Quiet Storm Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 She's probably self medicating. People do find that weed helps for depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. If a mom with anxiety was presecribed Xanax, it would be viewed as acceptable and she'd be commended for seeking treatment. But if she chooses a natural alternative, she's a bad mom. I don't think it's right to be high all day with your kids just to be high, just like it's not right to be drunk. But in cases of depression, anxiety, PTSD, chronic pain or illness- sometimes marijuana is a better alternative than sleeping all day from Xanax or nodding out at the table from pain pills. You should talk honestly, without blame, but with love and concern. Tell her you love your family and there's nothing you value more in this world. And you're worried- for her, for them, for the family. Say that you notice changes and you can't ignore them, or you wouldn't be a good father or husband. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 At first I loved her free spirit. Regrettably, I even liked watching her doing bong hits But now it's gotten out of hand. We have three children and she is stoned all the time. We run a small farm in northern New Mexico and she can't even do the basicwork anymore. Her stoner girlfriends that come over every weekend disgust me. What would you do? Wow, dude, she needs help via an ultimatum. Big time... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Quiet Storm well said as the goal is to be supportive collectively . In our area, a parent can be brought up on charges if smoking it near or around children. Thus I can see the concern if the kids carry that aroma to school or out in public. Xanax won't effect others... pot can. That is something to think about... Op, can it be modified that she refrain til you are around ... she could step away to have her reprieve? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I am a pot smoker. I don't have any political or moral qualms about smoking pot. But I am not a "lazy" pot smoker, I am go go go from 5:30 am till 9:30 pm 5 days a week - I get to have a toke before bed to unwind, or to indulge with my morning coffee on the weekends. That said - she is exhibiting signs of addiction. You said she can't complete needed tasks. It sounds like she smokes habitually - her relationship with the drug isn't healthy. Back in the day I smoked everyday all day and got wired off of it. Weed motivated me. The stuff today is different... I wouldn't trust it. I wonder if she isn't doing something else along with the weed... Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Quiet Storm well said as the goal is to be supportive collectively . In our area, a parent can be brought up on charges if smoking it near or around children. Thus I can see the concern if the kids carry that aroma to school or out in public. Xanax won't effect others... pot can. That is something to think about... Op, can it be modified that she refrain til you are around ... she could step away to have her reprieve? Either way its bad.... There was a tragic story locally of a mother with kids in the car killing all but one of the kids and two guys in another car, because she was high on Xanax... I cant speak for everyone..but of the people in my life that were addicts, hugs and support didnt do shyt...It wasnt until the riot act and the shyt hit the fan, that things got turned around.. People need to understand that when they decide to have children that the life they previously had is no longer their own... The key word is sacrifice.....Giving up drugs for the sake of your kids involves sacrifice.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 correct tfy, most prescriptions have warnings that ppl do for the most part adhere to. I see your pt. Wish it was sooo easy to just stop the addictions ... love doesnt stop the spiraling... ask the enablers who dearly love the addict... anyways... The Op seems to understand whats at stake and our support will vary , yet with the best of intent for all involved... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Whose paying for the stuff? If your paying for it then put a stop to it. It's one thing to have a hit here and there but what was a vice is now a habit and it's getting out of hand. So time for a heart to heart talk with your wife and tell her how it's bothering you. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Also, she may be in denial. She may not realize how much the weed affects her personality. Taking videos of her sober and videos of her when she's high, could help her realize that it's not only changing her internal feelings, but it's changing the way she interacts with her kids, which will eventually change the way she is perceived by them. My dad was an addict/ alcoholic and he was oblivious to how we perceived him. He thought if he said "I'm rilly, rilly not drrunnnkkkk! I plomise. I'm t-t-totally soooober." that we would just take his slurred words at face value. Sometimes it takes seeing themselves from an outsider's perspective to realize they have a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I'm not against pot but someone being high a lot is so unattractive. They just come across dippy and ditzy but they think they are being so profound and have cracked the meaning of life. Link to post Share on other sites
lookin ahead Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If she IS depressed, then pot is NOT what she needs. I didn't say she needs to continue with her habits, i simply suggested to find the reason behind the behavior to see what is the underlying issue. Sometimes when we are upset we may do things we normally wouldn't do. Maybe she is upset about something and doesn't know how to express it so she uses this as an excuse relieve her "stress" i am not justifying anything, i was suggesting maybe finding the problem can bring up a solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 That's an instant deal breaker Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Lock the fridge and hide all the snacks!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 That's an instant deal breaker Agreed. I left a woman who thought smoking blunts made her "cool" and being a borderline drunk made her "fun" to be around. Couldn't deal with it. Had to go. Refuse to be with anyone like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
MuffMan6969 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It doesnt sound like the kids are in danger at all... OP, you should be thankful that she is up at 5am cooking breakfast, and not out at the bars drinking all night. Sorry she isnt getting all of her "chores" done like you expect. Maybe, just maybe she deserves a realease by 2pm, beacasue she has been taking care of her family and your demands. I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, and you need to appreciate your wife more, no matter what!!!!!! Hopefully your next post wont be about her being hooked on cigarettes, and she doesnt get her "chores" done as fast as you would like.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It doesnt sound like the kids are in danger at all... OP, you should be thankful that she is up at 5am cooking breakfast, and not out at the bars drinking all night. Sorry she isnt getting all of her "chores" done like you expect. Maybe, just maybe she deserves a realease by 2pm, beacasue she has been taking care of her family and your demands. I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, and you need to appreciate your wife more, no matter what!!!!!! Hopefully your next post wont be about her being hooked on cigarettes, and she doesnt get her "chores" done as fast as you would like.... It may indeed be that the pot smoking isn't endangering the kids, though it's strange that the OP has back-tracked on some of his original statements. But would you want to be married to someone who started getting high - or drinking alcohol, popping pills, etc. - every afternoon ? That's not engagement, it's escape. And as her spouse, you're one of the things she's running away from. Wouldn't work for me... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 At first I loved her free spirit. Regrettably, I even liked watching her doing bong hits But now it's gotten out of hand. We have three children and she is stoned all the time. We run a small farm in northern New Mexico and she can't even do the basicwork anymore. Her stoner girlfriends that come over every weekend disgust me. What would you do? Try to get her off the indica strains. Sativa is better for productivity. Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) If he's got kids and they are little, there is no time to wait for her to grow out of it.. OP,. you have a duty to protect your children...Even from the irresponsible acts of their own mother..Sounds like you need to take action fast...Demand that she gets help or remove her from your life/kids until she does.. Sounds like a horrendously unhealthy environment for children..Im sure CPS would agree as well.. TFY Demand that she "get help"??? CPS??? She's not shooting heroin. Jesus. You want to break up a family over some pot? Edited October 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~6 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BlessYourHeart Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I'd smoke pot if I knew how to even obtain it lol To be honest, she could be using it to cope with something, and if it's gone from every now and then to excessive... it may be time to just talk about it. We all evolve, and maybe you are just at a point in you life where you are ready to move past it... Maybe you could encourage her to do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
MuffMan6969 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) It may indeed be that the pot smoking isn't endangering the kids, though it's strange that the OP has back-tracked on some of his original statements. But would you want to be married to someone who started getting high - or drinking alcohol, popping pills, etc. - every afternoon ? That's not engagement, it's escape. And as her spouse, you're one of the things she's running away from. Wouldn't work for me... Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky, Im glad that wouldnt work for "YOU"...But sorry, this isnt about YOU. We are talking about smoking some weed, not "popping pills,etc:" She sounds like a great Mother , and Wife, and OP should appreciate her for all she does, not look for faults. Edited October 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator insult removed ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) She sounds like a great Mother , and Wife, and OP should appreciate her for all she does, not look for faults. She could be a great mother and wife. Those qualities and substance abuse aren't mutually exclusive. Edited October 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator response to insult redacted ~6 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 posters... you are so wrapped up in your own... where is the follow up to THIS: And she's going to wonder very soon why I'm always on my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 posters... you are so wrapped up in your own... where is the follow up to THIS: I wondered what he meant about being on the phone all the time too. Excuse to talk to someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Anyone who is an experienced pothead understands there are a variety of strains, reasons, and methods for using marijuana. Depending on their use and individual beain chemistry, it can affect every person differently. That's what makes the plant so amazing - one person may use it to help with sleep, while someone else can use a different strain as a pick me up at a party. Studies have shown it can be effective for treatinf anxiety, ptsd, even crohn's. In my opinion, as a "substance", it does not even fall in the same category as alcohol or cugaretes (as in, it's much safer) but of course, individual experiences vary. I dont think the question here is "what is your opinion on pot", though. His wife's pot use bothers the OP, and how to deal with that is the question. He said it was making her lazy, but based on the followup comments, this woman gets up at 5 and takes care of the fsrm/ children till 2- a full day- so it doesnt sound like thats the real issue. It appears the habit just turns him off. I would suggest digging deeper into what about it botherd him so much. Is it it unmet expectations re: work, her behaivior while on it, is it the method of application (ie smoking or vaping), or is it the obnoxious girlfriends? Maybe there is a compromise that can be made that would work for both parties. I think you should be honest that this is an issue for you, and work with your wife to see how you can meet in the middle. Personally, I think demanding that she quit outright just because you have grown out of it, is akin to demanding someone who enjoys wine to stop drinking because you have decided alcohol is evil. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I wondered what he meant about being on the phone all the time too. Excuse to talk to someone else? I think he meant that he was using his phone to post here and his wife was going to wonder what he was doing on his phone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I wondered what he meant about being on the phone all the time too. Excuse to talk to someone else? I just assumed he meant she was talking to her dealer. Right or wrong, possession of more than 1 oz of weed is still a crime in New Mexico... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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