candidate didn't work out. In short, as a younger man, I probably could not have really coped with FWB, because sex (the benefit) is an intimate thing, so intimate that it will either spontaneously create emotion, or to counteract that, be handled as a purely physical, selfish act of pleasure. Thus, too much emotion and you're no longer just "friends" .. too little and it becomes less pleasant, more like mutual masturbation. That being said, as an older man, I've calmed down, learned many things, including how to be compassionate without being possessive. Please don't take this as a criticism of youth. Nor as flattery for age. Just a note that FWB is an ideal situation that fits limited circumstances and can be as elusive and as difficult to maintain as a real committed relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HansonGirl Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I have only been in one "successful" FWB situation - and it didn't start that way. I used to have feelings for him, and the arrangement was very hurtful to me. it wasn't until I stopped "liking" him. I don't think he EVER struggled with it or had feelings for me beyond sexual. So it really was a matter of me getting over it, and when I did we'd occasionally hang out / sleep together, and it was a lot more pleasant once that happened. We'd go out to eat together and catch up, and hook up, and I never looked for any meaning behind it other than it was what it was. I only ended it because I wanted to move on and look for a real relationship with someone else. And the old FWB is engaged to be married - so not all guys who want FWB are not interested in ever getting married, period- but i wouldn't start thinking they are going to marry you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindy6803 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 He is older (late 30s). I am younger (late 20s). I asked if he minded me dating other guys long as I didn't sleep with them. He said he didn't mind, but after that conversation he suddenly changed from "couldn't come over because he had early work" to "I want to come over even if we just cuddle and go to sleep because he sleeps better next to me" which is what we ended up doing. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 My FWB and I always sleep over and there is much cuddling. Means absolutely nothing. Hes still well and truly recoverin from his break up but the sex is amazing and I'm quite ok with this arrangement. We're not exclusive and we both know this. Link to post Share on other sites
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