Miss Peach Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think both men and women can get most of what they want in platonic friendship. And I am happy with that as well as with my time alone. There are a few things I can't get on the emotional and sexual level with friends so that's why I choose to enter relationships when I meet guys who seem like a good match for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 for activities.. sometimes i just cannot do them alone and need a partner. for help... sometimes i'm extremely sick with a cold/flu, etc. and there is absolutely no one to take the dogs out for me, or run to the grocery when i am late at work, or give me a ride to drop off my car for an oil change and not have to wait there 3+ hours, or come get me when i have a flat tire, just stuff... and just .. help. you really cannot do everything alone, and if your family isn't near they can't help. and you can't be calling friends all the time. you need your own special someone who will help you, and who you can help. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 sometimes i'm extremely sick with a cold/flu, etc. and there is absolutely no one to take the dogs out for me, or run to the grocery when i am late at work, or give me a ride to drop off my car for an oil change and not have to wait there 3+ hours, or come get me when i have a flat tire, just stuff... and just .. help. Feminism at its finest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 If not for want of regular sex, I think most single guys wouldn't bother with the frustration of the dating game. I know I wouldn't. I don't think you're off base here - to a certain degree. I'm a normal, healthy guy. I like sex. When I've had serious GFs, it's nice getting laid 2-3 times a week - but I also make sure they have their needs met. I don't think every guy is a player though, myself chief among them. but as others stated there's a combination of factors: Peer/Societal Pressure SElf-Pressure Loneliness Etc I do like the idea that if you can't make someone's life better, then you're really not ready to date in a serious way. In both of my previous long-term relationships I found myself with women who didn't truly respect me, appreciate me, or when push came to shove, care as much about me as I did for them. However, you learn lessons the hard ways sometimes. That said, after each one I gained a better appreciation of myself, of being alone, and also what I have to offer and what I'm looking for. But I also think we sugar coat the fact that there are a lot of people out there not ready for a relationship. A lot of people are entitled, or spoiled, or lazy, or don't understand what hard work a career, a family, etc takes or they're too focused on one without making enough time for the other. We've produced 2,3 generations of people who don't understand the meaning or true values of a relationship. JMHO though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think both men and women can get most of what they want in platonic friendship. And I am happy with that as well as with my time alone. There are a few things I can't get on the emotional and sexual level with friends so that's why I choose to enter relationships when I meet guys who seem like a good match for me. Great answer Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Travelling alone is the best thing ever, or at least can be. I much prefer it over travelling with a partner or friends. . Yeah i have to agree, for me, travelling alone is a much better, more fulfilling experience than travelling with a partner. Ive done a lot of both. As to your question, at the moment im single deliberately and staying so for the forseable future. Im definitely at my best and happiest single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Going from the essentially constant companionship of marriage to the chosen lack of such companionship post-D, I would opine that most folks like the constancy and intimacy. While I definitely do have the latter with a number of male and female friends, the choice for relationship solitude is more glaringly evident in that lack of a daily companion like I had with a spouse. For people who feel incomplete without that constancy of companionship, or have a strong desire for it, that would provide a healthy explanation for desiring a girlfriend or boyfriend. The feeling of a 'void' is quite common among my male friends and, to me, that makes sense, since they've essentially had a daily companion nearly all their adult lives. I'd probably feel the same if I had not gone many years as a young man living solo and without a daily companion. I'll toss out another reason, one I can reflect on from being married: Inspiration. While self-actualization and pursuit of goals can be, and should IMO be, a part of everyone's solo journey through life, I have to acknowledge having a daily partner inspired me to make choices which benefited my life in ways they wouldn't have had that partner not been there. I've come to think of it as additive energy from synergy. Pretty cool stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Feminism at its finest. i suppose if you are a feminist. i don't think this post, or any of my others, ever claim that. i happen to be extremely old-fashioned, but thanks for reading what you want into the answer and assuming. you know what assuming does, right? Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I am looking for companionship, affection and to pair bond! I offer the same things, and I am pretty fun according to most people I know. And cheerful. Or as us chemistry folks call it ..a Pi bond Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) -companionship -activity partner -emotional support when needed -intimacy -someone to spoon at night -someone to be there for me if I have a problem medically or say my car breaks down or something like that -someone to vent to when I'm having a bad day -someone to bounce things off of to give me perspective on my thoughts or actions -someone to care for-caring for someone, doing things for them can give you a sense of self worth -home cooked meals (if this list was in order of importance this would be closer to the top) -BLOWJOBS I like being part of a couple ...suits me very well ...lots of reasons and I like a lot if what you have listed. I'll add Someone to open the champagne Start the gas grill Give me a 4 am wake up call Edited October 17, 2015 by StBreton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Only one person said they wanted to pair up because they've created a life they love and would like to share it with somebody special. Everything else was about filling some void in their life with no consideration given to how they were going to enhance a partner's life. Is there something wrong with this? I feel like there is a void in my life; a woman. What else could possibly fill that void? My life is pretty stable but the right woman would make my life complete. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Just adding ... Each relationship is unique of course... One thing I enjoy about mine - while we have been together for many years (14+) we have our own lives, and a lot of time apart. I LOVE "alone time" while he is a social butterfly / extrovert. He pulls me out of my shell and I enjoy being social with him, but on the same token - I often go do my own thing, and he does his. We both have time consuming hobbies, careers etc... His friends often ask how he found such a "non clingy" GF.. I have my own life - he has his, and we still live our seperate lives - yet share a home, and a common journey. It works well for us - that said, we don't have kids (nor want them) or other obligations that would compromise our individual Independence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Romance makes me happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 -companionship -activity partner -emotional support when needed -intimacy -someone to spoon at night -someone to be there for me if I have a problem medically or say my car breaks down or something like that -someone to vent to when I'm having a bad day -someone to bounce things off of to give me perspective on my thoughts or actions -someone to care for-caring for someone, doing things for them can give you a sense of self worth -home cooked meals (if this list was in order of importance this would be closer to the top) -BLOWJOBS Please see above ^^. But since I'm so independent, stuff like a car breaking down I can manage. One time I handled selling my own car and picking up the new one all by myself...but gosh darn it was hard To add: -someone to just go out now and then and do nice stuff with (i.e. a movie, dinner on the town, dancing and/or just dressing up and looking cute). -someone to surprise me with flowers on the regular and who I can surprise too Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Looking around my own circles, it's got nothing to do with sex. And nothing to do with "complementing" their lives on some kind of philosophical level. It's got everything to do with a need for validation, loneliness and an inability to tolerate their own company. Examining myself honestly, I can't back up saying anything different. I'm very single and have been most of my adult life, I've proven bona fides in being independent, and in not requiring sex, and in keeping my own company. I would tell other people IRL the same worthy bull**** they tell each other about being happy and waiting to share my life but inside I know, I'm desperately lonely and desperately unhappy that at 32 I am the only person unwillingly single that I know. If we lived to 500 years I wouldn't be so scared of dying alone yet. If everyone around me was single I wouldn't be so scared. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Shet ...I hope you find someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenManAgain Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Us soldiers want something to come home to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 That question nagged me for a while. After all my self-esteem is well enough that I don't need a partner to show off with, and I most certainly am not going to burden anyone with my troubles (which are very few in number anyway). In the end I've come to the conclusion that I'm looking for someone I click with for that exciting love-rush-feeling I get when I'm in love, and I want to make him smile and see him happy (or on bad days at least content) every day, have sex that satisfies both of us and travel together to more places than just tourist crowded hotspots. And yes, I'm a dreamy romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I suppose, to have someone to give all my affection to. I am an affectionate person. And yes, sex is also on the mind, I am, a Scorpio after all. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 As a guy who was single for the majority of his life, I can say that a life with a partner makes me feel a lot more alive and productive. I worked hard for all that I have and I want to share it. Kind of boring otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I want a girl/boy friend because I don't want to be alone for life. I am not so desperate not to be alone that I have no standards. I spend my life working and taking care of my elderly parents and sister who has special needs. I want a healthy person to relate to in my life. Yes someone to do things with, yes sex, yes marriage and family of my own. When it comes down to it the biggest motivator I have is that I need someone who's not sick to relate to in my life as part of my family. The idea of dedicating my life to my family and then being left alone scares me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 The reason I want a bf (I have one...but still) I am quite a deep, romantic, emotional person. I WANT to experience a deep connection with a man. I am not into the club scene or bar hopping. I've had casual sex and enjoyed it but I've always found it very numb...kind of pointless. Sex is great and then there's a sense of loneliness. I find that a relationship makes me feel happy. Humans are social creatures and I think we all crave the feeling of being liked, loved, wanted. Most people seem to seek this from multiple people. I feel like the explosion of social media is largely about people feeling lonely and isolated; they reach out online because there is no-one in there immediate life. I have a high sex drive and I want sex with a partner I can trust, who respects me. I want someone to cuddle me and kiss me and ask about my day. Someone I can plan trips with, share interests with. I feel happier when I'm with someone than when I'm single, although I don't feel empty either way. I just feel that being in love deepens me as a person. It makes me better. It teaches me to respect and care for another person. For me, being in a happy relationship is the most blissful feeling on earth. Perhaps it's biology? The urge to truly connect with a member of the opposite gender beyond just a fleeting sexual experience. So much of male/female relationships is encouraged to be superficial/exploitative/hollow but when you find someone who you treasure and who treasures you, it is an incredible feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
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