Author Hope87 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks so much for all your responses. Very much appreciated. I'm really for the confusion, the guy in the first paragraph is different from guy in the subsequent paragraphs ie the particular subject of this thread. Lol he's not as shallow as he appears to be lol, he generally just has a very laid back approach. He's otherwise a pretty smart and driven guy but i think his family names gives him a bit of an ego boost ( even though he's not arrogant to me). I think he gets away with applying minimal effort. I ended up cancelling/ postponing our meet up because I had some work to do on Sunday and after reading the responses on this thread, I kinda lost most of the motivation I had initially summoned up to make the date ( if I can refer to it as a date). I explained to him politely (and a day ahead) that I had to do some work on Sunday and therefore couldn't guarantee that I'd be able to make it on Sunday. I suggested that we meet during the week ( as I'm currently on leave). He responded saying that he had a pretty busy week ahead but that evenings, after work might work. So I told him to keep me posted as I'm relatively flexible at this point. This was on Sunday, haven't heard from him since then. Am I disappointed? Not really, in his defence I've spurned his offers to meet up like 6 times within the last month and a half ( i usually tell I'm busy and then offer to reschedule). So maybe he's fed up? Or maybe he's just having a pretty busy week. I expect to hear from at some point but I've also realised that I probably need to heal from what I'm currently going through with the other guy... it's probably best for me like someone in this thread suggested. I'm improving but still a bit raw, emotionally. Too raw to start seeing someone who isn't even promising or offering much. I will post updates as they come through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope87 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 My best advice is to go to his house once again. But this time have intercourse with him. Then see if he calls you again. If he does, that proves he might be interested in either you as a person or in more sex. Lol not sure if you're being sarcastic or actually being serious? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope87 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I'm sorry * for the confusion. I made a typo in earlier post Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Hi all, Not sure if this should be posted under the breaking up section or dating section. Anyway I'm going through some emotional challenges with a guy I was seeing. He said he's not ready for the level of commitment I require etc and I've been trying to nurse a slightly broken heart following the decline of the relationship. I've gone three weeks without any contact so far and I'm trying to move on. So recently a guy from my past re-established contact with me. I met him earlier in the year and we went out a few times but things fizzled out because he was dealing with some work issues so he stopped making an effort and things fizzled out. Well, he got back in contact with me after a few months of silence and seems very keen this time around..he contacts me consistently, always asks us to meet up ( I've accepted only one invitation and declined about 5 offers). So, yet again, he's just messaged me asking what I'm doing this weekend and if I want to hang out. Now here's the thing, the last time I agreed to hang out with him (a few weeks ago), we didn't go out. He picked me up and we went over to his house. It was a bit late so I didn't want to make a fuss or anything. However, today, he's invited me over to his house, again this weekend. I've agreed to meet with him but I suggested we go out somewhere as well and he responded saying "okay". . Question is: should I assume he's only interested in sex hence why he's inviting me to hang out at his instead of taking me out? Can this be interpreted as minimal effort on his part? He knows I'm not interested in a casual relationship because I've been very vocal about it. He also knows I'm not willing to have sex outside a committed relationship because we had discussed stuff like this in the past. I think he respects my position ( even though he may not necessarily agree with it) because the last time we were at his, we watched a movie in.his bedroom/ on his bed and he made no attempt to get physical. Then again, my body language certainly didn't encourage him to do so ( i was friendly but nothing more). So question in a nutshell is, should I insist we go out somewhere outdoors? Should I write him off? To be honest I'm still emotionally raw because of my last relationship and I'm not even sure I'm emotionally available ( still have feelings for the guy I'm trying to get over) so maybe I'm just looking for any excuse to write this guy off lol. At same time I don't want to let go of someone who might have a lot of potential. I mean I was once attracted to him afterall. Opinions would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading Don't assume anything. Have a real conversation with him about what his dating goals are and have him tell you what his are. You've said that you've told him what you want, but you haven't told us what he said. He knows I'm not interested in a casual relationship because I've been very vocal about it. He also knows I'm not willing to have sex outside a committed relationship because we had discussed stuff like this in the past. I think he respects my position Sure, he might respect your position, but he's hanging around until you break down and have sex with him anyway. He isn't dating you the way a man would who wants a serious relationship. Find out exactly what his position is. If you're not on the same page, then move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I was seeing a guy like this earlier this year and he'd invite me back to his place but I just said I was tired and had to get up early the next morning. It was clear to me that he was probably only after one thing. So beware of what this guy is doing, OP. I would never allow a man to drive me to his house. If things go sideways you have no way to escape. I know this is not much to be proud of but I was so proud of myself for not going back with guy I mentioned above...just proved to myself how important my self-worth is. I didn't care that I lost him in the end because I felt so good about myself and my achievements with boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 This guy is hardly lifting a finger, and yet you're responding to his insultingly feeble efforts. I think he's obviously not into you for anything serious. If he were, he never would have fizzled the first time you were dating earlier in the year. I think "hanging" with him would be a waste of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
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