The ExMM Resurfaces Again

[Goodbye]

Brief summary, had (what I thought) was a very serious relationship with an exBF from many moons ago (college). Remet at a reunion. He told me he was going through a divorce as I just had. Long distance. Lots of lies. Figured it out and he trickle truthed me...was living a full life with his wife. Lots of back and forth and he wouldn't leave me alone despite vigorous efforts at NC...I told his wife. This sort of stopped things on his end. He'd still send me stuff in the mail which would go in the garbage. He'd get random phone numbers and leave me messages. I just ignored it and started dating again. I healed.

 

Last summer he started up after leaving me alone for several months. I called him on his house phone (which scared him) and told him I'd be happy to fly to Denver and drive to his wife's office and give her all the stuff he has continued to send me. That stopped things cold. So that worked.

 

Now I think he stalking me once again. I went through a very public divorce...I am divorced but things were contested and it has gone all the way to the Supreme Court. He has actually been following the online docket in my state and called me (apparently verizon only holds blocks for 3 months) to wish me well in court. I didn't answer, but he filled my voicemail with this. Now he is emailing me from random addresses and he had his best friend (who was a mutual friend) call me to tell me how much he misses me and that I should understand that his marriage was "just" for his son.

 

Obviously I'm LONG over him. Still hurt some days...but NO interest. I don't think he has done anything restraining order worthy (yet). Do I call the W and send her his latest data? Leave her alone? Blocking only gets you so far. I guess I could make a claim with his police department for harassment. I don't know how much they'd do given that I'm on another coast.

 

Ideas?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm rarely in the call the wife camp but at this point I would kindly get in touch with her to let her know. It's really not her job to police her H's extra marital affairs but I think at this point it's the only thing that will work.

[purplesorrow]

Leave her alone. It's not her job to make him stop. That would be a lot for her to stay on top of what he is doing. Her knowing hasn't stopped him so far. Put return to sender on all packages. Tell him you're getting a restraining order if he continues. It he does, contact the police.

[whatatangledweb]

I would call the police and see if there is anything they can do. What he is doing is harrassment which is illegal. I would also call a lawyer to do a cease and desist letter. I'm sorry he is doing this again.

[Maddieandtae]

I would call the police in the city he lives in and inquire about filing an complaint. Maybe even send an email cc'ing both the other man and his wife as this does seem serious that he is not leaving you alone. For further measure could you change your phone numbers?

Edited October 15, 2015 by Maddieandtae
**

[gettingstronger]

UGH! Really? Yes, let his wife know he is still trying to contact you. You have done really well with this situation and he is being a jerk. I agree its not her "job" to make him stop, but she is entitled to know whats going on in her life-

[Goodbye]

UGH! Really? Yes, let his wife know he is still trying to contact you. You have done really well with this situation and he is being a jerk. I agree its not her "job" to make him stop, but she is entitled to know whats going on in her life-

 

 

Well, she apparently was going to divorce him but went back to him. I'm sure she did so thinking he was done. I think he has really gone off the deep end. I realize it isn't her "job." Then again, it isn't my job to keep her husband out of jail. I am going to call the police in his town. Doubt they will do anything.

[purplesorrow]

You're right, it's his job to stay out of jail. He needs to abide by the law just as you and I. Telling his wife obviously doesn't solve this. Why keep using her in this manner? If you didn't find the contact annoying, would you be telling her? Notifying the police will also put her in the know.

[NewLeaf512]

Brief summary, had (what I thought) was a very serious relationship with an exBF from many moons ago (college). Remet at a reunion. He told me he was going through a divorce as I just had. Long distance. Lots of lies. Figured it out and he trickle truthed me...was living a full life with his wife. Lots of back and forth and he wouldn't leave me alone despite vigorous efforts at NC...I told his wife. This sort of stopped things on his end. He'd still send me stuff in the mail which would go in the garbage. He'd get random phone numbers and leave me messages. I just ignored it and started dating again. I healed.

 

Last summer he started up after leaving me alone for several months. I called him on his house phone (which scared him) and told him I'd be happy to fly to Denver and drive to his wife's office and give her all the stuff he has continued to send me. That stopped things cold. So that worked.

 

Now I think he stalking me once again. I went through a very public divorce...I am divorced but things were contested and it has gone all the way to the Supreme Court. He has actually been following the online docket in my state and called me (apparently verizon only holds blocks for 3 months) to wish me well in court. I didn't answer, but he filled my voicemail with this. Now he is emailing me from random addresses and he had his best friend (who was a mutual friend) call me to tell me how much he misses me and that I should understand that his marriage was "just" for his son.

 

Obviously I'm LONG over him. Still hurt some days...but NO interest. I don't think he has done anything restraining order worthy (yet). Do I call the W and send her his latest data? Leave her alone? Blocking only gets you so far. I guess I could make a claim with his police department for harassment. I don't know how much they'd do given that I'm on another coast.

 

Ideas?

 

 

 

use whatever legal remedy you have at your disposal. sending a hug

[SoleMate]

I'd call a lawyer and let the lawyer work it for you. Most likely the lawyer will recommend a strong no-contact letter (mailed to the house and office; copies of recent contact attempts optional but recommended). If the letter is not effective, then on to restraining order.

[privategal]

Brief summary, had (what I thought) was a very serious relationship with an exBF from many moons ago (college). Remet at a reunion. He told me he was going through a divorce as I just had. Long distance. Lots of lies. Figured it out and he trickle truthed me...was living a full life with his wife. Lots of back and forth and he wouldn't leave me alone despite vigorous efforts at NC...I told his wife. This sort of stopped things on his end. He'd still send me stuff in the mail which would go in the garbage. He'd get random phone numbers and leave me messages. I just ignored it and started dating again. I healed.

 

Last summer he started up after leaving me alone for several months. I called him on his house phone (which scared him) and told him I'd be happy to fly to Denver and drive to his wife's office and give her all the stuff he has continued to send me. That stopped things cold. So that worked.

 

Now I think he stalking me once again. I went through a very public divorce...I am divorced but things were contested and it has gone all the way to the Supreme Court. He has actually been following the online docket in my state and called me (apparently verizon only holds blocks for 3 months) to wish me well in court. I didn't answer, but he filled my voicemail with this. Now he is emailing me from random addresses and he had his best friend (who was a mutual friend) call me to tell me how much he misses me and that I should understand that his marriage was "just" for his son.

 

Obviously I'm LONG over him. Still hurt some days...but NO interest. I don't think he has done anything restraining order worthy (yet). Do I call the W and send her his latest data? Leave her alone? Blocking only gets you so far. I guess I could make a claim with his police department for harassment. I don't know how much they'd do given that I'm on another coast.

 

Ideas?

 

Id keep it simple and ignore. Your past it. Maybe he felt guilty or worried for you and was hoping to be civil. Either way no use harming his marriage.

[jen1447]

I agree ^ I'd ignore for now. If he ramps it up, re-evaluate.

 

Ignoring = starving and (like NC) it's the best way to resolve relatively minor interpersonal issues. No fuel for the fire, the fire tends to die out.

[Ms. Faust]

I'd call a lawyer and let the lawyer work it for you. Most likely the lawyer will recommend a strong no-contact letter (mailed to the house and office; copies of recent contact attempts optional but recommended). If the letter is not effective, then on to restraining order.

 

Yup, strongly worded NC letter. May be worth the dime to have the lawyer draft it.

[veryhappy]

I would ignore him. He's far away, and just stupid. I don't see real danger for you. He should stop if you don't engage.

[Goodbye]

You're right, it's his job to stay out of jail. He needs to abide by the law just as you and I. Telling his wife obviously doesn't solve this. Why keep using her in this manner? If you didn't find the contact annoying, would you be telling her? Notifying the police will also put her in the know.

 

"Using" her in what manner. She thanked me for telling her before, fyi. Not everyone feels that ignorance is bliss.

[Goodbye]

Id keep it simple and ignore. Your past it. Maybe he felt guilty or worried for you and was hoping to be civil. Either way no use harming his marriage.

 

 

 

No use in harming his marriage?? Seriously? I think HE is the one harming it. Serial cheater. His marriage isn't a marriage.

[Lovemesomehim]

I would tell her. I was once on the do not tell camp but after reading many stories of the ow, the lies the h tells to keep his a going and leaving the wife uninformed of his lies of deceit, I have since changed my position.

If his m is for the sake of his child, I wonder if his wife knows of his reasons why he's still married to her. If it were me, I would want to know of his contact and his lies.

Tell her. You have his house number.

[Lurkeraspect]

I believe you've done due diligence. You shared info with the wife, she made her decision and stayed. It's not about her anymore, or him. This about you. Stay the course. Ignore, ignore. He's far away, right? Just keep doing what you're doing. I'll admit though, he's a twisted dude.

 

Keep it moving, Goodbye.

[lemondrop21]

I don't have a strong opinion on wife vs lawyer vs police, but I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading this thread because you seem so strong. Great to hear from someone who is on the other side of the pain and just tired of the drama now. Way to go

[WakingUp]

Goodbye... do not engage.

 

You need to think about you. You need to let go, do not get involved in this.

 

I know you because we went through similar troubles at the same time.

 

Let it go, it is not your problem. You have a whole life to live, do not get involved in all the stuff again.

 

Just breathe, let it out, and move on.

 

Seriously, you are better than this.

 

It all turns into same ....., different day.

 

Hold your head high and walk. Dont lose your dignity for a moment, just ignore it.

 

Hugs (( ))

[bathtub-row]

I would do something to make him disappear. He is disrespecting your privacy and harassing you. I had someone do this to me once and a police officer advised me to send the guy a certified or hand-delivered letter (something he has to sign for) letting him know that you interpret any contact from him as harassment, that you don't want him to contact you, your family, or any of your acquaintances. Doing so will be considered harassment and you will take further steps if he continues.

 

The letter should be very matter-of-fact, with nothing emotional in it. If he has been emailing you through company email or calling you at work, you can also tell him that because he has used company systems, they are also now involved, and that his employer would also be involved if contact continues.

 

When I did this, I sent the letter to the guy's office address. This put the fear of God in him because he knew I wasn't kidding around. Since that day, I never heard from him again.

 

And who gives a fig about this guy's marriage? He is the one destroying it, not you. The problem is, if you just sit back and ignore this, my concern is that it will only get worse. People who do this kind of thing are very twisted in their thinking. Sometimes a smack of reality is what it takes to make them stop.

[Cali408]

Just ignore, don't engage.

[Popsicle]

I guess he's got his best friend believing his stories too.

[whichwayisup]

. Now he is emailing me from random addresses and he had his best friend (who was a mutual friend) call me to tell me how much he misses me and that I should understand that his marriage was "just" for his son.

 

That mutual friend needs to stay out of it and focus on his own life, I hope you've cut him out of your life too.

 

Keep records of all the recent contact and give it to your lawyer. Talk to your lawyer about what to do about this. For now don't react, give it some thought.

 

Block exMM and mutual friend, make sure to reblock every 3 months!!

[privategal]

That mutual friend needs to stay out of it and focus on his own life, I hope you've cut him out of your life too.

 

Keep records of all the recent contact and give it to your lawyer. Talk to your lawyer about what to do about this. For now don't react, give it some thought.

 

Block exMM and mutual friend, make sure to reblock every 3 months!!

 

I just think your in a better place and almost to the end of your own legal battles. His wife isn't dumb. She knows shes got a philanderer and she's watching, it's only a matter of time before the kharma bus hits him.

Let that take care of itself, your silence back to him speaks volumes. He clearly hasn't moved on but you have and your showing it by remaining strong and silent.