Boundary issues

[Kesh]

I'm hoping to get some outside perspective on my situation. I'm 37 my boyfriend is 33 we have been together almost a year and recently moved in together.

My man is loving and kind teats me really good but we are not on the same page with some things.

 

When we first got together I caught him on Facebook blatantly flirting with a woman that wanted to date him I wasn't happy we discussed it he apologised and we moved on but he didn't really see it as a big deal.

The next problem was he was super secret and clingy with his phone when I asked him if there was a reason he stated ex girlfriends always went through it. I haven't and never would. He's a little better but I've accepted that's how he is.

 

Next issue he has lots of female friends they don't bother me but he has this one friend from his hometown and I really don't like the way she interacts with him it's outside my comfort zone. She also text him and said I hope she's meaning me isn't a psycho and she better understand our friendship.

I won't go into detail here but she's way too clingy and ott for my liking my guy used to like her but she got with his friend. They've broke up and she's been single for a while he volunteers to show me the text like he normally would rather than read me bits so I'm guessing he knew I'd be less than pleased. I have a couple of good guy friends he would be less than happy if it was me I know for a fact.

I've said Im a little unsettling by her style if communication and he called me a total psycho I apologised and said I hope I can become her friend as well but I don't want to honestly

 

Another boundary issues I recently joined instagram and added my boyfriend he only follows about 60 people and around ten of them were slutty looking teens. I go to a nigtcalss with one of them he has her on his Facebook and just started following her on insta he doesn't know her and she's 17 I feel a bit embaressd we're in our thirties I wouldn't follow random teenage guys I think it's weird yet another argument

My guys a singer in a band he gets flashed and flirted with all the time when he's gigging he comes home tells me we laugh about it.

I'll say if a girls pretty he has tonnes of female friends I encourage him to go out with the lads for a drink really don't care am I psyx

[Mrs. John Adams]

If you are not on the same page now....it is highly unlikely you will "get" on the same page.

 

If his boundaries differ from yours...those are major red flags of trouble down the road.

 

Relationships are based on Transparency, honesty and respect....sounds to me like all three are lacking in this relationship.

 

If you want to proceed with this guy...you are going to have to give him your boundaries of what you can and will tolerate....and he should do the same for you.

[Maddieandtae]

The teen following would really have me concerned. You are not "physco" to be concerned about the female attention given out. I also think your real concern would be the gas lighting that is being done to you.

[Miss Peach]

I had an ex that wanted to "read" online profiles when we moved in together. I never felt like he was *really* into me.

 

I feel the things you listed are red flags. IMO if he doesn't want to include or offer an invitation to you in these activities (even if you don't go) then I would be uncomfortable too.