full guy Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Me and this girl have known each other for 5 years and have been exclusively going out for almost 3. She was a virgin and i her first, but i have had many parteners that she knows about. we started off as friends and when she moved away acknowledged our feelings for eachother. she came back a year later and we dated for some months before i went away overseas for two years. i'd come back every six months or so and we go everywhere together and i'd stay with her. during the course of our relation ship i cheated on her in the very beginning and then again about a year ago. i told her about it and we've supposedly moved on. i saw her last three months ago, but we talk and have been talking everyday at least twice a day. i know her whole family and she swore she loved me and only me and she would never hurt me and all that crap. ok well thats the general backround. so she goes to ATL with her friends to some guy's grad party at a club that she used to date but now they're just "friends". i say yeah right but i allow her to go because she loves me and all that she wouldn't do anything. and besides "the guy doesn't still like her". so she goes to the party gets drunk and the guy starts making his move (typical) only she resists and goes to dance by his friend who happens to be the ex boyfreind of someone who she doesn't like. eventually the kiss, hang out in the parking lot, go to eat, and then go home and have sex. now this is the first time she's done it with someone else (and i believe her about that). so the next mornig she calls and everything seems all good. she says she had a good time but she's tired. the next day. she goes out and gets drunk again. (twice in one weekend for a girl that gets drunk once every 3 or 4 months) then im talking to her on the phone at 5 am and the guy calls. she lies and says it was her sister. i know she's lying cause i can tell, but i put it in my mental memory bank. so she goes back home and meets the guy because "his friend was trying to get with my friend". she says she fell asleep on the couch and nothing happened. so she gets back to her home town and i ask her and she says she's had a great time and atl is so cool we should move there sometime the people are so laid back etc. A few days later and she is acting all funny so my suspicions grow and i start to ask a million questions. eventually she fesses up and says "it was just sex" no big deal. and she says it was enjoyable but different blah blah blah. regular stuff you'd expect. but i dont think she is telling me everything because she won't tellme why she did it, saying that she was curious and drunk, but she knew what she was doing? what is that about. she loves me and she needed to do this. now she knows she only wants me. i personally am un sure about anything she says because im totally shocked. especially because i have asked her if she was curious and it was ok as long as we set a few ground rules about sleeping with another guy. to wich she would always say "sex is special between a man ....." so what should i do? why did she do this? girls have you done this? should i let her explore or just leave her? how can she throw away what we had just like that? is it my fault for cheating before? and aything elses please im clueless.... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 First of all, alcohol is no excuse. But then again, cheating on any person is cheating. Because a man does it, does not mean the damage is less on the cheated on partner. Dealing with it, is one of the most difficult things in a relationship. You simply don't grow over it, and it is not resolved easily. It takes a lot of time and effort, from both people involved in the relationship. What happened happened. Her behavior might seem strange, but I think there are a lot of underlying problems in the relationship, that led to all this. That's both your and her mistake. Sorry to be so privy, but what were your excuses for cheating on her? The never hurting "crap", is that not the same crap you believed in, and told her before you cheated, or after the first time you cheated? I can understand your pain, but hopefully you can understand the pains you must have put her through twice. I don't know how old you are, but I think the both of you have a lot of things to discover, before you can seriously contemplate starting a serious relationship. As for the current relationship, I would carefully consider maintaining it. I would let go of it. Not because of her cheating (then she should have left you after the first time you messed up), but because the both of you are not ready for a serious commited relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author full guy Posted May 21, 2005 Author Share Posted May 21, 2005 yeah i never believed in the "crap" as i was somewhat of a man whore to begin with. and she knows and knew this all before. we're both 24. and yes we have underlying issues. i really just wish i could understand all this i mean she doesn't even sound that sorry. she claims she is, but there was no post sex crying or anything like that. the first time i cheated we just started going out and it was with an ex. typical stuff. wrong. but typical. the second time was about 8 months ago when i was out of the country. and i was basicaly lonely and it was really just sex. witch at the time was labeld "disgusting". this is just hard because this is the only girl i've ever loved and trusted. and im not one of those only had one girl or fell in love with a random chick. i mean i'm pretty jaded and i've seen/done alot. and the whole "she was my girl" male ego thing is a factor too. Link to post Share on other sites
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