Colleaguelove Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I've been at a new job for 6 months and its a very small office. I've met a guy who's not my type really but since getting to know him I'm attracted to him. At first I noticed his eyes on me from across the room. But now we lock eyes when he's talking to someone else or he just looks at me. It's intense I feel incredibly attracted and my heart races. It's electric. He's started saying I look nice and small compliments too. When we are out with work he tries to pull back and not talk to me as much as others but by the end of the night we are teasing each other and the tension is off the scale. Other people may sense IT i don't know. Then he will want to be one on one and we will walk and talk about life etc.. We've started texting about work but we have things in common. We both lost both our parents and we both nearly died so I feel like he understands me and we bond over that. We end out messages with kisses but I just presume it's friendly and don't think much of it. Last week he must have seen me walking because we "bumped in to each other" on the way to work he lives not far from the route I take. I'm aware I'm on a slippery slope and perhaps this is an emotional affair. He's married 2 years in I think. Perhaps we are friends and he tells his wife about me. I don't know. I could we'll be looking in to it too much. The thing is he intrigues me and I need to get to know him more. How do I stop? I really think he would be such a good friend to have but we kissed goodbye once on the cheek and I was turned on- so I know it's not going to work. I genuinely don't think he's a bad guy and a cheat. He's had a hard life and is a very gentle kind person. Perhaps he doesn't even think this is wrong? Advice needed. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 A little more detail here: Are you married or in a committed relationship? If so, you know you're out of bounds if you would do or act differently if your SO was present or if you'd feel disrespected if your SO was doing or acting the way you are. If you truly want to stop as your question asks, avoid him. If this is not possible, start to ask him about his wife and ask to meet her. This may help recalibrate the discussions. Do not engage in any talk about his marriage but it will subtly remind him that he is married and unavailable to you. Don't cheat your self and get involved with a person committed to someone else. You deserve someone who can commit to you. If he tries to engage you, that tells you of his character. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Colleaguelove Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I'm single he's married Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) You say you think he'd be such a good friend to have, but why? Why is this guy who..at best has serious boundary issues, going to be a good friend to you? Let us say he is one of the rare guys where he has no intentions of trying to screw you..well, then doesn't that just kind of hurt you in the long run? Look at what you type..you feel an attraction to him, your heart races for him, etc Those are NOT platonic feelings you have for someone is just a friend. So either you are going to wind up getting involved with a married man or getting yourself hurt if he never tries to take it beyond friendship. Which again I will point out normal friendships do not involve your heart racing when this person makes eyes at you. Edited October 17, 2015 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Oh dear this isn't as innocent as you think. Take a step back and have a good look at how inappropriate this is. Would you want your husband sending these texts to a female coworker, spending time talking intimately about very personal things? His conversations with you should be reserved for his wife. I don't know your relationship/marriage background but the reality is, he belongs to someone else,and you both are stepping over the line. I get you are single, dating sucks and it's real difficult to meet someone who can emotionally connect with you, BUT you are being very selfish. You need to see how wrong this is and stop it completely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 OP he obviously out to get something. He has intent, just by him intensely staring at you before you met....he has a plan and it's not friendship. I understand a lot of emotional affairs start out as innocent interactions, but this is different. You both are now the gossip around the water cooler. I'm sorry you are in this position, it must be very difficult for you being so emotionally invested, truly it's not fair. Letting go will be painful, and having to see him a work everyday makes it worse. I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Do not poop where you eat. Since you are the newcomer, you will be the one to get fired when it goes horribly wrong. Which it will, sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicole11 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Hes married? Hands off. I don't care how attractive he is. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Don't be that girl. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You're on your way to an affair, congratulations. And no, he most certainly won't ever mention you to his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) I've been at a new job for 6 months and its a very small office. I've met a guy who's not my type really but since getting to know him I'm attracted to him. At first I noticed his eyes on me from across the room. But now we lock eyes when he's talking to someone else or he just looks at me. It's intense I feel incredibly attracted and my heart races. It's electric. He's started saying I look nice and small compliments too. When we are out with work he tries to pull back and not talk to me as much as others but by the end of the night we are teasing each other and the tension is off the scale. Other people may sense IT i don't know. Then he will want to be one on one and we will walk and talk about life etc.. We've started texting about work but we have things in common. We both lost both our parents and we both nearly died so I feel like he understands me and we bond over that. We end out messages with kisses but I just presume it's friendly and don't think much of it. Last week he must have seen me walking because we "bumped in to each other" on the way to work he lives not far from the route I take. I'm aware I'm on a slippery slope and perhaps this is an emotional affair. He's married 2 years in I think. Perhaps we are friends and he tells his wife about me. I don't know. I could we'll be looking in to it too much. The thing is he intrigues me and I need to get to know him more. How do I stop? I really think he would be such a good friend to have but we kissed goodbye once on the cheek and I was turned on- so I know it's not going to work. I genuinely don't think he's a bad guy and a cheat. He's had a hard life and is a very gentle kind person. Perhaps he doesn't even think this is wrong? Advice needed. You are playing with fire. Knowing that he is married and still thinking of carrying this through is a disaster waiting to happen. You have a small office, if your co workers don't already know something is afoot, they soon will. Then just wait until one of them is offended and says something to your Human Resources director or some other Principal in the company. You may think you are slick, but you are mistaken. Of course he doesn't think it's wrong. You are just a potential piece of ass. You think once his wife finds out..which she will that he is just going to throw his life away and run off into the sunset with you? Lady you've been watching too much Lifetime TV Channel. Here is brief snapshot of your future should you decide to go down this path: You'll be swept away at how he makes you feel..all giddy. You'll desire this forbidden relationship because you are addicted to the rush this douchenozzle stirs up in you. Never mind he has a wife. What she does not know won't hurt her. Plus he tells you that his marriage is on the rocks and he talks smack about how he isn't attracted to his wife anymore and you really flip his trigger.....maybe you start getting thoughts that this could work. So then you'll get a burner phone or spend hours texting with this guy after work...again never mind he is married..he is unhappy...and you are making him happy . Isn't that all that matters to you? So a few weeks ..a few months you carry this on...Hey he doesn't think anything is wrong with it why should you? So then you get a nooner or two in and maybe a little making out in the parking lot and whispering sweet nothings...It's a Godsend..Your future together is In The Stars!! The all of a sudden he starts acting squirrelly at work...you wonder what is up with Mr. Wonderful. Come to find out someone who is not one of your fans at work that just happens to know his wife sends a little birdie to tell her something is going on between you two...she realizes he guards his phone with his life and may or may not have a password lock on it. Then she finds out more..snoops in the phone...and Guess what? All of a sudden he tells you he is going to work on his marriage...you get upset because he has thrown you under the bus. It's because his dumb ass got busted by his wife as she breaks into his phone while he is asleep and there's all the messages from good old Colleague Love with all the sweet nothings. She flips out and calls someone in the company and all of a sudden Mr. True Love does not even know who you are.... How could this be? You two were soulmates? How can he just up and stop like that? You wanna know the reason why? Because you are nothing more to him than a side piece. So now you are without your man, out of a job and the scorn of mutual friends as a clueless homewrecker. But don't believe me...please read around these forums if you think I am just making this out of thin air. The only thing that is a guarantee is that is you will wake up one day not understanding why you have all these tire treads all over your face after being thrown under the bus. So have at it....come back and let us know how this works out for you. Edited December 1, 2015 by Space Ritual 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You're on your way to an affair, congratulations. And no, he most certainly won't ever mention you to his wife. Once she finds the texts on his phone, He'll probably have to. Valentino does not seem to be too swift here...lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) It's easy to dream up some kind of a connection with someone who you spend the bulk of your week around because you work together and someone who also shares the traumatic experiences you have had. I think you may be building it up more than it is as when you have a crush on someone you read into every little thing they say and do. THat said, texts with the kisses is inappropriate and leads me to believe he is flirting as he is enjoying the attention from you and don't read it as any kind of emotional connection. Please be careful and respect the fact that he is 1) married; and 2) your coworker. You should back off on the texting and stick to work related topics only. And I don't know if you have any other kind of support system around you to share the pain of the loss of your parents, but do not lean on this guy. You are single and you have the option of dating guys that are single. Why waste your time and energy on a MM? Don't be that girl. Trust me, it will end badly. It always does. Edited December 1, 2015 by Lovetoohard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I had a similar thing and attraction with someone I work with who had a girlfriend. I really wanted to have sex with him, but opted not to because of the girlfriend AND because we worked together. I don't like the idea of sleeping with someone at the office... Brings too many dynamics in that I can't get away from. You're going to continue doing what you do and justify it some way, but I do hopd you have a back up job just in case. These in office affairs can turn quite fugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 What does your conscience say to you about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 As I've posted in another thread to another poster, here is your homework assignment. Read any 10 threads at random here. Keep score of how many affairs with MM end favorably versus unfavorably. Then choose another 10 At random and do the same score keeping. Then ask yourself if you and he are that much different than the others. Are you immune to the laws of affair physics? And ask yourself if you do start an affair and someday are discussing your pars love life with a future beau. how do you honestly explain the apparent gap in your romantic history ? Some guy you really like and see a Future with May not relish the idea of marrying a former OW fearing future infidelity. Or you maintain a lie for years and years. You may rationally conclude that the downside risks outweigh the perceived benefits of an affair. But as they say, your mileage may differ. I'm not preaching or casting stones, but cautioning you to think before you act. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Kissing a married colleague doesn't qualify as platonic. Tread very carefully here OP, its easy to fall into this mess but a hard and painful road once in. You can still stop this and avoid the heartche. I wish you well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulIdiot Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Stop now. Don't go any further. This ends in nothing but heartache and pain for everyone concerned. If it's going to be something then it will be but it will be years from now if (which is a huge, enormous and almost 100% unlikely if) he divorces his wife and is a free agent but you cannot be part of that. It is not your business. At this point in time you are not special and you will always be the least important person in a triangle of three. Don't do it to yourself and don't be part of the pain it will cause to the couple in the future because that's all the future holds. I speak from experience of falling into a similar situation and I am still hurting like it was yesterday, 3 months after it ended. This type of heartache is harder to get over than any other. Do not do it to yourself. You have a chance to stop yourself being in the horrible situation many of us here have been in and not allowing a man to hurt two women almost beyond repair. Do the right thing for you all. Edited December 3, 2015 by BeautifulIdiot Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Once she finds the texts on his phone, He'll probably have to. Valentino does not seem to be too swift here...lol Well, if she ends up unemployed and his wife dumps him, they may have a future together. "Misery seeks company" and all that. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 this is an old thread, I don't think the OP is even here anymore Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 this is an old thread, I don't think the OP is even here anymore Which means she'll be back to tell us how he slipped and accidentally fell inside her. Then asking for advice on how to shake off his BW. Link to post Share on other sites
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