Why won't she let me divorce her, she promises to make my life horrible if I try.

[loveboid]

Some states take into account adultery when deciding division of assets and alimony. I would at least look up your state's laws online.

 

If she spent money on her OM then that is wasteful use of marital assets and if you have the paper trail you can demand in a divorce petition she pay that back. Half of that money spent would be yours.

[stillafool]

He doesn't want to leave. He's making excuses to stay.

[bubbaganoosh]

Here's what you do. Tell her you want her to take a polygraph test to prove to you that her affair is over. Take a STD test to make sure that she doesn't have anything and see her reaction to the demand and make it a demand and before anything else talk to a lawyer because she's already got you on the ropes and your playing right in her hand. If you don't then when she's done with you, there's only going to be bones, hair and teeth left of you.

[Jersey born raised]

Talking about a poly now is puting the cart before the horse. This a classic mistake BS make. While true adultety has got to stop before a real R can happen, the question of the issues in the marriage remain.

 

The first question has to be does she understand what the adultery has done to her family - and I am sorry and tears don't cut it. Christ- "I am sorry, but I can't choose between you two".

 

Talk to the parents, expose and ask if I divorce will you ruin me finacially?

[Jersey born raised]

I always use the term adultery in this situation. An affair occurs between two single people period. While cheating may occur in a LTR it is not adultery.

 

Adultery is a cruel and cold word that sums up a lot of ugly thoughts and feelings. It is a powerful word, unlike affair.

 

I notice WS hate the word. They prefer the softer loftier term affair.

 

Tech I strongly advise using it, it keeps the mind focused.

[sandylee1]

Don't get a vasectomy as you may wish to have kids with someone else in the future.

 

She's being manipulative and I would not tolerate it. Now she pulls religion out of the bag, even though she forgot it during the affair.

The mere fact that she threatened to ruin you if you divorce, would make me run a million miles from her.

 

Do you still love her?

Do you want the marriage to work?

 

If so , then you need to put your foot down and set your terms for reconciliation, otherwise she will just do what she wants.

Tell her that as she caused this mess, the heavy lifting is down to her.

 

She should Google 'things a wayward spouse should do', to show how serious she is.

 

Can I ask..until you mentioned divorce, did she make any moves to get you back. This seems to be not so much about her loving you, but not wanting to be a single parent. Clearly the OM wasn't interested in taking it further.

 

Did she confess the affair or did she get busted?

[Clay]

It sounds like it was all fun and games until you pulled out the divorce card. I know this is painful now but I can tell you in the long run its far cheaper to pay alimony and child support than it is for all the heartache your going to go through if you go back.

 

I tried staying with a cheater for 10 years. I was stupid and if your not seeing the right things from her and your heart is not in it then just get out.

 

The sooner you start your life over and find someone that really loves you the quicker you will see you made the right choice.

 

C

[m.snow]

you have to "smooth talk" your wife and her family to divorce and let you go peaceful.

 

~with her threats to use their wealth, i see where this is going.

i'm pretty sure when you divorce her,

-you may get fired &

-you may never be able to reference the company you worked for.

-give you bad reputation,that it would be hell to find another good paying job.

-if your wayward wife doesn't have a job, pretty sure you'll be paying the maximum in child support. with almost next to nothing in custody may be once a month.

-even if your wayward wife was living like a millionaire. if she has No job you will be paying alimony. The court will never ever look into the parents wealth as part of their son or daughter.

 

 

 

-it is absolutely necessary to get yourself out of this hole. you don't know how long they will let dance on the palm of their hands.

but yeah instead of jumping off, you gotta convince them to put you down slowly.

 

you have to smooth your way out, not just jump. you have to formulate a strategy. going in guns blazing is never gonna work. they will always have bigger attorneys.

convince your wife and her parents through small talk.

 

you gotta use words like "if you love me, you've gotta let me go."

[Miss Peach]

OP - She's doing this because she is angry it's happening. She doesn't want her life to be changed. She wants her cake and to eat it too.

 

I'm divorced. My XH had a similar reaction even though he did something pretty bad to me too. It's actually a pretty common reaction.

 

you just left the house before the divorce thats strike one!

In the eyes of the court that's already abandoning family, that's already abandoning your child.

-there goes your chance at 50% child custody, and courts are biased against men.

 

If your WW has rich parents

-They can Punish you big time with Child Support and Alimony and leave you destitute.

-they can keep going to court to change something, drying your up with attorney fees. to the point where you will be forced to represent your self.

 

Completely disagree with this advice. My XH left the house and didn't see our child and he still got 50/50. Also I had to pay him alimony and child support. It's so different between countries, states, and even locally. That's why it's important to get good legal advice from someone familiar with your local courts.

 

And Mrs. Adams said a very important thing. Anything beyond an even split of assets is often not worth fighting for. Don't try to punish her with a divorce. The only people who usually "win" an asset fight are the lawyers.

 

Totally agree.

[m.snow]

someone is dealing something like this on another forum.

the wife wont settle for 50/50 or even 30-70 her way.

the cheating wife wants to go nuclear on her husband.

 

cheating wife has a rich family.

the wife is taking 70% the husband earnings.

 

with unlimited resource from her family WW can call you back to court

again and again and again

piling attorney fee's

 

he has the best divorce in the city. the problem is frequency.

 

the husband is already borderline suicidal.

husband is earning 100K+ a year.

but he is know debt ridden, with an empty pocket.

 

~This is why I say appeal to your wife's "CONSCIENCE" before proceeding with the divorce to make things amicable.

~I Know you want to scream and hate her. Hide that for now, Put up your poker face!

 

People have it the other way around The Problem is not punishing the wife. The Problem is the wife punishing the husband.

the wife is a bit crazy. "threatening to use her families wealth to ruin the husband" is something you never ever take lightly

Edited October 22, 2015 by m.snow

[USMCHokie]

I have no sympathy for OP, but I'm curious what state he lives in, if he's indeed in the US...different states, different rules...

 

I honestly don't think this is a real poster.

[USMCHokie]

"threatening to use her families wealth to ruin the husband" is something you never ever take lightly

 

Unless you live in a state that offers at-fault divorce and bars alimony...

 

But then there's child support...