Emotionally Muted

[DJOkawari]

This is hard for me to express but in the words of a good friend: "you just don't have any f*cks left to give"

 

I've felt like this for a while - i just dont care about much. About a year ago I went through a big break up and I haven't really recovered from it. Since then my life has felt empty.

 

In that relationship, we had planned out our lives together so I knew why I was doing what I was doing. It was all part of a big plan. Now I don't know so much.

 

Post breakup I started setting up this ideal lifestyle I wanted to live. Largely I've gotten there.

 

So why is my life so empty? The answer I think is that there is no reason for me to do these things. Further, there is no reason for me to value these things. All of the lessons you learn from break ups: "there are always more fish in the sea" or "when a door closes another opens". If I embrace these mantras 100% I can't see how I would care about anything. It's all transient. On top of that, I spent a lot of this past year successfully facing my fears head on. I'm just not perturbed by much any more.

 

For example if I lost my job, I don't know what I would do...but I do know I'd be alright. If the girl I ask out tomorrow says yes or no, I will be alright. If I miss the big party this weekend...etc. Anything that can be overcome by purely mental strength (aka not sickness, injury, starvation, etc.) just isn't a big deal to me. There will be another opportunity for everything. On top of that, everything people discuss big issues to small are so mundane...I do recognize that it is all equally mundane so a different description could be "uniformly brilliant"...I guess I'm just the sort of person who sees it as boring.

 

So, over all maybe I feel I'm bored because I find very little valuable. Maybe I've interpreted my mental state incorrectly...what I do know is: I find life empty and boring - in a situation where most people around me would say my life is fantastic.

 

Anyone ever felt like this or have any advice?

[Michelle ma Belle]

You're still in mourning. You're still reeling from your break up and although you've managed to plow through and achieve so much despite your fears, you're still trapped in that old relationship and the old dreams you shared with her.

 

It's hard to find the sparkle in life once you've lost the source of that spark you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. I understand this.

 

I don't have any profound things to say or advice to give except that all of this okay... you're okay. It's part of the process one needs to go through in order to heal. The fact that you've been able to be as productive as you have been is a testament to your to strength and character. That is something to celebrate.

 

Have you had or ever thought about therapy?

 

I'm a huge advocate for it and am a testament that it can change one's life for the better. Of course, any good therapist will tell you that it only works if YOU work it.

 

Again, I realize I'm not being of much help to you but wanted you know that I understand.

 

[mystikmind2005]

I know all about not caring! it is a symptom of depression actually.

 

Not sure what i can advise you but one thing i did learn,,, take notice of those things that are in your field of view that you could do, but feel the least like doing, that is how you know those are the most valuable things to be doing!!

 

Because depression is almost like an entity of its own, and it instinctively knows how to protect its existence in your life by deterring you from those things most likely to help you.