Boyfriend get pissed off because I found out something he doesn't want me to know....

[jj2005]

Ok, thanks for reading my post, and here's my story and I just really hope someone can give me a thought on this. I've been dating with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now and we both consider this really serious, at least it means that we are not seeing anyone else and we're very close. Today while I'm in his house (while he's at work), i was just going through some website with his comp, I found out that he's been regularly visiting some adult website. I know I know, all the guys and alot of girls would think that's totally normal and think I'm snooping, but I don't intend to justify my action, and I wasn't really "intentionally" snoop around his computer, i mean if i really wanted, I'd have done that long time ago, not now. Anyway, he has always told me that he "does not" look at porn site or video while he's with me, which in my opnion i think it's fair becuz i just don't understand why men have to go watch some other nake women while they're in a relationship and our sexual relationship is great. That's not the major point though, while I'm alittle shock and upset and disappointed that he has been lying to me the whole time, I couldn't help but call him whiel he's at lunch, no, actually he phone me while he's having lunch and everything's great and stuff. I couldn't help but bring up this topic, but i was totally not even yelling or screaming, but even just asking him in a teasingly type of ways. AT first he totally deny it until i said i found some proof,he probably get very embarrass or sth, he start getting very angry at me saying I intrude his privacy. That's what hurt me the most, yes I shouldn't have even look around on his computer, but it's not my fault too that he's looking at porn site! He always make me feel like it's alll my fault now everytime we argue, whenever I am unhappy abt something, he'll turn back and make me feel like i'm the person with fault. IT's like he always have a reason of things he does and I shouldn't say anything about it or unhappy about it. I feel very disappointed. I mean finding out that he's looking at porn site is already disappointing, but i guess i can still live with that as long as he's not doing anything with anyone else, but actually making me feel like i'm the loser is even more disappointing. Should I just let it go? I love him so much but at hte same time it hurts. Do you think this relationship is healhy at all? just now i even have to say sorry for intruding his privacy, i know if i argue with him more we're not gonna get anywhere but just making things worse. However, even tho i let myself low, i guess I am just trying not to argue but it doesn't mean i am happy. I don'tk now, I'm just so lost, i just wish that i don't have to care as much. Any thoughts? Thanks

[Merin]

When you said he told you that he doesn't look at pornography when he's with you, I thought that meant he doesn't bust out the porn when in your company.. not that he was saying he won't look at it ever

 

Could be that is what he meant..

[faux]

Originally posted by Merin

When you said he told you that he doesn't look at pornography when he's with you, I thought that meant he doesn't bust out the porn when in your company.. not that he was saying he won't look at it ever

 

Could be that is what he meant..

 

This is what I was thinking, that he was being considerate by keeping his porn a private thing.

 

There is no reason for him to stop looking at pornography just because he is in a committed relationship with this woman. Besides, it is no one's business if this man is looking at porn. It is wrong to infringe upon the privacy of others.

 

This woman said her sexual relationship is great, and hopefully this is not just her opinion. If her sexual relationship is great, there is no need to worry about, or be jealous or insecure over the porn.

 

I think someone is overreacting, badly. There seem to be larger problems if this person is wondering now whether the relationship is healthy or not, and whether to remain in it.

[JJ2005]

First of all, I did not intrude his privacy on purpose! I was just surfing on the internet on his computer becuz he was at work, and that's how i found out from the history! And no, when he told me that he never look at porn site when he was with me, not literally when I'm around, so there's no communication problem. The thing that bothers me the most is that only because he told me he is "not" interest in watching porn when he has a girlfriend while he did behind my back is hurtful, and more because when I asked him casually he got pissed off at me, even later did he admit that he was embarrass so that's why he got pissed off and yell at me. I am not here to justify my action, and beside I do believe there are girls out there who are not comfortable with their boyfriend watching porn, because I do not know if that means he's not happy with me. By the way, I don't think for my part the sex is great, i am only saying because that's what he has shown me so far. Lastly, I am talking about not having a healthy relationship only because I Felt that he was lying and I wasn't sure if I can trust him on everything he had told me. When a guy thinks that it's totally ok to look at porn behind his gf's back becuz it's his" own business" and own "privacy", I am wondering if that means it's also "my business" and my "privacy" if I decide to go dancing in the nightclub with some guys, and flirting, "as long as" I am not cheating on my bf, becuz that's my own business. Sorry I know I am overreacting and that's why I am posting on this site, I am seeking advice on how to be less overreacting or perhaps feel differntly about such things, becuz i do have problems with porn and such. Thx.

[Sal Paradise]

No one just happens to look thru someone's web log of the sites they visit. No one forced you to read and scroll down that list, its not like it just popped in your lap.

 

As far as the porn goes.....

 

There are two types of guys...

 

1) Those who masturbate to porn and admit it.

 

2) And those who lie about masturbating to porn. (this is in the one you have)

 

The question you have to ask yourself is which one do you want to live with?

 

Unless he is masturbating to an addictive level, or choosing porn over you, you shoulnd't worry. It doesn't mean anything. All guys do it.

[marleygirl]

Originally posted by JJ2005

First of all, I did not intrude his privacy on purpose! I was just surfing on the internet on his computer becuz he was at work, and that's how i found out from the history! And no, when he told me that he never look at porn site when he was with me, not literally when I'm around, so there's no communication problem. The thing that bothers me the most is that only because he told me he is "not" interest in watching porn when he has a girlfriend while he did behind my back is hurtful, and more because when I asked him casually he got pissed off at me, even later did he admit that he was embarrass so that's why he got pissed off and yell at me. I am not here to justify my action, and beside I do believe there are girls out there who are not comfortable with their boyfriend watching porn, because I do not know if that means he's not happy with me. By the way, I don't think for my part the sex is great, i am only saying because that's what he has shown me so far. Lastly, I am talking about not having a healthy relationship only because I Felt that he was lying and I wasn't sure if I can trust him on everything he had told me. When a guy thinks that it's totally ok to look at porn behind his gf's back becuz it's his" own business" and own "privacy", I am wondering if that means it's also "my business" and my "privacy" if I decide to go dancing in the nightclub with some guys, and flirting, "as long as" I am not cheating on my bf, becuz that's my own business. Sorry I know I am overreacting and that's why I am posting on this site, I am seeking advice on how to be less overreacting or perhaps feel differntly about such things, becuz i do have problems with porn and such. Thx.

 

 

I'm one of those girls out there. I know why you're feeling the way you do also. You're wanting to feel special. So, when he looks at other girls, if makes you feel like, What the hell? Am I not enough for him? What am I missing that makes him feel like he has to go look at other girls to get his jacks? Am I right or am i right?!

 

You have the right to want to be number 1. Technically if he's lusting after other woman, his heart is not totally on you so yea you have the right to feel short-changed!

 

For some ammunition about why you have the right to feel this way visit this sight. Maybe it will help you talk to him. http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/articles/spy.htm

[luvislost]

I snooped. I have a very similar situation, except my boyfriend of 8 months is downloading massive amounts of "teen porn". I love porn myself and we both openly admit to watching/masturbating to it. I'm more worried about the fact that its "teen porn". I never opened up any of the videos because i was scared of what i might see. Is this kind of stuff legal? Or is this borderline pedophilia? I'm just sick to my stomach. Any advice please help.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If you have such a problem with porn, why not just try to find a man who shares your views on it instead of futilely trying to change the one you have?

[scarlyjones]

Originally posted by marleygirl

I'm one of those girls out there. I know why you're feeling the way you do also. You're wanting to feel special. So, when he looks at other girls, if makes you feel like, What the hell? Am I not enough for him? What am I missing that makes him feel like he has to go look at other girls to get his jacks? Am I right or am i right?!

 

You have the right to want to be number 1. Technically if he's lusting after other woman, his heart is not totally on you so yea you have the right to feel short-changed!

 

For some ammunition about why you have the right to feel this way visit this sight. Maybe it will help you talk to him. http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/articles/spy.htm

 

You are both living in a fantasy world of your own. You expect anyone to believe that you met your husbands and immediately all other men suddenly became unattractive to you as if by magic? Yeah right. When he STOPS looking,...........THATS when you worry. And the "What the hell?...Am I not enough for him?" part............Uh,.......as far as an actual, physical being...yes you are. But as far as when the "horny-fairy" makes a visit,...no. And no amount of women will EVER be enough to satisfy ANYONES fantasies. You are a liar if you say you never masterbate to some hollywood star or former boyfriend or think of them while having sex with your husbands. So you can stop the "Oh,...poor me" crap about how you should be the only female that ever enters his mind. That is as impossible as it is selfish. Like you never thought about Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise or anyone else. Give us all a break. And, yes,...what you did WAS snooping. You could have seen that the history was there on the browser,..but not looked through it. But instead you scrolled down and peaked at what he was looking at. Why did you even NEED to go to the history on the PC? And you made such a "to-do" about how you werent being sneaky. More so than someone who actually WASNT. If you really believed what you did was no big deal, you wouldnt have launched into a two paragraph presentation on how you werent snooping. Men like porn. Men LOVE porn. He told you he didnt look at it, because its embarrassing to him, for his wife to know he is masterbating to ANYTHING. No amount of pleading, b*tching, or threatening,...will ever make men tell us the truth about whether or not they look at porno. Just as you wouldnt yell out Colin Farrels name during sex,...you wont change his stand on this. SO get over it. He isnt cheating on you. Hes simply looking at other women to keep it interesting. If you had a Lamborghini, you'd still look at the Ferrari's driving by. Hell,.....it may even remind you of how good you got it at home.

[miss fortune]

Hey,

I just wanted to comment that I think the above post is a little harsh. That is not at all the point, you are not in denial of something if he straight up told you he doesnt look at porn.

 

At this point, you only have two choices. either you can accept it and move on, knowing he does it and its ok (and if you show him its ok, he wont hide it because he wont feel ashamed), or you can continue to be mad at him for lying and possibly ruin the relationship. Its up to you if you think this is valid enough to burn the bridge of your future, but in my opinion, it could be MUCH worse and I think you will be ok once you sit down and really mull over what you want. Hes with you because he loves you, and as long as the porn isnt hindering the relationship, I wouldnt worry about it.

 

Sorry youre having a hard time with it though, I will cross my fingers for you to work it out