qubist Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 OP: Ok dude, I have been on ALL sides of this situation. I travel for a living so I know what I speak of. Okay, here's the straight scoop: 1. Nothing you have said here is a red flag 2. Could they be indicative of a bigger problem? Sure. Could they be innocent? Sure. 3. Workplace/road trip romances and hookups happen all the time 4. And there isn't thing 1 you can do about it. Especially not right now. In fact, you can only increase the chance of them happening (see below) 5. It is not unusual for a company to put 2 to a room especially for things like conferences, training, annual meetings. Etc... Any time you have a lot of employees traveling, some cost cutter is going to come up with the bright idea of bunkmates. 6. Truth: when you're on the road away from your SO or spouse, you have the opportunity to play. 7. Truth: it is also a time of escapism. No spouse. No kids. No responsibilities. It is sort of like summer camp for adults (especially if the adults aren't road warriors) 8. Her nights are filled with socializing and probably drinking 9. Truth: the last thing you want to be perceived as is the untrusting, whiny, smothering husband. "Where we you?". "Why can't you talk now?". "Who are you with?" does you zero good. I mean ZERO. Anything that makes her cringe or pull away is B-A-D. Like really bad. The last thing you want to be is "Hellen's stick in the mud, ball and chain, husband". 10. Truth: The best way to catch a wayward spouse on a business trip is to call the room phone not the cell phone. But in today's world nothing says "nagging spouse" like a call to the room phone out of the blue. 11. Road trips with bunkmates are actually FAR better at discouraging extracurricular activities than trips where everyone has their own room. Believe me when I say this. In the end, she's out having fun, doing adult things with her adult coworkers. The best thing you can do right now is make her miss you. Not resent you. Check in once a day with a call or a Skype and be mindful of her "road life". Her not wanting to skype with you the other night is concerning but she might have been socializing, or smoking, or a million other things that don't involve banging that guy from accounting. All that being said, listen to your gut but for God's sake, be stealthy about it. You need to accept that if she wants to have an affair on the road there isn't a single thing you can do to prevent it. The only thing you can control is her desire to have it more because you're a nagging spouse. If you still suspect, keep up with the sleuthing. If she does stray, there will be a trail. Not while she is there but afterwards. We humans are really bad at just shagging and forgetting it ever happened. If your wife is going to start to travel a lot for business you're just going to have to get used to this. And trust. The best way to trust is to make sure your relationship is freaking rock solid strong. very well said. I agree 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Have you had reason to suspect her before? If not, she may just be enjoying NOT being plain old her for a while. I know when I travel for work, I really enjoy just getting out of the daily grind. She may be a little tired of your insistence on keeping tabs on her the whole time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 The OP only has 2 posts, I didn't see that info in either one. Lots of extrapolation going on here. I get that this is an Infidelity forum, but not every inattentive spouse is cheating... Mr. Lucky WHAT??????? Say it isn't so!! Don't you know EVERY wife is a cheater???? I do think there is something...off? here, but I am not sure it would be a full blown affair. It may be as simple as "I want a break from hubby and to drink and have fun," but I would still keep my eyes open if I were him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) Cheating or not something shady is going on IMO. Her nervousness, her lies, her "I can't talk to you on Skype but can on the phone" thing makes NO SENSE. Someone else said they read the topic and saw no red flags. Either they missed that part or don't find it incredibly suspicious. As the OP said, the bathroom has outlets. Talking on Skype would be no louder then talking on the phone. I mean personally these are things you have to do to make relationships where one person is traveling a lot work. Lines of communication need to be WIDE OPEN. Especially if she's staying with other dudes and all that crap to the point she has to go in the bathroom to avoid waking these people up. In an ideal perfect world a person could 100% trust their spouse in these situations. Too bad the world isn't perfect. Edited October 17, 2015 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 OP if your gut tells you that she's cheating, I wouldn't confront her without undeniable evidence first. It's always possible that you could call her bluff, but your chances of her giving a full blown confession without proof staring back at her face are extremely small. Her being weird about skype and facebook are definitely red flags but they're not 'get your divorce papers ready' evidence of an affair. I advised you to check your phone bill before, if that leads to any further red flags you may want to look into getting a (VAR)voice activated recorder as well if you feel comfortable using one. As multiple other posters have attested to, some people do have to room with coworkers for business trips. I myself haven't, but I know of multiple cases from people in my life that have had to room with other employees for work related trips. Some people need to get it through their thick skulls that somebody else's story isn't automatically untrue just because it doesn't fit perfectly into their own myopic view of how the world works. If something seems fishy in another person's story it could be that they're full of it or it could be that you really don't know everything there is to know. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Nah, you know when your spouse is hiding something from you. People generally are not good liars, especially face to face. When she comes home, watch for the extended eye contact. People always say they can tell when someone is lying by their eyes and it's true. Liars generally do not want to look you in the eye but they know that's a dead give away and over compensate. No, watch for the opposite. EVERYONE thinks that liars look away, can't look you in the eye, but it's actually the opposite. Read explanations of FBI methods. Precisely BECAUSE everyone assumes liars look away, they can also make a point of staring at you fixedly as they fabricate. In fact, how I KNEW my husband was lying was he got absurdly close to me, opened his eyes abnormally wide and stared unblinking at me as he said, "That's all there was to it," then a year later coughed up the incriminating facts of his affair. IF she has an iPhone and IF she backs it up regularly to a Mac at home, then you can read all SMS or text messages, even deleted ones, IF you have the software to do it. There are a few inexpensively priced programs online you can download for this purpose. The messages are located in her user account. Go to Library / Application Support / MobileSync / Backup folder but you must have the application to read it. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) More on lying: Advice for you to "just ask her" would only be useful if she's not lying. If she has been lying, however, she will simply continue to lie, so what's the use? The only use is if you can discern suspicious or aberrant behavior because you know her, and you've already done that. I think, for your own peace of mind, you need to investigate or go where she is. However, I agree that her seemingly aberrant behavior could be covering up something simple, maybe innocent. Either way, you guys have some work to do. Edited October 18, 2015 by merrmeade 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Advice for you to "just ask her" would only be useful if she's not lying. If she has been lying, however, she will simply continue to lie, so what's the use? The only use is if you can discern suspicious or aberrant behavior because you know her, and you've already done that. Precisely, if he trusted her word as the gospel truth so much so that merely asking her if she's cheating or not would relieve him of his worries then he wouldn't be here. What's the point in having this conversation? OP: Hey are you having an affair? Wife: Nope, sure ain't. OP: Okay then. I mean it's possible that she's gonna have an emotional breakdown and confess to everything after being confronted for the first time by a man with no substantial evidence to speak of, but it's not bloody likely. And if she's not one of those one in a million cheaters that gives a full confession under such circumstances then all he will have done is let her know that he's on to her and she will simply take the affair further underground making it that much harder to find out the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I think you need to get into the facebook account she blocked you out of. All the information you need will be in there... if I were you I'd be keylogging her computer, assuming you can't guess the password. Get those passwords...then sit down and be prepared to be amazed. Chances are she didn't block you so you wouldn't find out about the diamond ring she had commissioned to give you on your birthday, but if that's what it really is, just act surprised... Also, if she is still gone, give her place of employment a call and ask for her but don't tell them you are her hubby - if they say something like "Mary is on vacation at the moment but she will be back next week." Then you have your answer as to the nature of these 'business trips' she is taking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I think you need to get into the facebook account she blocked you out of. All the information you need will be in there... if I were you I'd be keylogging her computer, assuming you can't guess the password. Get those passwords...then sit down and be prepared to be amazed. Chances are she didn't block you so you wouldn't find out about the diamond ring she had commissioned to give you on your birthday, but if that's what it really is, just act surprised... Also, if she is still gone, give her place of employment a call and ask for her but don't tell them you are her hubby - if they say something like "Mary is on vacation at the moment but she will be back next week." Then you have your answer as to the nature of these 'business trips' she is taking. Ummmm... he never said she blocked him from her facebook page. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Blah....5 pages and only two responses from the OP. This is a dead thread, OP probably isn't coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
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