I'm sure it was abusive but I still love her

[jerrygordon3]

I met this girl a year ago and i could never make her happy. it seemed i was always in the dog house. on the flip side, she said she had never been in such a great relationship. I found out from her mother recently, that she's an addict to using people, and always ends up in toxic situations. Loved ones she mistreats and is cold to, and her only constant friends in her life she goes out and drinks with. when we met none of this was a problem, but slowly, her perceived unhappiness and hatred for herself become an outlet towards me. i went from being a shrink, to an outlet, to a punching bag. she would control me, and over time she became so insecure and jealous she started freaking out on me constantly all day. even until the late hours of the night. her reason: porn, instagram, always assuming i was looking at girls. I was miserable. she began to require more and more of my time. then suddenly she was just gone. emotionally not there, but stringing me among and letting me chase her. when i would stop trying, she would come back angry. it was terrible. then suddenly she returned and said she was in love with me still and wanted to take things slow. but she wouldn't tell people we were dating again, she was different, until a few days later after we had sex, she pretended to drive home ( after putting on a sexy bra and brushing her teeth) to her daughter. her mom watches her daughter for kaleigh ( my ex) full time. well, kaleigh pretended to call me from bed whispering as to not wake up her child. she told me she loved me, and would call me in the morning. i was already driving to her house. her car wasn't there, and she suddenly wasn't answering her phone. I went to the door, and knocked, and her mom answered expecting kaleigh. we proceeded to talk and I found out that after our break up, kaielgh was never home, and since her divorce two years prior ( which is actually just a separation) no legal paperwork has been filed, when she does seldom come home, she ignores her daughter and only focuses on herself. she is, for all intensive purposes either BPD, or narcissistic. apparently she used to be a little fat girl, then got wrapped up in some drugs after a bad divorce between her parents in her teens. now she is gorgeous, big fake boobs, beautiful face, gym rat. but to the people she loves, and the people who love her, i seemed to make her less and less happy the longer we were together, and required more and more time, and could do less and less for myself, and she got meaner and meaner. meaner and meaner. i've made excuse after excuse, because I can't believe that she would turn into this monser, when 6 months ago, she was asking me to marry her and we were making a budget to live together. I was told from her mom, that she just doesn't love anyone except for herself. but there were so many good times, just so many more bad times. she feels the same way and checked out, but i just can't get over her. i mean, im doing my best but she even went as far as to beg for me back after i caught her going out to another guys house. she said" what if i started going to church with you. what if i quit the bar and started training. you could go through my phone whenever you want, we could start over." then when i said I wasn't interested, she said it wasn't her fault she checked out and that i beat her down for a year? she's flipping back and forth and, hot and cold, hate, and then love. its like she doesn't know what true love it. she is just blind and now going out and partying constantly and leaving her daughter at home. her mother told me she is actively trying to get custody of her daughter. im just speechless

[Chris516]

Your first sentence of never being able to make her happy, spoke volumes. In just two words.

 

My (ex)fiance was like Jekyll(loving) n' Hide(hating). Whatever I did, never seemed enough. But I still loved her, and I thought she deserved that much.