TX-SC Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Age 46, married 20 years, two daughters (11 and 13) My wife and I love each other very much. Wehave a good marriage. I have two great daughters that I love immensely. Sometimes I just feel unappreciated. Is that normal? To give an example... I play guitar, banjo, mandolin, and bass guitar and I write and sing my own music. Sometimes I write songs for my wife. She just isn't into music and really couldn't care less about what I write or play/sing. The kids also have no interest. I'm not sure why this bothers me. It would just be nice if ONE of them sat down and asked me to play her a song. It's my primary hobby these days and very important to me. I just wish I could share it with them. And no, I don't suck... Well, anyway, I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Anybody else just feel un-appreciated or are my feelings way off base? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 well, lets see, you have a talent, and its a passion. Certainly wanting to share such with your family is a sign of good healthy relations. Have you welcomed their feedback? Or asked them directly? I think you are sensing things appropriately, so share with them what you stated here. You maybe pleasantly surprised by their responses. I was intimidated by skilled talents and shyed away... Play on, music is such a wonderful gift. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 You should write a song about how you feel and sing it around the house:p Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Is this (her not particularly loving music) the only area in which you feel unappreciated, or are there others? Does she show her appreciation for other things that you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TX-SC Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Is this (her not particularly loving music) the only area in which you feel unappreciated, or are there others? Does she show her appreciation for other things that you do? Generally yes, though we don't share a lot of hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 You should talk to your wife about this. Do you show appreciation for her interests? Perhaps you two have entirely different ways of giving and receiving appreciation. Perhaps when you write and perform a song for your wife it feels like a huge gift that you are giving her but she doesn't receive it that way. For example I'm not big on flowers. I've had a couple of relationships where the guy thought giving me a bouquet of flowers was hugely romantic and expected me to feel the same and when I wasn't as appreciative as they thought I should be resentment started to build. No, I didn't sneer at their flowers, I would say thank you and receive them graciously but I just wasn't all that impressed. Flowers just didn't touch me or speak my romantic language. Your wife may see your music as a hobby that you enjoy that has little to do with her or making her happy. Maybe she wishes you would pay attention to her in other ways that are more geared to meeting her needs rather than just making her part of an activity that you would do with or without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think its normal to feel frustrated when those close to you don't seem to take an interest in a passion that you have; when it you passion is seems natural to be curious about it. I love to cook and its frustrating to cook for people that either see "food as fuel" or people that are overly picky. That being said, don't take their lack of interest personally. Everyone has their interest and disinterest, you should accept their views as much as you want them to accept yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Generally yes, though we don't share a lot of hobbies. While I think sharing a few hobbies in itself is important, I don't think it's necessary for someone to share your hobbies in order to be appreciative. What about when you do generic stuff like cooking for her, or fixing her car, or doing things that she normally does but doesn't have the time for recently, or buying her a little gift etc? If she does show appreciation for that, then I think the real issue isn't lack of appreciation per se but just enjoying different things. I would not really take that personally in your shoes, but I would admittedly be quite disappointed if my SO and I had zero common ground in terms of hobbies. But surely you knew that before being married for 20 years? Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 While I think sharing a few hobbies in itself is important, I don't think it's necessary for someone to share your hobbies in order to be appreciative. What about when you do generic stuff like cooking for her, or fixing her car, or doing things that she normally does but doesn't have the time for recently, or buying her a little gift etc? If she does show appreciation for that, then I think the real issue isn't lack of appreciation per se but just enjoying different things. I would not really take that personally in your shoes, but I would admittedly be quite disappointed if my SO and I had zero common ground in terms of hobbies. But surely you knew that before being married for 20 years? But it would make me sad if my spouse showed no interest in things I cared deeply about Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts