DC77 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) I cried at work yesterday. Not an emotional outburst or sobbing mess, but my eyes began to well up and a tear or two fell. I learned yesterday my job is in jeopardy. I was direct, maintained a calm voice, but I could not stop my eyes from watering. I excused myself before it turned into real tears. I work for a private company in a military environment and even a slight tear is seen as emotional and a weakness. Especially from a woman. It is the same reason my military ex deemed me weak. I have a lot to lose with this job. Or I should say I've lost a lot with this job. I uprooted my entire life for this job. I've gone into debt moving to a new city. I'm living paycheck to paycheck again like I'm fresh out of college. This job has turned out to be a whole lot of empty promises. The position i thought i took doesn't even exist nor will it ever. I realize my boss does not value me as a professional with 15 years of experience nor does he respect me as an employee. Whether he would admit it or not, he treats me differently as a woman and because I am a civilian. I'm strapped right now though. I've been looking for another job, but professional jobs are few and far between here. I've been trying to stick it out here because for now I have to. Back to the tears. Several of my projects are being taken away and outsourced even though I'm scraping for work. When I asked my boss why my projects were being redirected and what he saw as my future, he said he didn't know. He followed up with I have validity to be concerned about having a job. It would appear that a layoff is imminent. Naturally the thought of losing my job was upsetting. So my eyes welled up. Does that make me weak? Regardless, I think the damage is done. Edited October 16, 2015 by DC77 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It's natural but unfortunate. I'd go back to your boss & ask for a letter of recommendation now. I'd ask for help getting a new job . . .present it like you are seeking an gold parachute. Meanwhile also ask what projects you can assist others with since you have time on your hands. Network, network, network. Get a 2nd PT job now so you will still have income. Consider downsizing your life -- get a roommate, get a smaller cell phone package, cut out cable TV or internet at home. Sell stuff. etc. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DC77 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Thank you for your advice. I've already been working on many of these things. I'm living quite minimally. My rent is near as cheap as I can go without putting my safety at risk. Before this came up, I actually started into motion working on a side business for extra income and picking up some seasonal work. As far as the company goes, it is a very small startup company. The conversation with my boss started after a discussion with my PM looking for any work possible. Until mid December I'm on a billable contract so half of my hours are charged to a client regardless of whether I do any work for them. It feels wrong to me, but the company is perfectly okay with me doing absolutely nothing. It's difficult to see all the areas that I could contribute to helping this company, but this is how they choose to utilize me. It's quite unfortunate... I hesitate to ask now for a letter. They must know I'm looking, but I don't want to trigger anything just yet. Does it make me weak that I couldn't hold back the tears? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Thank you for your advice. I've already been working on many of these things. I'm living quite minimally. My rent is near as cheap as I can go without putting my safety at risk. Before this came up, I actually started into motion working on a side business for extra income and picking up some seasonal work. As far as the company goes, it is a very small startup company. The conversation with my boss started after a discussion with my PM looking for any work possible. Until mid December I'm on a billable contract so half of my hours are charged to a client regardless of whether I do any work for them. It feels wrong to me, but the company is perfectly okay with me doing absolutely nothing. It's difficult to see all the areas that I could contribute to helping this company, but this is how they choose to utilize me. It's quite unfortunate... I hesitate to ask now for a letter. They must know I'm looking, but I don't want to trigger anything just yet. Does it make me weak that I couldn't hold back the tears? I have the opposite problem at work actually. My boss told me once, not in a rude way, that I sometimes appear to lack emotion and closed off. I have a friend whom I used to work with who has cried at work...I guess some people are more emotional than others...my mom and my brother are fairly emotional people, while my dad and I are not. People often think I am emotion-less, but the reality is that I weep and grieve when I'm alone. I think at this point, you should just let it go. I have seen one of my coworkers at my current job cry a few times when she was stressed out. It happens. Now focus on brushing that resume up and cutting back where you are able in case a layoff does come your way. If it does happen, look at it as a chance to find something you will like even more, where your boss doesn't disrespect you and where you can get the pay you deserve. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Thank you for your advice. I've already been working on many of these things. I'm living quite minimally. My rent is near as cheap as I can go without putting my safety at risk. Before this came up, I actually started into motion working on a side business for extra income and picking up some seasonal work. As far as the company goes, it is a very small startup company. The conversation with my boss started after a discussion with my PM looking for any work possible. Until mid December I'm on a billable contract so half of my hours are charged to a client regardless of whether I do any work for them. It feels wrong to me, but the company is perfectly okay with me doing absolutely nothing. It's difficult to see all the areas that I could contribute to helping this company, but this is how they choose to utilize me. It's quite unfortunate... I hesitate to ask now for a letter. They must know I'm looking, but I don't want to trigger anything just yet. Does it make me weak that I couldn't hold back the tears? It happens. I cried in front of my boss once and then felt really embarrassed about it. There was nothing I could do about it once it happened though so I just put it behind me. In your case I don't think a few tears made your situation any worse than it already is. It seems that your employer doesn't value you and may even be planning on letting you go so how do your watery eyes make any difference? Don't beat yourself up for it, you can't change it and it's not even your biggest problem. Just start getting prepared to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) I think he wants someone tough to impress him Prove him that you are that one Don't give up that easily! Fight back! These military people don't understand other language.. Your tears should not be treated as a sign of weakness, but as sign of power. You valued the job so dearly and you hate to lose it.. Don't be embarrassed to be a human being who cares! Admit it in front of him.. There is no shame in that! Tell him what is expected of you to do to stay! What more proofs he needs to prove that you are worthy of this job! Best of luck! Edited October 18, 2015 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
amelia0607 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 It makes you human! Unfortunately some women are often hormonally predisposed to tears sort of like men on steroids are predisposed to anger. I get teary when I'm frightened or angry and most of my bosses have seen them. I don't think any have ever looked at me as weak or less than in any way. However, I have never worked in a military environment. I have briefly lived on a military base and saw then that it is an entirely different world. I hope that this does not effect your future with this organization but it sounds like it might be a blessing in disguise once you get past the initial shock. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 In the early days, I'd very often be reduced to tears at work so had to quickly learn to develop a thicker skin (I'm a medic). Nowadays I still well up on occasions but try to keep my composure in front of the patients. In your situation, you'd just received bad news - unless you're made of stone, it's completely natural it should affect you. It won't make any difference to your employment situation though, and I doubt it'll even be mentioned in your letter of recommendation, if that's what you're worried about. If you feel the decision to lay you off is but made, ask for a letter of recommendation now - it'll show you are proactive and concerned about your future. Things have already been triggered anyway so I'm sure your boss will expect you to ask for that letter sooner rather than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts