Author StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 In my own personal experience after my divorce and then having had a relationship with someone who was newly divorced it is something I definitely avoid. I know a lot of people will say "my marriage has been over for a long time" or that they feel ready to start dating again. My experience has been that while they may mean those things at the time the truth is the person you are dating now will not be the same person a few years removed from the divorce. You may end up being the person who softens the blow, makes the transition easier for them, or simply a distraction from all the emotions people experience when getting divorced no matter how bad the marriage was. My general rule is a minimum 2 years removed from a divorce. Yes I agree Chap ...I didn't think I would be as transformed as I am ...not so much a different person but I was just waaayyy too eager re: dating and I didn't have my priorities in order because my world that I had known for 18 yrs was suddenly turned on it's head (like I would take 1 out of 7 of my visitation days and go on a date ...we're 7 on 7 off ...that never happens now ...my kiddo time is way too precious)...I was looking to prove to myself that everything was ok and it wasn't. This is one of those situations where it's the right guy at the wrong time. He's still processing anger and resentment toward his soon to be ex ...it comes out in little snippets. I just listen. He does think he's very ready to move on with his life but as you and I both know it takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 That's not her call or anyone else's call either way. If she doesn't want to get romantic with him, she doesn't have to and it's a nonissue. If they both have a mutual attraction and want to be together, they are full grown, consenting adults that can do what they want. It's no one else's business to decide how long he should use his hand or not and it's no one else's business to break whatever a re-hitched fever is and it's no one else's business to determine if he is in any kind of panic mode or not. Thanks for the input OS ...ya this isn't a manipulative thing with sex ...I'm not a 20/30 yr immature person holding out the carrot ...however I'm mitigating my own risk which is prudent on my part ...and FYI I'm no prude ...but not going to intentionally set myself up for heartbreak either ...I don't invest in penny stocks because of the volatility ...likewise not willing to invest in the volatile nature of a recently separated man. We're highly attracted to each other ...and both adults ...but he IS legally married and I'm not interested in being an adulterer ...or a rebound ...as that's what most "first" relationships post breakups are. Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Yes I agree Chap ...I didn't think I would be as transformed as I am ...not so much a different person but I was just waaayyy too eager re: dating and I didn't have my priorities in order because my world that I had known for 18 yrs was suddenly turned on it's head (like I would take 1 out of 7 of my visitation days and go on a date ...we're 7 on 7 off ...that never happens now ...my kiddo time is way too precious)...I was looking to prove to myself that everything was ok and it wasn't. This is one of those situations where it's the right guy at the wrong time. He's still processing anger and resentment toward his soon to be ex ...it comes out in little snippets. I just listen. He does think he's very ready to move on with his life but as you and I both know it takes time. I am glad to hear it. I know for me, had I known then what I know now I would have saved myself lots of heartache. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 I am glad to hear it. I know for me, had I known then what I know now I would have saved myself lots of heartache. We don't know what we don't know neither does this guy but I totally understand why he's jumped on the dating train so soon. And I even went to divorcecare classes through my church for 4 months ...they recommended no dating for a year. Did I listen? No but wish I had. Wasn't all bad though:) Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 We don't know what we don't know neither does this guy but I totally understand why he's jumped on the dating train so soon. And I even went to divorcecare classes through my church for 4 months ...they recommended no dating for a year. Did I listen? No but wish I had. Wasn't all bad though:) I agree its all about learning and evolving. I am definitely ready now to share life with someone special - I believe it's all been a part of my preparation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts