poshrose Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 So I'm moving to CA from NJ for my boyfriend of 1 year, at the end of the month. A little background information: He's 41 yrs old has a job and a house and I'm 31 yrs old with an online small business; so we're both pretty old and no longer in school LOL. He's been bugging me for over 4 months to move to him and now I'm finally caving in. My question is, is it wrong for me to internally think of this as a "trial/temporary" move? I've changed my address at the post office but I've only changed it to a temporary change of 6 months as opposed to a permanent change. I'm not even sure if I should change my driver's license when I get there or to even switch health insurance companies etc. I'm even thinking of continuing to pay rent for my apartment here in NJ..just in case. My concern is yes I'm moving there so we can live together and progress in our relationship but what if in 6 months to a year something happens and we end our relationship? Yes I'm taking a chance and moving but maybe I'm not so sure about how permanent my status will be like there because we're not engaged (even though we have discussed it). Am I wrong for taking precautions? Please help a sister out...any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 You're LDR.... How much time have you actually spent TOGETHER? I have to say, if you've been together a year, and you're still thinking of get-out clauses and contingency plans, either you're frightened of committing (burned before?) or this isn't as deep and constant a love as it should be. Bit of background would help, on how you met and any other issues you might have...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I think having a plan B is a good idea if things don't work. However, I think you are taking it to an extreme & you are going in assuming it won't work. I'd keep a reserve of cash so you can get out cleanly but I would make the effort. . . changing your DL, letting go of the apartment etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author poshrose Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Thanks for the reply. I was visiting some cousins in CA and I met him at a winery. We communicated via calls and texts for about 3 months before I started visiting or he would come to visit me. We saw each other every month, he would visit me on weekends but most of the time I would go to him (since my time is more flexible) and in the beginning I would stay for a week, 2 weeks then gradually stayed for a couple of months. My last stay was 3 months and I basically just came back to NJ to pack and stuff. Yea I'm a little apprehensive. I've never moved in with anyone before, I've always been pretty independent and my last relationship which was 2 and a half years ago was a bad one. The love is deep and constant but I can't help having a plan B...i dunno that's just me I guess :-( Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 eww. . . wait a minute. You're going from LDR to living together. Very bad idea. I think you do need to go "all in" & give up the apartment in NJ & change your DL but I think you need to do it from somewhere other than his house. Go on line now & make inquiry into getting your own apartment, near him but not with him. Have him scout some locations for you, Move there. Date him conventionally then in about a year if all goes well you can discuss living together. I really think a plan B which again I define as enough cash to relocate is fine but keeping the apartment on the other side of the country seems like as waste of cash & a bet that this won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
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